Entertainment For Lively Minds
Massive umbrellas are the new mobile phones
Posted by Paul Wad on 2 September 2009 - 8:13pm.
Once upon a time it was filofaxes, then braces and mobile phones the size of bricks, and I suppose cocaine habits probably came next, but now it seems that the annoying city boy type accessory of choice is an umbrella you could cross the channel in. Why? Nobody else needs to have an umbrella that size. Particularly not one with the name of an insurer or bank written across it. Or is it only me that gets annoyed just a little more than I should about this?
- More from Paul Wad.
- Login or register to post comments
-
Austerity chic - they think
Austerity chic - they think it says "I'm important enough to get a freebie, even in a recession."
Umbrellas
Bloody things. They're next to useless, poke people in the eye and tend to stay up even when it's not raining. Buy a bloody hat and coat.
Coats I don't have a problem with
I own (far too) many and they do the job when it's chucking down.
Hats, though, I have a problem with. Not that I don't love them (again I have too many) but I'm yet to find one that does the job in wet weather and, most importantly, doesn't make me look like a tit. In cold weather I'm sorted. In sunny weather I'm fine. But in the wet I'm stuffed. My woolies get soggy, my flats let the rain run down my neck, and my straws disintegrate. I've tried the fedora/trilby approach but can't carry it off. I even tried, briefly and to my shame, the Aussie sheep farmer look - not good. My one last hope is the Manc fisherman solution, a waterproof version of a denim hat I already own, but, not wishing to go with waxed cotton, I'm yet to find the perfect hat.
Still won't use a brolly though.
You need...
...a Bowler, clearly.
tiny dancer
it's small people with umbrella's that is the problem
Don't get me started...
...too late!
I have a bit of a thing about umbrellas anyway, so the huge ones go off the scale of dislike. When I had my first ever website, way back in the 90s, there was a whole page about how bloody awful umbrellas are.
Lucas Hare is right - get a coat and hat. Or just get wet: it doesn't kill you.
The worst thing is in shopping parades (or station platforms) where there is a bit of cover. Those of us without umbrellas will walk along under the cover and then get our eyes poked out by idiots holding up a brolly and still getting under there.
I told you not to get me started.
City boys' big umbrellas
are the only ones strong enough to shield them from the torrents of ordure they've unleashed on the entire world. The poor darlings.
Nothing wrong with using or carrying a compact brolly
...it's the selfish idiot that use the massive golfing umbrellas in enclosed spaces that the OP aluded to who are the problem.
A Japanese friend
went home for holiday recently, clutching a very large Liverpool FC umbrella, specifically to clear the streets of her home town during a passing typhoon and also be very cool. She said it worked. Might not have worked with Bolton Wanderers one though.
Oh forgot to say. The Japanese have a great way of dealing with wet umbrellas when entering their shop. They place small plastic bags at the door for you to put the dripping items into as you shop, a bit like brolly condoms.
Great Band Name !
I have a couple of superb bootlegs by the Brolly Condoms !!
This should do the trick
As spotted in Tokyo
here is what you do
when you see an umbrella-toter coming towards you in light drizzle.
Say goodbye to eye-gouging horror.
1) watch the perimeter of said brolly as it approaches your head
2) as the offending item nears you, raise up an arm toward it
3) if the owner does not move the brolly out of your trajectory, simply push it away with your forearm
4) an utterance of "get outta here" is encouraged.
Works a treat.
Incidentally I find some of the worst umbrella offenders, apart from the oafish City boys, are dolly birds. This latter might have a connection with the purchase of a recent hairdo.