What can possibly be said to that? I just don't know where to start!

there is a kind of point of point there. It is boggling to think that there are "Pop Factor got Talent" type shows in nearly every nation known to the UN.

And, it's either neo-imperialist cultural hegemony or a soft sell free-market democratic awakening - or it may just mean that the world over people enjoy the sight of someone making a tit of themselves - or, occasionally, someone with a real talent.

What it mainly means is a few more bob in SC's improbably hoisted pantaloons.

While he's about it, can Simon Cowell give us back proper trial by jury and freedom of speech as well, please?

presumably the hard pressed warlords will soon be able to have their moats cleaned at the public expense.

To be fair, if I had a moat and could dupe some taxpaying peasant into footing the cleaning bill I probably would.

'If I Had A Moat' ...? Wasn't that a Lyle Lovett song?

I'm sure I read an article somewhere suggesting that the Chinese version of the X factor (at the time the biggest democratic event the world has ever seen) was fuelling anti-government unrest

...credit where credit's due.

Good on you Cowell and your team of Democratisers...

...then give me fascism every time.

Simon's Got Egomania

... but the people who occupy the most foaming at the mouth end of the Taliban headcase spectrum would probably kill people for singing. The winner of Afghanistan's Got Talent might find his or herself in a spot of bother if they ever got back in power. I'd say Cowell actually does have a tiny point here...

with Cowell recently where he declared his interest in going into politics. Strangely he reminds me very much of David Cameron - jumped up, self opinionated twat with a face you would like to punch. Are they twins separated at birth?

I rather fear that one man's democracy is another's lowest common denominator.

And there is one fundamental point that Simon overlooks: it's him who chooses from the thousands of applicants the 12 we can vote for. Democracy? A very carefully controlled democracy, methinks.

I'm reminded of the old joke. A notorious dictator is aked when he will bring democracy to his country. "We already have it," he says. "We have a principle of 'one man, one vote' in place." He pauses. "And I am the one man."

An American is sparring with a Soviet-era Russian:

American - In my country, I can tell the President that I think he's a schmuck! You can't do that!

Soviet-era Russian - Yes I can! Anytime I like, I can go to the Kremlin and tell Breshnev that I think the President of the USA is a schmuck.

You had to be there.

... I'm sure he had already heard Susan Boyle's voice prior to her first performance on BGT - I think he staged the whole thing and that would make him even more despicable.