During a promotional tour of Japan in 1983 and at the behest of Sega Enterprise Ltd's then Chairman Isao Okawa, David Van Dey and Thereza Bazar of the pop group Dollar visited a state-of-the-art Tokyo laboratory where they were each asked to provide a blood sample. Too vain and dimbulbed to question why such a request would be made they consented.

From these samples Sega were able to extract the genetic code necessary to produce their own video game software house band, a boy and a girl formed in the image of Okawa's idealised perception of Western pop as symbolised by Dollar.

In 2004, on their 21st birthdays, the two cloned musicians escaped the Sega laboratories and returned to England to claim their rightful heritage as the heirs to the Dollar model for boy/girl pop.

They became The Ting Tings.

It was nice of the drummer from The Ting Tings to pay his respects to the rescued Chilean miners by wearing a pair of sunglasses. He needs to keep his eye on the lead singer though as she's obviously trying to muscle in on his drum kit, having monopolised one of his cymbals which she banged a few times during their performance. She'd also nabbed the keyboard player's portable synthesiser which she just wore as an accessory while singing the line Two hands, I wanna play the piano with two hands. Someone needs to sit her down and tell her that if she wants to play the piano with two hands she should stop running one hand through her hair when she sings while holding a drumstick and smacking a cymbal with the other. Maybe then she'd have a a pair of prehensile, multi-fingered body parts for her piano. And while were on it was that Roxette in the background providing cow-bell and guitar?

Imelda May performed a song called Mayhem supported by musicians who looked like they moonlighted as long distance lorry drivers living on a diet of 20lb ribeye steaks and beer chasers. Imelda herself is petite and smouldering, like a femme fatale dressed by Dita Von Teese but can belt out a tune effortlessly. The guitarist also made a great sound from his Peavey Rockingham but surely the bass player should be on an upright to complete the look? Still, wonderful stuff.

John Legend has a great name but his music and lyrics are lame. He's the muscial equivalent of that Goodness Gracious Me sketch where the cast go out "for an English" and having looked through the choices of scampi and chips and pie and chips throw down the gauntlet and ask the waiter to bring the blandest dish they have in the restaurant. It's as if as an impressionable 10 year old Legend watched the video to We Are The World and decided there and then that he had witnessed the future direction of popular music; he even had a line lifted from that song, just you and me. Dull derivative drivel doesn't even begin to describe the song he performed but it amazed me just how many musicians he stuffs on stage with him to support arguably the most insipid musical mission statement I've heard all year.

[Is she or isn't she?] Fila Brazilia had a track called Harmonicas are shite. Obviously they hadn't heard Son of Dave who did his best to upstage Cyndi Lauper who in turn looked slightly bemused at being flirted with on stage by a man resembling John Malkovich in a zoot suit blowing hard into a 6" piece of metal with holes in it. Cyndi Lauper now looks a bit like Meg Ryan but hasn't aged since she released Girls Just Wanna Have Fun in 1983, the same year The Ting Tings began life as chromosomes arguing over percussion instruments in a petrie dish. [Ooh hang on, is she or isn't she?] Cyndi's got the blues and she's not bad with them as she belted out Just Your Fool in a surprisingly loose and adept manner without any of the mannerisms I expected her to inflict. [Yes, she is....Cyndi is going to sit on Jools' piano! Hurrah!]

Jagged and choppy guitar bands with shouty frontmen quickly became a by-word for landfill indie. So it's nice to see a band referencing that epic late 70s/80's alternative guitar and crooning epitomised by Joy Division, The Chameleons and Simple Minds. Chapel Club have that ominous rumbling thunder sound down to a tee. I expect to see them supporting Secret Machines or Interpol sometime soon.

It has to be said but Antony Johnson looks like Boy George after he's had all the make-up scrubbed off for a police mug-shot. I can't make my mind up about his voice. It can simultaneuosly attract and repel in equal measure. The song he performed in many ways didn't amount to much, it meandered like an unnavigated river but occasionally lapped the shores of my brain with a beautiful image, like sunlight catching a kingfisher in flight, a shocking burst of colour, fleeting but memorable. So he must be doing something right but just not all the time.

If you're going to perform your songs as medleys it makes sense to do something other than replicate their over-familiar arrangements. Ray Davies - sporting an even more impressive hairline than Art Garfunkel - has found some youthful inspiration in the old-sounding Mumford & Sons ("no house clearance too small"). The biggest problem for me with Mumford & Sons ("Reputable Antique Valuers") is that the way they dress reminds me of The Wurzels and of The Lancashire Hot Pots. I keep expecting some mash-up involving a combine harvester and a Bury black pudding. Not sure though what the answer is for Mumford & Sons ("Funeral Directors(part of the Cooperative Group)") but working with Ray Davies will surely help to dispel the unfortunate assocations their look impresses upon me.

Hmm, about that name though....