and a Viera-like midfield player.

And...

Will messiah Shearer be the saviour of sorry Newcastle?

"They're not pretty to look at but they've got the job done"

"Tony Mowbray should be admired for sticking to his principles and keeping his team playing attractive football" (Despite not being able to defend...)

are in freefall

natural justice and a yearning for a better fairer world wrapped in gentle self mockery.
"Brazil it's just like watching Brazil...."
that'll be us nailed to the bottom of Championship!

was Teddy Shreingham on the Today programme supposedly to act as ambassador for Premiership (he even had the trophy with him) and yet was unable to express what so ever mummbling sub cliches in incoherent sub sentences.

wouldn't it be easier to list the one's not appearing before the beak on a monday morning.
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20090510/tuk-footballer-held-over-assault-cl...

...as in "Shearer keeping Toon up ? - it's a big ask".
Did anyone used to say this a couple of years ago ?

"Kris Boyd, what a goalscoring record, but he's an enigma".

(may only apply to those north of the border)

"Big spending QPR" every report of a game involving West London's finest must contain this phrase, it's the law.

.

.

somehow I don't think pundits are referring to the gay rights organisation

Graham Taylor finishes that sentence with a selection of previously unfamiliar technical terms such as "passing" and "heading" and "scoring".

"When I arrived here, we had only two points from eight games."

Also, anything about David Moyes doing so well on limited resources (conveniently forgetting the £15million or so Fellaini cost).

but Roy Hodgson has done a brilliant job at Fulham. Cast your mind back to last season - with I think 3 games left and 2-0 down to Man City at half time they were relegated. They won that game 3-2 and all of their remaining games including their last against my team Birmingham to put us down and keep them up. They are now challenging for Europe. If that isnt a brilliant job then I dont know what is.

goes down, injured... He's up!

...and Scotland, despite a braveheart effort, fail to qualify for the World Cup/ Euro Championship/ Domino Finals.. (delete, as appropriate)

Asked about flagrant intimidation of referees, including screaming in their faces close enough for a tonsil inspection, and manhandling of the sort that could constitute assault and battery, someone like John Terry will say "It just goes to show how much the lad cares. People want to see that passion."

Obviously, we're disappointed with the result today but I've told the lads I'm pleased with the attitude we've shown today - and if we show the same commmitment in our last two matches we can still stay up"

Following a 17-0 home defeat, leaving them rooted to the bottom of the table, 5 points adrift of the team above and with a considerably worse goal difference

"different class for me, Jeff, different class"

"he's gotta give it for me, Jeff. He's gotta give it, but he's not give it"

"that's what he does Jeff, he gives you that bit extra yeah? For me, he's worked the channels brilliant today 'n 'e Tizz?"

When did it stop being the Nou Camp?

the warm and cuddly relationship that's developed between Ferguson and Wenger.

Routinely trotted out about Newcastle most of the season but also bandied about gratuitously for any big name club within a few points of the drop zone, e.g. Spurs for the first half of the season.

having the most loyal fans this side of Ursa Major or being the biggest club not to win a major trophy since the Napoleonic Wars.

Usually said when the camera pans over the dugout, focusing on Tevez, Scholes, Bertbatov etc.

"Well, Bert puts in a cross and Alf heads it 2 yards over." We're talking about something that happened in the past: are footballists incapable of conjugating verbs in the past tense?

Oops - repeated cliche shock.

Quick, change it and hope nobody noticed.

How about "Ferguson, master of the mind games."?

Only 8 years ago it was a Champions league Semi-final. We know. How do you think we feel about it?

'The fact that three former Premier League clubs - Norwich, Southampton and Charlton - have now been relegated to League One shows just how difficult it is for teams to bounce back from the Championship.'

Really getting sick of hearing this now - after a season of lots of "We're too big to go downs" in East Anglia, too - when really it's down to the fact that my club would be far better run by a combination of (Sir) Fred Goodwin and the worst rejects from both The Apprentice and Dragons' Den.

When did this now ubiquitous phrase start getting bandied around? Five years ago no one used it. Now every barely literate inarticulate bladder-kicker says it when they mean "a few years ago"

Or is it just me?

...and now finding its way into Richard Keys' tombola of nonsense:

"Just what does that victory/defeat/draw mean for *insert team*?"

Whaddya mean, what does it mean, you poltroon! It means it was a victory/defeat/draw!

That'll be the legendary Triggs then. And, er, the other one. Anybody know the poor mutt's name?

-

...that was launched with such fanfare at the start of the season?

'Colour' commentator then sees replay...
"Well it was close, but perhaps he was fractionally offside..."

"Is it the final that the neutrals would have wanted, Graeme?"

"Does Lennon's delivery let him down, Jamie?"

"Is the referee not entitled to give that decision in the circumstances, Andy?"

the very small crowd here today, at Pride Park, we can surely say that the women's game is really growing in popularity..."

from 8 angles and looked at it in slow motion 12 times, the ref definitely got it wrong.

Oh and Alan Green. He is a cliché.

to the last game on Match Of The Day this evening, in the 20 seconds we have remaining...Bolton Wanderers v Wigan/Stoke/Sunderland/Middlesborough

Hull's season began to fall apart when Phil Brown kept them out for his half time team talk.

Not particular to this season, but if there's a more redundant construction of words than "to be honest", or its close cousin "to be fair", I'd like to hear it. Behold, two phrases stripped of all meaning through overuse by players and phone-in contributors.

I could, at a push, make a case for just about any MOTD pundit; Lawrenson has been known to make some trenchant observations; Hansen is tactically astute and can explain what he means very well; Martin Keown is far more articulate than one somehow expects; and so on. But Alan Shearer has never said anything even remotely interesting or original. I'm genuinely flummoxed as to how how he can be paid to sit their and say nothing of any interest whatsoever. Oh and adding "I really do" at the end of a phrase starting "I think" doesn't make it any more enlightening.

.

"An unerring finish"

Always used when describing the slow motion replay of a goal.

Also Leeds and Millwall fans tearing into each other "bringing disgrace to football" No it isn't, it's Leeds and Millwall fans tearing into each other. It's the law!

Oh yes, play off finals, "It's a great day out for the fans."
I think you'll find it's for only one set of them.

while there's a goal waiting to be kicked.

Motson couldn't go five minutes without mentioning England. For instance-

'The burly young defender was in the Hungarian side that faced England last month'.

I mean...who cares??

Then there's that guy on ITV who seems to think that 'squirt' means something completely different-

'And the ball squirts out for a goal kick'.

Someone buy the fool a dictionary.

My favourite football story of the season concerns a group of five Aston Villa supporters and their trip to Hamburg for the Uefa Cup group fixture. Noting that flights to Dusseldorf were considerably cheaper than direct flights to Hamburg and that the two cities were just hours apart by train, they flew to Dusseldorf and sneaked onto an overnight train to Hamburg. So far so good.
What they hadn’t realised was that this was one of those trains that splits during the journey into two sections going to two different destinations. So while one section was making steady progress to Hamburg, the one they were in was hurtling non-stop towards ... and wouldn’t you just love to have been a fly on the wall when this bombshell dropped ... Warsaw.
They did manage to make it to Hamburg in time to watch their beloved claret and blues, fielding a deliberately weakened team, lose 3-1 with steve Sidwell getting sent off. Tails between their legs they opted for a conventional direct flight from Hamburg back to Brum. Their flight was delayed by a mere 13 hours.

And, of course, Mark Hughes's job is under threat again.

when Ronaldo pledges his future to Man U, and also to Real Madrid.

or "Your Arsenals and your Chelseas.." etc etc.

Have to add a vote for my other bug bear "A Big Ask".

but the media painfully poefaced way of saying "CAR CAR" instead of "cack-a" (for Kaka) see also Arseshavin!

Anyone else think Andy Gray is a pain in the arse these days?

can be a little dispappointed with their season?"

This has been used since before the advent of my tenure on Planet Earth - and as far I can see - will continue to be in use until the last syllable of recorded time.

In fact, the last words uttered by Man or some future derivative - before our return for all eternity to cosmic dust or unimaginable nothingness are likely to be - "Do you think Spurs are the one team that has the potential to break the stranglehold of the big 4?"

are today being linked with a move for Kaka, Tatu, Kanu, Deco, Milto, Biffo, Coco, Heppo and Giggsy.

A spokesman for Roy of the Rovers has said he is staying loyal to Melchester Rovers and has been offered an extension on his contract to 2021.

Goes back a few seasons, admittedly.

couldn't answer"
These questions being "why do footballers have such poor taste in music/night clubs/girlfriends/haircuts/fa cup songs...."

just above the drop zone. Or they are in the dreaded drop zone.

What happened to relegation area?

Not to forget Alan Pardew's cliche in waiting...'He absolutley raped him'......

Always used for Harry Redknapp. Media-speak for "dodgy".

Is anyone neutral? From my experience you either love ManU or you hate them.

Harry Redknapp upon joining Spurs: "Make no mistake, it's a massive club, it's a massive club".

Ramos upon joining Spurs: "Es un club masivo."

Martin Jol as he reflected on leaving Spurs for Hamburg and considerable success: "It'sh a masshive club."

Cliché of the season in NE Scotland

Seven home draws, thereby dropping 14 points; Keane a dreadful mistake; Gerrard scoring more league goals than the sainted and expensive Torres who is supposed to be a free-scoring forward; league points picked up by scraping a one goal win (27); proportion of goals scored in the last 15 mins (or injury time) after a dodgy performance, 24% ...

And the number of times Stevie G has fallen over somewhere in or near the opposing penalty area late in the game when Liverpool weren't winning? I've lost count.

I'm not even English, nor do I support an English team. Back in the day people *liked* Liverpool for all kinds of reasons. These days they simply get on my tits (not as much as Chelsea do but they are on course to be the second most irritating team in the English top flight).

be disappointed with that...Another Shearer cliche following a player Zeppelining the ball over the bar from four yards, before snapping a metatarsal, pranging his Lexus, arriving home to find his wife has left him and then being arrested in a donnybrook over philosophical aesthetics at Spearmint Rhino.

As in "The lottery of the Play-Offs" - or the Championship Play-Off Final (where hopefully Reading will triumph...) as the "most lucrative game in world football".

on the classic washed up celeb's mantra "Do you know who I am?"

Allegedly (although I'm sure it could easily be confirmed judging by all the mobile phone cameras being thrust in his face as he was being wrestled to the floor) he said "Do you NOT know who I am?" - will Graham Taylor sue?

although it will go down to the wire.

although it will go down to the wire.

without mention of his tan would be a breath of fresh air.

Met Mr Brown at a mates party when he was captain at Bolton. Proper gent who tried to get us some tickets for Man City v Leeds the next day and had the decency to ring us up to let us know he'd failed and then left us tickets for Bolton v Port Vale. I hope Hull stay up just for that.

"Newcastle fans deserve a trophy"

Why?!

"Gareth Southgate is a young English manager, which is what we want to see"

A young English manager who unlike many other young English managers without plum Premiership jobs has not gained the apparently compulsory coaching license. A fact which many writers seem to have forgotten

....but let's see how he does on a windy wet winter Wednesday night at Bolton.

Oh he's scored.

As in the Play-Off semi last night, described as such by commentator and then sky sports newsreader.

(c) Steven Gerrard every interview.

...but only just. It may be too little too late, but momentum is all important at the business end of the season, and West Brom have 2 wins in their last 3 games.

Now Tony Mowbray's team, who have served up some of the silkiest box-to-box football in The Premiership all season, have the simple task of winning at home against Liverpool this weekend, then travelling to Ewood Park and getting only their 2nd away win of the season. And even that might not be enough.

As a lifelong Baggies fan, it hurts to write that. Especially as Wolves and Birmingham are coming up next season. Oh well.

Anyone notice that Rafa's typically Spanish habit of ending statements with "No" (as in "Stevie G is clearly a great player, no?") is breaking out into the media generally.

for "Yes" or "I agree". It buys a second of thinking time. Though I find "What's not to like?", from the world of reviewing things, far more annoying.

The widespread belief in the press that professional footballers are paid on a weekly basis, like paperboys and girls, is tiresome. The Daily Telegraph (Henry Winter, 8 May) reports that Ballack gets paid £121,000 a week. Why not say £6.292 million p.a.?

I can remember when commentators referred to clubs' post-war records. It sounded like they were trying to do Arsenal and Huddersfield Town out of a few titles. Apparently, the 1992-1993 season is the new Year Zero. "The biggest win in the history of the Premiership / Champions League" must sound impressive to young children.

Lastly, "He put in a good shift," is appalling. Equating a footballer who makes the effort to track back, like he's expected to, with a miner, nightwatchman or factory worker, is a bit much. Using expressions from heavy industry to describe a footballer panders to the same ego as kids in street gangs appropriating titles from the military. They're not "soljas" (sic, I suppose) and they haven't put in a shift.

Still, it must play havoc with your grasp of masculinity when your job requires you to commit Actual Bodily Harm one second and then pretend to have been tripped up the next.

I'm sorry, but the question dared me to be grumpy.

I'd like to cast a vote for "Liverpool would be lost without Gerrard/Torres", depending on which of the two has been the better player in any given game. Granted, Gerrard has had his best campaign in years for us this season, and Torres has done well to rack up 13 goals considering his injuries. But - moaning Scouser alert - in keeping with the widespread refusal to give Liverpool any credit whatsoever, this view completely disregards outstanding seasons by Xabi Alonso and Javier Mascherano (both of whom, along with Gerrard, have kept us in it this season), as well as the ever-dependable/always unsung Jamie Carragher and Sami Hyypia, who is sadly coming to the end of a glorious Indian summer at Anfield. Likewise Dirk Kuyt, whose strike-rate may still be a little too meagre for comfort, but who has at least compensated for this shortcoming with sheer hard graft. Most improved outfield player has to be Fabio Aurelio, and the One For The Future award goes to Emiliano Insua, which will hopefully be enough to ensure that Aurelio will continue improving, or else. Note to Villa fans; you can keep Gareth Barry - we didn't need him this season, and we won't need him next.

...had another bad day at the office.

Gerrard, Ronaldo, Arshavin etc all have script writers. No wonder they're so good.

Nuff said

.. as in you can't do that at this level

If Hansen, Dixon etc say that one more time I'm gonna put a size 10 through the telly

Manager X has emerged as favourite to replace the recently departed manager Y

"A Fans Club" Wimbledon blah blah blah

"A Fans Club" Wimbledon blah blah blah

There was a marvelous moment in the Radio 5 Live commentary on an Arsenal match when the pundit referred to the 'overused cliche...'. After a while I thought, well what cliche was he talking about? I didn't hear him mention one. Then a little while later there was an embarrassed apology as he explained that of course he meant to say 'the overused Clichy'. I'm just not able to remember who was responsible for this - it was either Graham Taylor or David Pleat. My guess is the latter.

... there'll be a few more twists and turns before the end of the season. [And if there aren't, you won't remember me saying that anyway.]

Clearly the footballers-turned-analysts don't understand the active / inactive thing, and still insist the 'the assistant referee was very late with his flag'

The phrase 'impact substitute' has crept in this/last season and is quite annoying, as if it is a new phenomenon that a substitute can come on to the pitch and make an impression.

does anyone use the word mêlée in the real world outside of football?

See also "Handbags..." from "I know that Sheffield United player didn't really mean to deliberately plant his elbow on the skull of that Barnsley player, he's an honest pro, it was just handbags at ten paces".

I don't get it. "He doesn't know his best team." Surely this is what the manager gets paid shedloads of money for!

A constant cliche used by commententators and journalists as the end of the season is close approaching........

"He's worked hard today in that midfield area."

Thanks for the specifics.

No I haven't, he's a bloody millionaire. If he can't afford it without borrowing money, it's too expensive.

What we talking about - his best position? Golf? His love life?

Has anyone tried this?

The lad's done really well- I can't fault 'is attitude.
'es got 'is 'ed down in training and never moaned once.

( Translation - coming soon to a shop window near you, or Sunderland - Didier Zokora, David Bentley, Adel Tarabt,Roman Pavlyuchenko, Tom Huddlestone.)

Do you think this is the best Man United team ever?

This question is asked without fail every time they win the title.

... will win it next season.

No they won't. They have been in with a shout for 2 seasons out of the last 20. This year and 01/02.

"Definatley next season" It's the most common statement in Norway

"They like to play football"

and the molten gold Mottyism: "That's the magic of the FA Cup"

You rarely hear this said about the right one.

"You would have to say - have to say - yes, Richard"

No list of the season's cliches - and no significant Chelsea tie - would be complete without a mention of the deceased mother of Frank Lampard. No disrespect to her of course, but everyone in the public eye should beware of appearing to be the first person to lose a parent. Actually, it'll happen to most of us, twice.

Normally used when the ball is lumped up to Big Crouchy

It's Not The End of The World".

No, it's not the new Morrissey single but my favourite Hoddle quote.

So much is done at the end of the day in football, what the hell are they doing the rest of the time?

I'm sure that plenty may have heard of it but for those that haven't and are interested should track down the excellent "Football Lexicon" book by Leigh & Woodhouse. It collects pretty much all of the football cliches together in one place with descriptions. They're all in there - educated left foot, hold his hands up, perfectly good goal. It's only a fiver on Amazon and there's an equally brilliant "Cricket Lexicon" by the same authors.

For me the ITV duo of Tyldsley & Pleat give a good cliche to commentary ratio. Tyldesley seems incapable of avoiding his "doubled their money" whenever a team score a second goal and players "having their pockets picked" (i.e. tackled from behind usually when unaware of the opposition player). Not forgetting "that night in Barcelona" which seems to have been replaced by "that night in Istanbul".

Next time David Pleat is on see how long it is before he mentions the height of a player ("the squat Tevez", "the tall Ibrahimovic", etc). He's obsessed! Oh, and being unable to pronounce most names, usually with several different variations in the same game.

the drop zone is nearly upon us

not forgetting the 40/50/60£ million pound fixture monday

love or loathe them the playoffs are full of drama. No they ain't, they are usually rubbish

Damien Duff:

"I'm as loyal as they come and, whether the gaffer stays or goes, I'd love to try to get Newcastle back up."

Yeah right...!

Whenever football people talk about “the club” (i.e. “he’s been a good servant to the club”, “my job is to do what‘s best for the club”, “it’s been a sad day for the club” etc. etc.) - and there was a fair bit of that on Sunday’s MOTD -they always say “the football club”. As opposed to what? The ice hockey club? The Cotton Club? Club Tropicana? I think this verbal tic is a fairly recently minted cliche. Perhaps even this season.
And when it comes to cliches Alan Shearer is as reliable in front of the microphone as he was in the penalty area.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/n/newcastle_united/806639...

Gareth Southgate’s at it too.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/match_of_the_day/8066363.stm

Gordon Strachan has resigned as manager of Celtic. He has been linked with the job at Sunderland. Owen Coyle has been linked with the job at Celtic but prefers to say at Burnley. Chelsea expect to name Carlo Ancelotti as their new manager after he pledged his future to AC Milan.

Celtic would have to pay about £1m in compensation to prise Tony Mowbray from West Brom. Motherwell boss Mark McGhee has been recommended by departing Celtic manager Gordon Strachan as his replacement at Parkhead. Sunderland want Wigan boss Steve Bruce to succeed Ricky Sbragia as their new manager.

The daily merry-go-round has started. *sigh*

.. that's not a cliche, that's a fact. COYS.