Gig etiquette
Just before Morrissey’s recent Hyde Park howitzer of a performance there was a Richard Hawley lookalike in my vicinity who was so excited by the arrival of his idol that he looked ready to explode from his buttoned-up cardie. Once the Manc matador was in full swing with Quantick’s favourite rhythm section, Hawleyalike (or Hawtreyalike, come to think of it) was in his element – proprietarily bopping like a priapic rooster whilst sucking fiercely on an endless supply of cancer-sticks. But at one point his tobacco-tugging trance was rudely interrupted as Moz let slip in typically caustic style: “I see Kylie’s been awarded an O.B.E… for services to music.” As the crowd sniggered knowingly, one woman said jokingly to her friend, “Cor, he’s a right old bitch, isn’t he?” Which was all too much for Hawtrey. He immediately rounded on her and spat, “If you don’t shut your ****ing gob right now you ****ing ****, then you better **** off! Alright?!” There was a brief pause as the ladies gawped at each other, quite unable to comprehend what their ears had just been assailed with. This being a Morrissey gig, there were no recriminations - just a little huffing, puffing and rather subdued tittering. Like several others, I tried to stare the bespectacled berk into embarrassment (such chivalry!) but as soon as the music struck up he was back in his jiggle zone, sparking up the gaspers again with robotic intensity.
But no amount of OTT cheerleading, smoking or sub-psychobilly stomping could disguise the fact that he’d spectacularly blown his cool. As the gig progressed he grew increasingly flustered, complaining theatrically to anyone who had the temerity to get in his way (which happened increasingly), or – poor mite – who clapped enthusiastically above his head.
We were witnessing the cliché of the sensitive Morrissey fan being exaggerated to rather grotesque proportions.
Any other examples of poor/misplaced gig etiquette?
- More from hectamus.
- Login or register to post comments
Bob Dylan, Wembley Stadium, 1984...
On that baking hot summer's day I found myself standing 20 feet from the stage next to a thirty-something longhair. Said longhair was carrying a school lunchbox, each compartment containing a different drug. He'd stuck labels on... hash, speed, LSD etc.
As Bob started his set, this space cadet started to tuck into his 'lunch' in a serious way. He got more and more out of it until he ended up singing the wrong songs whilst Bob was playing them... I remember his rendition of 'Mr Tambourine Man' as being splendid, only trouble was it was accompanying 'Blowin' In The Wind'. With hindsight this was actually quite an easy mistake to make, despite the drugs, as I have often wondered what song Bob was playing myself.
Anyway, longhair eventually lets out this bizarre noise... 'heeeuuurrrrgggghhh' is close enough... and keels over face forwards. As the stadium cleared after the show, I can distinctly recall seeing him still prone upon the pitch as staff started to clear up the rubbish...
Black Sabbath, Bradford
St George's Hall, 1975 or 1976. Me a "poor" student had been roped in to hump in the gear of the mighty Sabs. Remaining to the very end to reverse the effort and get paid I took in the show from the back of the circle as Ozzy and boys struttted their stuff.
At the front of the the circle a hairy bod was going though the ritual frenzy of head-shaking and two-fingered salute to the Ozmeister, adopting the standing pose through every song. I slope off to the bar to count away the dreary minutes until I get paid and then to the downstairs foyer, in time to witness same hairy chap staggering out of the stalls, somewhat dazed and claiming to have fallen off the balcony.
With all the deference to 1970's health & safety the steward checked his ticket, packed him back upstairs and "freaking out" was resumed.
2
Why is it that the Tallest people always go and stand near the front.
The White Stripes,outside in Barcelona. It's raining ,Some idiot opens a Golf umbrella. suddenly 200 people can't see a thing. After asking Mr First Gig to take it down he replies that his girlfriend is getting her new top wet. After 10 minutes of arguing somebody sets fire to his umbrella. Man do those things go up quick.
why didn't short people
eat their greens as children! ;) It is a problem as tall type I do worry about blocking the view.
we nattered about this before
http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/gig-etiquette
Nattering
We discussed it here too:
http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/more-annoying-gig-behaviour
And here:
http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/what-happened-violence-gigs
Popular topic!
Mind you, bad behaviour is not just the preserve of people at gigs (no sh!t Sherlock!). I took my son to see Wall-E last week. We both really enjoyed it; our enjoyment being only slightly marred by the inconsiderate tossers who sat about six rows behind us and talked throughout the film.
Why can't these troglodytes wait for the DVD to come out and watch it at home if all they're using it for is background noise to fill the silences during their chat about Big Brother, Daz's new "bird", or whatever...?
(Me, a grumpy old man? Too bloody right!)
Cinemas, don't start me!
Lord of the rings, 3 hours long but they still come in with a gallon of coke each and inevitably within an hour there off to the toilet with all the noise that involves, Pah!!!
The worst screening I was at
was for Panic Room. I have never before seen so many people go to the toilet. I'm almost not at all exaggerating to say that I never once saw the screen without someone walking along the bottom of it going to the toilet. People were up and down constantly. Plus there was two boys looking for seats in a 100% full cinema. They spent a good fifteen minutes searching for seats.
Although worst of all was the screen itself. The film was so dark and murky that I couldn't even see the movie. It was shadows moving over silhouettes from start to finish. I know that to complain that a Fincher movie is too dark is like stating the obvious - a bit like complaining a fire engine is painted red. Still, I felt he had gone way too far this time.
Later I got the DVD and was amazed that you could see the people and the locations! Amazing. And if you put the brightness up on your TV it can even be clearly seen. The cinema must either have had a bad projector bulb, or the film print was terrible.
Should have gone to Specsavers...
;-)
Ah hah
tis time for my rant re the one-gig-a-year hippy soap-dodgers who chattered incessantly (and banally) throughout Primal Scream and Supergrass at the Neil Young fandango. Now, I'm sure all they were interested in was said Canadian of the Krypton Factor-style endurance test of a set, but, blimey Charlie, the sound was quiet enough without a preponderance of 'dudes', 'awesome', 'man', 'old black' and 'wow' in no particular order. Naturally, I taught the hemp-loving scoundrels a lesson in etiquette they'll never forget, but couldn;t they just have wandered off to the beer tent (or Gandalf's magic garden) for a natter?
Enough musicians on the stage, thanks
My enjoyment of a Toots & The Maytals gig (btw, did you know that Dr. Hibbert in The Simpsons is named after Toots?) was briefly disturbed by a guy beside me playing a mouth organ along with (or so he thought) the music.
Why? To enhance our enjoyment of the event? Or just his, at the expense of everyone else's?
The disturbance was only brief: The silent majority expressed their disapproval by crushing him out of the area.