Entertainment For Lively Minds
Early Doors : Mistletoe night at the Aspidistra & Hatsand
Posted by el hombre malo on 10 December 2010 - 7:48pm.
I am delighted to announce that for one night the Aspidistra & Hatstand is open again, the congenial virtual pub & coffee shop, with smoking facilities for those so inclined. As this is the season of good cheer, we have bedecked the old place with mistletoe, and re-stocked after Mr Blast's adventures recently. Mind how you go with the Mistletoe!
Here's my dime in the jukebox : Jim Ford, with Harlan County
I'm enjoying a warming Jura malt. Six drops of water in a pub measure, that's how the Master Distiller recommended it to be served.
So, come away in - what would you like to drink (soft drinks & coffees are available) and what are you putting on the jukebox ?
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I'll have a nice glass of Merlot
and keep the juke box going with a festive
Cheers one and all
A post work Amontillado...
...and do you serve nuts?
Not usually
*wait for it*
BUT IN YOUR CASE WE'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION! IT'S PANTOMIME SEASON!
Sorry, yes, we do - dry-roasted or regular ?
Well if we are in Harlan Country...
... I am therefore going native. Harlan Man by Steve Earle and a pint of guinness please! S
or perhaps "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"
not the cheeriest song in the world but good for a maudlin singalong later on. Loads of good versions but Patty Loveless does a nice one with a tender ache in her lament and a nice way of pronouncing "grave" as " grayuhv"
Hmm. I'm still at work
and it's not even lunchtime, so water.
Barumpa-pum-pum
Am I too early?
Just a small eggnog, please. Can't decide which liqueur to have in it, though, so can you just run it along under the optics for me, my good man.
In the meantime, here's a festive spot of Chuck Berry.
Anyone puts on Cliff's Mistletoe & Wine and I will kick off.
there you go, a wee Drambuie in the eggnog
Not too early with the seasonal tunes, we'll have more of them later on.
Did you remember your phone from last time ?
Due to a combination of paranoia
sparked by the Wikileaks saga, and a tendency to lose things when drunk (phones, money, virginity etc), I only communicate in semaphore now.
Very Wise
Not Mistletoe & Wine...
..but if we're having the Alexander Brothers, how about this?
That's spectacular!
I did not know you had a video of the last Scottish Massive mingle.
Which one is Mr. Blast?
Easy
he's the one who looks most like Cliff Richard
Evening, landlord
I'll have a Guinness for refreshment, and this for entertainment.
The horror, the horror!
I'm not making light of the ladies passing, but Phew! Jock n' Roll
GIRFUY! Rank I left that bar as I found it, oh and mine's a pint of liquid nitrogen
Maybe you did
First things first, there's your liquid nitrogen. Ice ? Straw ? Slive of lime?
But you didn't lock up, because someone cleared out the stock, and emptied the till, leaving a note which said "No float, cashed up. 27/6. And Oblige, James Blast".
Anyway, it's Christmas, drink up!
And aye, we shall not see her like again
And from folkie corner
A pint of 80' with this one I think...
Great to see you back sir!
I was afraid to order anything on tap from that scruffy chap who was serving here last week.
Pint of Guinness please, and while it's settling I'll just put something on the jukebox as a tribute to that fine London Irishman Chris Hughton:
And now both Chris and myself have a bad taste in our mouth thanks to something black and white..
you'll pay for that
see the following ;)
Acht!
That disnae work... take that! and céilidh!!!
What's wrong with this picture?
everything
*
Yes, that's true.
But there is a specific thing that made me hoot with laughter when I saw it. (Maybe you have to have battled into full kilted gear recently to see wassup)
the Alexander sibling on the left...
... appears to be wearing a bifurcated sporran
edit: no, my eyesight is a bit rubbish, sorry
Is there anything unusual about the jackets?
Anything ?
the right hand Alexander...
... does seem to be wearing his kilt half way to his oxters...
We have a winner!
Yes, he seems to have tucked his jacket inside his kilt.
Maybe it's an age thing, but I can just about fit my shirt in my kilt.
Is it
that the one on the right appears to have tucked his jacket into his kilt?
Hi all
I'm so very glad your open tonight. I've had a right day or two of it. Is it the 'faces' on the sporon? I'm going to listen to some of the suggested tunes and then put my dime in the jukebox.
Cheers all - mines a special Lunaman mixed coffee with a nice pint of bud.
Evening
Here's something about your female equivalent...
I love that track.
saw them at Hammersmith Odeon supporting Nils Lofgren when American girl was out. Tom Petty threw his guitar strap out into the audience and I was two foot from it. I also had a flying V at the time!
Cheers for that.
it just gets worser...
SHIT!!!!
You might have tipped me the wink he was right behind me. Big bloke, isn't he?
You'll be OK
As a wise explorer previously found - "Mostly harmless".
Buy him another pint of liquid nitrogen and all will be well. It's not to everyone's taste, but he seems pretty keen on it.
I'll only go and
put on Wake Up Dead by the Megadeth, gie's thi pint anyway ye ken it'll happen...
tbc
Well if we're having a Scottish time of it...
A large glass of red, please...
and this:
Oh, and whatever you're having yourself...
Thanks, GG.
Here you are :
Full Bottle Wine Glass from Zekr on Vimeo.
and I'll have another wee Jura. Actually, not that wee.
if Flash isn't working for you
It's one of these :
I didn't realise this establishment provided
companionship along with the refreshing beverages...
We aim to please.
And as the sign in the Gents says, "You Aim Too, Please".
Well it is Christmas...
...and I'll have a glass of champagne please. To everyone out there, Salut!!
Blimey!
I thought I reach a new low with The Alexander Brothers
Paul McCartney...
No, not the one with bagpipes.
Shakey
The real one.
and what would you say to a little drink?
Haw!
wee drink, why ur yew no bigger!?
It's the cold.
everything is smaller in the cold.
I'll have a cheeky
Drambuie please.
1. It's not terribly festive really, and
2. I've already posted Paul Cleary this week
But F**k it, why not?:
(Paul Cleary, The Ghost Of Christmas Past)
Another pint for me and send some more of that rocket fuel over to that nice Mr Blast...
I've not been in here before
*puts 50p in jukebox*
What ales have you got in tonight?
Brown beers?
Maclays, Theakstons, and Shephard Neame
Pint of Theakstons please
I'm supposed to be writing an album review. Do you have wi-fi?
yes indeed.
Network is Aspidistra, password is hatstand7
Thanks
I'm logged on now. I'll just write my article and rejoin the... hang on... there's this video with women in their underwear singing Deck the Halls - have you seen this?!
Women wearing not much on the Internet; whatever next?
I'll check the firewall
Like I said, we haven't got a licence for that kind of thing.
And if I can just suggest for your review, I think you'll find the first single came out in June, not July. Did you see Elliot True's advice for music journalists ?
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/garbage-day/everett-true-advice.php?via=...
Thanks for the advice
Now the firewall's working ok, I can see you're right about the first single.
I've read that advice article before as it goes. I break some of those rules sometimes, but then again, that's just the renegade maverick that I am...
Right, time for Silent Night
They drink in here sometimes, this lot.
Time for a quick one
I'll have a winter ale. Do you have any Heppo New Year Blonde on draught?
Have a song straight from the German Christmas market. What time is Kate Mossman expected?
sorry, I was through the back
I was changing the tanks for Mr Blast's Liquid Nitrogen.
We've got Furstenburg ? That's good for a hangover.
curing one or creating one?
both methinks ;-)
Who's dancing?
Seasonal cheer
doesn't come much better than this (is that pie today's, by the way?):
The pies are fine.
They're all from the lovely people at Urban Pie.
http://www.urbanpie.co.uk/
What would you like ?
Angus steak
to start with.
They're very good.
When I'm in Brum, I go there and on my last visit I got the last box on my loyalty card filled in. FREE PIE next time.
So - Beans or Peas ? Gravy ?
When I've had a few, my funny bone goes juvenile...
I heard a wee rumour she
was bringing those nice ladies from the A Flat C Sharp thread along....
easy!
We haven't got a licence for that kind of thing. If that's what you're after, you need to go to The Platinum Lounge across the road.
Good evening barkeep
I'll have a diet coke and some change for the johnny machine please.
Have mercy.
Uh...
how how how.
*rattles tin*
Anyone want a War Cry?
as the traditional response in the homeland goes :
GERONIMO!!!!
no booze this evening
not really in the mood for it.
However, if you've got some lapsang souchong out the back I'd be most grateful.
Whilst it brews, my musical choice for this eventide:
Herr Bowie - Miracle Goodnight
One lapsang
I'll have a wee Drambuie
and some Jona Lewie
Merry Christmas everyone
Jameson and Cranberry for me please....
It's called "A Dubliner" so they said on the tour in the factory in Dublin.
Here is an old Dubliner for you all....Cheers!
I've never served one before, but here you go
Cheers el hombre...
try it,it is luvverly! The Whiskey/Whisky snobs will say it's a waste, especially if you use a single malt but I enjoy the sweetness of the cranberry against the tartness of the Jamesons (substitute with your brand of choice...i have tried red,black ,green label, Talisker, Glenfiddich and JD.... all with differing tastes but tasty all the same )
Ps. Put plenty of ice in it, and preferably a double measure :-)
this is aw gettin' a bit too cosy fer me...
the double award winning B7's faves will sort it ;)
I'm listening to ELP's Trilogy in case you were interested
Time for some accapella
I looked on the jukebox for the King's Singers, but that CD has disappeared. Instead, here is just the vocal from Motorhead's Ace Of Spades.
An Espresso Martini please
and Jr Walker & The All Stars
Walk in the Night
please
here you are
and
EHM you're the best bar-keep in town
and what a jukebox.
Wow, those Espresso Martinis were good. The only downside of getting virtually drunk is the virtual hangover today.
Time for a very real bacon sarnie
Just in from watching the football
And a Guinness please
Is yer man Shane still barred?
Here's his mate, have you got a live licence?
Pint of Cains for me.
Shane's fine.
regular or raisin?
Raisin' hell
;-)
Licence?
We haven't got a TV licence never mind anything else.
He's fine there, carry on. Good man yerself.
I'm glad we've gotten away fom that tartan rubbish at last.
Earlier today, I listened to Iain MacMillan on Desert Island Discs. Remember him from the podcast a while ago? He is a stand up poet...the bard of Barnsley. He's quite good and often very funny. One of his choices was "Donald, Where's Y'er Troosers". Can you imagine being on a desert island and you've only got 8 records and that is one of them?...sheesh!
Anyway... ' evening everybody. Irn Bru and a packet of plain barman. I'm driving tonight...picking up FPO and younger son from Swimming Club prize giving and Christmas Disco in an hour or so. Hopefully I'll make it back for last orders.
.....oh, and while I remember....how much did you have to pay Alan Shearer to play drums on your "Silent Night" track?
One Irn Bru.
one packet of crisps
I'll give you Alan Shearer!
Just back
from The Platinum Lounge across the road. Not bad, although the best entertainment was Kate Mossman boorishly heckling the dancers. In the end she tried to get up on the stage and she had to be chucked out.
LotsaScots tonight - here's a couple of my favourite Jocks:
(Paul Quinn & Edwyn Collins, Pale Blue Eyes)
My dimes worth
Where did I go
meringue last week?
peeved of Glasgow
Oh, and Wake Up Dead!
Right, time to hit the dance floor if you're able
Tom Jones & Janis Joplin - Raise a Hand!
I may fall over
Beer has been taken. Fuck me that is good. Oi Amy Winehouse - you are nowhere near as good as that so fuck off. Now, I feel like some Stone The Crows - I might get maudlin after this.
The Hobgoblin is good tonight. Is the webcam working? Thought not.
Good to see you again Beany
Yes, there's a point early on where Janis shimmies over to Tom and you can see him panic! He gets his mojo back later.
No, I re-jigged the firewall to shut down the webcam. Least said, soonest mended.
Another Hobgoblin ?
There's some problem with the taps, I think Mr Blast's Liquid Nitrogen is upsetting the rest of the pipes.
Just back from work
Greetings from a very VERY cold Stockholm, here's a swedish Christmas classic!
I need to get warm...can I please have a hot chocolate with a shot of brandy in it ? And if you have some proper whipped cream ( not from a can ) I'll have some of that in it as well!
*sits down next to the radiator, tries to wiggle cold toes inside boots*
here you are
We've got a log fire going through in the snug, you might want to get a seat through there.
Lovely
Do you have any chestnuts roasting over that open fire ?
If not, I'll just have some ordinary dry roasted peanuts...
of course we do
I bloody love you lot, I do
You're my besht matesh.
Now, I know what would set the night off a treat. May I please have a dirty pint?
Well, first you need to sign this disclaimer.
And then you need to pass a 2 part interview with our Health & Safety Assessors. Sometimes I think it would be easier to get a proper licence to sell intoxicating liquors. It would be easier if you joined Mr Blast in a pint of liquid Nitrogen. Straw ? Lime ?
I'm not signing this!
I just read the smallprint and it says you have permission to sell both of my kidneys on the black market. What kind of establishment is this?
Technically, it's a shebeen
Because we don't actually have a drink licence (or a TV licence, a dog licence, anything). So we have to look after ourselves as far as possible.
Still, never mind the technicalities.
Would you like an absinthe ?
That'd be lovely
It's going down a treat. Wait, what's this scar on my back...?
calm down
It's ok, you won't miss one liver, or one kidney, will he Dr Nick ?
Are you looking at my pint?
That's alright then. Getting nippy out (well put it away then..!)
Time for the barley wines before I attempt to get up the stairs to bed. You do B & B I presume. Otherwise, what did I do with my car keys? Where did I put my bloody car? What day is it?
Upstairs is this way.
No problem, here's your room. We serve breakfast from 8 till 11 in the morning, see you then for a full fry-up.
Last Orders in the Platinum Lounge!
I gave up waiting, it was 5 deep at the bar...
It's a lot nicer in here. I did hear a rumour that you have an..ahem, "room" just for us smokers?
Yoo - hoo!
'ello Amy?!?
Of course we do
Mr Blast is holding court in there just now, he's giving it loads about Hawkwind. Can you take this pint of liquid Nitrogen through to him, please ? Aye, you'll need the glove. Lime & straw are in it.
Theakston's for yourself, sir ?
Theakstons?
Yes, please!
The barman's shouting his desire for a 'Piece and Jelly?'
Sorry I'm late.
I'll be having a Green Chaud, if I might. A hot chocolate with a shot of green Chartreuse dropped in it. Highly wrming and hits you like a ton of bricks.
Word to the wise: any strong alcohol tastes FANTASTIC in hot chocolate. Green Chartreuse tastes like distilled bag lady's period under normal circumstances but when chucked in a bit of milk, sugar and cocoa.. nectar.
There's always someone
who raises the topic of conversation. I'll get his drink. Give him a flippin' pint of the stuff.
Am I in time for last orders?
I'll be having a nice 18-year old Laphroaig, with a wee tait watter, while we revel in:
Och aye!!
Splendid taste, if you don't mind me saying.
Cask strength ? or just the regular 18 year old ?
You are a remarkable fellow...
... if you don't mind my saying so: surely an 18-year old Laphroaig could never be described as "regular"?
well, it depends on what Laphroaigs you have around
We've got a few of the Bruichladdichs too, including some of their incredible gin.
If you're going to have a gin...
...might as well be an Islay gin...
Nevermind the Runrig
I'm off to the dance floor. Watch my pint.
Can I have my usual lasties at the Hatstand?
That's 3 pints and a sneaky large Jamesons. If not there'll be trouble.
Safely behind lock and key for you, Paddy
I'll be calling "Last Orders" in a bit, no need to rush them.
There's your key for the drink locker.
It is getting late so lets get a bit maudlin...
Hello? Hello? Landlord?
I stormed off in a huff earlier, when I read your semaphore message to me. It did mean 'Bugger off, you're barred', didn't it?
If not, can I have a brandy & babycham and some pork scratchings, please?
Well hello
Don't I know you? Do you come here often? Lot of weather we are having.
Do you mind watching my pint darling, I need to go for a wee...
No problem, fella.
Has he gone?
Right, I'm necking that pint. I'll tell him that big Scottish goth called James has had it.
You weren't a Girl Guide, were you ?
It said "Merry Christmas".
Here you go.
Now, it's not up to me, but is a hat made of mistletoe the wisest choice at this time of night ? very fetching, though.
I was a girl guide.
But I got thrown out after a scandalous incident at a jamboree involving a boy scout, his woggle, and a rousing rendition of Gin Gan Gooly.
Hmm.
And here was me thinking I would have to explain to you exactly how scandalous behaviour had to be before you get barred from this refined shebeen!
Look fellas....it's a girl!
Who's nicked all the mistletoe then?
BARMAN!
here you are
On you go, chase her!
Time for a swift half?
And a quick obscurity on the jukebox to wake everyone up for the journey home?
Hmmm
Bit of a slow version you've got on the jukebox there...
I'm starving, anywhere to get chips, mushy peas & onion gravy?
Ring-a-ding-ding!!
Ladies and gentlemen, here's the last call for alcohol, from Wingy Manone.
By midnight, everyone's got to be outside. The van that normally does breakfasts is outside - Timothy is doing a special late shift for us.
So, let's hit the dancefloor, boogalloo, enjoy one last round and then shimmy off into the night.
BEANY! DON'T EAT THE MISTLETOE!!!!
Residents
get to drink after hours I suppose. Think I need a medicinal dram.
Chic - time for dancing!
that's it, we're closed!
Thank you all for your custom, and for your generous tips tonight.
We'll see you in the New Year!
Is the coast clear?
Can I come back down in my jim jams?
Thinking of working at one end of the optics and working my way along, Is that okay barman?
Barman?
He he - gone to bed.
I'll just put a fiver behind the bar. What's the first optic? Nice. Clan Dew.
Next.
Gin. Eurgh! Needs must. Must get my money's worth. Crisps.
He'll find out in the morning that the webcam is back on.
I've got his car keys, too.
He'll get 2 past the Clan Dew, have an Absinthe, and fall asleep in the cellar.
Then all we have to do is get Dr Nick back to whip out one of his livers and one of his kidneys - least said, soonest mended!
...er...hello...hello?
are you doing breakfasts?
cup of tea and a couple of crumpets please.
sorry sir
We're only doing breakfasts for residents. Once Beany's recovered from his minor procedure, he'll get the full fry-up. The breakfast van outside is very good - everyone enjoys Breakfast at Timothy's
Oh me head
Me poor head. And me back, me poor back, What WAS I drinking last night? Never again etc... Time to jump into a warm bath. Have a favourite song of John Peel (and mine).