after a lengthy work related dispute. He was advised to ween himself off it very slowly indeed as sudden withdrawl was known to be dangerous. Sorry I can't offer more info but I would suggest extreme caution based on his experience. Good luck chap.

That's rotten man. Depression is a hell of a thing. A few of my family have suffered from it.
I'd get to the docs Monday and let them know how you're feeling. It might even be worth giving nhs 24 a buzz and getting an out if hours appointment.

Hope you're back to yourself soon.
Kev

great to see you back JB.

I have no personal experiene of SSRis like prozac, but I hope it works for you.. It has for others I know.

Sorry to hear that you're having problems. When you're low, it alwas seems that things will never get better. As someone who has experienced mental health problems I can reassure you that they can and will.

Hang in there and be good to yourself.

and I'm a bit concerned at the arbitrary way you're being given powerful drugs.

However, SSRI drugs do have a nasty withdrawal period if you stop them suddenly,have some unpleasant effects before they become active but they are also often life saving.

Please dont make the very common mistake of confusing symptoms with side effects though. If you're depressed you will have low mood, suicidal thoughts, insomnia and loss of appetite. The anti-depressants dont cause that,the depression does. Also, remember that any beneficial effect from the pills will take at least 4 weeks. You'll get the side effects first.

Please stick with it mate. They dont harm you long term and the worst that can happen is they dont work.

Keep us informed on how yer doing tho.

thing is, I wasn't depressed before this Duloxetine drug but I sure am now

DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHEN YOU'RE ON SSRI'S!

Asking for trouble and the alcohol was probably contributing toyour depression in the first place.

I have nothing to say regarding your meds etc - but hope you know how much you're valued around here. Post when you feel like shit, post when you feel great, just post.
I do know that my first wife was treated for depression and it took a while to find the right meds for her .. I'm thinking trycyclic, but dunno if that's any relevance. I realise you're saying the depression has come along since taking the medication, but I also remember it took a while for the missus's to kick in and get her levelled out - and it did, she was back to her old self.
Hope the mum's ok, get well soon.

as will this.

Dont drink booze. Take the pills. Do things you love. Ignore negative thoughts. Abandon routines that harmed you. Do new stuff. Relax when you can - I take very hot baths - and take the piss out of yourself. Have a lot of sex if possible. Remember most people - including you - know nothing and are incompetent.

I'm a psychiatric nurse of 23 years standing. These are the tried and tested techniques of mental health.

And don't be hard on yourself. You're almost certainly a better man to everyone else than you think.

Sorry to hear you're not having a great time - although I've (sort of) been there & done that too. As others have said, this is temporary and you *do* feel better after a wee while.

I always found that the "gentler" form of comedy works in these sorts of situations - Ealing films, Kenneth Williams, Hancock, that sort of thing.

Not much more I feel I can add, but we are all thinking of you - I'll give you a buzz tomorrow mate.

(I was going to sign off with "cheers" but maybe not!)

Been missing you around here...

I don't feel qualified to give you any advice on the tablets. Just that, as others have said, it looks like you need to get yourself down the doc's. If you're struggling this much, you need more help.

I'm posting this because it's actually the only Sisters of Mercy song I know. I have no idea whether it's beloved or frowned upon by fans. But it's sent with love!

Video is Sisters of Mercy - This Corrosion

being an auld Goth I should be into all this blackness, it's nae fun.

but wanted to wish you luck and hope it works for you.

I have nothing expert to add because while I get fed up from time to time and generally feel my life is going nowhere fast I cannot pretend I have been depressed in the way you describe. The tablet situation sounds similar to the way the doctors treat my mums heart condition various shots in the dark and then more tablets to treat the symptoms caused by the tablets they gave her the last time. I know they do their best but you just never know do you? Stay strong, stay in touch and stay off the Del Amitri. Good luck mate, we're all routing for you and truly hope you can start to feel better soon. Oh and the exercise thing is a great idea, tray and get that heart pumping and blood flowing.

My pleasure at your return is mitigated by your story.

Like many others I don't know anything to make any sort of useful comment, but I do wish you all the very best. I'm rooting for you for a recovery, the speedier the better obviously. We're all rooting for you.

In the meantime here's some Bunnymen:

I'm a type 1 diabetic, and have been for 35 years. I have some associated complications - and anyone making cracks about one eyed referees following last year's eye surgery will not get a Christmas card.

I have had depression, and was given, on separate occasions, 2 anti depressants. The first (brand name forgotten) was dreadful and exacerbated the situation. The second 'flattened' things - didn't feel quite so bad, but the 'highs' were commensurately flattened. It left feeling like I was in an emotional smotherblanket, so I jacked them.

Therapists were frankly useless. Platitudes and...well, a waste of time.

I tried to find a win a day; I set targets at the gym and worked to them. I filled as much of my time as I could. I recognized my 'cycle' - Sundays were, and still are, really bad days for me - and managed around it.

I came through it in the end. It worked for me - it may well not work for you. If you can, find a doctor you trust and go from there. But find a 'win' each day. And make the next day a bit bigger of a win. And stick with your friends - they're crutches you may never be aware of.

And yes, there may be a link between the diabetes and the depression. I did hear of a study which showed a link between the two - and be aware that some anti depressants can have bad effects on your blood sugar

James.

Go low-carb. Stablise your blood sugars. Your diabetic situation will improve and it could help your mood-swings. And you'll lose weight.

Get outside. Walk. When you feel shit, get up. Put a coat on. Walk. Walk. Walk. Anywhere. Walk at a good pace. Moderate exercise is a huge, clinically-proven help.

Hi James

I've been on duloxetine for nearly three years. Your post hit a few nerves as I know all too well how you're feeling. It might help to know that duloxetine is Cymbalta, as you've already been on it and had some benefit.

You say that you took one on Tuesday. Have you taken any since then? If I faff about with my dose or forget to take my tablets my mood goes through the floor and stays there for a few days. I have to remind myself frequently why I feel so bad, and that it will get better.

I really hope you feel better soon. If you have any questions, fire away.

I went through a bad patch...I ate a big chunk of Hash and went to bed during a time when I was being dumped by a long term girlfriend.I woke up the next morning and was stoned out of my mind and I guess the drug opened my eyes to the realities of my going nowhere life(Entering late twenties..living at home..shitty job) and my life came crashing down...talk about Panic. I was screwed up for a long time..PTSD in a way.I thought I gave myself brain damage from the Hash. Anyway...I fought my way up and out of it (took some meds for awhile).I realized most importantly that I still found things interesting and beautiful and I figured I must be Ok...Music..A literary passage..a vivid sunset these things still made a positive impression.Another thing I realized was that as bad as I felt there were plenty of people out there dealing with way worse.One simple stupid thing really worked though..I forced myself to smile and people smiled back.It made me feel better and not odd like I was feeling.Just know that millions are going through exactly what you are these days and if you could get into some daily exercise and eat some simple healthy foods...you will feel better in awhile.

I don't have any practical advice. Just hugs and best wishes to you James.
Hxxx

I can tell you however that I've missed you man. XX

When I was first diagnosed with a rare form of TB - I've written briefly about being given the all-clear recently after two years - I was put on weapons-grade medication which gifted me with the worst reaction I've ever had from any medication. The FPO was so concerned that she called 999; between slipping in and out of consciousness, I vaguely recall the paramedics asking if I normally looked like this, which was pretty frightening. The consultant changed the medication to the only alternative available and I was okay-ish with that, while still experiencing fairly unpleasant side effects for the whole period. What I believed at the time - and still do - is that firstly, doctors know best and secondly, if I wanted to live, there was no alternative to the medication as TB is always fatal if untreated. What a few others have reinforced above - notably Goatboy - is that you mustn't mess about with the medication and you must trust the professionals. My experience with the NHS was never less than superb and I have nothing but praise for the professionalism and kindness during a very frightening time. I do hope that things improve, James, and that you begin to feel better. No one claimed it's easy but profoundly worth it to feel better and the high I got when the consultant told me I was clear of TB was worth all the lows. Take care xx

...that's pish for ye. Haud on in there, ma man, and dinnae let the black dug shite on yir porridge.

Alternatively, the healing moonlight of the eldritch moon will shine on you once more.

And being men obviously sending you hugs just isn't right.

But I can post this as I know you're a bit of a fan.

Hang in there JB and post when ever you feel the need.

James, I've only spent a short time in your company so far, but that was enough to tell me that you're a great bloke. It's horrible what you're going through, but hang on in there. I can't offer any advice on the meds, but I look forward to the next Glasgow mingle, when hopefully we can chat some more about Ride and The Chameleons.

A bit of gentle daily exercise, nothing macho just some stretching and - most important - learning a simple meditation technique.

Ignore all the new age bullshit and prejudices on both sides of the debate, there is good long-standing neurological evidence that meditation can significantly influence mood.

Thers lots of different techniques but they all do the same thing. Maybe your GP can advise someone who could recommmend a short course? Failing that, most spirituality sections etc of bookshops will have books/Cds on the subject.

It really does work believe me.

Very best of luck guvnur. it's the worst feeling in the world.

and post this, everyone's a sucker for that "GOFF GOFF GOFF" refrain":

but then I found this. It is actually from my hometown's only legendary* punk act, but I was unaware of this cover until now. It is...intriguing.

*generous definition of legendary

I have missed your contributions Mr Blast, and hope your life is back in sunlit uplands (or the Goth equivalent) soon.

That was mainly what I wanted to say. I also wanted to empathise with the neuropathy - I have it too. Virtually nothing from the knees down. Not due to diabetes though, so at least I have some circulation to help heal sores when they arise. The pain though is ... impressive. I'm lucky in that it's intermittent bursts, rather than chronic. Commiserations.

Actually, the worst thing for me is that as I've got less steady on my feet, people assume that I'm pissed. Great opportunity for people watching though.

I was on antidepressants for a while when I was younger. The first ones didn't work, so I told my GP, who put me on some which did.

Didn't 'cure it', though. Depression is something you have to come to terms with. It's even good to feel dissatisfied sometimes - "Anger is an energy" and all that.

Everything Goatboy has said here is spot-on. It's not often you get such good advice, so please take it on board.

I have MS (Relapsing Remitting).
Here's what I'm on...
Natalizumab (tysabri) - This is a disease modifying therapy to reduce replases)
Gabapentin - Glossopharyngeal neuralgia (look it up, my consultant neurologist had to)
Citalopram - The black dog. Depression is a very common symptom of MS. I'm having marriage problems at the moment so I am grateful to be on anti-depressants already!

Here's what I don't do...
Can't exercise, no energy for that
Get stressed needlessly (the FPO & two teenage daughters do their best to keep the stress levels up though)
Avoid alcohol - This is my reward, I don't overdo it though

Here's what I do...
Attend two different MS therapy centres. One where I meet up with other MS people and just talk. The other where I get counselling, indian head massage, sports massage, etc. Both are great for me
Laugh as often as I can. Podcasts, TV, Radio, friends, colleagues...The Word website, obviously.

So James, you are not alone. Try and keep your spirits up and as Goatboy says let the clinicians 'tinker' with your meds, don't do it yourself.

going through some of your past blogs, James. Thank you, I've had a great time. You're a special person - be good to yourself because you're good to us. All the best, mate.

Depression is bad enough, without physical pain as an accompaniment. I can only echo the good wishes sent to you by the Massive, seconding (from personal experience) the advice that SSRIs do take a while to kick in. And a little advice of my own - try taking the anti-depressants in the morning. I found Prozac to be something of a stimulant.

And to try and cheer you up, here's some Todd, acknowledging that everybody hurts:

Can't add much to all of the above but when I have the dog I keep myself busy. Yard work. Sweeping up leaves. Doing some admin. Playing my guitar. Doing stuff seems to clear my head. The worst thing for me is telly. I can feel it sucking the life out of me. Failing all else, listen to Little Feat.

when my partner left with our son. It was the new wonder drug then, I agree with sithere it was an emotional smotherblanket on top of which it kept me awake most of the night and had to have tablets to help me sleep. Put on a different tablet but realised after a while they weren't for me and stopped taking them.
I wish you well for the future Good luck

Medication can be a fucker, but without it I wouldn't be here, so go steady and keep taking the tablets.

So just wanted to add to the team hug.

Chin up big fella....you're one of us and this is a better site with you on it.

Everything's been said by better folk than I
The lift the Massive gives is finer than drugs
You are too damned big to give a manly punch
So you'll have to make do with Beany hugs

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear
Is what I would write to you in a letter
I promise not to mention the Scottish band
At least until you are better

And finally a few words from one of the first records I owned.

"It's a braw, bricht, moonlicht nicht".

Hope all is restored to a better kind of wellness soon

I can`t better the advise already given JB, I just hope that thihgs begin to look up for you, you`re in great company here. Good luck.

Keep on keeping on - and by that I mean post post post. You help to make this place interesting and fun.
Hope all rights itself or gets righted in body and mind.
Manly hugs from West London..

This morning was the lowest of this low with the stomach deciding to join in.
This left me totally exhausted and quite shaky. I took to my bed and after a few hours of racing mind, I eventually managed some sleep. This was blessed relief, I've since managed to dose off and on throughout the day with even dreams returning. My mood has brightened and checking in here has done me a world of good.

You're very special people
James

might be light at the end of the tunnel JB. I recall many years ago being under immense stress - I was about to get married for the first time, I had just taken on a mortgage and first day back after my honeymoon I heard I was going to be made redundant. Shortly thereafter I got German measles which although not a serious illness left me feeling very weak. I started to get serious dizzy spells always when I was driving to work, always when I was on the motorway. In short I was suffering from stress but didn't know it. I had blood tests, urine tests, all sorts of tests. The gp kept telling me I was physically okay. I was convinced I had a terminal illness. Eventually he prescribed Valium which after about 3 or 4 weeks started to do the trick. Once I came off it the dizzy spells started to return. I made myself think that it was all in my head, if I was okay on the Valium I was always gonna be okay not on it. Thankfully I have never experienced anything like it since but it taught me one thing: The mind is a bloody powerful thing and can play tricks on you.
Hope you get better soon JB.

Give the bevvy a break. Meditate in the morning. Do a 'Gratitude list' daily.
Best of luck.

Just to echo all the above. Manly hug, old boy.

Contrary to some beliefs you don't have to be actively suicidal to call them. Call them day or night they will give you the space to talk and will listen to you without judgement. All Samaritans are well trained and won't get offended with anything you say. You can get angry, you can cry your eyes out. It is your call and they will listen. It is totally confidential.

By posting on this log you have already experienced the benefit of sharing your problem. You can do the same with the Samaritans. They can also be contacted by email at jo@samaritans.org

all best wishes for a speedy recovery!

Only just picked up on this. Been wondering where you were... Sorry to hear about this. Take care, and I really hope you feel a bit better soon. You've given me many a chuckle and good musical steers, so keep on keeping on.

...it's hard to pick up what's going on with email sometimes.

I'd no idea. At this end...you've no idea.

Anyway, I can send you pictures of my old girlfriend?

I can send you a link to a 20 year old Steve Earle singing "Rufus Is A Tit Man" (I know ya like it)...1975 I think?

I've a week off next week...and a car(CD player only works on American roots)...lunch/walk/yak?

I went through a pretty bad break up 10 years ago and let's us just there was an incident.I basically needed to calm the F*** down.
Things ate me up for time and i was sent to see a therapist. The therapist gave me prozac and i was on 2/4 tablets a day and it was probably the reason I didn't pay Norman Stanley Fletcher a visit.
It just made me think nothing was worth getting heated up about and it changed me.
I was on it for 5 years and it got got me through a sticky period of my life.It was a positive experience for me. The Devil on my Shoulder is still there but Prozac helped the angel win the arguments.
Hope it all works out ,James.
p.s the downside is sometimes it was impossible to rise to the occasion,so to speak.

... so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of it.

Hope things continue to improve. Lots of good advice has already been given, but the main thing is: Take care of yourself and take things slowly.

You're a diamond geezer, and no mistake - just look at all the people lining up in here to sing your praises. That's got to give you a bit of a lift, right?

Would be good to catch up for a natter!

I've posted on here before about my malaise. I've been diagnosed with mild depression, which is a step 'up' from general low mood but a step 'down' from suicidal, so my thoughts may or may not be relevant.

I've been on Citalopram (another Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor) for the best part of two years now, and I find it's been generally beneficial. There have been times when I've thought it was having no effect and I've stupidly gone cold turkey for a few days, only to realise the effect they were in fact having.

I'm tempted to echo the thoughts of Lenny Law earlier on going low-carb. Not full-blown Atkins v1 but more the John Briffa variant. I've been following this as best as I can since the turn of the year and feel I am starting to see results. Alcohol 'in moderation' is allowed, but switch the beer to red wine for the most part (no major hardship for me). I'm sure it depends on the severity of the depression, but none of the medical professionals I've seen have insisted on me avoiding alcohol completely.

As ever, YMMV. Anyway, all the best,

Dougie.

keep moving forward , however slowly, and you'll eventually come out the other side - good luck.

There are alternative medications. Have you tried Pregabalin instead of Gabapentin? Small doses of Amitriptyline can haelp with neuropathy. Is there a pain clinic available locally? There are often specialists in Diabetic Neuropathy there.

I suspect your depression will improve if the pain is relieved. However, you have barely touched the surface of possible interventions for depression, including other drugs (Mirtazapine, Venlafaxine, Sertraline etc) and other approaches (self-hypnosis, CBT and so on)

I suspect the Diabetes Association (or some such) could point you in the right direction too (google them).

There is a webiste called www.foundationforpositivementalhealth which may help but there are plenty others. (I think you may need passwords to download the tracks to listen to but I can find them if you wish).

Don't give up. Don't despair. Good luck.