around the same time that members of staff became 'colleagues'.

that insists on referring to colleagues as, "members." I point out that some of them certainly are but most of them are OK. The joke falls flat every time.

many years ago I saw an advert in the Job Centre for an "abattoir technician". When I investigated this exciting employment opportunity further it turned out I would be the guy getting rid of the blood.

Announced he had a new job.
Job Title was 'Crowd Control Engineer'
Basically, he was a Bouncer

I have mentioned this before. When I worked for Safeway in the 1990s shelf stacking colleagues were described as Ambient Replenishment I.e. Not Fresh Produce or Frozen.

what the guards are called on the Docklands Light Railway. I remember it was something very puffed up

what the guards are called on the Docklands Light Railway. I remember it was something very puffed up

... there's something called an 'End of Life Pathway,' which makes dying sound like a leisurely stroll along a local nature trail after Sunday lunch.

become logisticians? Not on my radar mate.

Seller?

... pantechnicon, who have, until now, been working under the assumption that they were in the removals business, suddenly find themselves in the wonderful wacky world of "logistics"?

Edited to say "bugger, I never noticed Chabsy's post."

my job title was... wait for it... "Creative". Just "Creative".

Seriously, I had an adjective for a job title.

I used to die a little inside whenever I had to tell anyone. And then I had to explain what I actually did, because no-one knew what "Creative" meant. Eventually I just told everyone I was a "Radio Producer" as that had been my previous job title and was still the actual job I was doing.

A few years ago I took a one year course through the chain of supermarkets that the store I work in belongs to.
We were tought economy, cooking, product and produce knowledge, marketing etcetera, to be able to inspire customers in what to buy and cook for dinner ( and increasing the stores profits at the same time ).
I am now a diplomaed Food Conductor ( as in waving a stick in front of an orchestra )...
I don't tell many people that!

Just call me an Imagineer *

When I worked at an Exhibition & Events centre we had an Operations Department. Whenever we advertised vacant positions we usually got applications from, you guessed, qualified nurses.

* (c) Disney

But when I heard that my old school had rebranded their Heads Of Department to 'Team Leaders' I lost my shit, as it were.

..and worked on a forecourt back in the day when you actually got served by poeple in the 'meatspace', we used to tell the ladyzees were were 'Fuel Injection Engineers'. As you can imagine, we were beating them off with a stick....

as job titles have become ever more ludicrous and inflated, the actual job content and conditions have worsened.

where according to their titles everyone was a "manager" but me, none had any staff to manage. For some reason I was but a lowly "officer" which didn't bother me unduly except despite my urging the others refused to call me that, "Yes officer, no officer." I didn't even get a fucking badge.

I honestly thought this was a made up title (Homer Simpson profers the title on himself when he created his internet start up company "GlobalHyperMeganet") but have come across two sports organisations in the States who have employees with such titles.

As far as I could make out, they answered the phone.

although in my days as a drummer I certainly got called a few names (you've heard 'em all before) but it used to strike me as odd that American record company job titles were so different from British ones.

With a big British company, such as EMI, you could pretty much understand the job titles and they gave some indication of an individuals role and seniority within the organisation - Manager, Director, etc. I gather than in the US it's expected that, each year, as well as a pay rise, you get a new job title so there are infinitely subtle gradings between Junior Executive Vice-President Of Album Sleeves and the Executive Vice-President Of Album Sleeves.

In yer classic approach to English, proper nouns take capital letters, bog-standard nouns don't. This leaves a huge grey area where words that are not proper nouns - president for example - get an initial capital when attached to a specific office holder, as an honorific. So that means I might meet President Obama one day, but I might also see two presidents riding on a camel.
When it comes to non-honorific job titles in the corporate world - basically all of them - there is a widespread disease of capping-up. I think this comes from a puffed-up sense of self importance, from obsequiousness ("He's my boss, his job title has capital letters...") and general anxiety ("I must be seen to be important.")
Consequently, it doesn't matter how many times you wave the FT in front of a Pooterish middle manager saying, 'Look, there are no capitals in job titles,' they insist that a sales standards administration manager is a Sales Standards Administration Manager, a finance director is a Finance Director and (etc, you get the idea). This makes the average page of corporate text look like a dog's breakfast of random capitals. Meh.

Years ago when we were students, a friend of mine had a summer job at what was then called a Job Centre, but is probably now called an Employment Opportunity Hub or something more Modern. He had to write out the vacancies which went in the window, and on one occasion, refused to fill in the card with the given job title, which was something euphemistic like Junior Administrative Rodent Operator, and put down "Rat Catcher". This use of plain English was considered so bold and unusual that the local paper ran it as a story...

aren't you known as "NWOBP"
I had a clause added to my contract that says i'm not to be refered to as "Lingustic Educator" or " Language Trainer" "Technical co-ordinator".I was quite happy as English teacher/Mechanic.

in American shops, the shout 'next guest please' would go up. I mean, I like Banana Republic but I wouldn't want to stay there.

So customers are now guests? But not made to feel any more special than they were before.

What tosh.

but a few years ago at the now defunct finance company MrsD was working for they shunted someone they didn't rate much sideways into the newly created role of Collections Unit National Trainer.

Not so much now but back in my old journalist days, was ungrammatical job titles that crush your sentence structure like a whale falling on a trifle. But according to Jim Smith, Senior Vice President EMEA internal communications wellness and compliance, Upthemsleves Ltd A Family Company: well you've lost every reader for miles around by then.

Oh and PR companies that would ring up and say their client's company name was not in Infocus, as you'd published, but InFo/cUS!!! or some such blether. A sure way to ensure you never wrote about them again.

If you are moved to a job with this in its title, then you're just killing time until they work out your redundancy package.

working in a petrol station, we gave ourselves the grandiose title
" Fuel Injection Technicians "

of the FT does an entertaining podcast. Every year she hands out her awards for the best(worst?) management guff of the preceding year.

The 2010 runners up for silliest job title were (both banks, I believe:

Customer Journey Reengineering Manager and

Client Value Enhancement Executive.

No, me neither.

The winner was some prick in a consulting company calling himself a "Prosultant".

Had recently been employed as "an enabler". She didn't know what it meant either.