Entertainment For Lively Minds
Masterchef - over its sell by date?
Don't know whether anyone else in the Massive has been partial to a bite of Masterchef in the past, but last night I found myself initially rather pleased to have a news series back - then turned it off after fifteen rather grating minutes. Maybe it was the mood I was in, but I suspect not...
Okay, Masterchef is not Mad Men, Breaking Bad or The Wire, but over the last few years I've found it to be thoroughly entertaining, the acceptable face of the reality genre; once even breaking national speed limits to get myself home for one of the finals. The blend of cooking (always worth a watch), easy human interest (hooking the lizard brain), and the subsequent kitschy appeal of the Greg-John's double-act (natch) was just right for some feet-up, laugh along and smile jollyment.
However, tuning in last night I found it's somehow morphed into an artificially pumped, E-number-wired caricature of itself; has become overcooked, been over-seasoned... and other similar cooking analogies. Having aced its original 6pm BBC2 slot simply on the basis that it was fun, light and worked to a simple idea, now it's on prime-time BBC1 it evidently feels everything has to either run at a cranked-up eleven, or we won't pay any attention. The show starts at hysteria pitch, and just keeps pulverising for thirty intense minutes, rendering the whole experience not so much a marathon, but an endurance test of such intensity that I actually found it rather tiring.
Even the most plain contestant has to now admit in a frenetic montage of skills-to-140BPM-soundtrack that they've given up a major career in the city, sold their kids for saucepans and become a kitchen fundamentalist in search of the kind of head-chef position at Claridges that will "change their lives". Then, once we've been whipped breathless with the melodrama... said contestant dives straight out in the first round because they slipped Terminator Torode their "culinary twist" of olives in mashed potato.
Even if they do master the mash matrix, they then have to learn how to walk the streets of Greater London in slow tandem with their fellow contestants, in a scene akin to Reservoir Dogs.
By this point, fifteen minutes into a 90-minute show I had to turn it off - I felt like I was about to have a heart attack with the intensity of it all. Which is a shame, because, whether the producers realise it or not, Masterchef actually worked back on BBC2 because it was light entertainment. Now, it thinks its Spooks. And look what happened there. Again, every week became about walking around moodily as Earth turned towards yet another apocalypse. Why is it all getting so god-darned dramatic? Greg had us at "cooking doesn't get better than this", but it seems we've gone the way of American TV, where everything has to be borderline life-changing, or we won't feel a thing.
Shame, really.
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Simples
Get rid of one of the steroid-cheeked shouty Gerbils, and give the programme a different kind of edge by bringing a female presenter in.
I don't know what she's called, and I can't be bothered to Google her, but there's this great presenter on Sky3 that does the programme called "Taste"; she'd be perfect. She's quiet, very attractive, engaging, but with liquid nitrogen coursing through her veins. She'd have Anne Robinson in tears in ten seconds flat, and I'd love to see what she do to contestants who'd fail the chocolate fondant challenge.
That'll be Beverley Turner
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beverley_Turner
That woman!
I only see bits of this programmes when the FPO is watching it and I would say that among all the things she watches that I don't, this one has to be the most irritating. Amazingly, although the presenters seem annoying when I actually watch a bit of it, the most irritating thing is the voice of the woman that does the voiceover. Last night I had to put headphones on just to make it stop.
My mate Matt...
...ex-EMI A&R manager was on it this week. Haven't watched it yet, but apparently he did well. Good on him.
They take us for fools
I still enjoy it. Can't say I noticed a great difference. The best bits are always the cooking and tasting in the studio. What I like is that that is mostly all it is. I do think progamme makers and channel controllers get it wrong though, thinking the viewers want more back stories and reactions with tears and tantrums, and other extras. I tend to think people really just want the competition, the content, the performance, the task being carried out - same with talent shows etc.
MASTERSHOUT
has one real saving grace; watching fat Gregg stuff some candied ooze into his gob while rolling his eyes and muttering orgasmic grunts through a mouthful of dessert. A man after my own heart.
I know it's not going to happen
but I do wish they'd go back to 'Masterchef' (Goes Large?) as it was. Even John and Gregg don't look to be enjoying it as much.
Last night's show was surely...
the end of the line, it was insultingly bad.
All the way to Australia just so the contestants could cook one of John's recipes (he's not even a top Chef for God's sake!) for John's Dad, Auntie, best mate and the Chef at the local pizzeria where he served his apprenticeship - oh and for his chum Greg too of course.
It oozed so much false syrupy sentiment (sorry...) Greg: "This is your toughest challenge yet, you cannot let John down", "This is so important for John, it means everything to him" - my wife came in and asked in all seriousness "is John dying or something?".
What was the point in the contestants going all the way to Australia to cook one of John's recipes, which they could have done back in Blighty not in some stunning multi-million dollar apartment overlooking a sun-kissed Sydney Harbour with John's family and friends enjoying all the nosh and wine, ah, well yes there's the point I guess...
And then they cook for some chav wedding - I mean the bride was nice but did you seen the groom?? One guest: "I dunno what it is, but I like the wobbly thing..."
The whole format of his series has been terrible - cranking up the sentiment and X-Factor false dramatics - "It means the world to me", "I'm gutted", "I really want this"...the ridiculous new "audition" process.
Why let the contestants work in top kitchens, cook for top Chefs and top Food Critics and yet not be judged or marked on their performances? If they had that hysteric drama queen Jackie would not have got through to the final four surely...
Still, I like the remaining three contestants and have no idea who will win it. let's just hope they get the chance to cook their own food and not one of Greg's recipes next!