Morrissey: thank heavens, Wossy and pals are here to save us
I'm supposed to be seeing Morrissey at the Roundhouse tonight, if his throat mends itself. Among this morning's frenzy of texts following Mozzer's three-song show on Friday was one saying "listen to j ross on r2 he went hes talking about it now". I don't listen to Radio Two but you have to pay attention at the birth of history so I tuned in.
And what a horrible, self-regarding tale it was. Having related how he, David Walliams, Russell Brand, David Baddiel and a few other great showbiz mates got together to go to the show (don't they know anybody who isn't on TV?) he described Morrissey's voice problems and shortened performance. The audience is getting restive, no-one knows what is happening… what to do? Then David Walliams volunteers Brand, Ross and himself to go onstage and "do a bit" to entertain the punters, advise the retention of ticket stubs and so on.
Is this the preening modern celebrity self-image in a nutshell or what? There isn't a single situation that can't be solved by adding a bit of Brand's cod-Victoriana or him from Little Britain. The crowd, naturally, weren't impressed - they threw coins and plastic glasses, they booed, and good for them.
Whatever you think of Morrissey and his world, it's not the same as 3am and Bizarre. If I'd paid the £80-£120 that tickets were commanding on eBay, I think I'd be pretty riled to see a bunch of great showbiz chums swanning on to make it all right simply by gracing us with the magic of their presence. I might even realise that I go to see Morrissey precisely to get away from people like that.
Ross then said how it all started to get a bit nasty on the way out, with people shouting at him and his poor celeb friends (they thought Brand and Walliams had been mocking them from the stage) and finally a minor scuffle. Thank heavens the celebs had security on hand to protect them! This of course has to be the primary consideration. Rossy seemed genuinely amazed that anyone could be annoyed by a celebrity under any circumstances at all; a tunnel vision of the world perhaps betrayed by the fact that there wasn't single person he mentioned in his anecdote who wasn't famous themselves.
I don't doubt that Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, David Walliams and the rest of them are sincere admirers of Morrissey's music (although I can't picture them desperately pressing "refresh" on the Seetickets page to buy tickets like the plebs). But the unthinking assumption that of course we'll be glad to see them whatever the circumstances really winds me up. Amazingly, when most people go to a show, they don't want to see who else had turned up - they just want to see the show.
FULL DISCLOSURE: My tickets tonight were paid for with actual money by my good friend David. But I'm going on press tickets on Sunday like the hypocrite I am.
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Thank heavens for small mercies...
At least they didn't have new besht mate RINGO with them... he would no doubt have leapt to the mike and tried to serenade the crowd with a rousing version of 'Liverpool 8'...
Don't you know who I am?
Rising star, Adele, (who has recently been the subject of some rather unpleasant mobbing on this website) wrote a bulletin on myspace a while back, in which she talked about being on Jonathan Ross's chatshow. She alluded to it all being a bit cliquey backstage with celebs of a certain calibre sticking together.
I imagine that when all your friends are on the A-list, egos must inflate as self-awareness goes down.
Buy them some Pringle sweaters
I think for self-regarding smugness this lot have Tarby and Brucey beat by a mile.
You'd think
they'd have learned a lesson from their mate Ricky Gervais bombing at the Diana concert.
There's a place in hell (for me and my fwiends)
I'd also have thought that Ross and co. epitomise all that SP Morrissey abhors, especially Ross, who somehow always comes across to me as a child of Thatcher, caught up in his own universe of in-jokery and bizarre hairstyles. All are celebrity talent vacuums, laughing at their own jokes and believing they're the best things since sliced bread, thanks to Sun readers and their ilk and an ever-fawning media.
I read The Sun...
...whenever there's a copy about.
I think Ross's natural constituency reads broadsheet newspapers and likes to feel they're above the sort of thing he purveys, which is why he's such a success. Ditto Russell Brand and Little Britain. It's low brow dressed up as high brow.
Gentlemen,
this is rather a spurious argument. Do we have any idea at all what newspapers Ross viewers read? My wife and I both read the same paper. She likes him, I don't. Hardly scientific, but it's as useful and as indicative as "they're broadsheet / no they're red top".
And I read...
...Heat whenever there's a copy about (i.e. at the dentist's surgery) but it doesn't make me part of its demographic or regular readership, Mr H. Come to think of it, Heat readers are exactly the type of people that would probably like Ross, Brand's form of dandified narcissism, and Walliams' cruel and infantile Little Britain.
To question another of Andrew's points, I DO doubt that these overpaid and overpraised charlatans are 'sincere admirers of Morrissey's music'. Ross's ignorance of music and its makers is something I often pick up upon whenever I have the misfortune to hear him on the subject.
It's what you're paid, not what you earn
What a bunch of tossers. Inflated egos and no sense of proportion or being appropriate, and hence surprised at the response. Can't stand Jonathan Ross, so don't watch anything he's in on TV and have to turn off the radio after 'Sounds of the Sixties'. They fit a remark I heard ages ago when it was said that someone earned £2 million a year, to which the response was that was what they were paid rather than what they earned.
Oh the irony...
...as I was reading Andrew's post it ocurred to me the number of times I've heard Woss, Brand et al taking cheap shots at, say, Sir Riff Pilchard and his impromptu rainy day at Wimbledon singalong (hmmm... how many years ago was that), especially on those "Cringiest Moments of All Time" Channel 4 & 5 clip shows.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't an apologetic for the much maligned Cliff... but don't you love it when you see a public exhibition of complete lack of self-awareness from those of an unhealthy dose of ego and self-importance?
Yes, just what a Morrissey crowd is begging to see when the person they've paid hard cash (and crippling booking fees) to see wanders off stage halfway through the set... "I'm a laaaaydeeee." (adopts whiney voice) "Oh well yessss, I must say this is a bit orf a lar-de-dar-deee par-larver and no mistakin' if I arrm finking orff sayin' so meself..."
Good lord, looking at that patter written down I 've just realised, Frankie Howerd and Kenneth Williams ARE still alive!!
There's evidence here
I'm just suprised that
Ricky Gervais didn't waltz across the stage arm in arm with Matt Lucas to complete the smugfest.
Its hard to believe that these people would actually think that they they might get a Smash Hits Poll Winners Party reaction from the Morrissey constituency.
Off with their heads.
But, but, but...
Russell Brand's cat is called Morrissey
Brand interviewed...
Moz on his Radio 2 show some months back, and there can be no doubt that he is a true fan. He sounded in awe, actually, although he was his usual irreverent, cheeky-chappy self during the interview.
Sorry......
....I fail to see why this lot are the villains of the piece.
Morrissey wanders off stage without saying anything. He can't be bothered to explain or apologise to those that have paid to see him and perhaps travelled from miles away. That there is the abuse of celebrity. But that seems to be acceptable because he's "artistic".