I'm always amazed at the way that these spread through the crowd. Does one person (presumably feeling a bit daft) start singing an obscure tune with new minted lyrics in the hope that people around him will catch on?
My favourite was when Rio Fredinand was left on the bench due to his cavalier attitude to keeping appointments for drug tests:
'His name is Rio and he watches from the stand.'

to overweight players - "I predict a diet"

"You're shit...... and you know you are". So to the point!

Like....

"Where were you when we were shit" for arriviste prawn sandwich guzzlers.

I was only listening to a football podcast this morning where they were talking about the fact that supporters no longer based their songs on pop hits. (As when Spurs fans of the past set Alan Mullery's name to the tune of the Small Fsces' "Sha-La-La-La-Lee". The Kaiser Chiefs' example exploded that theory.

...which footy manager it was who was caught in bed with a 14 year old a few years back but the response from their rivals on derby day (to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland) was the singularly brilliant,

? are you listening
? are you listening
With your packet of sweets and your cheeky little smile
You are a fucking peadophile.

.... Saha!

And I think it was Bournemouth fans who were so delighted at the prolific goal ratio of on-loan-from-West-Ham striker Bobby Zamora that they coined the chant to the tune of (I think) Dean Martin's 'Amore':

When the ball hits the net,
Like a NASA rocket,
That's Za-more-ra!

For sheer brutalistic simplicity you can't beat 'we can see you sneaking out!' and 'you're not singing any more', the best ironic application of this latter refrain being when little Farnborough Town scored a wondergoal at Highbury in the FA Cup after just letting in five goals against Arsenal!

At the mighty Slough Town FC we've adapted quite a few:

Go West (about legendary striker Mark West)

Park Life (we used to play at Wexham Park until thrown out by a corrupt council)

My favourite chant is still the one about Scottish goal keeper Andy Goram who was diagnosed with schizophrenia towards the end of his career. Cue sympathetic chants of "There's only two Andy Gorams!"

He played alongside Lee Sharpe, who was married to Lesley Ash.
It was inevitable that the Elland Road crowd would sing:
"He's French, he's flash, he's ***gging Lesley Ash, Cantonaaaa, Cantonaaa."

From Liverpool a few years back to the tune of Blame It On The Boogie.

"Don't blame it on the Bis-can
Don't blame it on the Fin-nan
Don't blame it on the Ha-mann
Blame it on Traore
He just can't, he just can't, he just can't control his feet".

God bless Traore, he was a little bit (ahem) clumsy.

Us Mancs used to sing the following during the 1995-6 season in tribute to our then squeaky-voiced manager, German forward Uwe Rosler and Georgi Kinkladze, Georgian genius.
"And all the runs which Kinky makes are winding
And all the goals that Uwe scores are blinding...
...And maybe you're going to be the one saves me
And after all, you're my Alan Ball"

It didn't work, though-we went down.

In the recent table topping clash between Peterborough and Stockport County,Peterborough manager Darren Ferguson , recently found guilty of assaulting his wife, came out onto the pitch to be hailed by the County fans with a "version" of Hall and Oates
"Maneater" thus

"Ohhh here he comes
you'd better hide ,you'd better run
He's a wifebeater"

He was not amused.

Incidently does anyone remember some of the weird chants of the late 60's and early 70's?? Such as when a team chanted their team's name, for example "Liverpool" the opposing fans would retort with "Under the arm". Very strange

or "zigga zagga, zigga zagga oi oi oi."

or when the police walked passed everyone would sing"Harry Roberts, Harry Harry Roberts" (in tribute to an escaped convict of the time) to the tune of "Allouette"

was after Delia Smiths drunken outburst for the Norwich fans to get behind their team. The following week they played Chelsea and the chant from the visiting Cockneys was:-

'We've got Abromovich, you've got a drunken bitch'

to which the reply came back:-

'We've got a Super cook, you've got a Russian crook'

Sheer class.

Riise got lost on the way home.He headed in the wrong direction.
OK It's 2-1,3-3 on aggregate.Last minute of a Cup semi -final and you have a penalty.Just watch his teamates

Barnsley fans were renowned for singing "It's just like watching Brazil" in their solitary season in the Premier League.

When a group of coppers walked past the bottom of the South Stand at Bury a few years ago, we countered with "It's just like watching The Bill."

Staying on Bury, you want to see an own goal? Try this, in a game we desperately needed to win to avoid relegation from the Football League. We went on to win 3-2 after going behind to this - and it wasn't until abiout 9.30 that night that I saw the funny side of Chris Brass's howler:

Manchester United;s midfield player Anderson is treated to this song...to the tune of Agadoo

Anderson son son,
He's better than Kleberson,
Anderson son son,
He's our midfield magician,
To the left,
To the right,
To the samba beat tonight,
He is class with the pass
And he shits on Fabregas.

And a few for Captain Nev

to the tune of Lodon Bridge is faling down..

Gary Neville is a red, is a red, is a red,
Gary Neville is a red...
He hates Scousers!
Tracey Neville's off her head, off her head, off her head,
Tracey Neville's off her head,
She plays netball!
Neville Neville is their dad, is their dad, is their dad,
Neville Neville is their dad,
He hates Scousers!

Neville Neville (to the tune of 'Rebel, Rebel' )
Neville Neville, Your future's immense,
Neville Neville, You play in defence,
Neville Neville, Like Jacko you're bad,
Neville Neville, Is the name of your dad!

Ronaldo (to the tune of 'That's Amore')

When the ball hits the goal
it's not Giggs,
it's not Scholes,
It's Ronaldo!

Louis Saha on the rare occasions he is fit to play
(to the tune of 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' by ABBA)

Knowing Me,
Knowing You...
SAHA!

Nani
(to the tune of 'Hey Nonny Nonny' by the Violent Femmes)
Hey Nani-Nani ohhh!
Hey Nani-Nani ohhh!
Ho Nani-Nani!
Ho Nani-Nani! Hey Nani-nani!
Hey Nani-nani!
Oh Nani!
Oh Nani!

Giggs
to the tune of 'Love Will Tear You Apart' by Joy Division)
Giggs will tear you apart (again)...
Giggs...
Giggs will tear you apart (again)...

Giggs Has Torn His Hamstring
Giggs...
Giggs has torn his hamstring (again)...
Giggs...
Giggs has torn his hamstring (again)...

John O'Shea
(to the tune of 'When Johnny Goes Marching Home Again'
Has been stolen by Scousers singing it for Fernando Torres. Scousers stealing? Surely, not!)

When Johnny goes marching down the wing,
O'Shea! O'Shea!
When Johnny goes marching down the wing,
O'Shea! O'Shea!
When Johnny goes marching down the wing,
The Stretford End are gonna sing...
"We all know that Johnny's gonna score"

La, la, la, la.. la ,la la.. la, la,
La! La!
La, la, la, la.. la ,la la.. la, la
La! La!
La, la, la, la, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la, la ,la la...
"We all know that Johnny's gonna score"!

After Eric Cantona moved from Leeds to Man Utd, Leeds's opponents cruelly pastiched the standard "Ooh Ah Cantona" into "Ou est Cantona?"

Now that was funny!

I always loved the Craig David/? `Bo Selecta` song aimed at a Rohypnol clutching Arsenal player;

"Van Persie. When the girl says no; molest her"

The Zamora song started at Brighton as "when the ball hits the goal, it`s not Shearer or Cole, that`s Zamora"

which then evolved into "When the ball hits your head, when you sit in Row `Z`, that`s Zamora" when he had a rough time at Spurs.

The favourite from my club was the never caught on 1999 release of (Blackburn Rovers fans are genuinely stupid ) "Oh Oh, he`s on the wing, he is Duff" bastardized from `Wings Of A Dove` by Madness

Oh, and Pete Boyle? Violent Femmes songs? are you taking the piss?

In my Newport County-supporting youth (if you're wondering, they're currently hopeful of a Blue Square South Division play-off place) we had a skilful but slow striker called Tommy Tynan. As Tom trundled after another long ball skidding through the Somerton Park mud, we'd sing 'C'mon! C'mon! Hurry up Tommy, come on' like so many Welsh Jimmy Purseys.
The young, chunky Nathan Blake played for Cardiff City while simultaneously pursuing a career as a petty thief. Cue the Ninian Park crowd : 'He's black, he's fat, he's burglaring your flat. Nathan Blake, Nathan Blake'

Here's an elaborate one to the tune of Dedicated Follower of Fashion, aimed at card-happy ref's. There was more to it but I've forgotten it (and I can't remember where it was heard):
"Every time the ball goes in the box he stops the game,
'Cos he's a dedicated enemy of action."

Other, more pop/rock based ones escape me at the moment.
Here's a recent song (to Que Sera Sera):
"Jim Bullard, Bullard,
He's better than Steve Gerrard,
He's thinner than Frank Lampard,
Jim Bullard, Bullard."

I always liked this one (replace Preston with any rival team):
"Away in a manger,
No crib for a bed,
The little lord Jesus
Looked up and he said,
Fuck of Preston! Fuck off Preston! Fuck off Preston! [etc]"

And one from my own team (West Ham fans to Liverpool fans):
"We've got Di Canio,
You've got our stereos...etc etc"

At Accrington Stanley FC a chant still echos round the terraces in remembrance of a former Welsh internationals stint as manager in our non league days. I`ve never managed to make out the verse but the chorus goes;
(To the tune of Yellow Submarine)
"Leighton James is a fucking bag of shite"

The rest of it is sung lustily by the Ipswich Towen faithful as the original Spandau Ballet verse ("You've got the power to know..." etc) After the third repetition (away to Scunthorpe) a Baggies-supporting chum resorted to plaintively asking "Why? Why?", while Neighbour Neil, a Gooner, wandered off to find a pie, fearful that he would be "infected by bad football". Good job they weren't around in the "Bontcho, Bontcho Bontcho, Bontcho Bontho, Bontcho Bontcho Guentchev" Two Unlimited years.

My favourite response to Delia Smith's links with Norwich came in the change from 'Who ate all the pies, you fat bastard' to 'Who ate all the boeuf en croute etc'.

Possibly the most evil football chant I ever heard was sung by Celtic supporters back in the days when "Gazza" was playing for Rangers. You may recall that he was married to Sheryl at that time and it was during this period that the news that she had suffered beatings from him first came out. This coincided with Rangers suffering a surprise defeat at the hands of Raith Rovers, resulting in the chant; (and you need to imagine it in a Scottish accent) "If ye cannae beat the Raith, beat your wife" sung to the tune of "You cannae shove your granny off a bus." Nasty, but I did laugh.

A far nicer one that sticks in my head dates back from when Paolo Dicanio played for Celtic. Fans used to sing, to the tune of D.I.S.C.O., "D. I. Canio, D.I. Canio..." There was actual words in the verses but I'm damned if I can remember any...

I heard a brave lone soul in the Centenary Stand bellowing, to the tune of 2 Unlimited's 'No Limits':

"Momo/Mo-mo-Momo/Mo-mo-Momo/Mo-mo-Momo/Mo-mo-Mo Sissoko."

Much like the ill-starred Mali international, it did not catch on.

I've been told that when Raphael Scheidt played for Celtic the fans used to chant "You're Raphael and you know you are", which is fantastic if it's true!

In the same scatalogical vein, Arsenal fans used to sing of their woeful defender Pascal Cygan, "He's bald, he's shit / He only plays when someone's unfit". Which was accurate on every level.

Newcastle fans in the late 90s, singing the praises of their Belgian defender, Philippe Albert:

"He's Philippe, Philippe Albert,
Everyone knows his name..."

Asif Din, ex-Shropshire/Warwickshire cricketer, was often greeted with:

"Come all without,
Come all within,
You'll not see nothing like Asif Din"

Acid house was in its heyday, so this was often followed by a cry of "Asiiiiiiiiiif!"

Altogether now
He´s Fat , He´s Scouse
He´s Come to Rob your House
Roooneeeey, Rooooneeyy !

"Javier Mascherano" sung to the riff of White Stripes' Seven Nation Army. Think I first heard this riff being used as chant during Spanish footie.

A few years ago, some loon had the bright idea of organising a friendly between Milwall and Iran. Fortunately the fixture was scratched, but several chants had already done the rounds

The best are

"You're next, and you know you are"
"Get your face out, get your face out, GET YOUR FACE OUT FOR THE LADS"

I'm not sure about the words, but Liverpool supporters sometimes sing a pleasing version of La Bamba, featuring the names of all the recent Spanish signings, plus Benitez. They were also the first to do that Ring of Fire intro chant (Der der der der-der deh dah der etc...)that you now hear at other grounds.

Double,Double,Double
Sol Campbell's won the double
When the scum up The Lane
Have won f*ck all again
Sol Campbell has won The Double

And another favourite aimed at teams who have not won the league for a long time....

You won the league,you won the league,you won the league in black and white,you won the league in the 60's, you won the league in black and white

When Pele came to Highbury in the early 80's to watch a match the whole crowd sang "sign him up,sign him up,sign him up"

Zidane next to me...

To the tune of a certain James smash hit...

To the tune of Daydream Believer.
Pro-Reid and very much anti-Reid lyrics were available depending on whether you supported Sunderland or a rival team.

... I'd have been tempted to sing to the Nottingham Forest fans last Saturday to the tune of a Bros hit:

"When were you, were you last famous? I can't answer, I can't answer that"

the notion that anything was sung at gillespie road is highly debatable

anyway at my club, the mighty saints, we are known to sing, band aids 'Do they know it's christmas'.

(throuhout the season except at xmas, of course )

Earlier this week, some of the LFC-supporting kids at my son's school (in Liverpool) were singing "We're going to Moscow, you're going to CostCo" to the non-LFC fans in the playground. Funny as that is, they'll have to find something else to sing now.

(I have to say that I find the Man U fans disparagement of the Arsenal fans' singing prowess on this blog amusing. Presumably the few times that I've been to Old Trafford to watch games must just have been unusually quiet days? You'd think that all those prawn-sandwich eaters would have plenty of time to think up new songs on their drive up to Manchester from Surrey...)

We won the League at Manchester/White Hart Lane/On Merseyside (delete where appropriate)

And don't fall into that tired old Highbury Library cliche...its sloppy,just like saying West Ham is a football academy..yeah right!!
If it is quiet at all its because we are staring with open mouths at the best football in the world, and next year we will win things too lol.

"You've only come to watch The Arsenal,come to watch The Arsenal!"

And changed by us,with no wit at all to ....

"Oh, Teddy, Teddy! Went To Man United and you're still a cu*t!"

You wouldn't think that Gabby Agbonlahor's name would fit into a chant but us enterprising Villa fans have used "Karma Chameleon" to good effect...

"Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby Agbonlahor"
"He's fast as f*ck, he's fast as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck".

Russell Brand's attempt to use "Uptown Girl" at West Ham - "Upton Park, we're the Hammers, we're from Upton Park" was a good effort too. Don't know if it ever worked though!

Way back in 1967, Chelsea sacked their manager Tommy Docherty. The day after, they visited the then rampant Leeds United, who put 7 goals past them. To the tune of 'Theme from a Teenage Opera' the crowd sang 'Tommy Doc, Tommy Doc, is it true what mummy said, You won't come back, oh no, no'!

arguably the best goal i've seen. Whilst the game was going on at the other end of the pitch, for a bet a kid did this...

ar5ena1?, turn it in fella.

Several years ago when the 'just like watching Brazil' chant was popular I attended an international friendly between Wales and Argentina at the Millenium Stadium in Cardiff.

At the time Argentina were favourites to lift the upcoming 2002 World Cup.

During the game their midfield playmaker Juan Sebastian Veron mis-hit an ambitious long pass straight into touch which was followed by the ironic chant of 'Swansea, it's just like watching Swansea' etc.

Also very good You Tube coverage of FC United (MUFC back to basics) singalongs.

Particularly like the one used when the Police start to march around to protect the pitch near the end of games.

To the tune of Sloop John B:-

We paid for your hats
We paid for your hats
We paid for your hats with our Council tax
etc etc

At Southampton we have been known to sing, amongst others 'Na-na na-na na-na-na na, Gregor Rasiak, Rasiak, Gregor Rasiak' to the tune of Give It Up by KC and the Sunshine Band.

Also, 'Our Claus, in the middle of defence' has been sung in honour of Claus Lundekvam.