Entertainment For Lively Minds
Caption Competition
Posted by mojoworking on 16 December 2011 - 11:31am.
It's March 2005 and Her Majesty The Queen is meeting four of Britain's (and indeed the World's) most famous guitarists. Left to right we have: Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page and Brian May.
Over to the Massive for some witty captions along the lines of:
"And in just a few years, gentlemen, at least one of you will copy my hair colour."
(but much funnier than that, of course)
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"One did *so* enjoy 'Shark Sandwich'"
.
"Right, Which one of you F***ers ruined my roof'.
.
"No - I said I wanted to meet Brian May
and three of the *Word* Birds".
There's only room for one Queen here!
*shoots self*
"Oh.Go on! Pull ones finger"
.
"By the way
which one's Pink?"
One meets the Old Yardbird...
...same as the New Yardbird.
Whipping Post!
Hi Ho Silver Lining?
I think we had that at Charles and Diana's wedding disco.
are you the one ...
... who was on my roof?
And were you the one
that did that thing with the shark?
Can one squeeze your lemon?
.
Nice pearl necklace ma'am!
Thank you Mr. Beck, I received it just this morning from Prince Philip and... (deleted on legal advice)
.
HRH
BM: Can I have your autograph Jimmy?
JP: I don't think so.
"Dooooo give me your phone numbah...
...and I'll corrrl you Beck..."
or...
"I say, do three of you use the same hair dye? I must try some myself"
or
"Ah, Mr Beck - I don't need to ask if you vote wig or Tory, now, do I?"
How about
Hurry up, the republic - ya auld waster.
HRH to BM:
"...and you must be Mr Topham"
(obscure Yardbirds joke)
Fantastic!
... :-D
Yes
the best one yet!
And here, indeed, IS the seldom seen Topham...
...playing rather impressively, earlier this year, as filmed on a phone's '8mm App'. What will they think of next...
Oh Mr. Beck
what a lovely strong strumming hand you have.
HRH to all
"Well Gentlemen I believe we have all had disappointing experiences with Charley ! "
What a terrific audience.
HM: 'Well I must say, I am not using this agency again to send me any more butlers.'
"Unless...
...any of you know Bernard? He's not outside the door waiting to come in, is he?"
In other news
Jeff Beck gets lucky at Balmoral "grab a granny" club nite.
The homemade fireplace guitar and Vox AC30 representative
could only look on sadly as the '59 Les Paul and Marshall stack contingent monopolised the conversation.
"Yers, Charles and Philip had the mantelpiece
orf ones Adam fireplace at Windsor some years ago. One was not impressed ai can tell you! If I ever meet the arse that inspired them, he'll get a piece of mai maind..."
Proof
that facial wrinkling is worsened by decadence but prevented by opulence.
"Well Cilla
I think I'll go for contestant number 4 who is unlucky, likes the odd jazz mag and goes to 11"
'At a special reception at Buckingham Palace
Her Majesty the Queen meets the new Colombian trade delegation'.
Which
one is Bongo?
In other news
Visitors reported confusion after a genre mix-up at Madam Tussauds
'D' yer need a singer?'
Headline:
'Queen enters Guitardis and grapples with dinosaurs in the band that time forgot!'
Jeff Beck...
... (palming a fiver) "... and this is to never mention Hi Ho Silver Lining again."
The Queen is saying
" You looked very different in Dads Army,Mr Beck"
By the way..
..which one's Pink?
Hello
One hears you're very good at that PlayStation guitar game.
Jeff Beck to The Queen...
"Nearly right, Ma'am, but you need to add a G7sus4 after the whammy bar divebomb. And don't forget the pinched harmonic."
Queen
The Queen is saying: "Oh, at least I'm not the only one having a bad heir day."
Nicked from Stephen Fry
Jeff Beck - "That reminds me, I must buy a stamp."
from the 'World's Worst Step' on Whose Line.
World's worst thing to say to a member of the royal family.
I think he also suggested, "Give skull bitch"
HRH:
One was jolly glad when punk came along and killed you lot orf.
Representatives
converge on Buckingham Palace to accept the Queen's Award for Export, awarded in recognition of services to men's hair colorants.
*thinks Clapton...*
'Liza, you got me on my knees, Liza...'
HRH:
One did so enjoy 'For One's Love'.
HRH:
This isn't the Stone Roses reunion?
"When one is high"
"One likes to be a ho in the bedroom"
"These days I prefer tea to a silver lining".
Clapton sings gently...
And then she asks me, "Does one look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."
HRH: "Is it just one,
or are the Page boys looking older these days?"
"Gentlemen,It's so nice
to be able to celebrate the work of the South Woking Rotary Club and their marvelous efforts on behalf of needy young girls"
Jeff Beck is saying....
..."Congratulations, love, you passed the audition. Welcome to the band."
"So which one of you's the nonce?"
Did you bring
that lovely Mr. Mercury with you? My son Edward does so enjoy his work.
Let me see if I’ve got this correct, Mr. Beck
You took over from Mr. Clapton here when he flounced out because he thought For Your Love was too commercial. You, in turn, threw a strop during an American tour, leaving poor Mr. Page over there to carry the entire responsibility, until the Yardbirds finally dissolved in 1968. With his new group Mr. Page then went on to conquer the world and make more money than everyone else here, except me, of course. There’s just one thing I don’t understand. Why is that chap who married the woman from Eastenders here?
As sung by Messrs Beck, Clapton and Page
"Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl
But she doesn't have a lot to say
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl
But it's clear she loves Brian May
I wanna tell her that I love her a lot
Bur I gotta get a belly full of wine
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl
Some day I'm gonna make her mine"
JB to HRH...
..."Yardbirds, ma'am."
EC to HRH: "Yardbirds, ma'am."
JP to HRH: "Yardbirds, ma'am."
BM to HRH: "Queen, ma'am."
HRH: "I'm the Queen, you long haired oik."
Shall we move through
to the dining room gentlemen, I think dinner is about to be served. Salt and pepper?
All: yeah, sorry about that, the hairdresser was busy today.
"Have any of you heard 'God Save the Queen'"?
"Now that's a right banging song, not like all that blues fret-wankery..."
[ECHOING SILENCE]
"Well, must get on, I've got to go and meet some people from the current Millennium"
Deleted
on realising I've repeated a joke made by another earlier
JB: "Your Majesty, May does so love staring at Uranus."
.
Not a caption
but does anyone else reckon HRH & Max Clifford share the same hairdresser?
No, Mr. Beck
One would NOT like a go on your, er, whammy bar, thank you very much.
Her Maj's is thinking to herself...
..."I remember the last time Philip twanged my G string. It was 1953..."
You know that line
in your Coronation Oath which goes "The things which I have here before promised, I will perform and keep. So help me God"?
Yes, Mr. Beck, I think I remember. What of it?
Well, the bloke standing next to me would like to speak to you about a few things.
Corgi on one's trail
One's got to keep moving, one's got to keep moving
Mews falling down like hail, mews falling down like hail
Mmm, mews falling down like hail, mews falling down like hail
One's equerry keeps on remindin' one, there's a corgi on one's trail
Corgi on one's trail, corgi on one's trail
One wants to know...
How does one say "shredtastic" in the King's English?
...
"Are you that aging achronism used to support an outdated and worthless establishment?"
"We all are Your Majesty"