Son, I'm 30
I only went with your mother 'cause she's dirty
And I don't have a decent bone in me

God said to Abraham, “Kill me a son”
Abe says, “Man, you must be puttin’ me on”

"A-whop-bam-a-loo-bop-a-whop-bam-boo."

Spellings may vary.

"I am an anti christ, I am an anarchist"

"The Rangers had a homecoming, in Harlem late last night"

"Ppppppeople try to put us d-down, just because we g-get around"

"Hey hey mama said the way you move, I'm gonna make you sweat I'm gonna make you groove"

There's gun in your hand and it's pointing at your head

I never thought it would happen,
With me and the girl from Clapham

Bless my cotton socks I'm in the news

I am angry I am I'll and I'm as ugly as sin
My irritability keeps me alive and kicking

The winner.

Virgil Caine is my name, and I served on the Danville train from The Band's "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down".

I know that it is freezing but I think we'll have to walk from Bright Eyes's "Lua".

It all began when they come took me from my home and put me on Death Row from Nick Cave's "The Mercy Seat".

And finally, When he's holding, then the streetlights, they feel an awful lot like spotlights / and sometimes Charlemagne gets uptight from "Charlemagne in Sweatpants" by The Hold Steady.

Turn that jungle music down, just until we're out of town...

... "She loves you Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!"

Because The Beatles were kind of always there, I took them, and especially their early stuff, for granted. But I remember watching an episode the the BBC's old series The Rock And Roll Years and when that tune came on, in the context of everything else which was played it sounded so different, joyous and just plain loud. Surely that tune was the loudest thing anyone had heard at the time? Plus hear it once, and it's in your brain forever.

"I dont believe in an interventionist God"

from "Into My Arms"

"Oh, I just don't know where to begin" - from a man who is never short of words and ideas.

The ridiculously romantic - "All the other girls here are stars, you are the Northern Lights" - a paean to Kathleen from the very wonderful Mr Josh Ritter.

"Lazarus wasn't grateful, for his second wind." I've Been A Mess - American Music Club. Great song, great album, great band.

'When you wish upon a star/That turns into a plane'
from 'Valentine'

Other Paul Westerberg favourite openers:
'Hush was the first word you were taught'
'How young are you? How old am I?/Let's count the rings around my eyes'
"Well a person can work up a mean, mean thirst/After a hard day of nothing much at all'

"History repeats the old conceits, The glib replies, the same defeats" - Beyond Belief

He's a fine figure of a man and handsome too, With his eyes upon the secret places he'd like to undo - I Hope You're Happy Now

"He thought he was the King of America, Where they pour Coca Cola just like vintage wine" - Brilliant Mistake

"It's at times such as this she'd be tempted to spit, if she wasn't so ladylike..." - All This Useless Beauty

"The twitching impulse is to speak your mind, I'll lend you my microscope and maybe you will find it" - All the Rage

"There's a smart young woman on a light blue screen
Who comes into my house every night" - Green Shirt

Photographs of fancy tricks, To get your kicks at sixty-six - Chelsea

So abstract, so intriguing.

"It was the third of September, the day I'll always remember."

Trudging slowly over wet sand
Back to the bench where your clothes were stolen.

Wasted and wounded, it ain't what the moon did
Got what I paid for now

Childhood often seemed a pain to me
So hard waiting to be grown

She hates my mama
She hates my daddy too

Little black girl
In a red dress
On a hot night
With a broken shoe

In this town, television shuts off at two...
What can a lonely rock & roller do?
The bed's so big, the sheets are clean...
your girlfriend said you were nineteen

It's time that the tale was told
Of how you took a child and you made him old

The rain falls hard on a humdrum town
This town has dragged you down

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

I decree today that life
Is simply taking and not giving
England is mine - it owes me a living

Do you feel like a chain store? Practically floored.

Search and Destroy - I'm a street walking Cheeter with a heart full of Napalm

Yes you are Mr Pop.

I've always liked:

Where was I? I forgot
the point that I was making

from They Might Be Giants.

Then again there's ...

I was 21 years when I wrote this song,
I'm 22 now but I won't be for long

in its various guises from Paul Simon, Billy Bragg (Kirsty MacColl ...)

There was a radio 2 competition for opening lines a while back where the winner was Warren Zevon, Werewolves of London (I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand...), which is also a fine lead-in.

"Jesus died for someone's sins - but not mine"

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste

I was born in a cross-fire hurricane

Lloyd Cole: Like a Broken Record

Not that I had that much dignity left anyway
Nor could I feign great surprise when she finally walked away...

Marvellous.

Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street

or

What the hell is wrong with you tonight I can't seem to say or do the right thing

or

Mother doesn't go out any more - just sits at home and rolls her spastic eyes

"It was the biggest ever cock you'd ever seen, but you've no idea where that cock has been."

That's poetry, that is.

"I love a good bum on a woman it makes my day..."

I could have been most anything I put my mind to be.

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you ?

John Lennon - God
'God is a concept, by which we can measure our pain'

Bob Dylan - Positively 4th Street:
'You've got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend'

Only Ones - Another Girl Another Planet:
'I always flirt with death, I look ill but I don't care abou it'

factory by Band of Horses

I'm not sure why, I just really like that as a scene-setter.

Jesus died for somebody's sins
But not mine.

... about a woman I know

"When they pulled you out of the oxygen tent/You asked for the latest party"

"There's a new sensation/A fabulous creation/A danceable solution/To teenage revolution"

"In France, a skinny man/Died of a big disease with a little name/
By chance his girlfriend came across a needle/And soon she did the same"

"Out on the wiley, windy moors/We'd roll and fall in green"

I'm in love again, been like this before. I'm in love again, this time's true I'm sure.

... on the rock'n'roll radio ...

but my personal favourite:

"I can saw a woman in two, but you won't want to look in the box when I'm through"

"The bugger in the short sleeves fucked my wife" from Guts.
I mean, hello?

.

Rennie Sparks must be my favourite lyricist.

Weightless Again:
'We stopped for coffee in the Redwood Forest
Giant dripping leaves, spoons of powdered cream.'

Whitehaven:
'What a hideous forest surrounded Whitehaven
Twisted black mountains, wolves howled in darkness.'

Peace in the Valley Once Again
'When they closed the last shopping mall
Crickets sang in crumbling walls.'

Brilliant. No-one else like her.

a redneck nerd in a bowling shirt was a-guzzlin' Lone Star beer, talking religion and-uh politics for all the world to hear

"hey, come on
and take off all the clothes that you have on
and make love to me until the sun
comes up..."

I said "I´m Shakespeare"
She said "No, you´re not"
I said "No, not really, but I write quite a lot"

for oh, I don't know how long..."

...the darkness doubled
I recall lightning struck itself

Had my pick of any girl
You'd think I'd be happy
But I'm not

"She was born in November 1963
The day Aldous Huxley died"

and right there having a snooze,
is a TIGER, so how do you walk on by?*"

Just love how it plunges you into a rather vivid set-up. Yes, it's a kids' song, but it's penned by Tom Lehrer and it's great.

*Silently, Silently, Silent-L-Y.

"Riding along in my automobile, baby beside me at the wheel".

Sup up your beer and collect your fags,
There's a row going on down near Slough

No more carefree laughter
Silence ever after

I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind

"At night only crickets, no prowlers, no sirens."

"Busted flat in Baton Rouge, headin for the trains. Feelin nearly faded as my jeans"....

"I found my thrill on blueberry hill"..

"if your looking for touble you came to the right place"..

the Undertones authored John Peels fav ..Teenage Dreams so hard to beat,,etc but i always had a soft spot for "I've got a cousin called Kevin whos sure to go to heaven."

" Will this night forfill all the promises and bury us in peace"

'I brought you some francs from my travelling chest
You'll spare me the thanks 'til you know I'm the best
So come Hogmonay when love comes in slurs
Resolutions I'll make and you can label them hers'

"Well my friends are gone and my hair is gray
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on"

Certainly not, Edwyn

Only quickly skimmed through was been said, so you might have missed...

"I'm in the phonebooth, it's theone across the hall, if you don't answer i'll just ring it off the wall, i know he's there but i just gotta call..."

It's one o'clock and time for lunch,dum dee dummmm dee dum.
When the sun beats down and I lie on the bench
I can always hear them talk.

ya nicked at least two of those off me!

Whatever happened to Leon Trotsky?
He got an ice pick
That made his ears burn

The first verse of Sultans of Swing. I hear them, and I'm there.

Sold I to the merchant ships..."

whoops

... they keep you regular, they're real good for ya"

The Mothers of Invention - Call Any Vegetable

Not sure if it really counts as an opening line, but it captures your attention.

All you kids who just sit and whine, you should have been there back in 79
Say we're giving you a real hard time, you boys are really breaking my heart

Winter of 79, TRB