to dull lumpen indie bands just tells me you should wind your neck in man.

Couldn't agree more with Danny Dyer though.

... is a cretinous buffoon.

Pretty much want to slap anyone with facial piercings - esp. in the eyebrow. Seems to also correlate with crap music but I just find them so annoying.

Danny Dyer is not that annoying - I've pretty much missed everything he's been in without any effort.

Peaches Geldof takes the whole Huntley & Palmer's factory output for a year and is eminently, although only metaphorically, slappable.

Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise. A no no immediately. Then add Jude Law. Apart from Road to Perdition because my all time favourite actor Paul Newman was in that.

looks a bit like Michael Flanders.

Spare a thought for his lass Stephanie. Biggest economics story for years and she’s on maternity leave from her job as BBC Economics Editor, her thunder stolen by Robert Peston.

But I suppose I'd better join the queue.

Jeremy Clarkson

David Walliams

Moyles

...thread.

the cheese making smug monkey. Although they could have a Blur reunion so I could give Albarn a slap at the same time.

Danny Dyer..yes please!
What about the unholy trinity of Bobby Gillespie, Richard Ashcroft and Liam Gallagher - quite simply for putting "image" before music and constantly bigging themselves up as something they're not?
The insufferably smug Ross? The unfunny Ricky Gervais?
Phah, a pox on them all!

.

I know he's going through a bit of a bad patch, but there's nothing like kicking a man when he's down.

Mick Hucknall
Chris Moyles (again)
Katie Melua
Annie Lennox - oh god, the total smug talent vacuum
the singer from the Kooks
Roger Waters
Liam Gallagher
Cliff Richard
Chris Martin
twunty from Razorlight
oh I could go on for hours, hope I could come up with a list who's very appearance gives me a lift.

Russell Brand
'Pee pee' Mandelson
George Osborne
Gyles Brandreth
Sting (it will sting)
and as above
(we're indulging our worst, negative instincts again I see - good isn't it?)

Danny Dyer is a given (deserves a good kicking)
Women who fancy Danny Dyer (mild slap to get them to see sense)
Francis Wilson (Smug Sky Weather presenter)
Chris Martin
George Lamb
Mohammed Al Fayed (what a fugger)
Ed Balls
The cast of Hollyoaks
Those at Disney responsible for High School Musical (Bad influence on kids - heard a children's review of the new film, and all the kids could talk about was how cool the characters clothes looked - we don't need any more vacuousness in this world)

Russell Brand
Pillock who sings for Razorlight
George Lamb
Jeremy Kyle
Justin Lee Collins
George Lamb
Anyone from T4
Kirstie and Phil
All TV chefs
George Lamb
George Lamb

More will come I'm sure...

Although he appears to have given up music for UFO spotting so perhaps I should cut him some slack.
Bongo from U2
Adam Sandler
George Lamb (sorry I just hate him)
Nicky Campbell
The Tory Front Bench
The Labour Front Bench
George Lamb's "posse"
All of the X Factor panel apart from Cheryl who'd probably kill me if I even looked at her wrong
George Lamb's employers.

Damon Albarn makes the blood boil - irritating smug twat!

Paul Daniels - of course
Theo Paphites
Gok Wan

Seems I've opened a can of worms with my Danny Dyer hatred!

that's all - like that git Gok Wan they now think that they are therapists and marriage guidance councillors. Which in one of their cases is deeply ironic

'The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant' Not sure why this comes to mind

Oh and Star Wars bores

used to make me want to kick in the telly every time he did that cheesefest grin.

I don't think he's ever made me laugh and he's becoming more and more smug.

Konnie Huq and Claudia Winkelman. Both, inexplicably, are considered as first call broadcasters and yet both seem stuck in hopelessly arrested development. They're both grown women but insist on acting like teenage girls while on camera. Playing with their hair, looking up at the camera with spaniel eyes, making that fucking annoying 'ooh it's hot' hand fanning gesture, getting flustered and descending into 'y'know... stuff!' type comments.

...the one about the shit-faced music journo, hoovering up the national economy of Columbia, along with downing the entire budgetary mark up of drink with Elvis Costello/Nick Lowe/Lee Brilleaux/delete as applicable?
No? Backpage of "Unshod". every bloody month. Good lookin' fella tho', to be fair.

I HATED CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND. THE COMBINATION OF THAT ACTOR AND THAT CHARACTER.

Billy Bragg - the 80s are over...stop wining
Bono - as Billy Connolly once said "strap on the guitar and get back to fxxxing work"
Craig Doyle - Irish smug totty for the ladies on holiday/sport related programmes
The US Republican party - take your pick but Palin is good start..Alaska for gawd sake
Ricky Gervais - yup it is defintely time for a backlash whilst he is attempting to a be a leading man (chortle)

Gabby Logan
Chris Martin
Mark Lawrenson (stop thinking you're so funny)
Richie (the guy who keeps popping up on BBC Sport doing really hopeless interviews)
Brendan off Strictly Come Dancing (smug, arrogant, horrible)

... anyone who presents Midweek Lottery. The fake audience applause, the cheesy dialogue with the voice over bloke, the desperate uncomfortable looks on their faces, it's cringe worthy.

John Sweeney- appallingly, self important BBC investigative journo. Look up his scientology rant on youtube for proof.

Simon Heffer of The Telegraph. Smuggest man in the world, the sort of face you could rub against roughcasting for a fortnight and not get bored of it.

John "Gaunty" Gaunt- opinionated, shouty and plain wrong.

Richard Littlejohn - ditto

Tony Parsons - smug, bewilderingly successful considering everyone seems to hate him. Always incredibly pleased with himself.

I really need to cheer up now.

NME editor and twunt-in-chief deserves a bunch of fives in the hooter in my humble opinion.

along with Terry Wogan, Boris Johnson, Richard and Judy and top of my list Graham bloody Norton who I would have to slap several times just for the fun of it. How did he ever get on TV???

Smugness personified.

George Monbiot (environment journalist in the Guardian). He may often make sense but I can't get past the self-righteous preening.

David Cameron and George "give us £50,000" Osborne.

Alec Ferguson and Harry Redknapp. Anyone on an ITV football panel.

Gary Bushell. Jim Davidson. Richard Littlejohn. These three should live together on an island far, far away.

And, back on music, Mark E Smith, Lily Allen, Simon Cowell.

That's all for now.

compiling a league table of slapability? One or two faces popping up a few times.

For not posting the answer to his impossible sprog quiz from 3 weeks ago. If that seems a tad harsh then perhaps a loud raspberry would suffice.

http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/name-rock-sprogs-whove-gone-family...

especially after THAT video - I'll take my clothes off and get all wet, the ladies will love that...
Keira Knightly - the pouting, the bad acting...
David Cameron and George Osbourne - two smug peas in a pod whose smarm reminds me of Michael Portillo
Mark Ronson - am I the only female who finds him just a bit creepy ?
Claudia Winkleman again, Davina McCall - why do they and their ilk need to screech so much ?

And sorry, but who is Danny Dyer ?

There I've said it (probably not the first mind!)...

Look up the word SMUG in the dictionary, there's a picture of Giles 'Fucking Smug' Brandreth smug smugging with all his big smug fucking jumperness smug face on there - appearing on the 'one show' with MICHAEL STIPE 'fer christs sake and making Stipey look at him as if he's just been released from a London victorian mental asylum, what the feck?

GOK WAN(KER) - bet hes not even gay, just loves titting up fat birds!
DAVINA MCCALL - simply, why?
HARRY REDKNAPP - what was god thinking when he made his face - oh has he been slapped already?
JOHN LYDON - a butter ad... a butter ad... a butter ad... A FECKIN' BUTTER AD??? I'm aghast and distraught every time it comes on!
GEORGE LUCAS - smarm and smug at the same time, it a wonder he doesnt melt like one of the guy in Indiana Jones when the Ark is opened!
SUGGS - oh just fuck off, and take your fish fingers with you!

Oh and Kerry Katona - just 'cos her and Jade Goody are the epitomy of everything thats wrong with this country - and i'm not even a Daily Mail reader!!

Man I could go on for hours with my venting spleen, ha!

This is my good deed for the week stat fans!

Danny Dyer 7pts
George Lamb 7pts*
Alex James 5pts
David Cameron 4pts
Chris Martin 4pts
Damon Albarn 3pts
Bobby Gillespe 3pts
Chris Moyles 3pts
Russel Brand 3pts
George Osborn 3pts
Gok Wan 3pts
Razorlight 3pts

and lots more lurking around on one or two votes.

* includes four votes from ganglesprocket.

Whilst he has many crimes to stand trial for, his condescending put down of Lauren Laverne for DARING to utter the phrase "world music" in his presence deserves a hearty face slapping.

So...in Vim Fuego style

"World Music
World Music
World Music
World Music
World Music
World Music
World Music
World Music
World Music
World Music"

Is that enough world music for you Albarn....now get on your bended knee and apologise to Laverne, who in a very short career with Kenickie turned out more fun, passion and vigour than you've managed in 15 years.

Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean....

WORLD MUSIC!

Good enough for Andy Kershaw, good enough for you....

Let me back at him nurse, I haven't finished yet....

Woo - hoo, well I feel heavy metal.........AARGH

Punch, slap, kick, punch slap kick.....

about ganglesprocket!

I've nothing against the Pavlov's dog principle of slapping to stop bad habits

e.g everytime Steve Wright says the big show, everytime Sarah Palin winks knowingly (is that an Oxymoron)

just a moron.

I dare anyone here to stick-up for this useless airhead.
And speaking of Radio 1 DJs how about Scott Mills - acts like a 14 year old tosspot on the radio then tries to be Mr Light Entertainment on the Lottery show. Give them both a slap.

...can't believe I forgot Davina McCall (gurning idiot) and Fearne Cotton (gurning idiot).
Can I add
Nick Ferrari
Bill Turnbull
Fiona Phillips
Eamonn Holmes
Sian Phillips
Bernard Matthews
Zac Osborne
Kelly Osbourne
Sharon Osborn
James Blunt
Newton Faulkener
cripes - I am filled with bile

has been given a temporary reprieve after I just witnessed him slaughter Danny Dyer on Never Mind The Buzzcocks...!

Maybe Anstell is lurking here, a secret member of the Word Massive...

Bit of a weird coincidence Dyer appearing on TV today - the best bit was when they do the usual guess the next lyric round at the end - all the songs were aimed at Dyer..."Knees Up...?", "I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of...?" etc etc - classic stuff!

Mind you isn't NMT Buzzcocks shite these days.

...Could do with a good slap or two, a clip around the ear , as my father would say. Now , when Gunsroses release their new album ..?.. it should be roundly ignored, I´ve grown tired of waiting, nothing is worth this long a wait.

Oooh and while I am at it, Peter Mandelson, Peaches Geldof, Fox News, Silvio Berlusconi, Charlie Sheen and David Icke should steer clear of me for the time being.

Still venting that spleen here but after seeing the latest political farce emerging in the news the past few days:

EVERY FECKIN' CONSERVATIVE POLITICIAN WHO EVER WAS!
AND A FEW OTHER PARTY FAVOURITES TOO - MANDELSON ARE YOU READING THIS?

oh, and Louis Walsh would do wise to steer clear of me if we ever passed on the street (not likely in Leeds mind!) - feckin' slap to his 'oi love me boybands me' bejeesus face would smarten my day right up...!

Still, at least up north we're not yet run by the laughing 19th century cavalier that is Boris Johnson, jeez i feel sorry for you Londoners, you must all wake up wanting to slap him everyday - button up your jacket you feckless posh buffoon!

there, i think my scream/anger management therapy is at an end for today (or is it?)

Noel Edmunds + Cliff Richard better not be walking down any alleyways in Glasgow, I can tell you.

....eh?
(Mind, Glasgies gang aye sae posh the day, to the chagrin of puir oul Embra)
Lapse into vernacular indelibly smeared by sassenach use of namby pamby foreign word, made all the more lame by a feeble attempt to invoke the auld alliance....
Jings....

... and indeed, help ma' boab!

hugely slappable and 10 million times worse when she teams up with the dreaded Phil Jupitus on BBC's Glastonbury coverage.

Lauren is lovely!

half as much as some of the other awful music/entertainment/celeb presenters.
I thinks she is pretty good with Mark Kermode on the Culture Show - certainly don't think she deserves a slap.

Especially when you think of the general pitiful standard of entertainment presenters (male and female), Fearne Rotten, Tess Daley, Vernon Kay, Zane Lowe, Edith Bowman etc.

Can't believe more people haven't nominated wanting to slap JIMMY CARR yet. The irritating twerp has a face like a smacked arse to begin with...

Westwood yet? Tim not Dame Viv. If not, I'm putting him forward for due consideration.

JK - talentless frontman out of Jamiroquai - aka "The Tw*t In a Hat". How true.

And special mention to Alex James, Chancer Extraordinaire, who played rudimentary bass guitar in a mid-90s indie band and who now collects (one presumes) a not unsizeable fee for blathering on in any newspaper which will pay him, underneath a shot of him WEARING A FLAT CAP aaagggh

Enough of this potential libel - please can we have a "Jolly Decent Chap/Chappess" thread now?

... on the site. Support some niceness over yonder folks!

this is like group catharsis - far more fun than being nice! (insert smiley thing here).

Maybe I should set up a new business, some sort of group therapy sessions, it seems like there'd be a pretty large customer base out there.

... and Simon Pegg

fails to engage or amuse me, is feted by the media and people, I've wanted to give him a good shoe-ing* since 'Big Train'

*should that be shoo-ing?

watch TV, why did God invent BBC iPlayer and YouTube?

...anyone ?

...So I'll just say: the boss of every bank whose bid to make another billion pounds profit by lending money to people with absolutely no ability or desire to repay it has left all of us wondering whether we'll have a job/house/car/revolution in a few months' time.

Can’t believe there are so many entries without anyone nominating the most obvious irritant of all:

Gordon (“I will not shirk every day from taking the right long-term decisions to make sure that all hard-working families get their fair share of lazy and patronising cliches”) Brown

and Ross, obviously

Never heard his music, don't want to now - suspect I might like it.

I would never tire of slapping
1) Elton John - a truly mediocre "talent"
2) Tim Lovejoy - sick of him on BBC 606 re England winning world cup. Up in Scotland thats something we really don't want
3) Simon Cowell - "Peter Kays single is pointless" Westlife!! Leon Jackson!!!! Robson & Jerome. Need I go on
4) John Lydon - Never wrong on anything and always blameless
5) Sharon Osbourne - only came famous cause married to Ozzy. Please go away
6) George Michael - oh its difficult being a multi millionaire hence sex in public places and drugs

I'm gonna stop now cause this could be endless

Gary Richardson from Radio 4 sports. Hate him. So smug. There are others, obvioulsy, but I thought he deserved a mention in glorious isolation.

Cue fake recorded clapping and cheering from studio "posse"

Tom Cruise...just for being Tom Cruise

Al Gore.... for sprouting so much bullshit, the Planet is fine Al it's the people who are stuffed!!

Sourav Ganguly...just let me at him!

I was gonna say Tom Cruise, mainly because he DOESN'T believe in anti-depressant medication but he DOES believe in weird arse space aliens as dogma! And for being so God damned happy and bouncy all the time, and he probably voted for McCain, AND 90% of the movies he has made make me physically bloody sick (magnolia is a HUUUUUUGE exception).

Paris Hilton should be strapped into a 'slapping chair' until she stops smiling that creepy collageny smirky grin and eats a burger.

Bill O'Reilly should be *smacked*, hard.

Sarah Palin should be put into a bubble and buried into a remote pit in Alaska.

Everyone who has ever been on Australian Big Brother should be slapped every day for every day they were in the house, just for giving me the feeling that my TV has slapped ME everytime I see them (aside from last years housemate Bianca, who was both intelligent and possessed GG natural breasts)

Plenty of others, but you guys seem to have covered most of them.

Gina Yashere - Being able to do a 'comedy' Nigerian voice doesn't make you a comedian.

Mark Kermode - If we took him as seriously as he takes himself there'd be Easter Island style monuments of his greasy head on every High Street.

Phil Jupitus,Sue Perkins, Gyles Brandreth,Tony Hawks - Thank you all for ruining Just a Minute with your unbearably pleased with yourselves 'flights of whimsy'.

Paul Merton - Where's his washboard?

Jools Holland - The Queen Mother of music TV. That's a bad thing by the way.

Lenny Henry - When has he EVER been funny?

Stuart Maconie - Increasingly ubiquitous professional northener who takes 500 words to say sod all of interest when 3 would do ( eg 'aren't I great?').

Bobby Gillespie - When asked by Jools Holland (see above) a few years ago on Later what he'd take to a desert island he started his answer with 'Robert De Niro's haircut in Mean Streets' & went on to list several other desperately cool items (Sun Ra was almost certainly in there too). Grade A wanker.

Alan 'Juan' Carr - I'm gay, isn't it hilarious? No.

Justin Lee Collins - I sound like a wurzel & look like a porn wookie, isn't it hilarious? No.

Peaches Geldof - In the words of Billy Joel - 'what-more-do-I-have-to-say?

Billy Joel - Piano man? Innocent Man? Twat man more like.

Chris Martin - Gosh, he really feels the weight of the world doesn't he?

God, this is great fun when you get started isn't it?

I've just had to do a credit-crunch forced cull of my magazine purchases & this fine organ is the only one I couldn't let go of.

re Mr Maconie - Iknow, I know, maybe a little harsh - I've enjoyed his writing since his NME days but he's got that sub-Peely 'I've got a thesaurus & I'm gonna use it' broadcasting style that grates on me a bit.

By the way 3 more that should have gone in my first posting:
Bill Oddie
John Sessions
Marcus Brigstocke

Absolutely.

Alex Zane. Conor Mcdoodah of the NME. Danny Robbins. George Lamb.

Patrick Kielty
Alexa Chung

Otherwise, you lot have pretty much covered it.

Am I missing something with this talentless waste of space with zero charisma!!!

the Spurs defender...he looks like Galen from Planet of The Apes and wears a girl's hairclip!

Now I rather like Wales and the Welsh people I've met over time. Indeed, I would happily marry Gruff from Super Furry Animals. However, please pass the paddle for...

Duffy - shaved ewok with tubercular whinny and Dusty delusions anyone?

Kelly Jones - giant-headed, swarthy dwarf with prediliction for gravel gargling and tuneless dirges.

Catherine Jenkins - 'popera singer' I know you're busy with Darcy Bussell and everything, but might you have time to fuck off?

As for the rest of this fair globe of ours, honorable mention must go to...

Bill Oddie - odious, Pink loving, hobbit-footed curmudgeon. Those poor woodland creatures.

Matthew McConaghey - I simply can't watch a single film of his. I imagine he surfs in all roles and grins that pop-eyed, skeletal rictus - and is still cast as the romantic lead. Man alive!

Sarah Palin - a hottie apparently. I guess if you're used to coupling with the rotting carcasses of elk. Nice take on cultural diversity and evolutionary science though.

and anybody else who thinks pouting like Posh makes you look good

If Danny Dyer is that cockney fella who was on Buzzcocks the other week then I agree he is a right nuisance. As is George Lamb. And Sharon Osbourne. Can I also throw in:

Pink
Richard Blackwood
Gillian McKeith
Tommy Walsh
Madonna
Ruby Wax
Frank Skinner
Heather Small

All for being smug, with no achievements to be smug about.

"Nick FU@KING Knowles

Ant or Dec, don't mind which...
Simon Amstell..I'm sure he's lovely, he's even quite amusing. I still want to boot the telly in when he's on. So I may punch him just to save my TV.

Apologies if they ahve already been mentioned.

I got half way through the list and had to have a rest...the red mist was descending.

George Osborne (the MOST loathsome face ever known to man)
David Cameron
Chris Moyles
Alex Zane/Alexa Chung
George Lamb
Nick Grimshaw
Miquita Oliver on T4..stop laughing at your own "jokes" (OK, anyone on T4)
Noel Fielding, see Miquita Oliver above (Plus he has freakishly yellow teeth)
James Corden
Colin Murray
Edith Bowman (GET IN!!!!!!!! Is all I ever seem to hear her say)
Any of the Loose Women presenters
Vanessa Feltz
Danny Dyer/Joe Swash they are interchangable.
The bunch of annoying DIY S.O.S morons
Anyone who goes on Deal or No Deal..no I don't want to see a photo of your family

Wow..I never knew I had so much hatred in me.

And was none the wiser afterwards

John McCririck
Gerald Harper
Ainsley Harriott
"Diddy" David Hamilton
Bea Campbell
Adam Sandler

Still can't believe that someone voted for Lauren Laverne. No, no, and thrice no.

.....anyone? C'mon, you guys CAN'T have anybody worse than Glenn Beck! Ever 'Dyer' or Dwyer' or whoever looks sensible next to this one.

I'm touched - my only thread to have topped a hundred replies and someone drags it out of obscurity! Could have done it before last Friday's Awards thing though...might have got at least a sniff, not that I'm jealous and bitter or anything...

Oh, and while we're about it I'd like to slap Sepp Blatter's wrinkled little ass after seeing his smug gurning not corrupt in any way of course face (was he mentioned in the Panorama programme?) accepting a bid from someone who resembled David Beckham. Has Beckham had some sort of cosmetic touch ups? He's starting to look more like one of those sad lookalikes that gets booked for Corporate dos than the real thing!

that overpaid, overpreened, spoilt, pouting, epliated, mahogany perma-tanned, outrageously talented and don't I know it, Iberian twat....I give you...

Christiano Ronaldo

(and before any smartarse says he's actually from Madeira I know that but it somehow spoilt the flow)

Robert Elms, George Lamb, Steve Wright (indeed any and every 'DJ' apart from Mark Lamarr), Madonna, Elvis Costello (features/interviews/reviews to record sales index: 10 to 1), the England.....erm.....'golden generation'.

Actually anyone who missed the 60s really, if I'm honest, deserves a massive slap/spell in the stocks.
Not the English cricket team, though, apart from Petersen (and really only for his fawning over Simon Cowell).

Probably at the top though, and I realize that for some they are the reason for getting up in the morning but, anything and anyone to do with the clash.

Looks like a lesbian, though that's not why I want to slap him. I don't slap lesbians. Or women. I should stop digging now.

There was a time, not so long ago, that I felt the urgent need to give many people I didn't like a good slap or at least have an irrational rant about. Thinking about it a while ago though, I realized that it was all a waste of energy and it was only my opinion, which however right I am/was (and I bloody well am/was right), is just as boring as anyone else's. To me at least. So to all the band/artists/politicians/sportspeople/celebrities etc, that I don't like and would love to smash your faces in. I forgive you. You're shit and you know you are. I'm right, you're not and we'll just leave it at that. Goodnight Shepherds Bush.