Entertainment For Lively Minds
It's end of season bingo!
As the football season comes to its close, it's time to tick off the images and soundbites we have seen, and are going to see next weekend.
• "He'll never score another goal as important as that one" (sometimes prefaced with "if he plays football for another fifty years...")
• "Desperate stuff, now, from xxxxx"
• Crying child in Colours Of Relegated Club being comforted by dad, himself on the verge of being a bit unstoic.
• Pretty girl in CORG crying
• Larger than average man in CORG, in an otherwise deserted stand, trying to take it all in. Stewards hovering like flourescent vultures.
• Relegated player/manager "We'll come back stronger"*.
• Lots and lots of pitch invasions.
Any others?
*You won't. The player, having been convinced he is too good to play one division lower by his weaselly agent, will jump ship within 48 hours. The manager's cards are being prepared by a hacked-off owner.
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Goalie comes up for a last-gasp corner/free-kick.
He then faces a 90mph sprint back to his own penalty area when the corner/free-kick comes to nothing and ends up in the hands of the opposition keeper.
But not always
A goalkeeper...
...going upfield can come a cropper in so many ways...
As it's a WC year
"World cup heartbreak for xxx as he suffers a horrendous injury in the last game of the season"
Not so good
interpretations of pitch invasions in recent days, I'm afraid:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/may/03/arrests-crowd-trouble-she...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1271380/York-players-c...
1970s veteran of 'The Comedians'
being wheeled on to talk about his lifelong support of Blackpool FC finally being rewarded with promotion to the top flight. Roy Walker, Frank Carson, Roger De Courcey & Nookie Bear or Mick Miller would fit the bill.
I think we're rather hard on most footballers
They have a short career with no guarantees. They'll only find out if they're capable of playing at the highest level by making sure that they're always playing at the highest level they can manage. And nobody's looking out for them but themselves. I think in terms of security football makes the music business look like the civil service.
Who's being hard on footballers?
The only comment being mildly critical of the players is having a much bigger dig at the agents.
The first agent I can remember coming to prominence was Eric Hall, who applied all he'd learned in the music business to the world of footy..
Monster monster, etc
Hard on some...
...maybe. But of those thousands relegated, how many have ever said 'As a team, we didn't perform very well over the course of the season. As part of that team, I should shoulder some of the responsibility for not scoring enough goals/letting in too many goals.' I can only think of David James, who wanted to stay but offered to go, if it would ease his club's bank balance. And stayed.
And how many have handed in transfer requests the day their team got relegated? Jermain Defoe, I'm looking at you. (And you joined my - and David's - team, for what it's worth).
Alan Smith
Waived his portion of fee when transferred from Leeds and went to Man United as they were the only club who would pay cash up front. Took a lot of stick for it as well as everyone assumed he went for the money.
Mind you, Harry Kewell seems to be a selfish so and so......
You were at Hillsborough as well?
Shudder ......
"The most important game / goal / save / freekick / penalty /
dive / half-time talk / substitution / decision / pass / spit / scratch of his b*lls / hissy fit / whatever / ... of his career." Yeah. Even more important than the one you described that way just last week. Until next week. Or possibly next September. Histrionic over-exaggeration here we come. Except we've heard it all before and it was utter b*ll*cks then, as well.
One down
After being beaten by Oxford United in the Conference play-off semi final the Rushden and Diamonds manager said:
"This team have come a long way in a short space of time. Hopefully we'll use these moments to reflect on and spur us on to bigger and better things next season."
That is one ticked off then!