Entertainment For Lively Minds
My side of the bed
The rest of our house looks nothing like this. My wife is constantly amazed by the clutter which I insist on keeping no more than a foot from my nose while I sleep. Very little of it needs to be there, I guess, but I believe a man's bedside table is one of the few places left where it's okay to be as shambolic and confused as the thoughts and dreams in the dozy head that lies beside it. This is mine - what's on yours?
Point Omega by Don Delillo. If anyone asks, this is the book I'm reading at the moment.
Reasons to be Cheerful by Mark Steel. This is the book I'm actually reading. (I can't stop thinking that Don Delillo is the short fat guy from Cannonball Run and it keeps putting me off).
My Oyster Card. It's vitally important to to know where this is at all times, so that when I get to the barrier at Victoria Underground station I can say, "Oh shit - I've left my Oyster Card on the bedside table."
One cufflink. I keep it here in the hope that its partner will one day reappear. I like to think that the missing link will dissolve into liquid metal and slither towards this one, in the style of the dismembered cyborg in Terminator II. This has not happened yet.
Parallel Lines CD. This was given away with a newspaper about two months ago. It's here to remind me to add it to iTunes. Thing is, I know this album so well from my youth and loved it so much then that I'm really quite bored with these tracks now. Three minutes spent listening to Pretty Baby is three minutes not spent listening to something new. I probably won't play it, but my hunter-gatherer instinct is to collect music as if it were water or firewood, so what am I to do? LIke all good dilemmas, I've solved it by ignoring it.
The lid of a memory stick. I'm not sure what's happened to the stick, but the lid is reminiscent of a Norman helmet, which I suppose would come in very handy if I need to stage a finger puppet re-enactment of the Battle of Hastings. I'm not sure my wife would consider this within the bounds of acceptable bedtime play.
A tripod for my Flip video camera. This could probably be somewhere else.
A box full of copper. What do you do with 1 and 2p coins? Only the arthritic octogenarians in front of me in the queue in Sainsbury's ever actually pay for things with them, so mine gather dust in here. The banks won't take them and dumping them on some charity volunteer seems mean in two different ways. About a year ago I noticed that the supermarket has a kind of coin sorter machine where you can donate your change, and one day quite soon - and I really mean this - I'm going to take my stash there.
This year's Valentine's Day card. This lovely Klimt print keepsake was given to me in bed weeks ago and has been here ever since. I have good reason to believe that the second I attempt to move it, a voice from the other side of the pillow will say "Oh so you've thrown my card out, then?" It's basically stuck there until Christmas.
Some kind of Statement. Or possibly a bill. Definitely something I'm supposed to sort out. I suspect it tells me my pension can be redeemed in 2036 for two Mars Bars and a McDonald's Fillet-o-Fish. Whatever it is, it's complicated, and therefore invisible to me. La la la la la.
A 'Sailor Jerry' coaster, which I take great delight in not using.
Moisturiser. What? Don't pretend you don't.
On the floor; chargers and cables for two laptops, a phone, a Blackberry, an iTouch and an iPod. At night the glow from down there pulsates unnervingly on the bedroom walls, and you drift off to sleep to the soft purr of the spinning dials on the electricity meter, and the sound of popping corks at EDF headquarters.
So - what's on yours?
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Apologies Captain
if you're not a fan but this reminded me of Michael McIntyres "Man Drawer" routine
Not a fan
Really, really not a fan. Oh god, am I copying this twat? That's it, I'm never doing funny again.
Sorry Captain
don't mind me, I think you're both funny
We have such a drawer in the
We have such a drawer in the kitchen - the thing you forgot are fuses - 3A 5A and 15A - always have a set of working and non working fuses.
And the 'bleeding' radiator key is very useful - you can but these in Roger Dyas - great for getting rid of trapped air, making radiators warm again and reducing pipe knocking. I keep that in a cup with a set of keys - all labelled so if I want to open the gate - I can find it so easily.
Unread books. 49 of them.
Hey Fraser
Looks like you got a pretty funky duvet cover going on there.
that's a weird picture, Fraser
Why are the books stacked flat rather than upright? A number of them are stacked spines to the wall too. Can you do something about this, please? It's making my OCD itchy.
No need to worry,
they're not actually kept like that. He's just turned around the ones he wants you to be able to read the titles of. Underneath them it's all Barbara Cartland, Dan Brown and Andy McNab.
;)
And numerous volumes...
of the North Korean Mills & Boon.
A tripod for a Flip?
Please tell me I'm not the only one thinking that the Captain Underpants home movie collection must be interesting ;)
My own bedroom junk collection is almost nonexistant now (just a lamp, clock, pair of speakers and 2 mp3 players) because I have colonised the second bedroom - to the extent there is no bed in it: just a desk, a table, all my CDs and every book and DVD in the house, instruments I can't play and a Dolce Gusto coffee machine.
Photo Evidence Lacking
My bedside table doubles up as a handy chest of drawers. Currently fighting for space around the CD Player which dominates it is:
3 empty glasses,
A brand new lightbulb,
Lynx Africa Deodorant,
Mr Sheen polish,
A mug of biros,
A wedding invitation from my brother,
Two gig tickets from last year (KT Tunstall and Arcade Fire),
Two plectrums,
A capo,
A shaving mirror,
My wallet,
One Sharpie pen,
A set of stamps,
A letter from the Poetry Society telling me I am now a fully paid up member of the fold,
Passport,
Nailclippers,
Alarm clock,
Various cold/flu medicines,
An old wage slip,
A Young Persons Railcard (despite the fact it's been out of date for two years),
A guitar tuner,
My I-pod- through which I am currently playing Tori Amos,
The Parker pen, which (along with the Sharpie) I use for work.
Sharpie?
Is that Grant's Sharpie?
Lynx Africa Deodorant
I haven't found anything that works nearly as well.
No pics...
... but I have about seven books, several mags and three empty tea cups. Piles of pants and socks lurk nearby. However this is trendy minimalism compared to the side occupied by the future Mrs Sprocket...
Charity Coin Sorter
You put your change in, it keeps a percentage for itself, gives you back the foreign coins that you put in by mistake, and I think you get a voucher to spend in the store. No charity involved.
There is a charity option
The one in our local Sainsbury has a charity option - but it only donates what is left after the machine takes its cut.
Apparently some Nat West branches have coin machines with no 'counting fee' percentage skimmed off, but only for Nat West customers to pay in with.
iPhone and
bottle of soya drink for the kid if he wakes up. That's it.
I've got two bedside tables.
One each side. They're both full of books, issues of Viz and The Word. There's also a couple of lamps and a couple of speakers. I like to listen to the World Service at night. In fact I find it harder these days (or nights, I suppose) to fall asleep in complete silence.
My side..
A couple of Valentines cards. Two pairs of binoculars. An alarm clock. Remote control for the radio. An Andrew Marr book, untouched now for about two years.
Two pairs of binoculars
Bedroom window birdwatching, right? Are you and Mrs L curtain twitchers?
It must be like the Benny Hill show every morning in your house. "Great tits, darling!" "Thanks - I've see a cockatoo," etc.
Three pairs, actually.. One pair on the FPO's side.
Small, medium and large. For looking at the ships as they pass. Which reminds me of the other thing on my bedside table: a directory of current cruise ships. Bit out of date now.
If you'd seen our neighbours you'd know why we wouldn't want to look in their windows. One snatched glimpse (or the opposite, for that matter)and it'd put you off your stroke for weeks.
Sorry Tracy Emin but that would...
Drive me nuts.
Must bring out my OCD side but that level of clutter would be keeping me awake at night, we have a very low bed, no bedside tables just a book, an iPhone (for night charging and alarm) and, er, that's it.
Blimey
You think that qualifies as clutter?
You have to bear in mind
You have to bear in mind that the FPO actually tidied this yesterday, so you see it at its absolute best. Pile of books - Maugham and Franzen if anyone asks, Chris Addison if not. Although the book I'm actually reading is on the table next to me in the dining room at the moment: Stewart Lee's "That's How I Escaped My Certain Fate".
As for the rest, the jiffy bag contains a stereo-headphone-to-two-3.5mm jack adapter so I can plug my phone or iPad into my computer's audio interface. I bought it laughingly imagining I'd ever have time to make music ever again.
I've no idea what's on that CD.
There's a Viz annual on the bottom of the pile, obviously. No-one should be without a few Viz annuals.
Oh, and my trusty Westone bass, of course, complete with cyberman headphones, guitar cables and - out of view - my beloved aforementioned audio interface. I haven't plugged the bass in for weeks - but occasionally I'll play it in bed just to infuriate the GLW as I accidentally bash her in the neck or eyes with the headstock.
Ah
See you've got Shaggy's autobiography up next.
I've been known
to Thunder One in bed from time to time too..
my clutter
I bought myself one of those fabric receptacles from IKEA and it sits on my bedside cabinet. Its perfect for throwing things in when you come back from work like:
* wallet
* work pass
* season ticket
* watch
* ipod
* camera
* spectacles - just before I go to sleep
* glasses cleaner
* mobile phones - 1 work - 1 personal
On same bedside cabinet I have one of those chewing gum containers which holds my loose change - which I sometimes take with me and sometimes I forget
On the floor are a pile of books, documents to be filed away, shredded and recycled; clothes to be unpacked and put away
This is my space and I hate it when my Wife tries to organise it if say the mother-in-law comes round (she's nosey!)
You should see our study for clutter - I am slowing turning into my Mum - she never threw anything out!
Is that an ointment I see?
No need to go into it.
Mine is an alarm clock and a glass of water. Perhaps an Anadin and definitely the TV remote control. My wife's the one with the cluttered sidetable.
A Kindle
You can read anything you like and pretend it's intellectual.
Yes I know
When we talked about I also pooh poohed Kindles, so to speak.
I should have changed my toothbrush months ago.
The feathers and the broken twig appeared in my room without explanation a couple of years ago. My current theory is that they are Boltzmann objects (things that have spontaneously popped into existence).
I don't own a bedside table cabinet thingy
but I do have a rather tidy GLW beside me.
No photo
But I know from memory that there are three books (2 x Wodehouse, 1x John le Carre), some dental floss and a shoebox full of crap.
Which le Carre?
The Spy Who Came In From The Cold
I haven't read it yet. My GLW got given it free as part of book week but didn't fancy it so sent it my way.
I daren't photograph the pile
of stuff I have to shimmy past every morning, as I don't think a hoover's been down there in over a year.
I sleep on the living room floor these days
due to chronic back pain, so the only thing next to my head is the leg of the coffee table and sometimes the cat. My other half therefore has two bedside tables all to himself, which are pretty tidy.