and supping my first of many coffees when I clicked (as I am wont to do) on The Word link on my computer. A chill went down my spine as it dawned on me that the internet was broken.

Thanks for mending it so quickly Fraser.

or are you clustering?

You could just as easily have said the dilithium crystals were depleted and we'd all nod sagely.

Mr Hepworth forgot to put 50p in the meter.

What am I expected to do instead? Work?

Wasn't that a hit for Petula Clark?

We've all done it. In a hurry. A few ales under the belt. Thick rain.

Smash bang crash.

And suddely those vintage tudor database tables you've inherited from your granny have got a massive scratch down the side of them.

Honestly, Fraser, you really should look where you're going...

Homebase tables are much more robust I find.

I'm just putting on my coat, balaclava, woolly hat and gloves...I may be some time.