between the ages of 9 and 15 that went as follows:

I was with my Dad in our Mini and we were driving along a narrow lane. All of a sudden moss started growing through the doors of the car and up across the dashboard until the whole of the inside was covered in it, including my Dad. I managed to get out and spotted a building ahead of me. The door to it opened and stood there was a man made entirely of moss. He beckoned to me and said "I am the Moss Man. Follow me." I followed. He took me into a vast banquet hall the size of an amphitheatre with an incredibly high ceiling. Enormously long tables filled this gigantic space and hundreds of people were gorging on wild boar and getting incredibly drunk. Above the tables were trapeze artists and tightrope walkers and clowns on stilts moved around the room. I sat down on the one spare seat and was immediately asked what I'd like to eat by a naked Chinese dwarf with three breasts. I answered "fish fingers, please".

That's all I can remember.

In my dream, which occured around 7.45am this morning, the actor-comedian Matt Berry was interviewing Damon Albarn for a magazine feature. Albarn was on a film set in Africa, shooting a documentary. "This is my last cigarette of the shoot" he told Berry, pulling on the vestiges of a fag, before violently stubbing it out on the leg of his stool.

Albarn explained that he'd been under an enormous amount of stress in the past few years, a condition partially alleviated by Phill Jupitus, who did crystal healing on the side. Unsure whether Albarn was joking or not, Berry asked him to repeat that. "It's true" grinned Damon. "Phill comes over and gives me crystal healing."

Warming to his theme, Albarn related the story of a woman in her mid-30s who woke up one day totally insane. Went to bed sane, woke up mad. All her frames of reference now centred around the Adam and Joe show. She also believed she was living on the moon. "She thought she was on the moon, even in the moonlight" murmured Damon.

Then the alarm went off.

I dreamt I was running a kids outbound centre and Gary Glitter was our mini-bus driver.

(Do not even go there.)

We had rehabilitated him and even got him his Enhanced Disclosure (that's CRB check for youse down south.)

Other than that, I'm usually just fighting zombies or daleks or zombie daleks.

That very question was posed to me by an anonymous face the other day in a dream.

And their answer?

"A star can tap-dance."

And all sorts of odd goings-on.

Interestingly, one particular recurring dream involved a bit of mountain I visited a couple of times with my dad in the mid 80's. I went back there in 2007 with a couple of mates, and since then, the dream hasn't recurred.

I used to program computers for a living. This was back in the Stone Age, when every machine interaction was in hex. We delivered control systems for steel mills, blast furnaces, etc. To program, one key skill was to convert hex->machine code instruction->decimal in your head, instantaneously.

One night I had a horrendous nightmare, where I was physically part of the computer system, getting arguments for each subroutine off the stack, putting them on my back and delivering them to the point of use. Smaller numbers like 0007, 001A, were luggable. But as the numbers increased, up to 0FDA they were heavier and heavier and I finally collapsed in a dead sweat under FFFF. I woke up, lashing in sweat, panicking.

The next day, I mentioned this over a coffee to my boss, the Chief Programmer. "Oh yes, standard programmer's nightmare. We've all had that".

Which is doubly worrying when you're a dentist.