All set to be the doyens of Northern Greaser Prog we were (with a repertoire leaning heavily towards Floyd-influenced Eddie Cochran covers), but the drummer got a girlfriend - yeah, with tongue and everything, the jammy get - and the project had to be put on hold.

That was my first band; it pretty much consisted of me and my best mate, one guitar and a guitar amp that didn't work. We wrote two songs, argued about who was going to be the lead singer and split the band up!

We're still mates nearly 25 years later and both of us have made a living occasionally as musicians. But we've never worked together since. We tried for five minutes last year. Didn't work!

I played in a band with my best mate while at school/Uni - during that time, some friends in a local band put out an appeal in the local paper for a band to support them at a local pub later that month. Now, we knew they wouldn't choose us, but decided to have some fun by inventing the least likely support act for them. They were a fairly standard (for the time) right-on indie band, so who better to support them than an up and coming Death/Thrash metal combo?

So, we became.... Böllüx!

Our demo tape was Side One of a "Venom" live album (which has to be heard to be believed) with all the talking bits that would have given the game away edited out. Side two was around 20 minutes of Napalm Deth style trash "tunes", of very short duration (as was the fashion) - the longest was all of 10 seconds. Recorded in 1 take, completely made up as we went along.

One spiky metal logo later, the demo tape was complete. They didn't call us back. We never did find out what they thought of the tape, or if they linked it to us :-(

While at school myself and other similar twats would waste time dreaming up the most ridiculous band names we could think of. This was the era of A Flock Of Seagulls and Splodgenessabounds etc so the bar was already set high.

We thought up loads. All crap, but the one that sticks in my memory was 'One of Bet Lynch's Tits Is Missing'.

How, why or what this ever meant has been lost for all time but I do feel it would look very striking in white print on a black divider on the HMV cd rack in Oxford Street. Possibly just next to Orchestral Manouvers in the Dark.

Here are some from my extensive back catalogue of nonexistent bands...

Last Words To Miriam - Angsty Wedding Present-style bedsit indie.

Baiter - Bostonian collegiate grungers.

Panda Cola - Clever clever, Saint Etienne style pop ironists.

My mates and I also made one up - Die Happy - which was subsequently purloined by an Edinburgh band suffering under the weight of a more rubbish name. If any record companies want to contact me to make up a name for their latest hopefuls, just say the word.

Big at the Wallands County Primary School in Lewes between 1963 and 65. 4 of us. 2 guitars, bass and drums. Except we had no instruments, so had to mime, practising hard on the play ground, arms strumming away over imaginary instruments as we sang songs like "Hey, Mr Postman". Every play time. In no time we were talk of the school, even getting to play a gig in the Headmistress' study, Mrs Purskey if I remember correctly. I played rhythm, I think, James C-W was on lead and handled most of the vocals, Simon B was on drums and I can't for the life of me remember who the last member was. Heady days. Fast forward 10 or so years and a residual core "laid down some tracks", 2 I think, bastardised copies of various obscure folk/country classics. JC-W eventually did produce a cassette of his own, a group called (not the) Red Snapper, formed when he was at East Anglia Uni. I still have it, the stand out track being "Stitch that", as you would say after razoring an aquaintances face. I myself got no further than very poor backing vocals with a uni band, The Clap, on their piece de resistance, a version of "Capital Radio". Lost touch with all involved in all these projects long since, my last sighting of JC-W being at Glastonbury in 94, when I failed to say the 2nd line quick enough to "Time is a jet plane" (A. "It moves too fast") and he snubbed me.
Hey ho. Friends reunited?

Scorpions meets Motley Crue via Metallica. No-one could play an instrument, but we did have a large following in Eastern Europe (exchange student, on the chubby side). Each members name preceded by the word 'Space' just in case the expected loyal hordes of teenage females didn't get it. Teenage females didn't arrive; band didn't get it. Get it?

Re the Venom reference above, one of our mates was a die-hard (and you would, presumably) Slayer fan and an easy wind-up to boot. One year for his birthday, we all met up and made an awful racket for 4-5 minutes, recorded it and gave it to him, saying it was a rare demo of their first song, complete with dodgy photocopied cassette sleeve. Took all of 15 seconds for him to realise it was us, but the finer points of the recording are still hotly debated down the pub today. As are the bruises.

...in a band for a few days. I never even played with them though. A group of friends had formed a band to play at the end of the school prom- they dubbed themselves Common Courtesy I seem to recall- but I genuinely quit over 'musical differences'! I was into prog/heavier rock and they were doing largely indie rock covers. I figured I could add little to that as it wasn't my thing and still isn't. There was a song dedicated to me at that prom which made light of my musical obsessions called 'Jamesy Quit The Band', however!

Formed one day in 1971, disbanded a week or two later.

Me on Lead vocals, Mike Hurst on (imaginary)lead guitar, Pete "Paddy" McGinley on drums. We had a bassist as well, but I don't remember who that was.

Our first (sadly, unreleased) album was to be called "Shadows Reminiscent of Fear".

As you may be able to guess, our tastes tended towards the prog.

The album is still crying out to be made.