But he couldn't!
And Brian May can't play guitar.
(OK, they clearly can or could, but neither well)

At a Wilco gig in the Astoria few years back, a tiresome bellend was holding forth behind me on how bad they were. I snapped when he pronounced to his companion 'Of course, they're just copying the Strokes'.
Wilco were playing one of their New Yoik hipsterish tunes 'Poor Places' at the time.

...and a fair number will casually mention minutiae of music, and so often are woefully wrong. I have learnt just to smile interestedly. One woman was yesterday telling me how much she enjoyed Glastonbury on the telly, saying it was her ambition to return there, having been to one of the first ones, when Billy Fury, Carl Wayne and the Vikings and the pre-cursor of the Spencer Davis Group were all playing. Much as it sounds that she may have an interesting history of early Brumbeat, I somehow feel she is a tad muddled in her memory, as they all seem to well pre-date Glastonbury Fayre. Mind you, they wouldn't expect me to know any better, why would a man in my position etc etc.
(Position? Currently upright, sitting on chair, seeing as you ask.)

That the Far Corporation's version of Stairway to Heaven was better than Zep's. I, of course disagreed but only from the point that neither was good but that the Far Corporation had managed to murder an already dead song.

(puts helmet on and waits for Zep related flak).

And I can't think of anything more "wrong" than that!

then I met my other half, who proceeds to dislike anything good like Bjork, PJ Harvey, Pixies, New Order, Dinosaur Jr, Portishead, Kraftwerk etc and then goes and buys a f***ing Pigeon Detectives album

They were also quite cheesed off when I 'gave away the ending' to Control.

sounds spot on to me - does she have any other redeeming features eh eh?
I would argue with anyone that Brian May is not a very accomplished guitarist at all. He uses the same tone for most solos and pretty much same notes played at varying tempos. One exception was the solo in Killer Queen.

Anyone who doesnt like Elvis Costello irritates me which includes all of my offspring, my wife and many of my friends. What the hell do they know?

And then one of the characters realises she was a time lord all along despite the fact her name and profession translated as 'Lady Time Lord'

I just remembered the time when I lived with an absolute freak who maintained M People were the epitome of recorded sound. He played me their version of Roxy's Avalon (imagine the worst thing ever, and treble it, such was the horror), so I played him the original, which he claimed wasn't as good.

Spend a lunchtime at work with us in the company of our colleague Graham and you can pretty much be guaranteed a musical opinion that is certainly contentious and usually fairly uninformed but none the less entertaining as we try and offer evidence for the defence.

Our favourite is still "the only Thunder Road that matters is the one John Travolta drove down in Grease" when we were attempting to mount a case for Bruce Springsteen. Followed by his opinion of Bob Dylan’s cover of "Mr Tambourine Man".

Today for example – discussing the free CDs that get given away with the Mail on Sunday leads onto Paul McCartney's solo work (dismissed in its' entirety by Graham, citing "Pipes of Peace", "Mull of Kintyre" and the Frog Chorus as evidence), which then led onto Stevie Wonder – "why is he such a legend ? he hasn't done anything of worth since "Signed Sealed Delivered I’m Yours". So the Stevie Wonder box set is to be lent to him tomorrow.

In fairness, he’s always grateful when we lend him CDs that he hasn’t heard before (eg "Dark Side of the Moon", "Ziggy Stardust", "Revolver", "Sgt Pepper"...)

I get reguarly chastised by people for 'not getting' Radiohead. Listened to the new album the other day - it was alright but then I also maintain Adorable should have been one the biggest bands ever.

This short little tale doesn't really belong here but bear with me .

My wife and I have differing tastes in music. Differing not being a strong enough word perhaps. Now and again though they do meet up very nicely. Some time ago I was listening to 'One by One' by the Foo Fighters and my good lady seemed diverted by it. She eventually said 'Hmmm, this is alright. What's it called?'

'One by One' I said, mildly surprised.

'Who's it by?' she asked further.

'The Foo Fighters' I said.

Long pause, then in a small voice,

'What's a Foof?'

Made my day.

Carry on.

...don't care who knows it. More genuinely enjoyable to me than hundreds of po-faced indie rock groups. Also enjoy a lot of Paul McCartney's solo albums.

I was told by friends a few years back how amazing The Strokes and The Libertines were. All I heard was a lot of dull pub rock with not terribly good songwriting. Wasn't just my friends though- it seemed like the whole of the music press went ga ga for them at one point.

The first album is amazing and totally kicked the UK music scene up the arse. Say what you like about them and the Libertines but they got a whole generation of kids going to gigs, playing guitars etc and it's all about the kids innit?

I'm rather fond of telling people that the Fat Elvis was infinitely superior to his thinner, younger self - a view that's caused people to choke on their pints in shock on a couple of occasions, and that's BEFORE they realise that I'm actually serious and I really do believe it...

...I dislike the received rock critic wisdom that everything Elvis did after the 1950s was not worth bothering with. My favourite Elvis material all comes after that- not just the 1960 'Elvis Is Back' album but also the much later 'From Elvis In Memphis' and 'Elvis Country'. He did some great stuff for the rest of thr 70s too- the Stax sessions he did produced some gems. The only part of Elvis' career I really dislike are the vast majority of the films and their soundtrack albums.

I used to work with someone whose favourite band was The Bootleg Beatles, and who he always insisted were "better than The Beatles".

Was great up to Swordfishtrombones. All downhill after that.

And Pink Floyd were rubbish until they kicked Barratt out and got Gilmour in.

as a great new band! That CAN'T be right...they're not even as good/bad as Queen :(

You decide

http://www.box.net/shared/static/p0tx2shwk8.mp3

The Polka Floyd Show - Breathe/Time

It rocks my boat 8>}

of the time i was working in a record shop when one afternoon i decided to put on a bit of Bowie (i forget which one now). Not 5 mins into the the album the store manager came charging out and demanded to know what was playing and who put it on, i told him it was David Bowie and that i put it on, i will never forget the words he used to chastise me. "don't you ever play David 'no ones ever heard of me' Bowie again in my shop.

To be fair to him it was before Bowie was really popular i think it was 1996!

I was once asked why the Rolling Stones would cover a band like the soup dragons.

I came out of a showing of Clockwork Orange to hear a knowledgeable sounding chap say that he thought it was "very Tarantinoesque".

And a former housemate came back from a festival featuring New Order, wondering why they had covered Love Will Tear Us Apart.

Eugenics, anyone?

I liked their early stuff with Conny Plank before they got famous, and when the great Clem Burke was knocking the bejasus out of their drumstool.

Moondance? At my work the preferred version is by Mr Buble.

by Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin. It IS a better version than The Byrds IMHO. Don't you agree?

http://www.myspace.com/davestewartbarbaragaskin

I'll wager.
Ute Lemper, severe deutscher chantoozie, does a version of Moondance that you know should be good and probably even may be, but irredeeemably spoilt by images of Olivier in Marathon Man. "Is it safe?" Just too germanic by far, a problem I too can't get over with Nico: "zis is de end"
How is it that singing with a french accent* is sexy and fine, yet german just off-puttingly scary?
*Joe le Taxi, a slight song by any reckoning, yet.....

"Ahh, Wings, the band the Beatles could have been." - Alan Partridge.

I held a dinner party some years ago, for part of the evening at least Nat 'King' Cole's Where Did Everybody Go album was on the stereo.

At the table, one of the guests announced that whilst Nat Cole was OK, Marillion were better.

Duh?

The worst band I ever saw were Rothko, supporting Porcupine Tree. 3 bass guitars. Nothing else. Just wrong.

Looked them up and according to their sales link;

"London-based Post-Rock legends Rothko create a sublime sound that operates in and around the blurred boundaries between beauty and chaos."

No! Between crap and double-crap.

Sorry to Rothko fans out there. I feel better now.

I always thought that The Brotherhood Of Man were rather good, whilst Abba were the band from hell.

I have to confess I thought the Verve were rubbish but Ashcroft's solo stuff was marvellous. I'll probably get a shoeing even from RA now that the V are back in harness....

Abba? pffft!...
Brotherhood of Man? piffle!...

Bucks Fizz! Now there's a band! Mighty Ian Bairnson guitar riffs, Andy Hill's melodic pop sensibilities and (occasionally) the well-crafted words of Pete Sinfield all behind 4 voices from the heavens...

The more we hear from Archie, or is it Gregory (Corso), the more I appreciate his limitless knowledge of 70s rubbish music (some of which is really rather good, but I hope you know what I mean). Astonishing recall to detail. Either a very misspent youth or a pristine collection of Disc and Musical Echo.

"Milagros Quezada Borbón, much better known in the musical entertainment world as Milly Quezada, is a Latin Grammy-winning Dominican Merengue music singer. She is a famous singer in Latin America; especially in those Latin American countries bordered by the Caribbean Sea, and in the eastern seaboard region of the United States."
Bet she ain't blonde......

Suzanne Vega

It's unclear whether anyone liked this (to my dismay, I suspect the answer is "yes"), but my good friend the Bass Enforcer has on vinyl a copy of Herb Alpert's "Tijuana Plays Motown", wherein a selection of the greatest singles ever recorded is subjected to ritual slaughter. It's truly horrible, but strangely compelling; you want to stop listening, and yet you can't. (I should point out in James's defence that he - a big J. Jamerson fan - bought the album as a novelty, and something to frighten hapless Trick or Treaters with.)

My now wife told me during the first week of our relationship that the best gig she'd been to was Lionel Richie. Apparently the look on my face said it all.

I also once banished an old school friend from my house for stating that Face Value by Phil Collins was one of the great albums of the 80s. She was allowed back in once she'd retracted the statement.

And I once nearly got the sack after reacting rather badly to my boss saying that he loved the Paul Young song Love Will Tear Us Apart.

Sounds daft, but if not, did you see REM at Old Trafford in 2003. And come from Shrewsbury? And thus have to change/add to your name to get on site.
Simonsmith knows, cos I have already asked him/her.....

"whimsical" on first being played one of their tracks by a mate of respected musical knowledge. After seeing them live and being blown away by the power and energy (if you've seen 'em you'll know what I mean - if not, imagine The Who and The Clash one louder!) - and after being flattened by their stage diving 6 foot 20 stone viking of a singer - I was reminded cheerily by said mate - "who's f**kin' whimsical now?"

I also upset a musical mate by claiming that Eric Clapton is a crap guitarist! I was trying to explain that virtuosity does not necessarily equal exciting or interesting music but he would not have it at all.

Somebody somewhere is saying it right now.
It's the sentence that describes anyone as "just pop".
Contained within that simple sentence is the staggering fallacy that this genre is somehow inferior to "just rock" or "just jazz" or "just opera".
It's made even worse by the fact that it can't see that the highest aspiration of any music is to be popular.

like a foghorn. Admit it, he does. And all his songs are torture as a result. Mind you, someone will make a fortune with the songs eventually though... provided they can actually sing, unlike poor Roof.