Entertainment For Lively Minds
Is this the Best Headline Ever?
Posted by VincePacket on 14 January 2011 - 12:21pm.
"Investigation Over Monk Sex Claim"
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-12183401
If not, what is?
A couple more to start you off.
The obvious
"Freddy Starr Ate my Hamster
and the Daily Mail's
"Ban this Sick Filth"
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How about this one?
Totally agree
on that one!
this might have been photoshopped...
but Belmullet's a nice place to live ANYWAY...
Gotcha!
"Firemen evacuate themselves"
English provincial newspaper story about a fire station catching fire, sometime in 1996/97. (Was working at a press cuttings agency at the time.)
From the Evening Hedild
an 'up' for your pronouncation
of Herald!
Have one back...
for being in on the joke, inallinanyways : )
I love this
Best laugh I've had all week !
My Mum was once front page news of the local paper with 'G'day Jude!'.
The story ? She'd finally met her Australian penfriend for the first time in about 40 years of correspondence.
Not much happens in Bridlington.....
Brilliant!
Not having the best of days, but that prompted an audible guffaw.
What Neil Armstrong really said
Mr Armstrong sometimes gets grief
for fluffing his famously prepared line.
But I know if I was him it would be all I could do not to shout out "Holy Living Fuck!" at that moment.
Every time I see this
It cracks me up. I was only 8 years old at the time but I'm pretty sure that's what I was thinking.
Damn beaten to the punch!
As the Onion is the daddy
A SHATTERED NATION LONGS TO CARE ABOUT STUPID BULLSHIT AGAIN
The first post-9/11 edition of The Onion, on th 3rd October 2001:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/a-shattered-nation-longs-to-care-about-...
Some are accidental, some deliberate
In Ireland "Mickey" = "cock".
A few years back we were sending a chap called Mikey Joe Harte to sing for us in the Eurovision Song Contest.
The weekend before the contest he was interviewed in The Sunday World under the two page banner headline:
THE WOMEN OF IRELAND ARE MAD FOR MICKEY!
Yet another lie
from The Sunday World
( in my experience )
* sobs gently *
This may be wrong and I can't remember where I saw it
but when Michael Jackson was best man at Uri Geller's wedding one of the papers went with
SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING BLUE
- AND THAT'S JUST THE BEST MAN'S FACE
(Ooh, now that I think about it, it may have been a gag on HIGNFY, Oops!)
Couple I remember from Thailand
Five Die Saving Drowning Chicken
Cambodia To Become Theme park
That first one...
Enid Blyton's worst seller by a mile.
Regarding a library funding crisis in Essex
"Book Lack in Ongar"
Possibly apocryphal.
"Showing off a new found ability to post pics"
Simple but effective summing up of the Irish Government I feel...
This is not on google but some of you may remember that Bob Monkhouse once had his joke books stolen and held to ransom? The police caught the miscreant and the books were returned leading to the classic Sun headline "Police Bag Bob Gag Blag Toe Rag."
An Australian friend sent me this
On the occasion
of Reg's second wedding, the Sun weighed in with,
"Elton takes David up the Aisle"
Kestrels and porpoises
FOUR KESTRELS MANOUEVRE IN THE DARK - Man finds kestrels making a home in his bedroom - from the Hereford Times unfortunately no picture of the headline on the page):
http://www.herefordtimes.com/archive/2001/07/12/Herefordshire+Archive/57...
PORPOISES RESCUE DICK VAN DYKE - No need for a clever headline - the story was great enough as it was(November 2010).
http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2010/nov/11/dick-van-dyke-porpoises-rescu...
I love that Four Kestrels one
Reminds me of a gardening supplement about how to increase the yield of your tomato plant using fertiliser.
The headline? "Ground Control for Major Toms"
"Boeing for the Benefit of Mr Kuyt"
For a story about Liverpool chartering a jet to get Dirk Kuyt back from abroad in time to turn out for the reds.
About a man injured on a llama farm:
"Llama harms a farmer drama"
(From Metro in the North in about 2003)
I used to get home from work in the mornings
just in time for Johnny Vaughan's "Pundown" (a list of amusing pun-based headlines, usually from the tabs) and it was frequently the best part of my day. Of course now I can't remember any of 'em, but I'm Sure "Four Kestrels..." would be a nailed on number one.
Personal favourite
If memory serves,when reporting the death of Norris McWhirter The Sun went with:
FOR THE RECORD - HE'S DEAD
May I add
'Hacienda That!" from the NME when the money-avoiding New Order folly closed. From the pen of the lovely Mr Maconie too.
Love that!
Stuart Maconie - Is there nothing he can't do?
Jeremy Beadle's Cremation
Beadle - You've been flamed.
If
it have been a standard burial, they could have gone with:
Beadle's Aburied.
Sorry.
This isn't the best...
...but to me, it's almost beyond belief.
Gail Sheridan to stand for MSP in Holyrood Elections.
Oops, it's not there anymore but it has been updated on BBC Scotland site.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-12189562
Ahem
From the Times:
They picked the right correspondent.
Here's one
I've kept in my heart for 37 years. Its 1974. The big church at the top of Guildford High Street is in need of some repairs. Its Christmas time. The church, its lights and huge tree are the focal point of the town's Christmas. The diocese decides that the scaffolding will have to go up anyway and the work be done. The vicar protests. The headline in the local rag? "Vicar Fights Erection in High Street."
Ginsters paradise
Your own headline
is the winner..
Possibly apocryphal
Cheggers can't be boozers
Cheggers, boozers
My brother thought this up and was very proud of it, but then it was pointed out to him that Cheggers had already used it as a chapter heading in his autobiography.
One more time
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but anyway: a local paper was reporting how the nurses at the min hospital had been campaigning on pay and conditions, and had a most unfortunate outcome:
"Nurses blow job prospects"
Local papers
"Jazz cancelled due to petrol shortage"
just tickles me.
and I've just remembered
Rich Hall's Irish headline
"Cork Man Drowns"
1970s
in the NME, they ran a headline under a photo of the Stones' famous inflatable phallus that read THE PENIS MIGHTIER THAN THE AXE
Appeared in Take A Break
"I was sick in a salad bar and didn't tell a soul'
and the winner:
'I took off my leggings and my intestines fell out"
Actually, in today's Guardian
Argentina Squeezes Breast Surgeons
This is one from today's Mail Online,
Fox shoots man
?????
Leeds student newsletter from 1974
When Clement Freud became the Rector of the University of Dundee by defeating Fiona Richmond in a student election. It helps if you know he advertised dog food on TV...
Chunky Clement Comes On Top Of Tasty Morsel
This one from Eurosport.
is it another urban myth
the one about the explorer...and somebody put
SIR VIVIAN FUCHS OFF TO CROSS ANTARTICA
*edit* above - great minds!
My favourites
From the Halifax Evening Courier, I heard about this in 1991-ish, no idea when it appeared:
Rain Joy For Otters.
My all-time favourite I saw on a hoarding outside a village shop whilst we stopped off for a beer on the way to Cropredy. I don't know where we were, and I think the year was 1994.
Vampire Man No Threat, Say Police.
Didn't The Daily Sport
go with 'Shoot You, Sir' when Gianni Versace was murdered?
Scots accused by English of cross-border
sheep theft, local paper runs with:
'Hey McCloud, Get Off Of My Ewe!'
Genius.
November Spawns a Moz-Tour
NME, early 90s.
Gloria...
I don't know if this one is true:
The Hollywood actress Gloria Swanson arrived in Southampton on a Monday, after crossing the Atlantic on the Queen Mary; at her dockside press conference, she complained that it had been an awful voyage and she had been violently seasick. A forgotten sub headlined the story 'Sick transit Gloria, Monday'.