Entertainment For Lively Minds
Hands Up If You're A Girl (Redux)
I think it may be time for some of us here to come out of the closet.
Legend has it that once, many menstrual cycles ago, there was a brave soul who lifted his head above the Word Massive parapet to ask the question: "Hands Up Who's A Girl?".*
His motives were questioned, abuse was hurled his way, and his story that he was only asking for a mysterious friend - the elusive Carol From Luton - was roundly ridiculed.
And yet the pioneering gender gumshoe (Colin H), did discover that Carol (who even now walks among us under a pseudonym) was not alone. There were more women here than previously thought. And some of them didn't have beards.
So, I reckon it's time for an update. All you Word birds out there, do you want to say it loud - I'm a girl and I'm proud?
Please feel free to dispel/confirm any preconceptions, if you do take this chance to identify yourself.
I'll start: I'm Drakeygirl, and I'm a girl. (Yes, okay, the name was a giveaway, but then again Mr Drakeygirl finds his name confuses the hell out of people).
And I would rather spend money on new valves for my amp than on shoes.
*Original thread here
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Mrs P.Squeezer.
Taking a piggy-back on the GGH.I ain't heavy I'm his Wifey.
Donna XX.
it was once rumoured that I was actually a bloke called Malcolm
but I really am a girl. Called Hannah.
I am though
Really.
I may not be a lady
but I'm... anyway yes well yep. I'm a girl-type-person. Am attending a party tomorrow where one is requested to wear a moustache. I guess I'm approaching that age...
*quickly double checks*
Yep, I'm a girl.
I am woman
hear me roar
I do have breasts.
But I'm not a girl.
So
thats six then, or are the rest of the little ladies busy doing the cleaning and washing?
Quickly looks up one-way flights to somewhere a long way away...
well according to some of my friends
I am a Big Nancy - Does that count?
*checks breasts*
Yep, they're still there.
I'm definitely, defiantly female. We've discussed this before, and my phrase "Steely bloody Dan" gave it away according to Wordlore.
Or Richard bloody Thompson
if you ask my FPO. She doesn't lurk on here though because she thinks it's a load of sad gits with nothing better to do.If i tell her that there are lots of lovely girls on here she might stop me playing!!
Lovely Girls?
For your FPO's sake, we can't be having any of that...
I'm...
a spy from a far off planet.
But my disguise is very good.
Our researchers keyed in 'average middle-aged female' and here I am.
Helena,
I know The Wee Toon is a bit remote, but a "far off planet"?
Mind you, given the snow this week, maybe you are correct...
Sssshhh
...you'll blow my cover.
Though back in those days, we were the Russky sleeper family, spying on the base.
I keep trying to encourage my female friends...
to contribute to the Word blog as I think they'd enjoy this little community. No luck so far. I suggest to them that web-sites about ponies, fluffy puppies and pink things is unlikely to give them the intellectual stimulation they deserve. The shrift I have been given so far is extremely short.
Hang on a minute Handsome...
...are you saying this forum ISN'T about ponies, fluffy puppies and pink things? Have I been lured here under false pretences?!? We need to be told!
This forum seems to be about anything and everything
Which, in my book, is A Good Thing.
Hands resolutely down
Although, it has been said, I am more girlish that Katie Waissel.
Dont you know her Gran is a prostitute
at the age of 80? Give Wayne a call, he might be interested.
MrsD sometimes calls me a girl
I say 'you mean I'm metrosexual' and she says 'No, I mean you can be a right ponce sometimes'.
Anyway, i've got to go and moisturise as this weather is playing havoc with my skin...
Valves
Tell us about your valve amp Drakeygirl. I like women and have lots of female friends but not one of them has ever expressed any interest in the valves for an amp. (**impressed**)
Twang, my newly clean-shaven friend,
I love the sound of a good valve amp in the morning.
So much so, that I have a Sonos system, playing lossless files, running through an external DAC, and through a valve amp, which is a bit of a mish mash of new and old technology, I must admit.
And then, of course, there's vinyl, which refuses to die in my house, despite the delights of digital downloads and Spotify.
So this is my favourite possession. (Although the GGH insists it belongs to both of us, I like to refer to it as 'mine':
It's been shacked up with this for a while, which is a bit of a minger, but has a great personality:
But what I really, really want, though, is this:
*sighs, dreamily*
Oooooohhhh!
Blimey Drakey
You are almost as good as a boy*.
I thought you meant one of these
*Comic Strip quote, PC lobby
That turntable
may be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen....
It's fab isn't it.
I want one. What is it? Make & model that is, I know it is a turntable. Makes my little Linn Axis look rubbish.
The turntable
is a Michell GyroDec*. And it's hypnotically beautiful.
In the event of my house burning down, I would save my children first, and then...I suppose...my husband. But only if he was carrying the turntable.
*more details here
Time to start saving
Thanks for that. I hope Mr Drakeygirl knows what to do in the event of a fire. You could put a sign.
I suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that because What HiFi give it 5 stars but say 'Idiosyncratic styling that some won't like'...
I've coveted that Gyrodec before
http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/this-what-it-feels-when-doves-die
but should be reunited with a newly serviced Systemdek this w/e, which should be nice
You only
want the second amp as it will be easier to dust.
I already have me coat...
Here you go, fella.
A little helping hand.
Thanking
yew!
I don't have any valves in my amp...
... but I do have some valves in the output stage of my CD player, a Goldenote Koala Tube.
There they are, two of the little tinkers, at the top right.
The Koala is Italian. So I keep expecting it to be about as reliable as an Alfa Romeo 156.
I am a Man
I have a Man Bag, I love compiling lists of my favourite and least favoutite things, I drink real ale and have a beard, I love talking bollocks about music, I compile spreadsheets of my record collection, I know the mystery of the offside law and I admire Joan from Mad Men for her acting abilities. Yep, none more Man than me!
Talking of man bags...
... I was at a corporate team-building thingie early in 2009 where there was serious discussion of business in the morning, followed by archery in the afternoon ... it was a Scottish-based event, for the Scottish branch of a company where the main office is in That London, although a senior chap from London did travel north for the day ...
the archery was a hoot, supervised by two craggy individuals who looked as if they had been around since the 15th century (when they would have described the English archers at Agincourt as "lightweights") ... as the bow and arrow session finished, and we all wandered off, one of the craggy bowmen shouted over, "Hoi therr, one ae' the lassies has forgotten her baaag..."
But the bag did not belong to one of the lassies. Oh no. It belonged to the metrosexual visitor from the deep south and before one of the Scottish office staff could help himself, he said, "That's Jeremy's man bag."
The bowmen looked sceptical, Jeremy looked abashed. The laughter finally died down around the cheese course at dinner ...
Bit rich coming from the nation
that invented the Man Bag, at least I don't hang mine over my goolies! ;-)
that's a
sac pac
It's not a Man Bag
It's a homo-satchel.
Excellent!
Upped.
I admit to having a fondness for a decent leather bag. For work use, but not a briefcase per se. I think they're great idea.
But 'school bags' for grown men they surely are.
Hmmmmmm.......
....this reminds me of that bit towards the end of 'The Return Of The King' film when Aragorn and the boys march up to the Black Gate of Mordor to do battle and distract the attention of the Dark Lord (busy running a HR training session for the Nazgul in Barad Dur) from Frodo and Sam, lurching painstakingly towards Mount Doom...
You'll recall that after a valiant opening salvo, the good guys at the gate become increasingly overwhelmed and surrounded by the bad guys. After a noble opening gambit, all looks lost...
Half a dozen valiant wielders of handbags on a cavalry of kittens have marched to the Black Gates of Blokedom here - yet slowly but surely they are being outnumbered and driven into a defensive gaggle by the troglodytic forces of Beard Dur and their controversial 'kettling' manouevre (ie 'Go and make us a cuppa tea, love, will you...')
Faced with such hordes of trolls (how apt!) and orcs and blokes with forensically catalogued record collections from the 1970s, who now can save Hannahdalf the White and the Wordettes?
But, hark! Is that Gauntlet coming over yonder? Sallying forth from the brow of yon hill, armed with a quiver full of fearless double entendres and pithy retorts to bring blushes to the boorish?
And will the hitherto hidden Caroladriel Of Luton bring her magic mirror to the fray? Turning back the tides of oblivion by cunningly forcing them to confront inadequately tended facial hair situations and poor skincare regimes?
Tune in next week...
Miss, Miss, over here, Miss
I'm a girly too - though I like confounding stereotypes.
Sewing and spreadsheets, cute cats and computer technology, shiny sparkly stuff and Steely Dan (sorry, JoLean) - these are a few of my favourite things.
(oh, and musicals - so that makes me a gay man I guess?)
Steely Dan...
...quite a few lady Danettes here, mmm.
I think it is just me. I assume one day I will just 'get' them. Ditto Blue Nile.
Dan
"[T]he band that couldn't buy a thrill but did count down to ecstacy and later found all kinds of logic in their pretzels."
From an advert for Katie Lied (1975). Give them a chance, they're great.
somebody
shoulda been punched for that tagline
not you biograph, that's wonderful remembering
and to be peDANtic
Katy Lied
Don't...
break the spell.
An intellectual commented
"Phwoah! Eh? Birds. Not Arf Eh? Kno wot I mean? eh?"
Another woman in the ranks
Another woman in the ranks here. My God we may even hit double figures shortly...
I am woman hear me roar!
the beard's just for social occasions
Surely you don't require a beard...
... at Glasgow Massive Meet ups? They seem like a welcoming and liberal minded collection of people to me...
oh no dinnae get meringue
and yes we are a very welcoming crew, the beard is merely for retaining beer froth for later
Oh, that beard
I'll get my blouse, the big girl's one
That's 10 women so far, by my reckoning.
And at least four smart-arses ;-)
I strongly suspect there are more girls than this...
Any more of you care to make yourself known?
10 Women and only 4 smart-arses?
What's wrong with the other 6?
From the small ads:
Set of Encyclopaedia Brittania for sale. Newly married man. Have discovered wife knows everything.
Must be loads more
I know Janice, katyp and hazeyjane are girls 'cos I've met them all, plus there's Locust-of-the-fabulous-Swedish-Christmas-tree. Must be more of us?
How do one know?
I´m not sure. I thought I knew how to check, but with the current Swedish temperature I´m even more confused than before.
you're a boy
I'm sure. I've seen the photos and no lady could grow such impressive sideburns.
*ahem*
Obviously, Hannah, you've never been to Islay.
Or
Gothenburg. Sweet baby Jesus!
I like a woman with sideburns
It gives a man something to hold onto.
Sideburns
Referred to by someone I know as 'Bugger Straps' for the same reason given above.
I'm a girl...
...and I have a weird crush... :-)
I'm a girl
and I'm an ignoramus.
Who's that in the picture?
Michael Crick, the fearless
From 'Newsnight'. Yep, weird. :-)
My sister admits to a 'thing' for John Prescott
Her poor husband/child... what's it going to be like when she hits her fifties?
I saw him at Old Trafford a couple of weeks ago.
You obviously like your men dishevelled, HC
Dishevelled + brains =
hmmm :-)
I was
surprised that there weren't more females at the awards on Friday, even 'other halves' were absent.
It was rather 'cock-heavy'.
*raises eyebrow*
"cock-heavy"??
Surely "surfeit of chicken nuggets" would be a tad more accurate?
at least it wasn't
'cock-handed'
count yer blessings
I thought most people were lovely
and on that basis it was cock free.
Ooooooh
You thought "most" people were lovely?
Who wasn't lovely, then?
*stirring face*
Put's on Barrister Robes
I cannot, with all certainty, say that everyone was lovely as I did not speak to everyone. All off the people I spoke to were lovely though.
*frowns at Hannah face*
*grins at Leedsboy face*
I knew what you meant really, I was just feeling mischievous.
*pokes Leedsboy and runs away*
*looks indignant then shrugs*
*Kicks floor with plimsoled foot. Mutters something about girls being too hard to figure. Puts on Meat Is Murder and picks up book.*
That was good going! There were four, count 'em, four ladies!
That's the most estrogen that's ever been present at a Word gathering (excluding the gigs, obvs).
Cock Heavy?
Not in this weather.
Cock Heavy
TMFTL
Cock Heavy
Ooops.
Cock Heavy - they made two albums on Vertigo
in 1971/72. Supported Nazareth on a Scottish tour. Never heard of again.
Sorry I'm late
It never occured to me when I chose my name that it would cause confusion, but I guess a biblical plague isn't very girly.
Hi Locust-of-the-fabulous-Swedish-Christmas-tree
as I will now always think of you. I mentioned you above, and lo and behold, you'd snuck in as I was posting. (And I'd love to see that Christmas tree as well)
Hello
Well, if you all gang up on me then I might just have to learn the art of posting pictures...
( Wouldn't it be fun if I posted a picture of the saddest excuse for a Christmas tree ever, and pretended to be extremely proud of it ? The famous Word politeness would bite the dust I think... )
Ha ha ...
... dare you!
Tattiest tree you can find in the OP, then the real one in the comments, pretty please?
What a co-incidence!
I nearly plumped for "Slaying of the first born" as my username.
There's still time to
There's still time to change...
You're on
Next username amnesty, I'm definitely definitely* going to change it.
(*maybe not definitely)
That's 12 then!
A whole football team!*
*Only joking lads, I know there's 15 in a football team. ;-)
Now we've mentioned football...
...I think it must be time for my 'playing in the hole' gag.
So there it is.
I fail at football
I just had to ask Mr Husband how many people were in a football team. I had no idea.
In fairness
I have played in a team of 12 in a match. We were getting beat so we sneaked an extra player on for the last 10 minutes. It didn't make a difference (mainly because it was me extra).
If my GLW...
...asked Mr Husband about football, she'd come away more ignorant than when she started. I would say I fail at football too, but I'm not sure it's possible to fail at something which, effectively, doesn't exist in my world.
X X
I've been up all night checking my chromosomes and confirm that yes, I am a girl. I have also just learned that it is chromosome not chromosone as I had always thought.
Nice username.
Everyone loves an envelope filter.
Roll call round-up
So far we have 17 - the last two outed by others on their behalf.
drakeygirl, Mrs Pencilsqueezer, Hannah, katyg, Gauntlet, tc, JoLean, Helena Handcart, millymollymandy, toiras34, Happy Castle, Locust, QTron, hazeyjane, Susie Baby, Janice, and Katyp.
Plus the elusive Carol from Luton.
Well done, everyone. Keep calm, and carry on.
EDIT: Updated
I'm not a girl
Though I did meet one once.
What's in a name
I always assumed that Prestonia was a woman and that Gauntlet was a gay bloke. Never assume. It wouldn't happen if everyone had boring user names like mine.
What's in a name
I always assumed that Prestonia was a woman and that Gauntlet was a gay bloke. Never assume. It wouldn't happen if everyone had boring user names like mine.
Not so fast
I always assumed "BryanD" was an anagram of "Brandy" and you were this lovely laydeee:
Have an up arrow
Not since the operation.
Despite the several layers...
... of bulky clothes required at the moment, if you look at me very carefully you may just detect a lady figure. A lady of a certain age, but a lady nonetheless.
Yes, I too am proud to own up to being a Massive Word Woman. Or something like that.
Shocked. Stunned...
... Susan - we had no idea. Your disguise was cunning and brilliant. Right down to the (presumably) false beard and pipe.
And all those postings that began with phrases like, 'Of course, the rarely heard alternative mix of 'Shoot Out The Lights' is the one the cognoscenti really prefer...' cast all lingering doubts from our minds. Even when the stick-on beard seemed to be coming adrift from the smooth and regularly moisturised skin beneath.
It was, truly, a collective amnesia - verily, Suze, you are the Irene Adler to our outwitted Holmes! ;-)
Never mind that...
When the hell is Carol from Luton going to turn up?
*Mutters something about being doubtful of 'her' existence*
Ah, but who's to say...
...that she may not already be one of the 17? (Not that I'm saying she IS, you understand, but she MIGHT be.)
As to existence, let me reassure you on this without further ado. Not only Lutonian, but extremely talented too. In fact, though she may blush at the comparison and never make it herself, it's fair to say Carol From Luton bears an uncanny resemblance, visually (though much less chubby!) and sonically to the young lady in this clip:
And
what a fantastic clip Colin, I've never seen Fotheringay live before. Jerry Donahue as superb as ever not to mention the chick singer - who is she?
Incidentally one of your books is on my Christmas list! Fingers crossed. Otherwise I shall have to buy it in January!
Yikes!
...I'd wait till January, Twang - you might get it in a sale :-)
As for the, er, chick - why, it's Carol From Luton (oh alright then, it's Sandy Denny). But really, if you saw the pair of them side by side...
Or...
... this could be a cunning double bluff. Ha!! Got you there!!
You mean...
...that under that fake beard and under what looks to be well-kept smooth skin there's... another beard? And it's real? Yikes! :-)
Well I never
Gauntlet is a girl!
Oh, and I am one too
And can I also add I hate shopping, I like Steely Dan and I don't own a skirt but I do go funny over Rupert Penry-Jones and I like Take That. Thank you.
Thank you
for verifying yourself, hazeyjane.
In response to your statements:
1) Me too.
2) Don't really know any of their stuff. *Word heresy klaxon sounds*
3) I have 2 frocks for weddings/christenings but no skirts.
4) Perfectly understandable.
5) Nah.
By the way, is it just me, or is Gary Barlow morphing into Ray Winstone? (By the way, if he is, this is a good thing).
Despite the difference...
...re: Steely Dan. Who *doesn't* have a thing for Rupert PJ? Especially as all the rumours are that he, does indeed, have something of which to proud.
I looked at drakeygirl's picture and was also shocked at how much Gary B looked like Ray Winstone. Then I realised it *was* Mr Winstone.
Rupert Penry-Jones? And Take That?
Yes please! I think I need to go for a lie down now...
Another girl here.
But then again, my name is a bit of a giveaway.
How many of us are there now?
er
you're not the editorial director of a well-kent guidebook company are you?
No, sorry.
Sounds much more glamorous than my job, so almost wish it was me!
Late arrival
Been busy filing my nails and emptying the bins. If you look at my BMI I am the size of TWO normal women so does that count extra? Only one rather puny collection though, sadly. And no valves, but they look lovely I must say.
Hurrah!
That brings us up to 19!
drakeygirl, Mrs Pencilsqueezer, Hannah, katyg, Gauntlet, tc, JoLean, Helena Handcart, millymollymandy, toiras34, Happy Castle, Locust, QTron, hazeyjane, Susie Baby, Janice, Katyp, sarahg and ajtyorks!
But that Carol from Luton still hasn't surfaced...or has she?
Congratulations on correctly identifying your own genders, ladies. As tests go, this one wasn't particularly difficult. But the fact that there are at least 19 of us here is a very good thing.
20
This looks like another from the sisterhood.
http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/users/kate-mossman
The Sisterhood!?
any excuse, I know
"Oh Carol - where's she at?"
I think this would be the appropriate clip, Drakey:
What ever happened to kbhr?
our energetic photographer from the evening at the Lamb in January? Surely she's got over the hangover by now.
I've been sitting on my hands
but can't resist this any longer
My Mum planned to call me Brian
But I turned out to be a girl and she decided on Janice. Yes, I'm here, absent for a few days but nice to see you remembered me ! I am a typical girl though and have to skirt past any techie or football stuff on here as it just makes my brain hurt and I have to do some sewing to calm down. I might do my sewing whilst listening to something like Mott the Hoople or the Jesus & Mary Chain though, so I hope that makes up for it.
Janice
is a much nicer name than Brian.
And presumably your favourite Jesus & Mary Chain song is Sowing Seeds, then?
For clarity
I'm a chap. Apols for any conf.
And presumably...
...your favourite progressive-rock ballad is, er, Janis, by Focus. That's 20, isn't it Drakey (always assuming that CFL is among the score, of course)...?
Twenty-one
if we include Carol. We should get the keys to the blog, or something.
twenty two?
I think Urbanwoo is a lady
http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/users/urbanwoo
22...
...I'm no football expert/buff/tolerater myself, but I think that's enough for two teams - which is enough for a league!
From what I recall of playground democracy, the two alpha-wordettes declare themselves captains and select their team one by one, with the last few people invariably left feeling bruised and unworthy. (I speak as someone who was always the last in such outworkings of democracy. Not unfit - just utterly uninterested.)
Did the same kind of thing happen with you guys (euphemism) and netball/hopscotch/whatever...?
Who are the alpha-wordettes then?
Or how do we decide?
*wonders if this is Colin H up to his nefarious schemes again... doubtless he's already filling a large paddling pool with jelly anticipating some kind of scantily clad wrestling match...*
i've got a note from my mum
I've got a verruca, please can I be excused from playing?
I'd often get picked for netball early on, as I was tall, which meant I looked promising.
Sadly, my complete lack of co-ordination meant that picking me for your team guaranteed plenty of disappointment.
Eventually, as everyone cottoned on to my lack of ability, I was picked later and later and later and last. Even if it was one of my best mates doing the picking.
The shame, the shame.
You really don't want me on your sports team.
In first year of high school I nearly broke my then best-friend's nose twice in PE. Once with a basketball, and once with a hockey puck. Both incidents were entirely accidental, I hasten to add.
I knew...
...Gauntlet would get here eventually.
As surely as Gary Cooper knew he wouldn't be standing alone on the high street by 'High Noon'...
You're on your own now, ladies. I'm going to run like hell. Lads - I suggest you all do the same.
Don't know who the OTHER Alpha-Wordette is, but finding out won't be pretty...
Who are you calling not pretty?
Every single one of the Wordettes is, to a woman, drop dead gorgeous...
even in B.A uniforms
winky smiley thing
Ask me nicely...
and you never know what might happen...
is it me
or did it just get hot in here?
*loosens collar*
Don't say...
...I didn't warn you!
You blow-up the paddling pool...
I'll start making the jelly.
I made the jelly!
Not too shabby an effort, yes?
In the name of God!
How can such things be??
Personalised jelly mould
Best Christmas present I got last year
Grace & Emilia
TMFTL.
Should bloody well hope there won't be TMFTL
Far as I know, they're both tucked up in bed and hopefully asleep...
You can have TMFTT*
*tomorrow
Wowzer!
Wowzer!
I hate to tell you, Hannah
But we're gonna need a bigger jelly.
*goes to hardware store*
*buys bath*
*fills it with jelly*
I take it
the *other* bath's still full of tapioca?
Oh James.
You know me so well :-D
Tell you what though...
the tapioca gets everywhere. I'm only wrestling in jelly from now on...
Is there anything this woman can't do in the kitchen?
I'm not sure I'd want Alphabetti Spaghetti on top of my jelly, though,
I'm a lousy dancer.
Will that do?
Hoooold me closer, lousy dancer!
My birthday is coming up, could you post a cake?
For making me laugh...
certainly. Name your favourite type of cake and I'll bake it and stick it in a jiffy bag...
I like chocolate, strawberries, cream, nougat, meatball cake
I don´t think I´ve ever had a date with a cake I haven´t fallen for.
Just send it to Ola Claesson, Mr Sweet Tooth, The South Of Sweden.
They know who I am. :)
Not at all shabby.
Up arrow for the jelly.
(Didn't think I'd say that today...)
It seems appropriate...
...considering both Hannah's wobbly dessert making skills and the icy grip of fear that descends on all mankind when Gauntlet enters the room, to post this:
Icy Grip Of Fear?
No, no, no... my grip is anything but icy. *raises eyebrow*
That comes as some relief.
So to speak.