Dorothy Parker on a Katharine Hepburn performance on Broadway:

"She ran the whole gamut of emotions from A to B".

When Diana Rigg (oh, Miss Peel) appeared nude on the London stage, she was described as:

"Looking like a brick mausoleum with insufficient flying buttresses".

The late, great John Walters turned down the Sex Pistols for a Peel session. A former teacher, he explained that Johnny Rotten "...didn't look like the kind of boy you would trust to give out the scissors".

Who was it who first said "O Sting, where is thy death?"

In a documentary on the late Mr. Peel, someone (can't remember who) described Peel & Walters' relationship as "like a man and his dog, each believing the other to be the dog"

A recent one from tech news website The Register: Chris Williams began an article about Virgin being in talks with Northern Rock "Tiresome action-billionaire Richard Branson ..."

I think it was Steve Sutherland in the Melody Maker who described Feargal Sharkey as having "a face like a kicked-in bucket"

"dignity-phobe Paul Ross"

Arf...

Can't remember who first penned it, but a comment in the NME some years back, described a drum solo that sounded 'not unlike a man trapped in a wardrobe trying to escape'.

A great comedy one liner came from a gig I was at recently. As a young tryout began his act, his opening words were 'have you ever noticed that...' only to be cut off with ' No we haven't, fuck off'.

I think it was Andy Partridge who once described Justin Hayward as having 'hair carved out of solid butter'.

While making the point that in the old days we had beautiful music made by ugly people, whereas now the opposite is often true, Dylan Moran described Nina Simone as having "a face that could bend a railway line".

Jim Shelley described Gaby Logan's dancing as,"like watching one of the Thunderbird's on speed".

Jonathan Miller once described the writer Paul Johnson as looking like "an explosion in a pubic hair factory".

Renowned for her penetrative diction and callous, rattle sting put-downs (infused with witticisms and quotidian possibilities) that Fat Old Mare Burchill was always going to feature in the subject of one liners.

The one I've chosen this evening is a volatile mix of flattery and disparagement.

JULIE BURCHILL ON TRACEY EMIN: ''When you meet her she's like a pirate from the neck-up and an Italian sex goddess from the neck-down''

and another, delivered from the mouth of someone who has escaped me, was regarding the Victoria Wood sitcom ''dinnerladies''.

''Makes you wan't to vomit your pelvis bone through your eye socket.''

I think the comment about P & W was that they were like an organ grinder and a monkey, each believing the other to be the monkey.

When, on another (defunct) music site, I described the sound of The Smashing Pumpkins as:
"Spoilt Bastard from Viz magazine drowning in a bathtub filled with piss and cutlery"

I read of a conversation between I think Claudia Schiffer and Naomi Campbell about Naomi's autobiography: Claudia - enjoyed your book,so glad someone could write if for you.
Naomi:So pleased someone read it to you.

I feel this might be an update of an old saw. When newsreader Martyn Lewis (the one who said, 'why do we only ever report the bad news?' shortly before he disappeared) was reported to have nearly finished his first book, the reply was, "I didn't even know he was reading one."