Entertainment For Lively Minds
Glass-topped coffee tables
Posted by Five-Centres on 17 September 2010 - 10:27am.
What do all the following have in common?
Trevor Eve
Joan Armatrading
Imogen Stubbs
Valerie Singleton
Juliet Morris
Pam St Clement
Jennie Bond
Richard Gere
Jerome Flynn
Selina Scott
Rolf Harris
Cliff Richard
That's right. They all have unsubstantiated rumours attached to them.
We won't be telling the stories here, obviously, but can you think of other people who fall into this bracket?
- More from Five-Centres.
- Login or register to post comments
-
I'm sure there's plenty
But most people will know the rumours attached to:
Una Stubbs,
Jimmy Saville,
and, king of them all, Marc Almond
Joanna Lumley
Joanna Lumley
and
Michael Kitchen
I've just googled that one
I chortled at the facebook page devoted to the subject of Joanna's alleged modification. I feel so sullied now. Ok, on to Lisa Stansfield...
Not forgetting . . .
Hattie Jacques
John Le Mesurier
Jamie Lee Curtis
and the latest addition
Colin Montgomerie
David Beckham
I remember about 8 or 10 years ago, Mr and Mrs Posh were ill-foundedly reputed to have had an unorthodox and potentially life-threatening experience with a bottle of champagne. That's all I'm saying, obviously. The only reason I allude to it is that I remember TONS of people talking about it at the time, and now nobody seems ever to have heard it.
Also forgotten about
is the time when Victoria Beckham claimed to have meningitis. I think it was 2001 (when her awful Dane Bowers single came out) and there was many a witty remark on the popbitch message board. Do they still call her Brainbug over there?
Skeletor
,usually, I think
Oh how maddening...
...I couldn't tell you half of the supposed rumours everyone knows. I need to keep up, clearly.
I'm particularly interested in the Trevor Eve and Una Stubbs rumours.
We should probably add Andrew Marr to this list.
Andrew Marr?
Really?
There is a mighty powerful allusion to that chap...
... in the latest Private Eye *taps nose, says no more*
Cheers, gs.
I haven't picked it up yet - I'll visit the newsagent on the way home tonight!
While I'm there, I might even buy a Private Eye as well.
Private Eye
has been casting those aspersions for a while now. They are itching to get them out and yet at the same time they are so morally superior when the red tops pull all their gossip stories.
True enough
but bear in mind that most of the Private Eye stories attacking journalists for their vicious corrupt and cretinous behaviour - which in my opinion really can't be said too often - are written by journalists on other papers. Except the ones about editors which I think are probably written by people on the same paper. Nest of vipers etc
That side - the gossip side - of Private Eye has always been hard to justify but maybe its how they get the more important stories too. I'm sure their long-term editorial line of outraged contempt for politicians, lawyers, and managers in finance and government, is far closer to the truth than (say) the biddable opinions of journos on the Fleet Street papers. And they do still print important stuff nobody else will touch
Oh I am an avid PE reader
I always buy it first thing Wednesday AM. They do splendid stuff like their recent CDC revelations - which were recently taken up by the Mail as, laughably, "an exclusive", but sometimes I do get disheartened by its self-importance and its negative cynicism. Never mind the news and current affairs, when have you ever read a positive review in its book or TV section?
Andrew Marr...
...widely reported in internet land. In fact if you go to Guido Fawkes Wikipedia page it is there.
Or type in Andrew Marr injuction.
It's not that exciting. I'm still desperate to know what Una Stubbs is meant to have done (and hope fervently it has nothing to do with glass-topped tables).
Aaah.
Please have a seat.
Glass of water ?
Now, the thing is, erm... how can I put this. You see, the daddy table and the mummy table, um, you see, much like the bees, and, erm, but differently , but like the birds in the garden ... in a special way.
All clear ? good, good.
Any more questions, ask your mother.
Desperate to know.............
I quite like the idea of a rumour involving US & a glass topped table.
Sue Lawley
Lisa Stansfield
Fact me
'til I fart. Well done Chris Morris.
I know very, VERY few of these rumours
What with me being so naive and innocent *cough*
If one wished to, you know, maybe find out what these slanderous, unsubstantiated rumours were - for research purposes only, obviously - how would one approach that?
Innocent
For most of them you must have been living a very sheltered existence!! But to be honest you'll mostly be disappointed by some of them - mostly stories about their particular sexual leaning. And some of the others, well, if you've a fondness for finding out what people do with human and or animal waste and glass tables, people's chests, freezers...allegedly.
Footy
Sol Campbell
Ashley Cole
Etc
...
I seem to recall in the dim and distant past...
... stories about Richard Gough.
Stories of a different but more common sort surrounded his team mate Ally McCoist.
'Hey Richard,
Leave those kids alone...
Well she was legally old enough, there was no impropriety and a friend of his daughter's, but never let that get in the way of a good chant.
but
a certain chant echoed loud around scottish football grounds for a few seasons and was pointedly ignored by the media ... even when you could hear it behind commentary
Cheeky suggestion
I think we should post the rumours and then we can guess who *allegedly* did what a la Pop Bitch. To avoid Fraser getting sweaty, maybe we should make the guesses in private?
Thurston Moore
Trevor Howard
John Craven
Katie Boyle
Celia Imrie
Graham Bond
Dave stewart
Kate O'Mara
Dr Fox
The Youngest Hanson brother
konnie Huq
I suspect
that some people are just posting random lists of slebs
How about
Joseph Alois Ratzinger?
Anyone else think
that the Pope's voice brings to mind an unholy fusion of Herr Lipp and Gary Oldman's Dracula?
All is Klar!
there's a large dollop
of dr strangelove to my ears
All day
whenever I've heard the pope speak I've had Stephen Fry saying 'mein handy' from an old ep of QI.
Pope's voice
Surely it's Herr Flick from Allo Allo, n'est-ce pas?
I think
it sounds ominously like The Child Catcher in CCBB (shivers)
I'm surprised
no one's mentioned the one about David Hepworth yet...
Don't forget
Tom Cruise.
......oh and if you read David Icke's site you can include just about everyone in the world who wields any political or economic power on the list.
Surprised to be the first
to mention Kevin Keegan
Stop It!!!
I'm aware of hardly any of these & now I can't stop checking the thread to see who has been added!
On the one hand I can stake my claim to the moral high ground as I seem to be blissfully blind to the vast majority of these indiscretions. On the other, as my curiosity has now been tweaked...what am I becoming???
Trevor Eve and Robin Askwith
I know what they have in common.
They've both Chased me out of their gardens. Note to editor,no crimes were being attempted during these incidents. One was a mistake (beer involved) the other was a prank which the actor in question certainly didn't see the funny side despite it being a Homage or tribute and a salute to the man.
How about ....
............. Steven Gerrard ??
yes the rumour that there
was one of those super-injunctions thingys issued just prior to the world cup and also that his wasn't the only one among the England squad
not the only one
Ooh, I hadnt heard that.
My latest news on something I had heard is that it involved the offspring of a former legend of a certain club.
by all accounts.
I can't imagine
Gerrard committing any indiscretion greater than that fucking borstal boy haircut!
Borstal boy haircut
The least of his worries.
The Gerrard rumour...
...which you seem to be delighting in disseminating further, is complete bollocks - just like all the others.
I get the feeling.............
Reading your response, I get the feeling that you are "in the know", I can understand that on one, two, maybe more of these "urban rumours", but to say they are all bollocks ???
Not so sure....
I'm not 'in the know' by any means.
It's just that of the four* main Gerrard rumours of which I'm aware, there's no substantiative evidence for any of them, hence my usage of the legal term 'bollocks'.
*(Two of which are variations on the same urban legend)
Fair enough
Fair enough, point taken, bollocks they are then.
Wan't that one spoiled by
the fact that she doesn't even have a sister?
I know a few
From my nightclub and security work days.
Fred Dineage
Kate Moss (one that wasn't in the papers)
Lionel Blair (read the label first)
and a motor racing one in which this beloved legend was really Leader of the Gang.
And of course from my days of working with a footy magazine some good football ones mostly involing Spurs' players for some reason.
A mate used to be a Chauffeur in Barcelona and worked with Nike. He has some crackers. His Louis van Gaal story is brilliant. Nicest bloke he ever drove..Roberto Carlos,close second Big Phil Scolari.
Fred Dineage?
How?
I'm guessing...
...it might concern the infamous bruvvers he wrote a biography about?
No?
Not Mike and Bernie Winters?
Say
it ain't so, Jo...
Wot no
Stevie Nicks?
kinda
dream gig for some
Might blow up...
...in her face, but hopefully not backfire.
And
no David Byrne as yet - I'm surprised. My source was a friend of a friend, but then isn't it always?
Oh, and Russell Crowe...
The Chuckle
Brothers
Lennon
And Stu Sutcliff, Brian Epstein etc.
Viz used to do this sort of thing
I remember they had a story about Jeanette Krankie and the Duke Of Edinburgh.
Seems reasonable though to assume that - given the atrocious behaviour of our ruling classes in recent years and that everyone seems to have been too thick/corrupt/complicit to notice - that the rumours are probably true in all cases except 'celebs' - and they are generally too stupid to care about. It is cynical but there are barely believable crimes being carried out at the moment
I am the only person who feels like a hypocrite?
I haven't heard any of these rumours, and now I'm curious to know what they are. At the same time, I tut-tut when I read about telephone hacking, disapproving of the intrusion into privacy which was probably in many cases intended to find out evidence of similar rumours.
No need to worry.
Gossip is good. Hacking into someone's phones to confirm gossip is bad. Hacking into someone's phones to expose serious criminal activity is good. Wherever could a grey area in such a situation occur? (Apart from if a hypothetical person encouraged everyone on a newspaper to hack as a matter of course, then lied about it in an enquiry before accepting an incredibly highly powered job.)
*ducks*
I'm sure we've played this game before..
The urban folklore ones are getting tiresome.
Sarah Greene, the rugby team and the snooker table. Sarah Greene was, it would seem, at every university in the UK in the early 80's. But everyone KNEW it was true..
Marc Almond (or Rod Stewart) and the stomach-pump. Medically impossible.
There's more, I'm sure.
Rod Stewart
pumped out of Marc Almond's stomach? I heard it was c........
To Marc's eternal credit
he tackles THAT rumour in his autobiography with refreshing aplomb.
No, he says it didn't happen.
Bizarre side note- I was reading his book on holiday in Madeira. Had got 30 or so pages into it when the chap sunbathing next to me, stood up, took one look at my book and said "Marc Almond? I used to go to school with him when he lived up in Yorkshire."
It was a little bit of synchronicity-Sting would have been proud.
And in the case of Marc Almond...
...who, exactly was supposed to be doing the calculations?
I'm sure there wasn't a group of white-coated doctors with test tubes going "hmmm... let's see. 600ml divided by the average amount equals...."
In fairness
The Sarah Greene one, though probably not entirely true, may have some grounding in a real event. It's certainly one of the tall tales that was bandied around in the particular hall of residence concerned for some years after she lived there (it's the university I work for and she definitely was a student here, at one of our campuses)
nudge nudge
http://www.modculture.co.uk/forum2/index.php?topic=7961.16
Nudge nudge, pass the fudge
Just taken a look at the modculture thread. Even if the rumours are all complete & utter tosh, part of me wants them to be true.
Ooooerrrr
Lord Snowdon once got an award in errrr.... London.
Colin Jackson understandably has admitted to being 'too busy' to ever get married.
Scribes were forbidden to mention the cleaning lady to John Major (presumably he was a fan of Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid?).
Ray Clemence and his hasty move from Liverpool... something to do with licking green shield stamps as I recall.
Colin Jackson has already been vigorously outed in the papers.
Whether or not the fellow contestant on Strictly with whom he was enjoying a liasion has or not I'm not sure. So I'll keep shtum.
I thought I knew lots of gossip
but obviously not. I'm completely unaware of rumours attached to Eve, Stubbs, Morris, Bond, Flynn and Harris from the original post. Had to google Juliet Morris.
I googled Juliet Morris Rumour
First result:
This thread.
All a bit self-reverential for me..
self-reverential
Worship of oneself? Not back to bleedin' Bono again are we?
Marianne Faithful
When rumour becomes fact. She says differently...and she should know.
Former Manchester City goalie Nicky Weaver, from someone he called for help.
Arthur Negus
has held Bristols
Silly
Party?
plenty of scurrilous muck
here...
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=210&t=539680&mid=0&i=...
Scurrilous Muck
Two more from them later...
I'd love to see...
...how they trail this thread in the weekly Word email.
Suggestions for a pithy header?
Walnut Whips Ahoy, perhaps?
How about
"Two girls, one coffee table"?
Judy Finnegan
Leon Brittan.
Jimmy Saville...oh boy, the tales about him...
The TV weathergirl who anonymously sent herself threatening letters and eventually a gun to drum up some attention after Jill Dando's murder.
And for those of you who have lurked on Popbitch for as long as I have, some choice phrases
"Tom's putting it in now"
"Tits or Face"
"Can you tek me lenght?" (Jamaican accent)
"Cup the balls, work the shaft"
"Take it up a notch"
TV weathergirl
Even if that tale is not true, it should be !
On an aside, most of these tales I accept as being a lot of tosh, but the single 70+ (??) DJ, I bet he has a tale or two.
TV Presenter who was into S&M
...liked wearing lingerie (and thus a TV TV presenter) and sniffing cocaine.
Oh, turns out it was true - Frank Bough was a lot more colourful than Nationwide had led me to believe.
Frank Bough
You list his "ways" like they are a bad thing??
Even worse
Those jumpers!
That was the thing...
that made it all the more shocking...
The sweaters
And the avuncular manner.
Avuncular
What a great word, sadly underused and, I think, the diametric opposite of curmudgeon ((c) Van Morrison and Exile Enterprises, all rights reserved).
I do?
I thought it was great! Fair play to him. Sounds like he was living life to the full.
Wot, no
Chris Evans/Noel Edmonds?
Gotcha!
I'm sure I remember Chris Evans being asked about this.
He said it was a myth. The proof being that if it were true, he'd have bought the footage and sent copies to all his mates.
Alan Hansen
.