and, while you're not going to bump into any of us in the street, I still think you've been incredibly brave to write this post.

You don't have to tell any of your friends if you don't want to, I'd say there's no obligation, but the fact you've posted this shows you want to talk to someone about it. So, whether it be one or two very close friends you trust unconditionally or a professional, that sounds like a good idea to me.

Ultimately though, I'm just a well-meaning stranger on a website with no qualifications or experience in helping people through things like this. You need to do whatever it takes for you to put this behind you and live a normal life again. He's taken that from you and it's incredibly unfair.

I really hope you manage to recover from this soon.

(Also, this may well not be my place to say, as it's not good manners to criticise the family of others, but what an odious, despicable man your brother-in-law is, and WHAT THE ACTUAL TAPDANCING FUCK is your sister doing sticking with him?)

That's awful. It's criminal behaviour. Obviously as per Joe, I can't say one way or the other and it's an immensely difficult thing to talk about but perhaps you should outside of the family. Quite what your brother-in-law thought he was doing is another matter altogether. Perhaps he would like to speak with someone about it too. A lawyer, or a policeman, for example.

I think you've been incredibly brave to post this, and as if Joe and Rich didn't already say exactly the right thing, here it is again: he's disgusting, a total arsehole and you have nothing NOTHING NOTHING to feel bad about. He's almost certainly committed a crime here, hasn't he? Regardless of that, he's absolutely betrayed everyone in your family and hurt you very badly.

God, poor you. This is really, really awful.

I can't comment on your family dynamics, but let me put it like this: my daughters are young, but if they were older and one of their husbands did something like this, I wouldn't hesitate to shop the motherfucker to the police. LIKE A SHOT. Even if nothing came of it, I'd make the complaint. He CANNOT get away with this.

What has been your sister's reaction?

wrong. I don't fully get how this happened from your description though (was he holding the phone, was it set up to film you incognito?

In itself there are worse things that someone could do (we're all sexual beings) but it does reveal a part of his personality which goes beyond normal fantasy.

My advice - for what it is worth - is that if you genuinely believe that he is a good person who may have done a really stupid thing that he is mortified about, then give him another chance but keep a close eye on him, and don't give him a second one.

If he is generally untrustworthy - we all know what that means (disrespect, arrogant, cheap values) then have nothing more to do with him and pull your sister up about him.

IMHO!

You need to get this off your chest by speaking to someone, and I think this is so close to you that you may be nervous about friends (and family here frankly, aren't much use).

I genuinely think The Samaritans are worth calling. They are neutral, they'll listen, they are not too close and they are experts at first steps after a trauma. And this was a trauma, no mistake.

And the rest of the family? It sounds as if you're having to carry on as if nothing had happened to keep everything normal for everyone else.

You're the victim here. You need to get angry; rant and rage and get it out of your system.

Maybe counselling would help with this. But don't bottle it up and let this prat take up space in your life that he doesn't deserve.

I'd start with flushing his i-phone down the loo.

But not before sending him the link to this blog.

That was one of the bravest posts I've read on here. You have done absolutely nothing wrong and yet it's you that feels the guilt and shame of a secret. I'd say (and again I'm no professional) that going to see a counsellor may well help. Talking about something to a stranger who has no preconception of the type of person you are may be useful. As you've posted this here you seem to feel that you want to get things out,sitting down and talking with a non judgemental professional may lead to you wanting to share your experience with friends. Just to say though you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be sorry or ashamed about. Heres to a better future for you.

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart. You are all wonderful people, which is why I finally decided to share all this, in what is, a very public space.
You are right, I am having to carry on and keep everything normal, and I have decided that I need to talk to someone professional about this. It all happened at the end of September, and I wanted to see if it would go away with time, but here we are, two months later, and it is as bad as it always was.

Unfortunately, I didn't drop his phone down the loo, I wish I'd had the rage to beat the shit out of him on the day as well, but I was completely beside myself, I've never felt like that ever, and hope I never will again!

But thank you, thank you, thank you! You are proof that decent people exist! x

First of all if you cannot take ot anywhere legal you need to have some sort of outlet. You need to talk to somebody, and you more than anything need to believe that you have done nothing wrong. Keeping quiet isnt necessarily healthy but even there you're only doing that to protect your family. Not good for you though. Talk to somebody about it, let some of your anger out and dont feel like you're to blame for his behaviour.

I hope you feel a bit better for sharing this. It's a terrible thing to happen, and a dreadful betrayal of your trust. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, you didn't deserve this.

For what it's worth, a long time ago, I was attacked by someone close to me. It took me a very long time to get over it - I didn't talk to anyone about it until relatively recently, and I didn't have counselling either until long after the event. I wish I'd done both much sooner.

It might help to confide in a close friend about it, when you feel ready. Your good friends won't judge you, if that's what you're worried about.

From my experience, I'd also recommend going to your doctor to ask for a referral to a counsellor; I suspect you're going to need the right support to get through this period. But I'm also convinced that you will come through it and you will be fine.

Your brother-in-law has done something unforgivable to you; he's also put your sister in a horrible position too and I really feel for her and for you.

All good wishes to you
Hannah xxx

There's no reason why you should bottle this in, because it sounds like your family don't understand the impact.

Your reaction is absolutely understandable, normal. There's no reason why you should brush this under the carpet. He has done a dreadful, hurtful thing.

He did something horrible, betraying trust and invading your privacy. I don't know the local law, but it could well be he has committed a crime.

What has your sister done about this ? I suggest that she and her husband need to sort it out between them and then start to build bridges with you - when you're ready and if that's what you want.

As with other posters here, I think you should speak to someone who has dealt with something like this before - maybe the Samaritans, maybe your doctor ?

All best wishes to you.

misslda,

Firstly, of course you are normal, of course he is an arsehole, and whatever family dynamics are in place, he has abused you and your trust. You have been violated and I wish I could physically give you a hug, rather than words on a website.

Remember, YOU have done absolutely nothing wrong and have nothing to admonish yourself for. Whatever you feel and think is entirely fine, there is no such thing as a "correct" response or a "correct" way to feel.

As well as the trust of your brother-in-law, you clearly feel let down by your parents and sister too. As I would. I'm not sure the family dinners are a good idea until there has been some resolution for you. If there is a way you can stay in touch with your nieces and nephews and sister without seeing him, that may be better for the moment (maybe forever). WHATEVER you feel is what you must do. I feel that you cannot let your family sway you, however tempting it must be, because you will not recover your trust that way.

I understand you may not want to tell friends: many people do not want to be seen as a "victim" or put in the "victim role" and this may be what you are feeling. You may wish to tell them when you feel stronger, but this is clearly raw. And there is the added complication that they may well know your brother-in-law and family.

I really think speaking to an expert would be the best thing to do in this case. Not sure you are in UK, but a woman's centre or rape crisis (who deal with all sorts of sexual exploitation including what happened to you) would be (imo) the best place to go. They will not judge, and they will not insist you "go to the police" if that is not what you want to do. Speaking to people who do not know you, do not know family can be incredibly helpful, if only to make things/feelings clear in your own mind. I really do think you should talk to someone about this: to be violated in this way by one of the people you trusted the most is an awful burden for you and, to me, too much to keep to yourself. As you say, it is affecting all parts of your emotional and physical life and that needs to resolved.

I have done some work with related charities and I think the support and advice they can give will be invaluable to you.

Sorry I can't be more helpful than a bit of well-meaning advice, but I hope you can recover from this in time. It is a vile thing to have done to you. And remember it was done "to" you, and you have no blame in this whatsoever.

Jo x

And please don't be surprised by or grateful for the support you are receiving here, you are reading honest and heartfelt human responses to what happened to you. What your brother-in-law did was totally appalling. And I think you deserved more support from your family. Please talk to someone soon, it will really help. You can and will move on from this, and the anxiety it is causing you will fade away. Know that his actions were inexcusable and your reaction is completely normal, but that you will mend. Wishing you all the very best, I'll be thinking of you.

it must be horrendous knowing your sister and her kids are living with a weirdo.

A friend of mine got a pervy phone call from a work colleague. He was in a powerful position and could have got in her trouble at work but she thought - fuck it - he probably does the same to younger, more easily intimidated women, so she insisted he go for counseling or she would call the police. Which he did.

You might want to think about making the same deal with your brother-in-law. I'd have thought he'd have suggested it himself - if you find yourself hiding cameras in bathrooms, there's obviously something far wrong with you.

If you feel the need to talk to a psychiatrist it might be worth your while, but I'd probably insist he goes to see one more urgently.

Thank you for posting.

All the positive and practical advice and support I could ever wish to give is right there above.

I cannot improve on it and have nothing more useful to add than recognise you have been abused. As a victim you have the right to pursue this legally and emotionally.

Which, it seems, you are doing.

Every good wish there is I send.

...in that I think going along to family events and putting on the pretence that everything's fine - even if for noble reasons (your niece and nephew) - is not good for you, in short term or long term.

Your brother-in-law has disgraced himself and shouldn't be allowed to think the matter's closed, as these family get-togethers might suggest. But for the sake of your mental health, rather than petulance at him, I would make it clear to parents and sister that you won't be attending these events; and that while you want to keep in touch with your sister and your nieve and nephew, you won't do so with him present. I cannot see how any of these people could possibly object to that in the circumstances.

My wife was reduced to tears in a public bar some years ago by her brother-in-law, who is a boorish, self-righteous individual at the best of times. This time he went too far. The context was not in the same area as your experience but nevertheless since then Mrs H has simply made it clear that she will not be visiting their home (100 miles away, so easy-ish on a practical level) and will keep in touch with her niece/god-daughter via her sister at the grandparents' house (in the same area as the sister's) whenever she visits them. I'm sure that over the past 5 years she has only seen the brother in law at one or two family/church events connected with her god-daughter, and I think he knows to keep his distance. More importantly, sister and parents accept the reasoning from Mrs H's withdrawal because of his boorish behaviour. Ultimately, it's a matter of self-respect - as it must be for you too.

I'd heartily agree with everyone who says you should consider seeing a trained counsellor too!

Very brave of you to talk with all of us - and glad that you've found so many friends here!

You were very courageous to share it on this blog. I wonder how long you've been plucking up the courage to write your post?
What he did was awful. What makes it even more awful is that he is still in your life. If your sister is staying with him, then he will be there, at family gatherings and events. If a 'friend' had done this, it would be easier never to see them again. But the strings that link this man to you are wrapped around you sister and your niece and nephew, and that makes them difficult to cut without the risk of losing those you love.

I'm so angry on your behalf. How dare he do this, and put you through this, and cause such hurt?
The 'keep it in the family' aspect is disturbing. I think he forfeited his right to the protection of the family when he chose to do what he did. Keeping it in the family has caused horrendous heartache to millions of people suffering from child abuse or domestic violence. Your case was not physical abuse, but when you describe the effect his actions had on you, it definitely was terrible emotional abuse. He betrayed your trust, he betrayed your sister, and the defence that it was 'very very stupid' doesn't change this.

You've mentioned his tears and texts. As others have said, at the moment these aren't really your concern. You need to get through this. You need to get yourself the help you need.

A friend of mine had an incident in her childhood that badly affected her feelings about sex and trust and love and loyalty. She bottled it up for a long time and it was only when she got some counselling that she really managed to move on. Maybe you should try it. You have nothing to lose by talking to someone outside the family.

I truly hope things get better for you. And hopefully the sensitive and concerned replies from some of the men on this thread can convince you that there are a lot of nice blokes in this world. It just doesn't seem like it right now in your world.

x

I agree with pretty much all of the advice given her so I won't repeat it but just to say don't bottle things up. Talk to someone you trust. Be strong and take care of yourself.

it felt a little odd, because it could be misconstrued as 'liking' you telling us about something horrible that happened to you, and I wish fervently that the incident had never happened and you'd not been compelled to tell us.

But if ever there was a case for clicking on the up arrow as a show of support for the poster, this is it.

Kicking someone in the balls can be tremendously cathartic. Apparently.

.. for me to write anything in the way of advice of what the correct course of action is as regards your brother-in-law.

Countless people above have already recommended counselling. It was the first thing that sprang into my mind after thinking what a knob he was.

I heartily recommend you heed this advice- you'd really benefit from it in the long run. Call someone tomorrow & make an appointment - don't put it off

In the shorter term, take care and remember he's the one who's in the wrong not you.

that what your brother in law did is abhorrent and it is a worrying insight into his mind as are the wishing he was dead texts and the crocodile tears he appears to be a mixture of deviant and manipulator. If he has taken action like this at 38 years old you can be pretty sure it isn't the first time and almost guarantee it won't be the last. The advice from others for you to speak to a professional is sound and you really should. For yours, your sisters and your niece and nephews sake you should also report it to the appropriate authorities. It is grossly unfair that you have to carry the guilt and the knowledge of what he is capable of you can however possibly stop him from doing it again to someone else. This is of course far easier for me to say from this side of my laptop than for you to do. Good luck with the future and try not to let this arseholes actions take over your life.

nothing but admiration for your courage in coming on here and pouring your heart out. Now you've taken that crucial first step, I , along with these other fine people, wish you well in continuing to come to terms with what this sneaky cretin felt he could get away with.

All the best to you and, although you feel violated, don't forget that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. I also agree with various suggestions of avoiding all contact with him, your sister notwithstanding.

Keep being strong and hope everything works out.

...but let me just be another voice in the chorus confirming that he is the indisputable arsehole.

If you're starting to talk about it like this, you obviously feel the need to talk and probably should. Remember there are plenty of different types of people you can talk to, several of which have been mentioned above - a psychiatrist isn't the only route. I hope this is the start of a much needed healing process for you; and I hope your family support you properly.

I get why this bloke is being protected - family want to protect family, there are kids involved and why should you want to make this carry on any longer? But if he'd been caught by anyone else he'd be in serious trouble with the law; as it is, he's an abuser roaming free. You know all this though, and perhaps concentrating on yourself is best.

As for friends: it's obviously only possible when you're ready. But maybe letting other, well-chosen people know what he's done will strip him of some of his confidence and freedom to act as if nothing ever happened.

Oh yeah, and if I DID bump into you in the street, I'd tell you you're fantastic for being so brave in the face of such adversity, and for thinking of your nephew and niece ahead of yourself.

I wish you all the best for now and the better days to come.

That misslda can, however, post anonymously here and receive so much support, goodwill and sage advice from so many people is wonderful.

Yes, he is an unspeakable arsehole. At best. Christ knows what other stuff he might be liable to get up to; and I totally agree with the scepticism poured by others on his manipulative, self-pitying apology. Your first priority is definitely you, and I endorse the suggestion of seeing a counsellor, with whom you can talk this over in whatever ways suit you: whether it's just to talk it over, to cry, or indeed to beat the living daylights out of some cushions with a plastic baseball bat while wishing terible things on his sorry arse.

Further down the line, if you do feel that you don't want to let the matter rest, you might consider giving him a challenge: if his contrition is genuine, he should be willing to get some help himself. I would hope your sister would support you in that - if she didn't, that would obviously make things even more difficult. If I were you, I'd be seriously conflicted, but I might well refuse to have any contact with him. He needs to see the gravity of what he's done.

Finally, nothing you've said indicates that you need to see a psychiatrist. He, on the other hand, might well do.

He's an arsehole and should be ashamed of making you feel like this. Congratulations for starting a dialogue to help rid yourself of this crap he's dumped on you. I can personally attest to the power of counselling, having used it twice during dark periods in my life and it is as close to a miracle cure as you can get. Talking will help you get it out, clarify your thoughts, and develop a plan to get on with your life. Personally, and I mean me, not you, I wouldn't involve the law as it unleashes a new tide of shit on everyone, and there's enough of that around already. Concentrate on getting past this for yourself and those you love. What goes around comes around, and this bastard will get what's coming to him one way or the other. Karma, maaaan.

and if he's prepared to violate the familial bond because it's "safe" territory for him, then it's only a matter of time before he does something worse. The weeping etc. is only because he got caught.

You get your head sorted, heed all the advice given by wiser heads than mine above, then chin the fucker. It's your life, not a Lars Von Trier movie.

You've done nothing wrong and he is a skid-mark.

You sound like you're on the right track - a good counsellor will keep you going and make sure that things gets better for you with time. And the best thing you can do for your family is get yourself feeling right again.

But part of me wouldn't object if he got a swift knee to the testicles.

first and foremost, you can do nothing about how your Sister or the rest of your family may or may not react to your in-laws odious behaviour. Frankly your only consideration should be getting yourself into a position where you can come to terms with the situation and move on. So take whatever action that will get you to that point. You are the victim here so stuff everyone else's feelings and look to your own well being.
I wouldn't mind betting that you are decent young woman with the rest of your life in front of you, he on the other hand is a lousy little heel, a sad little male with the morals of an alley cat. You will always be a decent woman, he will always be a pathetic worm. I loath males like your Brother in Law they give decent men a bad name but then he's not really a Man is he, so sod him.

Look after yourself and good luck. Don't do anything you don't want to do - it's your life.

And I hope you didn't give him his iPhone back.

already, you're categorically not the arsehole, he is. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, and I too would just encourage you to go and speak to a professional.

Try not to let this depraved man ruin your life. It's easily said, I know, and much harder to do, and I wish you the very best.

Counselling may well be the answer, don't hold it in as it will only make matters worse.

It may be a difficult thing to accept, but your brother-in-law will have also caused a rift in family relations which may never heal.

Voyeurism has a maximum penalty of two years in the UK so don't let anyone try to diminish his crime or blame you for his actions.

I've debated long and hard with myself whether I should reply in full and although I do so anonymously it's still very difficult to talk about. Apologies for hijacking your thread, but I hope my reasons become clear.

Many years ago I was a teenager when my stepdad came in to the bathroom and naked, and in an obvious state of arousal, told me he "fancied me". I can't remember my blustered reply but he obviously got the message and never 'tried it on' again.

At the time I brushed it off as I knew I would be unlikely to be believed. Having serious body issues at the time I even took it as an oblique compliment, but ever since then it's been very difficult as every nuance of my relationship with my mother and my stepdad has been coloured by what happened that day. I've always had the same problem as you except where homosexuality is mentioned it's always been a loaded subject.

I've often wondered if he ever 'confessed' to my mum as financially they've never been ungenerous with me, but I've always felt like I was being paid off and unloved rather than having had any relationship with my mum. Her relationship with my family has been almost non-existent yet my sister and nieces have always been more warmly received, which I've always questioned.

It will soon be twelve months since I really saw my mum properly.

In the recent past I've always felt like they've gone out of their way to cause an argument when I've been there. Relations have been so difficult recently I haven't wanted to visit them and they have visited my home just once at the beginning of this year.

Last time I saw my mum she literally turned her back on me. Go figure.

If someone messes up your mind by being there, you start to question what value they add to your life. Hold on to the relationships you value if that's possible but family loyalties don't always make any sense.

but it is not the only source of help for you and nor should it be. Everyone apart from you is one or more steps removed from this disturbing incident and the terrible impact it has had upon you and your life. No-one within your family has the right to set the boundaries on how to deal with what has happened nor to dictate how to "move on". Only you have that right. But you must take the initiative because it must be you who is establishing control of what has happened.

From what you have written in your original post it is clear that you are not in control of the effects that this incident has had upon you. You need to rectify this sooner rather than later and I can only repeat what others have said: seek help and counselling from people who will help you "move on" on your terms and no-one else's.

You've been incredibly brave and self-aware so far. You have started to take the initiative. To have posted on here will have been cathartic for you but you must build on that catharsis and take full and unimpeded control of your emotional and psychological well-being.

Your original post reveals signs of trauma and often it is the subsequent trauma that can cause lasting problems. Trauma, when internalised, can lead to a part of you shutting down in self-defence. It is your mind and body's way of protecting you from further distress or harm. It is an instinctive and natural effect. But the long-term risk is that by keeping that part of you in shut-down mode you develop routines to try and work around that "closed" part of you. The more you work around that part or try to avoid it the more your life is being controlled by it. This will prevent you from "moving on" on your terms and could damage the way you develop relationships and how you perceive yourself and others.

So, please, seek the necessary help to help you overcome the trauma and to be the full person again: the one I have witnessed on here who is brave and trusting of people and of the goodness in them.

Not much to add, except:

- Counselling, definitely, will help you, just to offload your rage (which, as others have said, is entirely justifiable);

- It might be worth giving him a similar ultimatum to that mentioned above: either he gets help, or you go to the police. This offers you a resolution, but offers him the chance to make some degree of restitution. He doesn't sound as if he deserves that chance, but it would be a worthwhile thing to make the offer;

- Plenty of people above have encouraged you to be vengeful, and with very good reason. Please, I really hope you don't. Revenge ultimately hurts you more than him. But you have the right to a just resolution (see above). Rage, if you keep hold of it, kills you.

I'm a bloke, and I've not always been the nicest of men, though I've learnt over time to be better. Sometimes, in the past, I've felt ashamed to be a man. But, as illustrated above, there are many decent, kind and sensitive men in the world.

Best wishes, and I hope you recover your trust and sense of self - you deserve to.

MissIda, I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
And I do know a little bit about how you must feel, because I've had similar experiences with brother-in-laws (and boyfriends of my mother and friends) in the past.
Thankfully before the age of camera phones...that really makes it so much worse! And your familys reaction is certainly no help, and in my view an extremely cowardly way of dealing with an obvious problem.
Others have already given good advice so I just want to say take care of yourself and do what is best for you without worrying about your family and what they want you to do.
And if you do talk to your friends about it you might be surprised to hear similar stories from them...that happened to me when I finally started to tell friends about the incidents that I had experienced.
Unfortunately it's more common than you think.

...by so many kind folks here that all I can say is how much I agree with the sentiments and advice above.

Be strong.

...who have put it better than I ever could, especially Colin H, Malc and pencilsqueezer.

To reiterate
1. You have done nothing wrong whatsoever.
2. He, on the other hand, is a waste of good oxygen.

Be strong, talk about it to someone who can be trusted, don't give him or his feelings a second thought, and good luck. The good people of the Word Blog are with you all the way.

If ever in doubt, refer to 1 and 2 above.

from a long day at work, and to see all your lovely messages really helps and encourages me to move on. I have found a counsellor, so I'll be starting some sessions soon, and I am looking forward to getting better.
It would take too long to thank you all personally, but can I just say, that whenever I got thinking about this today, all your kind words were with me, and they helped immensely!
I am so happy that I decided to post my story here, it only took me a month to work up the courage ;-)

I don't think I will be going to the police, cause ultimately, I don't want to bring more hurt into this family. On the other hand, I will not pretend that everything is normal, and I will continue not to speak or look at him. He is no longer a part of my family.

I move to Liverpool in August next year, and while I know I will miss my parents, my sister and my niece and nephew, I cannot wait to be rid of him. It will be far easier to ignore him, when we're in different countries.

Again, all I can say is thank you, I truly think this is what makes us human: the ability to help a complete stranger, and make their life a little bit better. Thank you.

Ida x

happened to a female friend of my aquaintance.... she is known as Bonbon to her friends.
Anyway, she started to get phonecalls of a very rude nature on her mobile from a caller witheld number. The calls were very short and to the point, escalating from the "Have you got any knickers on tonight?" to somethings more explicit.
After about three weeks of this, eventually the guy forgot to do a 141 and she had his mobile number. After some detective work Bonbon found out who the guy was and that he was a client of hers. (She works in the food service industry).
Now what the guy did not know, but everyone that knows Bb well did, that tho' she is a mere slip of a girl, the lass has got balls of steel... more balls than a big field full of bulls.
With me as moral support- insisted upon by me, not asked by her, she marched into the guys place of work, and in front of all his staff, one of whom was his partner, and without preamble she said:
"Tony, you wanna f### me? You could not f### me if I gave you a barrowload full of viagra.You ain't man enough. I would blow you out in bubbles. When I want a f###, I need a man, not a weasle. So, stop calling me or I will cut your balls off".
Bonbon heard nothing more from Tony.
Not that I would recommend that stance to all and sundry, but it worked for her.

I did swither about posting the above post last night in case anyone thought that I was trying to trivialise missida's trauma, but that was certainly not the case, and the following story- and it is not for the sensitive- is posted with the same intention.
Now this is a horror story.
When Bonbon was 15 she got involved with a bad'un... let's call him Jamie.
Jamie was a helluva handsome bloke, with all the charm, a ducker diver with no money, but plenty of it scourced from dubious scources, if you get my drift.
Bonbon got pregnant and had the baby before she was 16. Bonbon and Jamie got married just after her 16th birthday, but the marriage lasted weeks before Jamie decanted. Jamie was eventually jailed for "serious sexual assault" on some poor lass.... this would be circa 1980ish.
Several months into his sentence Jamie "escaped" from jail. Not ropes and ladders you understand, just walked out, and made his way to Bonbons house some 80 miles away.
He was armed with a "gun", a fake as it turned out, but Bb did not know that. He held Bonbon and her -their- 2 year old son as a hostage. During that weekend Jamie repeatedly sexually assaulted Bb. Eventually the Polis cottoned on to what was happening and a mini siege situation occured. Jamie gave himself up on the Monday evening and was wheeched off back to jail.
Bonbon was left to deal with the emotional debris, and there were no counselling available in those days, she just had to get on with it, with help from her parents.
Bonbon then discovered her balls of steel- she had to- and brought up the baby on her own.
That trauma she suffered manifested itself into an aggressive mistrust of men, and she vowed that no man would ever "dominate" her again.
Eventually she met a kind and gentle man whom she loved deeply who brought up her son as his own, but after being together for ten years he died suddenly in a work related accident.
She was devasted.
At the time of the "Tony" episode Bonbon and I were a couple, but our relationship did not last more than a few years... I tried to handle her understandable lack of faith in the motives of the "man in her life", but eventually it got too much, I had to walk away.
It's a sad story.