Entertainment For Lively Minds
Christmas Number Ones were always a load of Number Twos
There's been much talk recently of how The X Factor has poisoned the hallowed grail of The Christmas Number One. This suggests that there was once a Golden Age of Christmas Number Ones, where each successive Christmas revealed a new delight, a classic that would instantly find its way onto all future "Best Christmas Ever" compilations. But was this ever really the case? And is the predictability of X Factor Christmas Number Ones really a new phenomenon? I think the answer to both questions is "No!".
First, the domination by a single source over several years: Well, going back only as far as the 90s, we find the Spice Girls holding the Number One spot in three successive Christmases, 1996-1998. But back in the 60s, from 1963 to 1967, four of the five Christmas Number Ones were by The Beatles. So the X Factor effect isn't the end of civilization as we know it, it's just a short-term domination that's happened at least twice before.
Second, all those allegedly classic Christmas Number Ones. Well, OK, twice we had "Bohemian Rhapsody". Then there were the aforementioned moptops, plus honourable mentions for Pink Floyd and Pet Shop Boys. But the only Christmas Number Ones I could find that appear on any half-decent "Best Christmas" compilation were surprisingly few. Taking as a benchmark the perennial "The Best Christmas Album In The World... Ever", I found:
1957 - Harry Belafonte - Mary's Boy Child
1973 - Slade - Merry Christmas Everybody
1976 - Johnny Mathis - When A Child Is Born
1984 - Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas
1985 - Shakin' Stevens - Merry Christmas Everyone
1988 - Cliff Richard - Mistletoe and Wine
...and that's all, folks. All those other "classic" Christmas hits were around the Top 20 somewhere (but not even that high, in some cases), but not Number One. If there ever was a "Golden Age" it appears to have been around the 70s and 80s. Certainly there was a vogue started around the Glam Rock era for pop-rock Christmas songs. Only 13 Christmas Number Ones in 55 years even made any reference to Christmas. And three of those were Band Aid.
Even from the more subjective viewpoint of "were they any good", I can only see a handful of Christmas Number Ones that I'd give house space to, even in generous mood. For every "Reet Petite" there are hordes of Blobbies, Bob The Builders, Little Jimmy Osmonds, and the massed School Choir of St. Winifred's.
Christmas Number Ones are rubbish now, but they always were.
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Here's all of them
The Golden era from what I can see is 1956-1967, all classic tunes (Danny Williams sings the best version of Moon River). Completely bereft of a xmas theme admittedly. Mr Blobby seems to have set in the rot in 1993, cause it's nothing but unending tripe from then on.
1 1952 Al Martino Here In My Heart
2 1953 Frankie Laine Answer Me
3 1954 Winifred Atwell Let's Have Another Party
4 1955 Dickie Valentine Christmas Alphabet
5 1956 Johnnie Ray Just Walkin' In The Rain
6 1957 Harry Belafonte Mary's Boy Child
7 1958 Conway Twitty It's Only Make Believe
8 1959 Emile Ford & The Checkmates What Do You Want To Make Those Eyes At Me For
9 1960 Cliff Richard & The Shadows I Love You
10 1961 Danny Williams Moon River
11 1962 Elvis Presley Return To Sender
12 1963 The Beatles I Want To Hold Your Hand
13 1964 The Beatles I Feel Fine
14 1965 The Beatles Day Tripper / We Can Work It Out
15 1966 Tom Jones The Green Grass Of Home
16 1967 The Beatles Hello Goodbye
17 1968 Scaffold Lily The Pink
18 1969 Rolf Harris Two Little Boys
19 1970 Dave Edmunds I Hear You Knockin'
20 1971 Benny Hill Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)
21 1972 Little Jimmy Osmond Long Haired Lover From Liverpool
22 1973 Slade Merry Xmas Everybody
23 1974 Mud Lonely This Christmas
24 1975 Queen Bohemian Rhapsody
25 1976 Johnny Mathis When A Child Is Born (Soleado)
26 1977 Wings Mull Of Kintyre / Girls' School
27 1978 Boney M Mary's Boy Child-Oh My Lord
28 1979 Pink Floyd Another Brick In The Wall
29 1980 St Winifred's School Choir There's No One Quite Like Grandma
30 1981 The Human League Don't You Want Me
31 1982 Renee & Renato Save Your Love
32 1983 The Flying Pickets Only You
33 1984 Band Aid Do They Know It's Christmas?
34 1985 Shakin' Stevens Merry Christmas Everyone
35 1986 Jackie Wilson Reet Petite
36 1987 The Pet Shop Boys Always On My Mind
37 1988 Cliff Richard Mistletoe & Wine
38 1989 Band Aid II Do They Know It's Christmas?
39 1990 Cliff Richard Saviours' Day
40 1991 Queen Bohemian Rhapsody / These Are The Days Of Our Lives
41 1992 Whitney Houston I Will Always Love You
42 1993 Mr Blobby Mr Blobby
43 1994 East 17 Stay Another Day
44 1995 Michael Jackson Earth Song
45 1996 Spice Girls 2 Become 1
46 1997 Spice Girls Too Much
47 1998 Spice Girls Goodbye
48 1999 Westlife I Have A Dream / Seasons In The Sun
49 2000 Bob The Builder Can We Fix It?
50 2001 Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman Somethin' Stupid
51 2002 Girls Aloud Sound Of The Underground
52 2003 Michael Andrews featuring Gary Jules Mad World
53 2004 Band Aid 20 Do They Know It's Christmas?
54 2005 Shayne Ward That's My Goal
55 2006 Leona Lewis A Moment Like This
56 2007 Leon Jackson When You Believe
1978 - Boney M
Knew there was another...
Felix - the real proto Bez!
Mad World, 2003...
..best Christmas No 1 ever, for me. Miserable bastards. Fantastic.