In my village hall, when Into the Valley came on, we used to kick right leg to the left, bounce on spot, and left leg to the right.

"Windmilling arms, jutting out chin"? What on earth were you doing?!

jobbo impressions

Stand with those of a like mind in a circle, bend left leg at knee, then bend right leg at knee. Repeat until song fades and DJ puts The Nolans back on. Sit down and return to Limeade and Smokey Bacon crisps.

Make sure the collar on your Harrington jacket is standing erect throughout

see also early UB40, Uptown Top Ranking, Start by the Jam, etc etc

Hoops, have you been spying on me?

ponty shoes glued firmly to one spot hands thrust deep into overcoat pockets shoulders alternatively shaken slightly , knee bends optional

I'm clearly a lot older than most on here. I'll have you know I was Twist Champion of my local youth club, (when it was the height of cool, naturally). These days I just embarrass my children, at the same time entertaining the grandchildren!

One foot slightly raised while shuffling on the other foot, smacking bottom with right hand whilst pressing left ear with left hand to prevent an imagined hearing aid from falling out. Usually accompanied by pained expression on face as in "woe is me, no-one understands me".

The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary

Both feet on floor shuffling with head lowered and arms flailing randomly while occasionally raising a knee and/or spinning around 180 degrees and/or moving sideways. Often involved slight rucking-style rumpus with another Goth or, indeed, a Baternity of Goths.

Madness - Baggy Trousers

Running on the spot with knees as high up in the air as possible whilst gurning like a toothless OAP facing down a strong to gale force wind. Slight rigid swing of shoulders to left and right with a head movement to match, kind of like doing the Mud dance only with less flares, shorter hair and a Fred Perry T-shirt rather than something that looks like a shite consolation prize on Crackerjack.

Gary Numan/Japan/Ultravox

Standing with legs slightly apart, moving upper body in robotic manner while undertaking tourette-like jerking motions with arms. Usually accompanied by overtly raised and ironic looking left eye-brow (like Roger Moore without the expectation of getting jiggy with an attractive and nubile female) and a smug smirk that says "I'm giving you the impression that I've just come back from Camden Palace you plebian."

The Pogues - Sally MacLennane

Grab nearest mate and drag onto dancefloor in a vice like grip doing a violent and drunken version of the Hokie Kokie that involves barging into as many attractive females as possible until one of them joins in with you rather than tells you to 'f*ck off tw*t'. Success ratio very low but worth it for the extremely rare times a female found such juvenile behaviour mildly diverting and gave herself willingly to what can only be described as Dancefloor Rugby.

MARRS - Pump Up The Volume

Move feet in a manner akin to moonwalking on the spot while bending arms with hands across the front and then moving them in a way that can only be described as like a chicken with a violent body tic that is trying to find some space in a rammed battery hen farm.

Love the big guy giving it loads to "Keep it Greasy" here:

I dance(d) badly. To everything and everyone.

Combination of shuffling around on the spot, slight chicken arms thing, then friendly shoving of all your mates in the immediate vicinity. Would this go down well on Britains Got Talent do you think?

First, you had to study the band / artist closely on TOTP. You could then replicate..

The Police - Stand in one place, bend knees, swing one arm back and forth once each bar.

Soft Cell - Hands linked in front, pleading gestures.

Dexy's - Similar, but hands linked behind back

Spear Of Destiny - Have a big fight.

Hang on.. next patient's here..

One leg fixed to the spot, the other bent at the knee, waving foot slightly.
Arms held out at the sides, "I am tree..."
Head swaying vaguely from side to side, rolling eyes to heaven, then gazing coyly at the floor.

Works best with 'Inbetween Days' - but a sure-fire winner for any Cure song.

(I say 'a sure-fire winner', but dancing like this as a teenager failed to win me a girlfriend, so perhaps I didn't look as cool, pale and interesting as I'd fooled myself into believing.)

the only way to dance is to scream when the song comes on, grab your mates, run into the middle of the dancefloor, throw down your handbags in a pile and dance round them in a circle while pretending not to care if the boys are watching or not.

Booker T's Green Onions - shuffle to the left then right before losing balance

Monkees' I'm a Believer - attempt groovy 60s dance with pretend swimming, thumbs over shoulders and fists on top of each other

Wedding Present's Kennedy - pinball into/pogo onto pals

Stone Roses - Hold arms aloft when the 'I am the resurrection' bit comes on. Bez it for the rest.

On one occasion at a bona-fide discotheque I danced (alone)to The Boomtown Rats' 'Like Clockwork'. Guess what dance I did?

Jeffrey Daniel? Bloody chancer.

I was sooooooo cool.

I was a tit.

In the mid to late 70s, apart from stoned reggae shuffles (a 'skank', m'lud) modelled by social workers, the musical boundaries were still quite firm for many folks, Word readers obviously excepted. The white working class, of course, never had this problem, so danced easily. There were times when i would try to dance - a sweet spot with the right herbs, hops and chemicals and rhythms could do it, though I doubt it was pretty, but I will be very happy to never dance again.

Seriously, was dancing that much fun? Sweaty, semi-criminal over-priced clubs, too loud environments full of drunks on the pull and becoming aggressive when rejected; the DJ berks, thuggish doormen, the false jollity, the hipper-than-thou types sneering at ordinary folks treying to dance, the post-club intimidation by townies, no taxis .. it's not good, is it? I still hate the point where events introduce dancing to make it more 'fun' (weddings, works nights, etc.), though have nothing against the music itself.

when you dance - it worked for Frank Zappa