The I-Spy Book of Rock Cliches
Posted by Dave C on 25 February 2008 - 3:45pm.
I don't think the good people at Michelin have published the I-Spy Book of Rock Cliches yet - but when the time comes, surely these should qualify for inclusion in a catalogue of Rock's creakiest clichés...
The black T shirt/top for the middle aged musician - 1 point.
Hats and bandanas for baldies - 2 points.
The 'vanity' project(i.e Tin Machine)- 3 points.
Pretentious puffery (quotes about Rimbaud, Burroughs) - 4 points.
The uneccesary alter ego -(let's say …Bono's 'Mestophiles' or 'The Fly') - 5 points.
And are there any bands/artists (U2) that could possibly score a royal flush?
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Festival Bingo
We play a similar game at Cropredy;
Dog in a neckerchief / Tankard / Jester's Hat / face painted child / goth in full regalia etc. In the event of a tie, oldest Fairport tour t-shirt wins.
"Label difficulties"
3 points
"Big flash house in Surrey"
4 points
"Helicopter ownership"
5 points
"Drug problem"
0.5 points
"Working with Mark Ronson"
0.25 points
All good calls V, and....
Ponytails 1 point (double points for greys or baldies)
Pronouncing record as "wreck - could" - 2 points.
Only Whispering Bob and Keith Richards can get away with this
Rubbishing the last album - 3 points
The 'acoustic' album - 3 points
Claiming "we were Punk before Punk" - 4 points
Superfluous sunglasses - 1 points in daylight, 2 points at night.
Perma-goggles (Jeff Lynne, Bono, Ian Hunter) 5 points
And the alter ego/pseudonym
Prince - Christopher
Macca - Percy Thrillington
David Johansson - Buster Poindexter
I'm sure there are more
Apollo C Vermouth
when Macca produced the Bonzo's "Urban Spaceman".
"Recording an album in N'Awlins"
5 points (pre-Katrina)
10 points (post-Katrina)
"Converse trainers with skinny jeans"
1 point (under the age of 50)
10 points (Rock pensioners)
What would be the name of the award
that you got from Big Chief I-Spy when you sent in a completed book I wonder?
Hang on, Michelin? MICHELIN????? Wha? Since when? They used to be published by the Daily Fascist or someone similar didn't they? Oh no! Don't tell me, please say that Big Chief I-Spy still sends you a feather????
Deluded forays
into non-rock fields - eg acting, film making, painting, writing, politics etc.
See Lennon, Dylan, Jagger, Bowie, Ronnie Wood, Prince. Does seem quite a common type of folly and therefore cliched?
I should also add
cheese farming, trout farming and appearing on Question Time, or otherwise thinking you are some kind of infallible god like being
Celeb - mating
Dating -
Kate Moss - 5 points
Sienna Miller - 3 points
Jonathan Miller - 10 points
Embarrassing child names
Apple - 2 points
Zowie - 5 points
Moon Unit - 10 points
Male hair style experiments
peroxide - 5 points
mullet - 10 points
long thin pointy sideburns with moustache like Midge Ure - 10 points
never washing or combing - 15 points
in bunches like a girl - minus 10
U2 do seem to tick most of the boxes
A Barbershop Quartet
Yes.. You're right those hairy hijinx, leading to good hair gone wrong
Bolan's mid seventies slick back
Bowie's eighties Pertwee perm
Rod's nineties Britpop crop
Duke Special - flying higher than A Flock Of Seagulls
Hirsute horrors
Thanks for that. Good work.
Duke "Special"
That Robert Smith's let himself go
Drugged-up euphemisms
"The tour has been cancelled as the guitarist is suffering from nervous exhaustion....."