"If we worked on a car assembly line you'd give me the horn"

Probably better as a country song.

"Touch yer toes.."

She's one Ugly Sister! (but she knows how to rock & roll)

rock & roll express train to hell

Ummm...

Lipstick On Me Gearstick

Eyes On The Thighs

No Last Orders (In Hell)

(She Got Me) Standing To Attention

Pump The Rump

Fire In The Hole

Poker In The Choker

A Bird In The Band (Is Worth Two In The Bush)

Front Door Jammed (Better Slip Round The Back)

Germaine Greer (Showed Me 'Er Buns For A Beer)

* Reminder to self: get life.

Malcolm: How about, "I really feel we have a connection that is almost spiritual and want to commit the rest of my life to a monogamous relationship which we can take to the next level"

Brian: "Aye reet or we could could go with "I know you love football so I'm takin' you up the Arsenal tonight"

Oh dear. I feel cheap.

I could tell you worked in a pet shop cos I heard you had a cockatoo.
(You have to say it really)

Oil me cannon

Ride this!

Uncork the pork

Squeeze'n'tease

Hell's Flaps

Filth! That's all this is!

Banging like Thunder, Hotter Than Hell
Getting Into Her Genes
Death and Get Off Her
Bone Marrow Donation
Sweating To The DC's
Angus' Beef
Honey In The Back,Money In the Bank

Like a indoor play area you know I've got a lot of balls.

Big Jack, Loose Nuts

(You've Been) Rearended By Love

Stick Shift Satan

House of the Booze

Satan's Deal (Poker Round The Back)

Throw Your Feet In The Air (And Caution To The Wind)

Fully Leaded (Fill Her Up)

Greased Up Under The Hood

Bewitched, Bothered (and Bent Over)

(I Need A) Hand Crank and Oil Change

If I had to score you. I definitely give you one.

Big Balls
Crabsody In Blue
Beating Around The Bush
Giving The Dog A Bone
Let's Get It Up
Deep In The Hole
Sink The Pink

Ah... Looks like they beat me to it :-)

'My Rock'n'roll Fanny's on Fire'

Male Delivery
Post In Your Box
Reach For The Thighs
Drop To The Floor And Give Me Plenty
No Pussy Blues (oh hang on......)

You've never had it (so good)

Lube Job Lisa

Let me fill you up (with 4* gasoline)

Tighten the straps

Big End !

"Nae offence like pet but Ahm 62 year auld and I'd rather watch Match o' the Day 2 If ye dinnae mind."

Divvent ye nah I'm not that cricket commentatin' fella, pet?

Keep Ringing My Bell (to the End)

A Promise Of Affection (From My Rock N' Roll Injection)

"Keep On Ridin' ('Til Ya Run Outta Juice)"

....and called them John and Edward.....Ok,I know it doesn't fit the rubric...Just wanted to share.

The Lass Was A Honey (She Didn't Ask For Money)

"my baby,baby,baby seat.

Lay on your front (and I'll give you a Newcastle Brown)

Don't shoot me like a dog, I'd rather be hung like a pony

Gramps with Amps

My Baby's like a guitar (she's even got a hole) (ok stolen from Rich Hall along with 'A Double Bass Is Like A Woman, She's Big n Fat and she like to be slapped')

I've heard that Brian May but I KNOW that Megan Fox

...

Don't Move Pet (I Ain't Finished Yet)

The Jack (I need it to crank the seat up coz I can't see over the steering wheel)
Brandy and Glitter (Slam up the Twitter)

If You Insist (I'll 'Ave One Off The Wrist)

You're up for the Craic (I've GOt Your Back)

More points for the pink than the brown...

in Back, Sack and Crack

.

"The batman's Holding, the Bowler's Willey !"

(no, not Mistress For Christmas)

I Do Declare The Prince's Balls Get Bigger Every Year

how about an AC/DC covers album including:

Poker Face
(Baby are you) Down Down Down Down
Love to Love You Baby
Bonkers
I Kissed a Bord (and I liked it)
Me Bord Does Nothing (never washes up, never cleans up etc)

.

.

Greased Nipples

.

Rock My Ball

Big Round Rocker

Hard Straight Sucker

Big Ball Boogie

Chatanoogie Boogie

Cannonfire Choogle (ok that's maybe too Marc Bolan)

Spank You Very Much

Right Between The Thighs

Fire Down Below

She's Gotta Screw Loose

All Rocked Out

Drink, Rock, Fight, Screw, Repeat

Pet

The ladies on this blog must be SO impressed...

When you can have TWA Tea?

(I've enclosed a stamped, addressed envelope)

I used to kiss her on the lips but it's all over now.

God help us if Ben Elton sees this he may think there is a musical in it. Patrick you're headed for the West End!

Talking With Your Mouth Full

May Contain Nuts

I work in a sports bag shop baby
So let me know if you want your holdall
(Sorry doesn't translate well into english)

I've made by far my most contributions to this one. I think I might go for a bath as I feel a little debased.

On the other hand

"If I could do it all over... I'd do it all over you."

She was only an English Lit. Major but she loved to get into my Balzac.

Oh God what have I done!

...I'd never asked. Apologies all round, etc.

...and I'm riding on and clipping her grass...etc etc

but she sure could give me wood

You've Got the Right Screw (For My Nuts)
Powderkeg (Between Her Legs)
Woman of Mass Seduction
Electrocute Without Dispute
You Can't Break Hard Rock
Rock Plays for Sinners
She Brings My Oil to a Boil
Did Her Twice in Paradise
Drunk with Power (Got This Room for an Hour)
(Sex Worker) Doin' Overtime
I'm Gonna Crash (On Your Landing Pad)

Let's get this baby started

Rock 'n' Roll Boulevard

Squeeze 'Em Gently, Squeeze 'Em Hard

In The Back Of My Rock 'n' Roll Lovemobile

Gear Shifter

Grab My 8 Ball (Hangin' From The Rear View Mirror)

Check My Dipstick

My Big End's Gonna Be Bangin' Tonite

?

when there's plenty of birds need stuffin'....

The Boozah (Ain't A Bad Place To Be)

If You Want Sexual Innuendo (You Got It)

All Hands To The Pump

(I Got) The Winning Balls

Life In The Old Chap Yet

Crank The Shaft

High Alert (Incoming Skirt)

And a Christmas song...

More Stuffing Pet?

"Think About It Long and Hard (Before You Leave Me)"

And another one for Christmas ...

"Rudolph The Red-Hosed Reindeer"

OK, I'm leaving now ....

For once, Brian Johnston (the elder) finds the concept of someone failing to get the leg over to be hilarious.

Slipping off the seat belt ( waiting for the airbags ) .

'hot rod'

I lubricated her suspension,she was begging for a fuel injection
She came screaming over the line, it was all over in 69

Climaxes with cries of 'We salute you Bargepole' etc !

Blow Me Down (unfortunately already used many times according to Google, including the Wiggles)

Why's The Exhaust So Close To The Filler

Back It Up

The Sauce off my Sausage

B-side: Divvn't Gnaw

Taken from the album That Ain't A Joey In My Pouch, Babe, I'm Just Really Pleased Ta See Ya.

..if you let me in your cockpit."

I Know It Smells Of Fish, Baby; That's Why I Wanna Fill It

Liquor and Poker

Lube My Tube

Grease My Piece

Slick My Stick

An instrumental track written by the band after Brian Johnson is tragically killed during a "bell incident" in a live performance of "Hells Bells" on their final tour.

Released as a download only track it goes to number 1 all over the world.

They release no more albums for three years until the out takes from their last album are released as "Bell End Re-polished".

and let him take them down the Oxfam shop!

.

...but one can Rock & Roll.

Melt my mudflaps

Sheila the Healer (She's a Moaner Not a Squealer)

Love Lump

Pumping Station (...There's a drought in my spout, it needs some activation, I've gotta get down to the Pumpin' Station...etc. etc.)

I thankew

my burger in your bun

Mr Lewry ?

Did you manage to sift out winners ?

bone in!

The first verse of "Stannah in me Manor".

"Slap my arse, ride home on the ripples, if you're lucky, you'll reach the nipples"

Patrick Crowther (obviously)
Steven C (for superb use of parenthesis)
And Uncle Wheaty for his "Bell End" story

I'll be e-mailing you all for your postal details.

Edit: Uncle Wheaty - the address you're registered with bounced, with the message from Yahoo "this account has been disabled or discontinued". Could you update it in your account settings? Thanks.

Congratulations. Some fine and filthy punnery action there.

I mean, congratulations to the winners!

bon appateet, reet petite - this is a play on his predecessors christian[!] name, and Brian's Geordie upbringing, wrapped up in a paean to rock'n'roll and oral demeanours!

I enjoyed that!