pleased for you. How nice to start the day by reading something as upiftingl as that.

seem okay. Thanks for sharing that, Junior. I appear to have something in my eye.

Thanks Jnr, that's what makes this blog special compared to all the bile and egomaniacs elsewhere on the interweb. I will resist Junior Wells has a Buddy Guy headlines, and just say all power to you and yr kin.

and here is a sentimental song from mainstay of Australian band weddings parties anything- mick thomas. He toured parts northern with the bloke on percussion quite recently.

is worth persevering over. I echo all the responses above, Mr Wells, and will be playing some of your namesake's music today and smiling as I think of your story of love and redemption.

Also, I've got a shed that needs painting...Is Friday good for you and your boy?

on a grey and dreary Monday morning. I'm genuinely pleased to hear things are starting to work out. All the best to the both of you.

An important message and one that happily worked for you. Don't give up, 'cos you have frieds.

Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush - Don't Give Up

Or so sang Eva Cassidy.

But its true. Don't give up. Don't rush things. And look what good can come of it.

Glad its going well for you now Mr Wells. All the best for the future.

and, more importantly, great news for both of you.

Marvellous to hear. Positive thoughts to all involved.

logged on and am humbled by the goodwill of your responses - most of you are probably barely through your first coffee.

Wordpower !

I don't think I've seen so many UP arrows in a single post. Have another :)

...for two years between the ages of 18-20. When we were reconciled, I realised how much I needed my parents still, and it sounds as if your lad has come to the same realisation, and I'm delighted to hear it.

My relationship afterwards was different from before (less child/parent and more adult to adult) but better. Twenty years on and I still phone Dad the minute something leaks/breaks/needs hanging.

Is in our school for the day , holding a music workshop.I'm afraid I've not heard of him, any info please?

There is NO stronger bond than that of family.

Re-reading your post for the umpteenth time I can't help but assume that the 'don't give up' mantra is as much about you with yourself as you with your previously estranged son. Reading between the lines you display a clarity of purpose and a strong and - and this is the crux I feel - believable conviction to making this happen and to making sure that you pay attention to the smaller things, to the little details that are easy to overlook when the family unit is stable and in a domesticated routine and which are easy to take for granted but which, in many ways, are the defining moments in our lives. When we lose them we lose the colour and substance of our lives, we become automatons, existing rather than living.

I'm so happy for you that these moments are returning.

My sister recently sent me an email which made it clear she no longer wants contact with me (long and boring story). It's sad, but I still love her - your post gave me some hope that it won't last forever. Thanks for the uplift.

and for making me sniffle in a good way. Hope you and your son continue to build a new relationship - actually, I have every confidence you will.

Reading your post reminds me (though the thought is never far away) of how much I miss my own dad. So it's particularly heartwarming that your son has rediscovered his!

I only heard it for the first time on Saturday whilst doing a bit of digging into their back catalogue.
It's called Murder In The City by The Avett Brothers. It's not really about being murdered, but all about family and contains the lyric
"Always remember there was nothing worth sharing,
like the love that let us share our name"

My eldest daughter (35 next month) & I have been estranged since 1989, & for 3 years during the 80s.

It isnt nice, & I am certainly not proud of it.

HOWEVER, neither am I ashamed. In my experience, when a relationship breaks down, more often than not, neither side is totally at fault (nor blameless I hasten to add).

In my case, her mother & I were very young when we got together, & the relationship never really got going before bitterness, anger & resentment crept in.

We were divorced when I was 24, everything seemed OK (or as OK as such a situation could be).

The problems were soon apparent, I was serving in the Royal Navy, & this took me away a lot. Also, my ex lived 200 + miles from me.

Maintenance was killing me ( I NEVER missed a payment BTW ), & I couldnt see her as often as I would have liked.

My ex was on her own, & my daughter became less of a child to my ex, more of a younger sister, or mate. (She also bad mouthed me a lot, which dripped poison into my daughters ear)

When I travelled up north to collect her, she would hide behind her mother saying she didnt want to go with her Dad. My ex said, well you dont have to.

And so it went on, for my times than I care to remember. It was horrible.

During this time, my youngest daughter, remained in close contact with me, & my relationship with her is AT LEAST as strong as any other Father / Daughter relationship, if not stronger.

Nearly 2 years ago, my younger daughter gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy, & I dote on him.

Such a shame that I have only met my eldest daughters children once.

It was, & remains heartbreaking, & while part of me wants to reconcile with her, a big (ger) part of me wants nothing to do with her.

She is a thief, habitual liar, totally untrustworthy, former heroin addict (my youngest granddaughter was born an addict), & former prostitute. (BTW, is there such a thing as a FORMER heroin addict ? - genuine question)

Her most recent brush with the law involved stolen prescription pads(please dont ask how, I have no idea, EXCEPT that her son was involved in the stealing of them).

My youngest daughter is in total despair of her sister & will not allow her into her house as she has stolen from her before (on more than one occasion).

So, while I am pleased for you Junior, & I hope that your relationship prospers, I have personal experience of the breakdown of such a relationship.

Sorry for being such a downer on an obviously happy occasion.

I have been meaning to bring this to the attention of the Massive (Believe it or not, I find this site very therapeutic as a rule) for some time, but until now, I couldnt bring myself to write about it.

Sorry for bringing such a downbeat post to such a lovely, positive thread, I hope I dont get too much of a kicking.

Thanks for reading.

What can one say.Life can be a right sod.

but after reading Junior and Jack's post again I've decided to proceed,I'll keep it short.My GLW and I have been together thirty years,happily married for twenty of them.It was made quite clear to us both that my Wife's family did not approve of her taking up with an impoverished Artist,a stance I can understand,but we loved one another passionately and still do.
Shortly after our wedding her family cut off all contact with us,not even informing my Wife of the death of her older Sister or her Father.
We do not really understand how two people loving one another can cause such enmity.

Also a very good friend. Time may be that to further his career he may have to move to the good old USA..... Oil industry in Aberdeen you see... If he does I will be heartbroken, BUT he may have to go, and with my blessings. But I will miss him deeply, if he does go. BUT that all diminishes somewhat when I read about the problems of Junior/ Biscuit/ Pencil. I have been an absentee Father since 1987, but strived to maintain a good relationship with all three of my kids... My Heart goes out to all of you three who have problems. Life can be an absolute shit sometimes. God Bless.

Postings like these are the reason this little corner of the net feels ok . The honesty and warmth that prevails and the knowledge that at least you will be listened to is a great comfort . To Jnr and Jack my best wishes .

Just goes to show that in relationships nothing can permanently get in the way of determined sincerity. Best wishes to you both as you make up for lost time.

when I was eight, my father met the love of his life and left my mother heartbroken after twentyfive years of marriage.
My older siblings took this very badly, resenting my father and his new woman for many years ( one of them still hasn't forgiven him properly ). But I never did, I could always see that he and my mother wasn't a very good match, and his new wife was.
But of course since my mother was close to suicidal I felt I had to side with her more, and not act interested in seeing my father as much as I actually was.
I never argued with him and when I did see him I was always happy and loving towards him, but I could feel that he sort of kept a distance and I never understood why. I thought maybe his wife had something to do with it, so I started to avoid them.
Many years later ( after years of seeing him maybe once or twice a year, both of us uncomfortable and not very relaxed ) my mother just happened to mention a letter that my older sisters had written to my dad "on my behalf", telling him what a bad father to me he was and how he had ruined all our lives and should stay away.
This was the first time I had ever heard a word about this letter, and the content definitely didn't mirror my feelings towards my father. My mother had thought that I knew all about it and had approved of it being written.
This explained a lot, but I didn't really know what to do about it. My dad is not at all comfortable talking about things like this, and he hates bringing up the past no matter what.
Around the same time that I was thinking about what to do to improve our relationship his wife got very ill. So the timing wasn't right, he had enough on his plate to worry about. The doctors couldn´t understand what was wrong with her until it was too late to cure the cancer, and she died after years of ill health and pain.
My fathers grief brought the family together, and we all got closer to him while helping him to slowly feel the ground under his feet again.
And when he, a year and a half after his wife passed away, miraculously met another woman and fell in love again and moved to another country to start again, I started to write him long letters every week.
And this have brought us closer than we've ever been, strangely since he hates writing and doesn't reply. But he calls me every now and then, and when he comes "home" a few times a year we really enjoy each others company and talk much more openly about everything.
He says that my letters helps him feel that he is near us, and now he knows me in a way that he never did before, and understands me.
And he knows how much I love him, because I tell him so in every letter.
So one letter that I didn't write got in the way of us having a good relationship, but every letter since have mended it.
I haven't talked to my sisters about what they did. It was many years ago, they were different persons then and they were expressing their own pain, though hiding behind me. So I can't hate them for it.
I don't want to ruin any more relationships, so I will never say anything to them about it. Forgive and forget, that's really all you can do.

... until you forgive your parents their mistakes, and accept that they are no better than you.

I haven't talked to my sisters about what they did. It was many years ago, they were different persons then and they were expressing their own pain, though hiding behind me. So I can't hate them for it

You are obviously a very forgiving person Locust. If only more of us had the presence of mind, and strength to deal with our rightful anger in the way that you did. I made a similar decision to forgive with my own mother years ago, in what were perhaps more naive days. But at the time this decision was perhaps made more out of necessity than anything else. And your post in particular has made me realise that true forgiveness is still a long way away off for me, and that maybe difficult as it is, I need to look at it again.

This whole topic has honestly been a very touching read, and thanks also to Junior Wells and Jackthebiscuit and their very moving stories too.