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Bowie Can’t Dance

Mondo's picture

He Can’t. He’s one of the few people that can work a ‘mullet’ and look cool smoking – but he simply cannot shake a leg without looking like his strides have been on the sharp end of the starch box.

Bob Dylan still can’t play Harmonica.

Mick Jagger can’t do stillness.

Are there any other God-like or lower league legends with no-go areas?

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and neither can

Roger Daltrey

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Crowdedmouse | 29 October 2008 - 12:33pm

Bobby Gillespie

has about as much sense of rhythm as John Prescott dancing at the Labour Party Xmas party.

Roger Daltrey - surely the most uncomfortable looking frontman ever - I mean all that swinging the microphone around just to have something to do with his hands...

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Retro Man | 29 October 2008 - 12:38pm

I always thought Roger was an imposter

Growing up in the 70s, I always kind of assumed that Roger Daltry was some sort of replacement, guest singer in the Who. He just didn't seem to fit with the rest of the band. They all looked cool and dangerous and he ... well ... didn't. I was surprised and confused when it eventually dawned on me that he'd been there since the start.

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Simon Moffatt | 29 October 2008 - 12:46pm

Yes but

Relatively recently I realised, though I've been listening to the Who since back in the day, what a brilliant singer Daltry is. Listen to "Won't get fooled again", "Baba o'Reilly" etc and tell me who could do a better job. Makes Planty sound like a right wimp.

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Twangothan | 29 October 2008 - 2:32pm

Must clarify...

I love Daltrey's voice and The Who - my comment was aimed more at his extremely awkward stage persona.

Debbie Harry, surprisingly given her amazing looks (and voice)always looked very awkward with her "dancing" too.

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Retro Man | 29 October 2008 - 3:18pm

Bryan Ferry

Dances like an old man trying to bend down to tie his shoe laces!

very cool indeed.

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simontyler | 29 October 2008 - 12:40pm

Bowie can Pray though


Hide!

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Springer Bell | 29 October 2008 - 12:42pm

lets face it

aside from Jackie Wilson, James Brown and "Billie Jean" period Micheal Jackson who actually can dance?? Although I always liked watching Lulu's thighs when she danced (quite badly).

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Bingham | 29 October 2008 - 12:44pm

Lulu's thighs..?!

Will that be on YouTube do you think?

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Retro Man | 29 October 2008 - 12:50pm
Springer Bell | 29 October 2008 - 12:58pm

Prince does it all

Well, all except tall.

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Archie Valparaiso | 29 October 2008 - 1:04pm

Morrissey

Great dancer

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Dave Holley | 29 October 2008 - 2:26pm

Bob Dylan - harmonica

Deals with this charge, I think

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Charlie Gordon | 29 October 2008 - 2:35pm

Well

i like Bob's harmonica playing although some of Little Walter's stuff with Muddy still tops it for me they sounds fantastic. What great recordings they were!

What about Van's harmonica playing?

Still sounds pretty shitty to me.

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Bingham | 29 October 2008 - 2:46pm

I've got a Dylan blind spot anyway

but it just sounds like random wheezy squeaks to me - he's no Larry Adler, or Stevie Wonder is he?

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Mondo | 29 October 2008 - 2:47pm

Well...

I think there is a problem with Dylan in the last decade more acute than your harmonica charge. His voice. It is so shot to pieces that the last time I genuinely enjoyed a vocal of his was "Things have Changed" in 2000. I tried to convince myself at recent concerts that... " the band's good and you know it's his phrasing that's great...err".

Short answer is that his recent albums are vastly overrated and he can't sing anymore.

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Charlie Gordon | 29 October 2008 - 3:01pm

Agreed

Hear Hear

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Bingham | 29 October 2008 - 8:45pm

disagree

- maybe. Not a Dylan fan at all - horrible whiney nasally voice for the most part. However I heard Nettie Moore in Borders when that album came out - asked who it was, and bought my first Dylan album there and then. I love his ageing croaky voice, it has a fantastic, world-weariness that I find appealing.

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badartdog | 2 November 2008 - 8:17pm

Shot to hell

I was listening to some Dylan this weekend, the unloved Planet Waves and the under-rated Shot of Love and I was suprised how good his voice sounded. Unlike now where it´s gone to pieces, but nobody ever listed to Bob for his singing, same as laughing Len , and to be fair, Neil Young is no great shakes in the voice department either.

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On The Fence | 3 November 2008 - 12:00pm

Tom Jones

I love watching him 'dance'. His two feet are spread a certain distance and I believe they nail his shoes to the floor or provide reinforced concrete soles. He then just moves his upper body or throws punches to 'dance'. He is 82 though, fair play.

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kb | 29 October 2008 - 3:21pm

Doesn't Cliff play from a selection of set-piece moves

look shocked (then left and right)

Turn around on the spot (as if with one foot nailed to the floor)

Finger in the air (testing for wind direction)

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Mondo | 29 October 2008 - 3:31pm

You both nailed Tom and Cliff....

Made me laugh out loud...

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Blue Sky | 30 October 2008 - 12:56am

Elton struggles with style

For someone with such deep pockets, why are they always attached to the most festive selection of trousers, and generally more Chuckle Brothers than Brookes Brothers

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Mondo | 29 October 2008 - 4:14pm

Roisin Murphy

I bow to no-one in my admiration of this feisty (ESPECIALLY because of the top she wears for this video) and talented woman, but you cannot tell me this was choreographed.
Somehow it makes me love her even more ( wistful sigh, runs hand through graying hair etc.etc.)


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Grant | 29 October 2008 - 3:51pm

erm

Freddie Garrity of the Dreamers, look him up on You Tube at the NME awards in the early sixties doing "Short Shorts", shamefully awful. Sorry I dont know how to post a You Tube thread thingy. Well worth searching out.

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Bingham | 29 October 2008 - 8:48pm

It's much easier than pictures

Just copy a paste the url into your message and Word wizardry takes care of the rest


And yes, it is awful.

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Gatz | 29 October 2008 - 10:47pm

Well

I liked it.

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eddie g | 30 October 2008 - 5:48pm

Bowie in "Spongebob Squarepants"

Bowie can't dance, but he falls down stairs artistically:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/tvandradioblog/2008/oct/29/david-bowie...
(Sounds nothing like him!)

By the way, McCartney can't really do aggressive, can he? "Helter Skelter", "Live and Let Die", "Oh! Darling" - these are as close as he gets; all good songs, but no more intimidating than Michael Jackson singing "Bad".

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Nick White | 29 October 2008 - 10:55pm

Posh Spice can't do sexy

Debbie Harry and Kate Bush - more smoulder than the Cadbury's Caramel bunny by a bonfire.

Posh Spice - sexy as a sockmark

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Mondo | 30 October 2008 - 10:26am

Roger Daltrey, Shakey, Freddie et al

I believe Roger Daltrey was not the tallest. Consequently in any Who pic he was often crouched down or doing something to avoid standing in line with the others who all seemed to be of reasonable height. A big hat was often deployed in the immediate post-hippy era, along with puffing out his chest and looking well-hard. Then, of course, he did 'McVicar' and discovered that he was indeed a genuinely embryonic (if pocket-sized) East End crim were it not for the music which saved him etc etc (yawn).
Shakin' Stevens made one dance last for about 20 hits - thats an achievement in itself.
Regarding Freddie Garrity (see above) did anyone notice the Dreamers looking about as zany as a gang of Co-op store managers on a day off?

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Richard Raftery | 31 October 2008 - 7:57pm

The Janet Jackson dance

The Janet Jackson dance, used by many other acts such as Five Star, includes the following basic moves. Key words: staccato, military, "Bad".

1) Pull on a rope to the right
2) Pull on a rope to the left
3) Raise and lower both arms at the elbows, as if mimicking a member of the Woodentops family laughing at a joke
4) Take down something from a high shelf (the "What's My Line" move)
5) March!

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Nick White | 31 October 2008 - 8:52pm

But boy can he mime!

Other bad pop star dancers:

Simon Le Bon - he's about as groovy as a nooclear war
Amy Winehouse - developed a faux-urination dance stance
Richard Jobson - did he invent the 80s left kick right kick move?
Phil Collins - I can't watch him centre stage in Genesis on an uptempo tune, though to be fair he wrote a song about it
The Abba ladies didn't do much more than sway, but that could have been something to do with heel height
Can you imagine either of the Gallaghers dancing?

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Mr Fade | 3 November 2008 - 5:36pm

Mick and Dave

There is little doubt that the truly tragic video of Dancing in the Streets with Mick and Dave stumbling around like a couple of drunk loons from the local pub is a fine example of superstars who are better heard and not seen sometimes!!!

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Golden Nose Slim | 5 November 2008 - 6:17am
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