As Colonel Benjamin Fisher of the 14th Light Dragoons tenderly embraced the slender form of Countess Margaret Bayning, he was forced to admit, albeit privately, that Mike Score - lead singer of A Flock Of Seagulls - had been right all along.

"The more you live, the more you love." Wasn't that what Mike had always said? And yet for that wild-haired old rogue it had always been a hypothetical - one founded upon idle speculation and gentlemen's club hearsay. Against all odds it was Fisher who was now experiencing, ‘the real thing,' as referenced in the Lisa Stansfield song of the same title. Yes, here in his arms was the empirical proof that corroborated Score's impossible theories. Here was evidence that not even the dub reggae artist -Scientist - (a man who had selflessly dedicated his life to ridding the world of the evil curse of the vampires) could call into dispute.

Fisher's heart raced in his chest like Dave Lombardo's frenetic drum part in Raining Blood by Slayer. In the depths of his britches he felt his stiffening manhood becoming iron, like a lion, in Zion.

His partner in the embrace - the 53rd Countess Of Gloucester - was similarly overwhelmed. "Whhhhhhhhhyyyy, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?" she pondered, recalling the poignant enquiry of ex-Eurhythmics singer Annie Lennox. For as long as she could remember it had always been her sister - Michelle Heaton from the pop vocal group Liberty X - who had drawn the lingering glances of male sex. What was it that this man saw in her that the others had not? It was then that she remembered the words of her maternal grandmother, Vanessa Williams: "Sometimes the snow comes down in June. Sometimes the sun goes round the moon…"

Margaret turned her limpid blue eyes skyward, her gaze bisecting that of her suitor, who stared into the middle distance and silently mouthed the catalogue numbers to early Factory Records releases. The slim crescent moon above their heads was like a door opening in a darkened cellar, allowing a crack of light to shine through. A new moon on Monday! And she a lonely satellite!

Presently Colonel Fisher spoke:

"I wonder, this weekend, if it would please you to accompany me to my ancestral love shack in Herefordshire. The architect has set the property way back in the middle of a field, thereby creating a garden vista that is most pleasing to the eye. It is my firm belief that a discerning woman, such as yourself, will be equally enchanted by the glitter in the front porch and also in the hallway - a fortuitous irregularity arising from naturally occurring deposits of mica present in the marble tiles…"

* * * * *

People often glibly remark that a piece of music changed their lives or, in extreme cases, actually saved it. Can anyone here point to a song that had a genuine tangible effect on them. Maybe you and your spouse bonded over your mutual love of Bully Boy by Shed 7?

It doesn't necessarily have to be a romantic change either. Perhaps the mix tape you handed to the panel at a job interview (a carefully complied attempt at documenting the story of the company with whom you were seeking employment, using songs selected from your CD collection) became the foundation upon which you built your career.