Entertainment For Lively Minds
Does exactly what it says on the tin
Posted by Dave Amitri on 10 May 2011 - 11:15pm.
I was in the bathroom just now and some of my wifes lotions, potions and pills caught my eye and I thought "do they actually work"? They are there among hay fever tablets, head lice lotion (we haven't escaped the greatest plague among schoolchildren of the 21st Century), vitamin tablets, cod liver oil and many other products, most of which in my experience don't work. It got me thinking about other products that promise the earth, weed killer, household cleaners, washing powders the list goes on. Do any of them work? What would you recommend as a good product? What does exactly what it says on the tin? Sure For Men, that works, I think it is indeed antiperspirant, any others?
- More from Dave Amitri.
- Login or register to post comments
-
Deep Heat...
Bloody marvellous stuff. Withnail agrees with me.
Strangely
that was the first thing that sprang to mind too!
Great for aches and pains - keep well away from crotch area - and probably not the best lady-puller.
I was told
by a former boarding school pupil that one of the initiation rites for new boys in the dormitory was an application of Deep Heat to the scrotum.
A small dab on the errr... 'chocolate starfish'
has been used for similar purposes...
Cripple cock
Cider
Well I can concur....
About the headlice, I thought the kids would be clear after about 6 or 7. No chance, we are still spending a fortune on what appear to be quack remedies that seem to make no discernible long term difference. I keep suggesting giving the girls skinheads but no one else seems keen.
The hell with the quack approach..
Hedrin is the only way, provided the after-combing is done thoroughly. Trouble is, it only takes one child in the class to not get treated, and away we go again. And in my experience it tends to be the child of the 'alternative' parents rather than the impoverished lot.
Tried them all
but they just keep coming back, the most successful is just lots of conditioner and a proper comb through but as you say unless the whole class does it...... I've read that some people recommend dog flea treatment but I haven't been brave enough to try it. Bring back the nit nurse I say.
I thought that was a bit extreme
until I looked again and realised you hadn't written 'Heroin'
shampoo with Tea Tree oil in it
has kept our two nit free. I'm told its a natural nit repellant.
We've always used Tea Tree oil as well
and have rarely had nit infestations.
Weed killer
Our garden is basically grass and concrete. I dig weeds out of the lawn by hand but everything else gets zapped by weedkiller spray. They just shrivel away and disappear over about a week.
DIY Potions:
Silicone Grease - Marvellous stuff! Spray or wipe it onto plastic an nylon surfaces and they slide over each other - virtually silences curtain rails.
IPA (Isopropyl Alcohol) - If it needs a quick clean, I always reach for the IPA. Among other things, it's the best thing I've aver found for cleaning the inside of car windscreens.
Indian Pale Ale
now available...oh, I had this terrible feeling of déja vu there for a moment.
Sorry, I got distracted. Silicone grease is awful stuff in the wrong place. In fact silicone spray, grease, caulk of any sort, is a painter's nightmare. Next time you decorate watch the tell-tale signs of silicone appear. Some manufacturers actually put it in paint, then it's only a matter of time before your next coat of paint virtually falls off.
WD40 does the same job and is, contrary to popular belief, silicone free.
Cleaner than WD40
I tend to apply Silicone grease by spraying it into a paper towel first so it shouldn't get on the paintwork. Before we reprint, we clean all surfaces thoroughly with sugar soap. Anyone not doing that is surely asking for trouble anyway and I would suggest that any professional decorator not properly preparing the surfaces first would fall into the cowboy category.
In my (so far quite limited) experience in using silicone grease pb cursing rails is that a treatment lasts longer and is cleaner (in that it doesn't gather the dirt as much) than a similar treatment using WD40 which is what I used to use.
Silicone
unfortunately isn't a grease, in fact it tends to repel oil and water so well not even the most liberal application of sugar soap will fetch it off.
I've had to deal with so many problems caused by the use of silicone particularly indoors that I think its advantages are outweighed by the disadvantages, in fact I'd say it's easier to get rid of herpes than silicone.
If you ask any professional decorator they'd agree with me.
Try Orange Solvent.
It's a solvent. Which smells of oranges. Very bland and gentle, It's the only thing known to mankind which cleans up all sorts of horrible things in dentistry, including silicone impression compounds and others even worse. I think it's commercially available outside the world of teeth.
World Of Teeth
TMFTL. (I think that's my first)
I often find...
that I have to squint at a bottle of something for a good thirty seconds before I can determine whether it's shampoo or conditioner.
3 In One oil
Nothing more satisfying then a quick squeeky door oiling session - makes you feel all capable and manly yet all you've really done is apply the slighted pressure to a tin can.
Bonjela is another - target is obliterated.
JB Weld
Epoxy. My oven door window collapsed into the housing, and rather than pay out for a new oven (it would have cost about the same to get a man in) I took a punt on a pack of the aforementioned glue, whose packaging promised the earth, and a glazier's suction cup to heave the glass back into place.
The dooor window was still going strong two years later when I got a new kitchen.
My mate Nosher
reckons "No More Nails" isn't anywhere near as effective as a hammer and some 6 inch nails when it comes to debt collection
Ha
Didn't see this before I posted. Fair comment. ;-)
Reminds me
of one of my favourite songs by the TLATEOTT (WTLOAOT) hitmakers
'If Jesus came to earth today, they'd crucify him straight away upon a cross of MDF and they'd use No Need For Nails'
No More Nails.
Well, not QUITE what it says on the tin (because I do use nails and pins to hold the workpiece while the glue's setting), but I use it for making cabinets and shelves at home. Rock solid, it is.
Epoxy resins.
Still the ultimate adhesives. Not as convenient as grab adhesives, though. Builder mates of mine curse NMN. Things held up or on with an excess of it (as used by DIYers) are a bugger to move without causing widespread destruction.
Chemical Metal by the Plastic Padding people is very useful as well. You can vary the amount of catalyst you use to advance or retard polymerisation which comes in handy.
And anyway.. Glue? In your cabinetmaking? I thought you sneered at anyone who used anything other than hidden morticed dovetails?
*whispers*
I'm shit at joints. I'm trying to get better, but sometimes only a bit of glue and a pin or two will do...
Chemical Metal by the Plastic Padding People
That was ver People's third album wasn't it?
If I ever invent a mega-strong adhesive...
...I'd call it No More No More Nails.
Dr Hauschka
It's expensive but their birch arnica massage oil is fantastic for joint injury/pain (when you sdon't want to smell of Deep Heat !). I use it and my Mum has been a bit of an addict during her recovery from a knee replacement op.
Oh, and I'm rather partial tro Nurofen Plus. If that doesn't hit the pain probably nothing other than prescription painkillers is going to.
And no, I don't work for either company !
Painkillers
are a waste of time for me. I could take the whole packet and still be suffering.
Whereas a bottle of Lamb's or Captain Morgan's hits the spot every time. Purely medicinal, of course.
The same for me
when crippled with back pain. Ibuprofen does nothing, paracetamol sort of works but I wish I could take more. Red wine however makes it all better.
A truth rarely spoken..
Alcohol is quite a good painkiller. Paracetamol is quite a good painkiller. Alcohol PLUS paracetamol is a fabulous painkiller. The effects, so I am told, are synergistic and not addative i.e 3X3 not 3+3.
And they are the best relievers of cold and flu symptoms I know.
The first sign of a cold
I reach for the vodka and paracetamol (in moderation obviously) and I am convinced it helps, could be psychosomatic but it'll do for me.
If stricken with toothache in the night
I've always slooshed a large measure of brandy around my mouth.
Likewise with the Nurofen
or the generic ibuprofen. Although medical people tut and shake their heads and warn me that no good will come of this in the long run. Particulalry on an empty stomach.
I very rarely take painkillers.
When I do, though, they work a treat. Especially Lemsip and ibuprofen (not at the same time).
ulcers
There's some weird stuff called Adcortyl in Orabase which is a strange gel that you 'stick' over a mouth ulcer - instant relief. The liquid is great too.
Adortyl A in orabase
Is, unfortunately, no longer available. Which is a pain in the mouth because it was a great product that many of my patients relied upon.