Entertainment For Lively Minds
Bring back hanging!
Posted by Pinmonkey on 12 September 2010 - 12:03pm.
I'm feeling a little Mr Grumpy this morning so which misdemeanours would you impose hanging as the remedy for?
Mine would be texting whilst driving, this seems to be an epidemic and I've seen people texting in in the fast lane on motorways. Don't people realise how dangerous this is?
Secondly, people parking illegally in disabled bays at supermarkets when clearly not disabled. Are you so fecking lazy that you can't walk the extra few yards from a normal bay. I might also have to include genuine blue badge holders driving 4x4s. If you are so struggling so much how can you get in and out of such a large car with such ease.
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Blue Badge 4x4s?
They might live in rural areas where a 4x4 is all but essential in the winter. Round these parts, the favoured transport of the ancient and decrepit is an equally ancient and decrepit Land-Rover.
Remember, it's now illegal to discriminate against those less able than yourself - the days of confining them to Villers Invalid Carriages are long gone :-)
I'd vote for cycling through red lights and on the footway in urban areas meself.
The disability is not always obvious
My late father-in-law had a blue badge. There was nothing wrong with his legs but he couldn't walk further than a few yards because of severe emphysema. He would have been quite capable of clambering in and out of a 4 x 4 but he wasn't a total dickhead so never bought one to travel around Birmingham.
However, it does rile me to see perfectly able-bodied people without badges take disabled bays. There really is no excuse.
4x4
ignorance of blue badge holders should be instant napalming in my book.
Blue badge
Being familiar with the scheme, most abusers of the parking bays at supermarkets are tossers who are just nipping to the cash machine, often leaving their engines running. No need to string 'em up. Confiscate their cash card or crush their car. Or both.
I would hang council chief executives who earn more than the Prime Minister.
surely when you get cash
surely when you get cash from a machine at a supermarket, there's no need to park in a bay, disabled or otherwise. The trick is to park as near to the machine as possible.
.
"The trick is to park as near to the machine as possible."
I think that's called ram-raiding.
For which a 4x4 would be ideal.
Interesting isn't it
the number of disabled people who drive monstrous black pseudo military "I have a small willy" vehicles to the supermarket. Or massive 7 series autobahn monsters. Either disabled, or there is a sub strain who who park in the "people with kids" spaces who have invisible children. Amazing. I think crushing their cars is a perfect solution.
Hmm
Disabled people can have nice cars too. I used to work with a lad who lost the use of his legs in an accident. He drove an adapted BMW M3.
I'm struggling to understand why being disabled means
You can't drive a 4x4. The disabled have as much right to drive whatever vehicle they want as the able bodied!
It's more
the 4x4s I'm talking about aren't driven by disabled people at all, rather, self important wankers in a hurry who just can't use normal spaces. Obviously this isn't a 100% fit, and of course there are people who "need" a 4x4 but the big shiny black ones in Hitchin Waitrose, I suspect, aren't amongst them. They don't look like they have been anywhere near a farm track.
Self important wankers usually drive these 4x4s:
We sort of mean big, stupid cars
rather than 4x4's really don't we?
We do. Driven by wankers who
We do. Driven by wankers who park in reserved spaces.
EVEN WORSE
Driven by the wanker's other-halves who wait in a disabled space, with the engine running while the wanker runs into Waitrose for some Buffalo Mozzarella and a bottle of Balsamic. Or, more likely, The Mail On Sunday.
again
how do you 'know' they are not disabled
Errr
seeing them walking into the shop?
and we have a winner
doesn't mean they aren't enttitled to a badge.
i can walk into a shop.
FFS
The original point I was making was about people in big stupid cars who aren't disabled lazily parking in disabled spaces because they can't be arsed to walk to the shop from the main spaces. Nothing to do with badges or whether disabled people have or don't have 4x4s blah blah bored with this now...
Not everyone who's disabled can't walk into a shop unaided
Those entitled to apply for a badge include:
- The registered blind
- Those unable to walk 'a significant distance' without pain.
- Parents of severely disabled children
- Those with disabilities preventing them using a parking meter.
- Registered carers of the above
We're not talking about
The registered blind driving 4 x 4s, are we??
!!!!!!
!!!
'People with kids'
Since when did the ability to procreate make anyone more worthy or entitled than anyone else? People with disabilities should indeed be supported, but parents have made a choice - this shouldn't give them any parking rights above anyone else (and please don't suggest they're proving the next generation blah blah, it won't wash).
Sigh
They are a godsend for dealing with very young kids and babies who are strapped into various types of baby seats which you need some room to be able to reach into the car and either insert or extract the child from the car. Doing it in a normal space with a Focus three inches from your door is pretty darned difficult.
Where I kind of agree is that after the age of about 3 or 4, kids can sit on booster seats and so dont need to be helped. Yet, many supermarkets allow you to park there if you possess a kid up to the age of about 12....
I've tried the "oh my god, you've forgotten your baby" tack to one or two who park there and got nowhere.....
Oh yes
People with small children should be made to park as far away from the shop to maximise the chances that the small children get run over by people reversing out of spaces and not seeing the person who is lower than the field of vision. Or that they run off into a cars path.
And spaces shouldn't be any wider than normal so that parents have a decent chance of scratching other peoples cars whilst they open the doors to put small children in car seats.
I only had kids to prove:
a) my knob works
b) to get me a shedload of valuable perks like parking closer to the shops
It's true, I may have bitten on the tasty maggot of the post above.
*EDIT not the exact one above.
In my experience
there is as much, if not more, traffic danger nearer the store entrance (drop-off points, taxi ranks etc.) than elsewhere in the car park.
I don't recall making an issue about the width of the parent/child bays; I would suggest, though, that it's sometimes equally difficult for a full-grown adult to squeeze out of the space left from cars parked in 'normal' bays.
To save any misunderstanding, I have no problem with children; I have young grandchildren who I adore and indeed have taken shopping many times. I just don't like the attitude often displayed by many parents who believe having children confers superior status and privilege. The post above seems to be aligning the 'rights' of parents vis-a-vis parking with those of disabled people, where in my view there is a clear distinction.
Apologies to anyone offended.
As a 6 ft 4 man
with twins, I'm all for wider bays for everyone. I rarely get to park in the parent bays as they are all taken anyway. And I go and park somewhere else (and never a disabled bay).
I use those
Gives me a bit of extra space when getting the baby out. Otherwise it can be a delicate balancing act between squashing the child and banging the door of the adjacent vehicle. Sorry it upsets you.
Not a hanging offence
but it should result in some form of sanction: parents who load and unload kids into / out of cars from the road rather than pavement side. I can't speculate on why this happens; it just strikes me as extreme stupidity.
Its unavoidable
with twins.
It's about being civilised.
It is difficult dealing with children at the best of times. Regardless of your antipathy to people who chose to have children, most people recognise this. It is because in a civilised society we try to accommodate the needs of those who need help, even where it is their own fault/choice. That is why some of us help people lift their bags onto luggage racks, help old people across the road in the snow, help mothers with prams up subway steps, treat people with drug problems etc. It is what civilised people do and the marginal impact on the able bodied is tiny. Of course we could just say "fuck 'em, they chose to travel/go to Waitrose/cross the road/go somewhere"...but we don't. That is what a civilised society does.
Hanging's too good for them!
I'd be in favour of bringing back transportation, though.
Find a remote uninhabited island and dump all the f*ckwits of the UK in one place, far away from me.
On second thoughts, it might be easier just to dump me there.
Douglas Adams
...identifed this important initiative when Ship B, of Golgafrinchan's Ark Fleet, was "sent ahead" to the earth to ensure we had enough telephone sanitisers and estate agents.
I'm all for putting a little more bite into the space race. Starship X5, anyone?
But...
Weren't the Golgafrichans all wiped out by a nasty disease caught from a dirty telephone earpiece shortly after the B Ark left?
Although not disabled (yet)
Although not disabled (yet) the few times I have been in a 4x4 I have found them a lot easier to get into and out of, particularly those where the seat is at about the same levelk above ground as your backside would be when standing. At the time it struck me that such a vehicle would be a lot easier for the eldery and infirm.
Hanging is a bit OTT though isn't it? I wouldn't advocate it under any circumstances.
Since your pet peeves relate to driving, why not propose a punishment of taking away the licence, since everyone seems to consider that a fate worse than death anyway?
Alternatively... there could be a gang of big men with legths of scaffold pole who lurk near disabled spaces and if somebody without a permit parks there they come along and say "sorry sir, this space is for the disabled only, I'm afraid we are going to have to disable you."
Littering
Why can't the scruffy feckers use bins?
Peter Cook suggested swapping punishments to
Hanging for parking offences, and clamping for murderers, as they would be more effective deterrents. I think he might have been right.
But as Billy Connolly said of something "Hanging's too good for the likes of them. It's a good kick up the arse they need."
As for the morons with 4x4s AND personalised plates:
Crush the car, but lock 'em in it first. Hurrah! Planet saved!
Bring back hanging
For all those that sit in judgement of others.
They are a bunch of self-righteous pricks, every one of them.
Cut some slack!
It must be seriously tedious work at times, after all.
A fiver says....
...you own a 4x4 and / or a personalised plate!
I own three 4x4s (and a 6x6)
:-)
Yay
a fellow Tyrell driver.
I seem to remember the Tyrell P34 was a 6x2 :-)
and no, even taking that into account, I don't own a Tyrrell. I do, however, have one of these...
I've got one of these
Strictly speaking it's a 4x8
You see that X5 up there?
That's his, that is.
Bring back hanging
for those who find the death penalty a reasonable solution to crime.
Two members of
my family have blue badges. Both of them find it much easier to get in and out of a car whose doors are higher, such as a 4x4.
In Stock Now
Perhaps the stocks would be a better idea. Minor traffic offences, failure to pay television licence, lighting cigarettes before actually out of the building could all be punished with a small fine and a day or two in the stocks. Given that its the 21st century, it would be streamed live on the web. I imagine that it would be so popular that it could attract enough advertising to, at the very least, pay for itself.
Women who can't find their purses...
when they're buying a bus ticket. I have lost hours of my life to this bizarre female peculiarity. Is advance preparation too much to ask?
I don't know about hanging... the stocks would do me.
It's not a sex specific problem
I get fed up with getting to a ticket barrier on the tube and then the twerp in front decides at this point to get his/her Oyster card or ticket out and has a rummage through pockets or purse to find the necessary. In the rush hour it's difficult to switch to another gate because of the crowds.
Related to this are people who get to the top or bottom of an escalator and then stop and look around to see which way they want to go, without taking a few steps forward to allow the oncoming bodies to get past.
I had a "turn" a few months ago at Stanstead Airport.
A woman in front of me on the escalator had one of those enormous suitcases that you drag behind you. It blocked the entire way. She got to the top and just stopped to look around. The staircase was pushing me inexorably towards her stupid big f*cking case. "Oi, Oi, OI! Keep walking, I can't stop, this is a bloody escalator" I yelled. She just turned round "Don't you dare talk to me like that."
I proceeded to fall over her case, the guy behind me is shouting blue murder, something resembling a scene from a slapstick film is about to take place, she finally moved, sniffing as she marched off that some people are just so rude...
I think I could have cheerfully strangled her that day.
It's the same at the bloody supermarket too
In your own time dear, job oppotunity here for someone, have your will written whilst you wait.On the subject of 4x4's, Tonka toys for tonka boys, I think it was in a song somewhere?
Moral:The bigger the car, the smaller the dick.
Hanging connection, when I was a small boy we lived near a pub called, wait for it, "Help the Poor Struggler".The landlord was the hangman, Albert Pierrpoint, one story was as he was leading a condemned man to the gallows, through the pouring rain, in the old days to what was known as the "Hanging Shed", the poor condemned miscreant commented "What a lousy day to die on." Pierrpoint replied, " You should comlpain, I've got to walk back in this".
Many years ago, I read his autobiography
Amusing, touching and though provoking by turns.
(...and I think you're all just jealous of my 1968 Land-Rover with metal seats, no heater and drain holes in the floor that let the water *in* when you drive through puddles) :-)
Bring back hanging...
... for everyone.
Disabled stickers.
True story - Nearly 40 years ago, my dear, departed Dad suffered a major industrial accident, he was a coal miner, & was very badly injured as a result of a partial underground collapse.
The upshot of this was that his leg was amputated just above the knee. He continued to live as normal a life as he could, & he drove an automatic car.
Due to his disability, he was entitled to a disabled parking sticker, which had to be periodically renewed.
About 10 years after his accident, he made his usual re application & was turned down for the sticker, but told he had the right of appeal.
He made his appeal, on the grounds that his condition had not improved (legs dont grow back). His appeal was refused, BUT, he was awarded a top end electric wheelchair instead. I dont have a clue how much it was worth, but it must have been a few bob It was never used, & remained in his hallway until he passed away.
What a fucking waste, he only wanted to be able to park near ASDA!
No real point / punchline here, just a bewilderment at the stupidity of a South Yorkshire jobsworth.
Twat.
Perhaps not hanging
... but I yesterday while walking on the Glyders (North Wales mountains), I thought I how good it would be to take the teenager who had his mobile phone playing 'music' through its tinny little speaker; and throw him down one of the steeper gullies.
Yep....
....music emanating from passing cars, tinny speakers (I thought technology was meant to have moved on) and, especially, on the top deck of a bus.
And is it me or does all music circa 2010, especially Black/Dance music, have the same vocal 'style' used by Cher on the abysmal 'I Believe'?
The only music in five years that I've welcomed in this manner is the classical music that the council play at the bus station, presumably to make people more mellow.
My conclusion?
The bods at Waltham Forest Council have better musical taste than the teenagers (actually, anyone under 50)....wooaahh there!....it definitely isn't 1958!!!
Vocal stylings.
Is it just you ??
No sir, it isnt. I couldnt agree more.
PS, hows the arthiritis ??
Perhaps Not Hanging 2
But certainly a nifty stick in the spokes of the bicycle a grown woman was riding along a crowded South Bank this lunchtime whilst texting on her phone.
Head down. Not looking where she was going.
If it was that important to send a message:
1. Get off the fucking bike
2. Ring the twat
Speaking as a cyclist
...there is nothing more contemptible than an adult riding on the pavement.
No one needs a 4x4
I grew up in the country and the last time I looked there were plenty of roads. Often very narrow ones bunged up with tractors and shit. So huge great 4x4 full of unimaginative retards are no help. I learnt to drive, aged 13, racing a knackered Ford Anglia round a muddy field. It's amazing, if you learn to use the gears and peddles properly off road is a piece of piss, you can even run over your mate's bike and still get home in time for tea.
So no excuses, if you have a 4x4, wherever you live you have one because you are a twat! Learn to fucking drive and get off my land!
Thank you for your perceptive and well thought out comment
I've just spent a week in Cornwall.
Full of narrow lanes with high hedgerows demonstrating this problem vividly. I heartily concur with the previous poster I have to say.
Try getting half a dozen bales of hay up a steep, muddy field
in a Ford Anglia. The hungry sheep won't be impressed :-)
That's totally fine.
Non farmers tend to avoid steep muddy fields. 4x4's are completely at home there.
Piece of Piss
"Up a steep, muddy field," easy -I'd have got the bales, the sheep and a local, busty milkmaid in the back of that car and still had room for me fags in the dash.
Unless the milkmaid could physically LIFT the car,
you wouldn't get to our lower paddock in any car at all without leaving most of the transmission behind on the foot-high stony ridge that runs down the middle. The Landie does it easy.
What?
Of course she could lift it, that's what she's there for! I hope you didn't fall for the "you'll lose the transmission" bollocks when you purchased your "landie". I'd flog it and spend the cash on booze and fags.
M6 Toll road
clearly shows which lanes are for card payments and which lanes are for cash. Why then do I get stuck behind idiots in the lane for card payments who want to pay £5.00 in 2p pieces and call for assistance.
Assistance in what? Reading?
Also when you are exiting a supermarket car park onto a road where the traffic is backed up. The person who could politely allow you into the space decides to push forward and block you and they have got absolutely nowhere. Have manners completely disappeared in this country?
The Severn Bridges into Wales have a similar problem
The extreme right hand toll gate is reserved as a 'tag lane' for those vehicles equipped with a natty pre-pay gadget that detects the approach of your vehicle and lifts the barrier as you approach.
The lane is separated from the remaining lanes by a dotted white line and the road surface is a different colour with the legend TAG LANE at regular intervals.
Yet, at least one-in-four times I cross, it seems someone tries to go through and pay money to the (non-existent) man in the booth. Gah!
I love crossing the Servern Bridge
when I'm on the motorbike; smug or what?
We call the Tag Lane the 'smug lane'
It's ace on bank holiday weekends
Sorry to staff of Bensons For Beds
but I could happily strangle the ones I have encountered today.
Bought an orthopaedic bed for GLW to aid her lack of sleep. Paid in full on credit card 3 weeks ago. Delivery date today. Not bothered to tell me that bed is either (a)discountinued; (b)no longer trading with manufacturer or (c)when last checking tonight, said model is showing in stock on website.
Oh I can order a more expensive replacement model in more than 3 weeks. No you cannot have compensation for interest and inconvenience and we will consider giving you a refund. Unfortunately I have only just discovered a consumer review website and Bensons come out as shit poor for customer service and quality of goods.
Unfortunately the GLW has just come out of hospital and was really looking forward to her new bed. She has been ordered to take plenty of rest and is not able to troll around the stores playing bouncy bouncy on sprung mattresses. Off with their heads.
Bring back hanging
for people who do their entire week's food shopping in a petrol station.
They invariably then take five minutes to work out which credit card to use (out of a possible six), when you just want to pay by cash and be on your way.
Yes, but if you think that's bad....
I actually saw someone park at a pump recently before heading into do their shopping without actually getting petrol at all.
Bring back hanging...
...for devotees of autoerotic asphyxia.
Bring back hanging...
...for people who attempt suicide
Bring back hanging...
...for coathook manufacturers.
Bring back hanging...
...for pictures of a girl scratching her arse whilst playing tennis
No, Stimpy
They should be rewarded, to quote the great Gareth Keenan.
Bring back hanging ...
...for murderers, rapists and paedophiles...! Oh, sorry am I on the wrong Blog...?
ahem, now where was I? Oh yeah...bring back hanging for people who say "can I get a cappuccino?"
Aren't we just talking about manners again?
My little Jack Russell dog, who is the world's greatest untapped natural source of gormlessness, knows perfectly well that manners are free, and that manners maketh the man (or mutt).
Behaving in an inconsiderate fashion, for example by sending a text message while driving, is ill-mannered because it is inconsiderate, it is selfish to the extent that it risks other's well-being in favour of one's own convenience and impatience.
Indulging yourself with a conspicuous display of wealth by adopting a vehicle that far exceeds your needs, and then using it like a personal Panzer (and particularly by spending even more money on a display of personal vanity like a 'personalised' number plate) is vulgar and betrays a respect for oneself above all others. Again, it is indicative of a lack of manners.
Great discourse here: http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/manners-maketh-man
Whenever any reasonable analysis would consider a behaviour to be ill-mannered, I think we have a perfect right to be judgmental about it; bad manners reduce the quality of life for everyone.
Yeah, but...
...define "need", though. I personally don't really fancy owning a 4x4 or an SUV because I think they're a bit silly, but I wouldn't want to restrict people's right to buy them if they want to.
The doctrine of disapproving of "conspicuous displays of wealth" is a bit hard to stick to, as well. I have a bunch of Apple gadgets - am I being bad mannered by using my iPad or iPhone or MacBook Pro where other people can see them, just because some people can't afford them? For that matter, am I being bad mannered by buying my jeans from Gap instead of Matalan? Or am I being bad mannered by living in quite a nice little Edwardian semi instead of a council house?
I'm not *rich*, but I'm in a professional job with a significantly above-average salary. So to plenty of people who aren't quite as high on the economic ladder as I'm fortunate enough to be, maybe my little trappings seem like a slap in the face. What am I supposed to do? Live in a grotty flat in a shitty area, buy the cheapest possible netbook and phone and drive a 30 year old Skoda, just in case I offend anyone by being too prosperous?
In short, one person's idea of a perfectly reasonable lifestyle might be another's disgustingly vulgar blingfest. Where do you draw the line? And who is anyone to judge?
You've missed the subordinate clause
'and then using it like personal Panzer', which changes the perfectly respectable use of one's pecuniary good fortune into a vulgar and ill-mannered act.
I still don't get it
Is being an arse in a BMW X5 worse than being an arse in a Mondeo Estate?
Yes. It's just taking the piss.
Those of us who enjoy the privilege of monetary advantage have an even greater moral duty to behave ourselves. Surely with privilege comes responsibility?
Oh I don't know
If everyone could get to a point of behaviour that could be described as respectful to others, the world would be a better place than if expensive car drivers behaved in an exemplary fashion and everyone else remained the same.
Vulgar
is more a lack of taste than a lack of manners. I think people in small, cheap cars are just as able (and just as likely) to not let me out onto a busy junction, to go across a roundabout not around it or park straight in parking bays - all of which I think demonstrate a lack of awareness for others.
I have also met people that could be called vulgar (or flash) who are deeply lovely people. So there is no absolute correlation.
I think people have a right to a lack of taste, whether it be toward ostentation or scruff. Each to their own. Its when it impacts others (and not in a jealousy driven way) that it becomes bad manners.
Personalised plate.
A couple of years ago, I came into a little bit of money, so, at the age of 52 I did the mid life crisis cliche thing & got a 2 seater sports car.
It was fucking magic, 3.2 litre, loads of horse, personised plate, the works.
I had more power & speed than I needed or could use properly, quickly logged six points in a couple of months.
Got shot of it after 7 months, got more pleasure from selling the plate than I ever did showing it off.
Me too.
I had driven Nissan 300 ZX Twin Turbos (more than one - another story) for the last 10 years until earlier this year. The Z32 is a fabulous 3 litre V6 monster with around 285 bhp bog standard, and over 350 bhp 'chipped' (cough). Eats 911s for breakfast. Eventually I realised I was being a knob keeping one, and that it was costing me a packet to have the beast on the road. It wasn't that I drove everywhere fast, I just enjoyed the knowledge that I could go like the clappers whenever I felt like it. The main satisfaction was to be had from humiliating even greater dickheads when they came up behind me in an intimidating fashion; I could leave them stamping on the accelerator pedal while I sped away, chuckling. Usually I'd then slow down and drive normally as they sailed past me, letting them have the middle digit as they did so, smug with the satisfaction of having made them at least momentarily aware that they had no God given right to overtake everyone. I didn't need a car like that, and eventually decided I'd live longer, keep my licence for longer, and have more disposable income if I down-sized. So I did. Still miss it from time to time though, and I never once parked in a disabled bay to make the supermarket run easier.
Bring back hanging...
...for anyone over the age of 16 who uses textspeak in an email or forum/blog post.
This includes the use of LOL for any reason whatsoever*.
*(former 10cc guitarists may apply for a dispensation).
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was 2tally thinking this 2!
I've changed my mind
Definitely bring back hanging for the idiot couple who brought two under threes to the Wilco gig at the RFH last night and sat directly behind me and the FPO. Cue the much anticipated Philip Selway set being ruined by one brat screaming and whinging and the other one sat kicking the back of FPO's seat.
At least Wilco were loud enough to drown out the sound.
Could we also bring back The Wire?
Even if The Sopranos was even better I don´t want to ruin that perfect last scene.
Don't Stop Believing...
hold on to that feeling...
*Spoiler alert*
Screen goes black.
I don't come here very often.
This kind of thread is why.
To be fair
It started out as a bit of tongue in cheek outrage but got hijacked.
Not sure I read the sentence
"I might also have to include genuine blue badge holders driving 4x4s. If you are so struggling so much how can you get in and out of such a large car with such ease."
as being tongue-in-cheek, to be honest and, judging by the venomous comments posted subsequently, nor did several others.
I'm amazed how much vitriol this thread has included and, to be honest, I genuinely can't understand why when this is usually such a civilised place to hang out.
I think, with hindsight,
the original post should have been 'What gets on your tits?' rather than 'Bring Back Hanging!'. I think it kind of pointed it in the wrong direction.
What
makes you tut, kind of thing.
I'd bring back hanging
for people who kill policeman and DJ's...
Whereas I would cheerfully...
... hang the DJ
Though....
I think that's the point cathtish was making. An Oxford comma may have come in handy.