The I-Spy Book of Music Magazine Cliches
Following on from another thread around rock cliches I got to thinking about the (inevitiable ?) decline into cliche of all music magazines. The Word is as yet free of these but some tell tale signs are:
1). Making of 'Dark Side of the Moon'. Time for the journos to update the cv's and visit the labour exchange when this one makes an appearence. Nothing new can be added to what is a very, very boring story.
2). Top 50 Lists. All journos at home with colds (or in comas having read the 'Dark Side of The Moon' piece) so some phoned in guff listing the Top 50 Dylan/Kinks/Beatles tracks will do. Printing press moved to be nearer endless supply of barrels for future scraping
3). The coming year in music. Post-Xmas all journos too hung over to write or at home listing their top 50 Dylan Xmas songs for a forthcoming edition so a list of upcoming releases (with old photos) will do very nicely. So light and lacking in substance the pages float upwards and are a danger to birds.
Q, Mojo, Uncut hang your heads in shame. Any other signs we should be looking out for???
- More from Dave Lee Travis Bickle.
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Retrospectives
of artists who have been dead, or inactive for years. Specifically, Ian Curtis, Jim Morrison, Syd Barrett etc. These are usually wheeled out when there is a new reissue program of their albums which have already been reissued umpteen times, only this time they are remastered from original 24 bit analogue masters and these special editions include an extra disc of previously unheard i.e. unlistenable material.
A good game to play is what I call "Artists to watch out for bingo." You basically play the game by keeping your January issue of Q/Mojo/Uncut for a whole year until the following January's edition is published. Then, refer to the previous year's "artists to watch out for over the next twelve months" filler section and you score a point for every artist that hasn't sank without trace at some point over the previous twelve months. Be warned, though. It's not a particularly high scoring game.
Strangely, was this school of journalism...
....not originated by Nick Kent, who regularly trotted out 4 pagers in the NME way back when. I think he did a Brian Wilson and a Syd retrospective amongst others. Certainly I used to enjoy reading them. The ink, sadly, has long since smudged.
Nick Kent & the NME
I think the Beach Boys piece was actually 12 pages; 4 pages per issue over 3 weeks. I don't remember a Syd piece but I do recall he did a similar thing with Jim Morrison. It wasn't nearly as interesting as the Beach Boys. These days the "Brian Wilson is a genius" line is a pop truism / cliche regularly trotted out whereas at the time Kent wrote his piece the Beach Boys stock had fallen fairly low, yet here was one of the NME's major writers rehabilitating his musical reputation. Morrison was still seen as an important artist at this time, certainly more revered than Brian Wilson.
I'm not sure whether Nick Logan was still editing the NME then or whether it was Neil Spencer, but whichever it was you have to salute an editor prepared both to give a writer that much space and to trust him to engage the readership with the artists.
Music Mag Cliches
Thinking that rock journalism should be impressed by drugs first, Jack Daniel's second, and musical ideas third and last.
Q! See me after school!
And Allan Whateveritis in Unshod......
Ruins what is (sorry) otherwise quite a good magazine with his endpices, "Stop me if you've heard this etc etc", interminable ramblings as to how the editor of Melody maker shouted at him, necessitating week long benders of drink and powders, nearly always, it seems, with Nick Lowe. If that wasn't bad enough, he has the nerve to demonstrate how this careerful of abuse has failed to sully his manly good looks. At least messrs Heppo and Ello have the decency to look exactly as they did on Whistle Test all those years ago.
Memo: whatever happened to Richard Williams, the first presenter, pre Whispering Bob, that other tribute to a clean living modus operandi?
Richard Williams
Occasionally writes for Word when he isn't busy being the Guardian's sports editor and travelling round the world watching top class sport. Spit.
The parting on the left is now a parting on the right
Whoops - The Reverse Photo
Right handed guitarist becoming lefties
Macca becoming right handed
And t shirts slogans looking like the 'Vision On' logo
A hardcore minority of...
...professional music journalists still think it is acceptable to describe an artist's second album as "their sophomore effort" Whenever I read this I am immediately reminded of The Beach Boys song Be True To Your School and imagine the band being reviewed as a pack of 1950s US college students, dressed in matching Letterman jackets.
The wretched expression has since permeated into the realm of amateur music journalism, where it is replicating at a truly astonishing rate. Earlier today I typed "their sophomore effort" into Google and was provided with 68700 results. A more recent search yielded 69000 results - a growth of 300 hits in the space of a view hours.
A Fully-Certified Beach Boys Bore Writes . . .
The word "sophomore" doesn't make it onto the magnificent Be True To Your School, but it does feature in Pom Pom Playgirl, as does the only clapping solo ever.
Rah Rah Rah, Sis Boom Pah
You're right, that drives me BLOODY MAD.
Oddly enough nobody ever calls a debut album the "freshman effort". And why is it "effort" anyway? The whole thing draws a big grey blanket of misery over what you're about to read. As does "eponymous".
Extending the metaphor to its logical conclusion...
...if an artist's sophomore effort is deemed a critical failure, garnering below average review scores, the record company should make them go back and re-record it the following year.
Board rubber hurled across classroom
No, Seven Major, no and thrice no. There are two and only two words that can follow "garnering", and they, as you'd know full well, boy, if you'd been paying attention instead of fidgeting at the back there as per usual, are "accolades" and "plaudits", whereas reviews - which, in turn, may be either "rave" or "disappointing" - are invariably "reaped". Are we clear?
Not if they already made
Not if they already made CD's and released it, maybe have some random people come in and listen to it as well as fans of that kind of music otherwise its a waste to have them go re-record and it's a cost people don't want to spend on. I just picked up some Radiohead tickets is anyone else going to their concert.
It's not always a sophomore "effort"
Sometimes it's a sophomore "outing"
Themed Cover CDs
of the "inspired by / influences on" type, with titles likes "The Roots of the Stones" or "Stoned! Music Inspired by the Rolling Stones". Been done to death now.
Mind you, Mojo have raised their game recently with a couple of very good electronica and indie - themed CDs, so watch out!
Or Not Fade Away......
....15 songs that fired up the Rolling Stones. How daft would that be?
Allan Whateveritis of Unshod replies (probably): quite good really, Stephen G, you cystal glass glazer.
On the news stands within hours of the above post. Uncanny!