Entertainment For Lively Minds
"Ipswich: you're the rock and roll capital of the world"
I do like an engaged front man in a live gig. Whether it's at a show, or on a bootleg, for me, an apt witticism or irony lifts a concert beyond a recital into a personal event.
Naturally Frank Zappa was the best at this, as many members of the massive will agree. At Knebworth 78 he observed, viewing the crowd: "you're a professional audience. Many of you have been coming to this sort of thing for years. Some of you were even conceived around here."
Credit must also be given to David lee Roth, who at the 1984 "Monsters of Rock festival said, when folks were throwing bottles: "whoever is throwing bottles stop it, or I'll come down there and fuck your girlfriend".
He elsewhere brilliantly (but perhaps exaggeratedly) observed "Ipswich: you're the rock and roll capital of the world".
I can think of many more, but i am sure the massive have their own favourites they are keen to contribute...
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A comedian rather than a musician...
The great Dom Irrera's comment...
"If you think I was good tonight, you should see me in front of a live audience".
I got in trouble
more than once for using that line in Social Clubs.
Along the lines of 'Will you ask your guitarist to stop taking the P**s out of the audience'!
In the early days of Dire Straits on the Communique Tour
Mark Knopfler would open the show with the opening solo to 'Down to The Waterline', then stop and go 'Err', as if he had forgotten the next bit.
Whilst the audience was tittering (knowingly), Pick Withers would slam down with the rimshot and the whole thing would take off.
Coup de Theatre.
Saw Dire Straits on the first gig
of their first headlining tour just after the debut album came out. As Badlands says above, Knopfler does the solo and stops, final note hanging in the air.
Audience go wild, Knopfler smiles, shouts "thank you and goodnight" and starts to walk off, only for Pick Withers to do his stuff. A great start.
Mike Patto was not a man to trifle with
I remember some poor fool trying to heckle him at a 'Boxer' gig at the LSE in the mid-70s.
His response was the pithy but effective 'Ha, Ha, Ha.. ..................C**t!
Julian Cope's wonderful putdown
to one heckler was apparently -
'If I could find enough timber, I'd board your mouth up'!
Was this
the inspiration for Wood Shut Your Mouth?
I always liked
Kurt Cobain's asides on the Unplugged album
This is from our first record, most people don't own it.
(About A Girl)
I guarantee you I will screw this one up (Man Who Sold The World)
What are they tuning, a harp? I thought we were a big rich rock band. We should have a whole bunch of extra guitars. (About The Meat Puppets)
Vivian Stanshall
To heckler 'I don't come around to your house and interrupt you when you're performing.' Or some such.
More DL-R
At Edinburgh Playhouse, mid-80s, a very long, drawn-out explanation of the etymology of the word 'Edinburgh'. 'Edin, meaning a place; burrow, as in "that kicks literal ass", so Edinburrow, is a place that kicks literal ass.' And the crowd went wild.
Al Murray
AM: 'What's Your name, love'
Woman: 'Dawn'
AM: 'Dawn, a Welsh name meaning "Born on a Council Estate" '
Al Murray
Something wrong with being born on a council estate, is there?
Well, no...
...but Al Murray the Pub Landlord is a character with narrow-minded views. That's what he does.
My mistake.
I must have misread 'engaged front man' in the OP as 'smug, pre-scripted comedy bully'. This is the same 'character' as was tweeting his way around Germany with a model of General Montgomery recently, is it?
My favourite used to be
"And if you know the words to this one, don't join in......you'll only spoil it."
GLW told me to stop using that one!
Nicky Wire at Glastonbury
"They should build a few more bypasses over this shit-hole."
Harry Connick Jr
when he did a tour to promote his new direction - funk album, would often have people leaving, who had expected his easy listening jazz stylings.
Therefore he would often open his concerts with a few bars of funk, then shout out "Open the doors, boys"
Steve Earle
last year at the Royal Festival Hall, towards the end of the first set as a load of people were entering the hall "For those of you who don't turn up to see the support act, we are the support act".
Mick Jagger
On 'get yer ya-yas out' after a particularly lively work out to the audience:
"My trousers nearly fell down there. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?"
THE SCAMP.
Springsteen
Is usually good at this sort of stuff....
Crystal Palace - The Rising Tour 2002
During the "Quitting Time..." skit he did with Steve van Zandt during Ramrod, Bruce said "I think I might go back to my old hotel room near the big ferris wheel and watch me some of your fine old English pornography..."
Erm......Bruce......hello...
Same gig (I think) a member of the crowd obviously asked where Patti was - Bruce retorted "Would you leave two teenagers at home for two weeks with a fridge full of beer, a telephone, a tv and a hifi?"
Anyway, if it ain't quitting time, what TIME is it?
Phill Jupitus
The much maligned (round these parts) Phill Jupitus came up with one of the best/funniest responses to a heckler I've ever heard.
"Excuse me mate, I'm working here. How would you like me to come down to your work and disturb you by knocking the sailors' cocks out of your mouth?"
Sorry, but thats one of the oldest heckle put downs ever
Shame on Jupitus for using such a lazy hack unoriginal line, but I can't say I'm suprised. The unfortunate musical comedian in this notorious clip even uses a variation of it before twatting a heckler with his axe:
Really?
I've spent many hours in comedy clubs over the years, including seeing Phil Jupitus, but I've never heard that heckle put down.
So I say there's no laziness and no shame in using that one. Whether it's good taste (ahem) is another matter.
You don't watch as much comedy as me then
I've also seen Jimmy Carr use it amongst many others. Here's a clip of American comedian Kathy Griffin using it too
Original or not
it's still a great comeback
Reciting someone else's gag word for word is a great comeback?!
How so exactly ? Wouldn't it be greater to say something original to put down the heckler instead? Most good stand-ups that do the live circuit reguarly are actually really good at doing this
Well
I'd never heard it before, so I thought it was a great comeback.
And still do, regardless of ownership.
10 versions of this tired old line - for street jugglers!
Just a random google search spews up this old heckle putdown line. I got all this off a website for street jugglers dealng with hecklers for fuck's sake! Here we go:
A comedian will often state that the heckler is preventing him
from doing his job, and add that he does not interfere with the
heckler at work. However, the job that the comedian claims not to
be interfering with is always of a menial nature, usually
prostitution or working in a fast food restaurant:
10: This is my job. I don't come into McDonalds' and give
you a hard time when you're at work.
9:This is my job. I don't knock the shovel out of your
hand when you're at work.
8:To a woman: 'This is my job. I don't come and put out
your red light when you're at work.
7:This is my job. I don't show up at your job and unplug
the Slurpee machine.' The "Slurpee machine" serves an
almost edible product in certain fast food
restaurants.
6:To a woman: 'This is my job. I don't show up at your job
and jump on the bed.
('This is my impression of you at work: "Do you want
fries with that?" )
5:'Look chick, you made your expenses for the night, let
me make mine.' This implies that the woman is a
prostitute. The line is an old one, and the term
"chick" might no longer be acceptable.
To a platinum blonde woman: 'Isn't platinum a precious
metal? Or is it a common ore?' This is a pun on
ore/whore.
4: To a woman: 'You work your side of the street and I'll
work mine.' Said by a street juggler.
3:This is my job. I don't peer in the alley when you're
giving blow jobs to transsexuals.
2:To a man: 'This is my job. I don't show up at your job
at the sperm clinic and jerk the Playboy out of your
hands.'
AND THE WINNER IS...
1: Don't tell me how to do my job! Do I come to where you work and knock Sailor's dicks out of your mouth ?!
I've entirely forgotten
what the point of this exchange was.
To recap: If you're saying that Phill Jupitus didn't originate the line, then I accept that. No argument there.
But I'm still saying it's a funny comeback regardless of its provenance. Is it OK to say that?
Of course it is
Sorry if I overreacted, but I adore stand-up comedy and can occasionally suffer the red mist of anger when it comes to the thorny subject of original ownership of material
But that's no reason to quibble and fall out with someone on this site, especially someone who's views I respect like yourself, mojoworking. Peace out
Two bloggers walk into a bar...
Thanks for the compliment and no offence taken. Just a bit confused there for a minute.
Oooh
The shame. I've been smashed into millions of tiny pieces. I've not watched as much comedy as you. How will I ever hold my head up again in these here parts?
Hold your head high, Brother
just don't bother defending Phil Jupitus using old hack heckle put-downs that he didn't write himself
Genuinely don't want to fuel further argument...
but I am just interested: who did originate this line (or whatever the variation it was)?
I always thought it was Billy Connolly? He definitely says it on one of his live LPs in the 70s. I think.
David Ford
...on his New York City Live record, "Yeah, I thought we'd established who talks and who listens?"
Angry Anderson of Rose Tattoo
At Reading, I think it was, probably about 1982. I'd taped it off the Friday Rock Show. Cans were being chucked. In broad Strine, he spoke.
" If yer standin' nexteran innervijjyouall 'oos throwin' cans, spiddin 'is oy!"
had to look up Strine
surprised to find it wasn't Brummie
Un remembered comedian support
Went to see Dr Hook at Fairfield Halls (then girlfriend was a fan).
The support was a comedian who stopped as someone came in and said to the offender "So where you from then luv"
The woman said "Oh Dorking" to which the comedian riposted "Dorking - what 10 miles down the road ? For fuck's sake we've got people here from America that got here quicker than you"
Bernard Manning...
...took the stage at his 'World Famous' Embassy Club. A few minutes in to his set, a fellow got up and made his way away from his seat.
'Where the fuck do you think you're going?' asked Bernard.
'I'm just going for a shit before the comedian comes on.'
Apparently the place erupted and BM wasn't happy. Wish I'd been there.
The art of talking to Audiences
has been lost - discuss.
Most of the musicians (not talking about comics here) who can work an audience are of the older school -The Coverdales, The Roger Chapmans, The Townshends, The Glen Tilbrooks.
Players who look like they belong on a stage and don't apologise or look at their shoes or their instruments.
Country musicians always told a tale both before their songs and in their songs, even the more modern country rockers. Can't imagine going to an Emmylou Gig, a Steve Earle Gig, a Gillian Welch gig, a John Hiatt gig without being 'sold' the song first
Maybe it's consider too 'uncool' to talk to your audience? Ian Dury always said 'Tell them Nothing', but he had schtick or a piece of 'business' or a recitation between numbers.
Is this old hat, or is it still a necessary part of the show? Because that's what it is supposed to be - a show, not a show-off.
Stagecraft
seems to be missing from so many of bands today. With a lot of bands you are lucky to get a song intro let alone any chat. There might be an age element - I imagine many developed their stage patter as they worked their way up, but amongst the old school there are some that remain monosyllabic - Clapton springs to mind. I'm no expert but it seems plenty of rappers can work an audience, even if I'm mostly unable to fathom what they are saying.
There's not many I've seen in recent years that have the sort of banter Phil Lynott or Frank Zappa could muster. Pity really, for me it's a fundamental part of the live experience.
Not whippersnappers by any means...but a newer generation...
Jesse Malin, Miles Hunt, Billy Bragg and Ian McNabb have always given good story.
Excellent
There aren't enough "Things were so much better in the old days" posts on this site.
In the past year or so I've only been been to a handful of gigs (Arctic Monkeys, Kate Rusby, Laura Marling and Tinie Tempah). They all involved a healthy degree of witty, entertaining performer-audience interaction.
The art of talking to audiences is alive and well. The old days were not necessarily better.
I'm not saying that 'Things Were Better In The Old Days'
just that most contemporary bands (especially British bands) seem to be monsyllabic, where they say anything at all.
It is notable that 2 of your picks are acoustic/folk performers where the tradition of preceding songs with some patter (usually very drily humourous in Kate R's case). Alex Turner is known as a raconteur, so no surprises there - Tiny T is a surprising inclusion (but in a good way).
I don't hanker for the past, but personality is a bit thin on the ground at the moment - with some notable exceptions.
Steve Coogan, none more withering
"Later on, you will share this moment with your friends. And there will be an uncomfortable silence."
Oddly enough
I went to see Steve Coogan's last show. Quite a lot of it was taken up with uncomfortable silences.
Me at Glastonbury
'I remember when this was all fields'.
No, no-one else ever laughs either.
A golden oldie
Audience member: Get off, you fat bastard!
Comedian: The only reason I'm fat is because every time I shag your mother/wife/girlfriend she makes me sandwich afterwards.
Wasn't that the Allan Lamb/Merv Hughes sledge?
"Hey Lambie, why are you such a fat bastard?"
"Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit"
That's true
but I also heard it on the wonderful Scottish TV comedy Still Game
Ian Dury
Ian Dury's stage presence was fantastic on a good night. Oblique, funny, touching. Only a little bloke, too.
Neil Young
Glasgow '76. 'From what I've heard about Glasgow, I think you'll like this song. It's about a murder.'
He then kicks into 'Down by the River' amid much laughter.
Two Ill-Judged Moments
Both of these allegedly ended in physical violence after the show.
Gerry Sadowitz's opening statement at 'Juste Pour Rire' (Just for Laughs) in Montreal - "Hi There Moose-F***ers"
Also, allegedly, Roy "Chubby" Brown in Cleveland, at the time of the 'Satanic Abuse' moral panic, with the subtle
"I'm surprised to see so many of you out tonight, I thought you'd all be home shagging your kids"
Chubby
I heard that he got a massive round of applause for that line, not that there was physical violence.
The Great Jerry
was actually knocked out cold by an irate moose-fucker, mere seconds after delivering the joke.
But not before
He continued with "I tell you why I hate Canada, half of you speak French, and the other half let them."