*waits for the Honey Monster / Monsters from Outer Space allusions to come pouring in.*

"David Hepworth, isn't it?"

or

The paps think they've caught Ronnie Wood cheating again

"Don't want to get dust in anything."

"I've never seen one of those in the Daily Express"

not spring chickentown.

(BTW that looks suspiciously like someone with Seventies Mike's hairdo taking the photo)

"That Mary Hopkin's let herself go..."

'ang on ah'll get me co-at.

... it's not exactly what I was expecting when you said 'nude photos'."

or Cheeeese?

In 1966 Blow Up is a classic . 2010 remake is just a mistake .

...the screen tests for the parts of Ellen and Mossman were proving frustrating.

... so I 'oping me Linda Robson vent act will be a winner"

alternatively: *opens old chestnut chest*

Photographer "stand abck i don't know how big this is going to get"

Bloke with camera: "OK John, one more, then I really must have my clothes back."

.

...If you press all the right buttons I can make it three times bigger...

...swap everything I had on me for the camera. Everything."

A magazine. A podcast. A nude man.

.

Not only can I not get a signal, but I can never remember which side the lens is on...

but where is the house of... oh! Cheese!

"Now I know why they call them The Massive..."
(Please donate my winnings on the favourite at the 3.30 at Kempton tomorrow).

When Linda agreed to have some "nudie pictures" taken at the free love festival she'd been imagining something rather different...

JCC to lady: "Groupies are a bit thin on the ground these days, I'm afraid, but one can train them to do so much more than one used to."

No love, you can't borrow my shades and have a sneaky look at his old man.

... when I said we needed a tripod for the camera"

i'm known as The BARD of Salford but you are close enough.

exposure, flash, stay calm, hold it steady, aperture and, squeeze it firmly, and Zoom, stay calm, Zooom, ZOOOOOOM, I'M PIXELLATING!! What's she grinning at? Oh no, my aperture's wide open........'.

Mr Cooper-Clark, in a state of not inconsiderable discombobulation at the sight of a naked man holding a camera and wishing to spare the blushes of the lady at his elbow whilst still not wanting to attract attention to the incognito photographer.. (several paragraphs deleted here) .. yet still mindful of the lack of antimacassars whilst anticipating the aspidestra's wilting: "No, sir, it's just the way I'm standing"

'Wrong tent, cocker. Uncut is next but one on the right.'

...an enlargement?

...JCC "Shake it like a polaroid picture!"

...gets worse every year.

I asked if you own a Nudie suit!"

"as keen amateur photographer myself I notice you've chosen to shoot as we say "RAW" "

He left his room in a mess
He left his shirt at the disco
He never left an address"

...."these caricatures for the front cover are costing us a fortune: Loudon Wainwright III doesn't have a beard anymore: ...so, how about getting a photo of one of The Stones and a girl, with no clothes on?"

Thats the colour I want to paint the kids room

" I wondered where I was going to hang me goodybag"

I 'adn't realised it were that cold this time 't day"

"Get the exposure right and sometimes a little Canon is all you need"

"Heavily disguised, Patrick Crowther infiltrates the backstage area and finally gets to use his 'Leica flash' gag"

"Even from this distance she could tell that the photographer was having trouble with red eye"

"I'm confused ... which of you is Mr Wood?"

"Word photographer favours external flash setting"

OK I'll stop now.