Entertainment For Lively Minds
Manners maketh man.
Posted by Pinmonkey on 30 August 2010 - 10:25am.
I recently picked up some rail tickets from our local train station and was "ordered" by the chap behind the glass to "Insert your card". I was very close to asking "what's the magic word?" and was annoyed that as somebody in customer service he wasn't polite enough to ask please. I let it go rather than cause a scene.
It seems to me that manners and courtesy are slowly disappearing from society. Swearing in front of children, using your mobile in the quiet coach of a train, talking all the way through a movie just seem to have become acceptable behaviour.
I often judge somebody on whether they say "please or thankyou" or am I being too old fashioned?
- More from Pinmonkey.
- Login or register to post comments
-
Sounds OK to me...
As a primary school teacher, and father of two kids of primary school age, you'll get nothing from me without a 'please'.
If no 'thank you' is forthcoming, you'll generally get a sarcastic 'you're welcome...' from me. (My kids love that, as you can imagine... they're pretty polite, though.)
My favourite
.. and a remark I never tire of is, "Don't mention it" when no acknowledgment of a door held open, a payment made, etc. is forthcoming.
Shortly followed of course by a surprised "Oh, you didn't!"
Nope
Good manners are to me as fundamental a signifier of civilisation as fire, the wheel and the computer.
The phrase civility costs nothing seems to me to be particularly a propos these days. Consumerism drives the way many people live their lives to the extent that they are unable to contemplate their existence without expecting something in return for their outlay. A 'please' and a 'thank you' doesn't get you more for your money: the price is still the same price, the transaction unaffected by a common courtesy so why bother?.
I was taught - yes taught - that having good manners and expressing them should be done without expecting anything in return. You just do it because it is a reflection of self-respect and a respect for others. Good manners are a conduit for breaking down prejudices and the barriers of age and social background, they provide a common platform for engaging with strangers and if honestly expressed and well-intentioned are capable of making the recipient feel good about themselves in a way that money just can't buy and never can.
Losing good manners is a reflection of losing your awareness of people. That's how important they are.
That is all you need to say about manners.
well said.
Bravo
I pride myself on good manners and will raise my children to recognise their importance. Often, shop assistants over a certain age seem both surprised and delighted if you say please and thank you.
Service Economy
The trouble with our service-based economy/society seems to be that everyone thinks they're someone's boss or customer, and therefore always right, and therefore entitled to treat others like they're not there. It drives me WILD, the whole issue of manners - I make a point of being polite to everyone, and expect the same in return. But the people I see who treat checkout staff, sales assistants, teachers, nurses etc. with high-handed contempt and no manners just makes me want to weep sometimes. Same is true in reverse - there's a fair number of staff in shops etc. who just grunt and scowl.
Fortunately, most people I meet or do business with are nice. I had a lovely little exchange with the lad who delivered our Sainsbury's shopping this morning. Not conversational dynamite, not erudite or witty, but just nice. It was mostly based on his politeness and cheeriness and my reciprocity.
Politeness generally begets politeness. I like being nice.
No effort required
I don't make any effort to say please or thank-you. Why should I? It's natural! Having been dragged up "properly" I find it hard to not say thank-you even when the service has been so appalling that no thanks have been earned.
Mister Duncan in England
Politeness costs nothing...
I feel like a victim of a polite upbringing
Sometimes I would love to let loose a bit and get angry and obnoxious (seems to be the only way to get some things done in the world today) but my good manners always kick in. I don't even swear. Ever.
A couple of months ago there were some kids talking behind us in the cinema. I would dearly loved to have silenced them with some choice Anglo-Saxon delicacies, but instead I found myself politely asking them to be quiet, and even added a little "please" on the end.
Italy
Italy, where I live, has a lot of great things going for it. Politeness, however, is not one of them. Saying please or thank you barely exists. Most shop assistants treat you as though they're doing you a massive favour deigning to serve you. I was in London last summer and loved the good manners of the people. It's still, on the whole, one of Blighty's strong points.
Italy
It's true. I lived in Italy for a while and could never get used to the fact that when a waiter brought food or drink to you, people looked askance if you said thank you for it. One of my Italian friends told me it was unnecessary and I think it was looked on as a little patronising. But it always felt wrong to me and I was never able to omit the "Grazie".
Italy!
I've just returned from Puglia, which was heart-stoppingly lovely. What was heart-stoppingly unlovely, though, was the general standard of manners. Waiters, as vinnell says, act like they're doing you a much-begrudged favour. Airline check-in staff: fuhgeddaboudit.
The real, proper, no-amount-of-stereotyping-can-prepare-you jaw dropper, though, is the driving. Nobody lets anyone out, nobody thanks anyone (because there's usually nothing to thank for, presumably). People JUST PULL OUT. Most junctions are governed by amber flashing lights which according to the Italian Highway Code means "fuck it, knock yerself out son".
Everyone just GOES. Fast. Without even attempting to look. Often while making themselves a sandwich, singing and masturbating extravagantly, I expect.
And pedestrians, who you'd think would be the most cowed humans on the face of the earth, just stroll nonchalantly down the middle of the road amid the open warfare that is Italian driving, going "Ciao!" on their mobile phones.
And don't get me started on the fucking Piaggios.
That said, I have a confession: I really enjoyed it once the shock had worn off. Piloting my rented Micra around Locorotondo, Alberobello, Cisternino and Ostuni became like a computer game - once I'd acclimatised, I was fine.
Mental, though.
Have an up
Simply for the "singing and masturbating extravagantly".
Shop assistants
I always think it's funny how shop assistants are always held up as an example of politeness or lack of politeness. While it's nice to be treated nice by them, I don't think it's the be-all-and-end-all.
I find there's a far more insidious spread of bad manners just out on the street in the big bad world. For example, I'm always shocked by how readily people will honk their car horns at pedestrians as a show of anger.
Or maybe shop assistants are a kind of litmus test of a society's lack of manners? Is that what it is?
Amazed people aren't ruder
You're right Pinmonkey. But I think, in general, people are polite and cheerful even under trying circumstances, such as a late train that's so full it's nose-to-armpit.
Always polite.
Even under duress.I was raised to believe that being polite is the mark of a civilised human being.So even when telling some obnoxious twerp to go away and procreate I will always add please and a thank you when they do as requested.
Take up smoking
Where I live rudeness is being taken to the next level, illustrated by this conversation a friend of mine had on his way to the bus stop the other day:
Passer by: "Have you got a light?"
Friend: "No, sorry. I don't smoke."
Passer by: "Tosser!"
Not that this should matter but the passer by was a teenage girl. The words "hell" and "handcart" spring to mind.
Peter Cook!
He had a similar story but this time in New York:
Passer by: "Have you got a light?"
Friend: "No, sorry. I don't smoke."
Passer by: "I asked you for a light - not your f***ing life story!"
May I
Twang Jr has had politeness and speaking nicely drummed into him - and it is surprising how often people comment on him saying "Please may I have a drink" and "Thank you" rather then "I want..." or "Can I...". Mrs T is a little less zealous about this sort of thing than I am but I remain unapologetic about producing a well spoken and polite nipper. Based on recent school fete type events where I have manned barbie/bar/door etc there are not too many of them about.
I'm proud of my son now!
He's six.
He tells me off if I don't say "you're welcome" after he has thanks me. Which he does, each and every time.
He has unfailingly used "please" "thank you" and "welcome" when he should. It started off being enunciated as "weckum" but his diction has improved.
He also says "hello" and waves to people and gets frightfully annoyed when they don't respond. (trying to modify this one a little bit)
My parents, when they come over, comment on the politeness that they find here. Caveats to that are:
I live in the South - "Sir" and "Ma'am" get used a lot. By me, now.
My best friend's children (aged 8 and 16) refer to me as "Mr Simon" and her female friends as "Miss XXXX"
I wouldn't like to place bets on the same being true in the North or in the, ahem, rougher areas.
Different countries, different customs
Isn't it odd, the US notion of saying "You're Welcome" actually makes me uncomfortable. It's because, when we're on holiday there, after a few days, you realise that people are waiting for you to say it but as it's not natural for me to say it, by the time I've realised that I should have, it's too late and then I feel awkward. That's not a complaint, just an observation, I like the use of the phrase and I reckon that if I had a longer holiday then I'd start to use it quite naturally myself which makes it all the more baffling that some people forget their pleases and thank-yous.
Have a nice day
I was always given to understand by cynical Brits that this "have a nice day" business in the US was totally insincere and a bit of a joke, but when I finally went there I found it rather charming and actually very engaging. As Ben Elton once memorably observed, we have our own way of doing things here - "Wot do you want? There you go, fuck off". Nice.
I agree
I was just as cynical as you Twangothang but the Americans do genuinely seem to mean it, it's not just a throw away line.
When I saw Martina McBride at the O2 she was either genuinely moved by the reception she got from the audience or a darned fine actress.
Lucky lad
I love Martina McBride. I bet she was great. She can really sing!
Yes...
My operating hypothesis was that the phrase "have a nice day" (or variants thereof) was initially an artificial creation - hence the bum rap it has.
That said, it has now become part of the regular cultural landscape, and so people say it naturally, much as "welcome" follows "thank you"
Do they all mean it? Well, they don't NOT mean it, if you see what I mean. The degree to which they mean is probably determined by the interaction that they have with the person to whom they are speaking.
I love good manners
I was quite old before I realised that saying "what do you want?" in a bar was a million miles away from asking "what would you like?". Now I love to say it and regret not knowing and saying it for all those years.
I'd like to think my manners are fine but you live and learn.
Manners maketh the man
Its just good manners to be polite. I am proud of my manners, I hold doors open, always say please, thank you , good morning & every other civilised greeting. I like being polite.
Especially as it so often seems to upset the rude, thick & generally unpleasant (ie - non massive) members of society.
As far as I am concerned, anyone who doesnt appreciate politeness & good manners can fuck off.