Beyond "Reappraisal"
Posted by muttnjeff on 11 April 2008 - 11:50pm.
So the yeoman contributors to this blog have had a fine old time recently declaring various musical loves that they've previously been maybe too shy to admit to. We've had Gilbert O'Sullivan Jethro Tull, Dire Straits, Supertramp etc etc etc.
So my question to the assembled brains is this. Are we now to declare an amnesty on all bands who have previously been convicted of crimes against music? Does nothing remain beyond the pale? Is there one band that we can still agree upon as being utterly hopeless, that remain so irredeemably bad that they will never come in from the cold (Feel free to mix as many metaphors as you like).
I'll go first - Uriah Heep. Desperate senseless 'me too' plod-rock - hateful.
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Andrew Lloyd Webber
A while back I attempted a half-hearted defence of Lloyd Webber ("Don't Cry for me Argentina" is a good song!) but there were no takers at all, so I guess I must stay out in the cold along with the rubberfaced one.
Post-Marillion Fish
He is big, he might even be clever, but he's not Peter Hammill and he's not Peter Gabriel so he should stop trying.
As for Andrew Lloyd Webber: listen to the Grateful Dead's 'Ripple' and then listen to 'Any Dream Will Do' from Joseph And His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. Lifted. I am sure there are further examples of his borrowings..
Another song from Joseph...
...sounds like Bent It by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick And Tich. It even speeds up and slows down in the same way.
YES
Still dont understand any of the lyrics from the bard of Accrington
I know some of the music is fine and as another rehabilitated survivor of the punk wars, year zero, I still cant get my head around Jon (John???)Anderson.
Kenny G
And it gives me an excuse to post more RT...
Yngwie Malmsteen...
Oh God, man, put a sock in it...
A tale of Yngwie...
Many years ago when I worked for Bob Harris on his radio show, he told me a great story about Mr Yngwie Malmsteen.
The previous evening Bob had been the compere at a guitar player awards evening... gongs were handed out to various axe luminaries, including Hank Marvin and David Gilmour. Bob arrived at the venue late, so didn't have time to rehearse anything or check to see who was receiving an award. So he greets Hank... long time no see etc... Dave Gilmour... and then runs into trouble. He's standing by the microphone, staring at a collection of letters on a card which mean absolutely nothing to him, and he has no idea whatsoever how to pronounce them. Y-N-G-W-I-E M-A-L-M-S-T-E-E-N. So being the professional that he is, Bob has a go. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage... Yingwee Malmstein!" Oh dear. Yngwie is not amused. Yngwie storms onto the stage in his leather trews / leather waitcoat / bare chest and beer gut combo and grabs the mike: "MY NAME IS YNGWIE! YNGWIE MALMSTEEN!"
I think Bob thought he was the most egotistical rock 'star' he'd ever met... and he'd met a few.
Thanks for the clip
Proving beyond all reasonable doubt that:
1) The man's a berk
2) There is nothing quite so silly as having a poodle-haired rock person stand in front of an orchestra whose members are in correct evening attire
If not 'Yingwee'...
...then what?
Ingwee?
Ingwhy?
Yingwhy?
Ungwhee?
Ungwhy?
We need to know.
Apparently...
it's INGVEY. INGVEY Johann (!) Malmsteen.
Thank you Patrick.
I can sleep easy now.
Daft name for a lad anyway.
Holy Christ
That clip should be tossed into the fires of Mordor and never allowed to see the light of day again, what an absolute car crash.
I love the early...
...Uriah Heep albums- again, another band who get slagged off and I don't get it. The lyrics are often of their time but no more so than Led Zeppelin's ventures into sword-and-sorcery territory.
I love Yes but I'll admit Jon Anderson's lyrics are very much an acquired taste. Fish has put out a few decent solo efforts; he's been patchy to say the least but I did enjoy the debut and particularly 'Sunsets On Empire' and '13th Star'.
Cannot disagree with Yngwie Malmsteen though- I had the misfortune of owning some of those albums and they (and the other 'shred' albums I came across) were totally soulless. I also nominate every single morsel that emerged from the 'hair metal' genre. This was the stuff that put me off a lot of metal, really.
On this site, though there are a few fans, I suspect Oasis come under the 'beyond the pale' category based on the bile they get thrown their way!
Me too
I have an Yngwie album - bought on spec - which I quite liked at the time but I have to say that clip is beyond the pale. I even went to see the great man but left after an hour. Really hideous. Of that genre Joe Satriani can be OK though - pretty melodic and funky, two attributes the Yng never possessed. My 3 year old calls this "the autumny one" which is quite cool. (** cue discussion about wah wah pedals**)
I also nominate...
...Michael Bolton and Barry Manilow. These are the two I really see as being beyond any reasonable reappraisal- both men just churn out unadultered schlock. Both genuinely fill me with horror when I hear them (particularly that video for Bolton's 'Can I Touch You There'...).
Ass Clown
Michael Bolton is an ass clown (check out the film "Office Space" for quality Bolton bashing).
Ladies and gents, I give you Warrant
Don't forget to say 'thank you'.
Arse
it's gone.
Curiously
there is a fleeting nod to "American Gothic" in this video. Do you think the poodles knew what it was, or was it something the video director sneaked in?
Marti Pellow
he can stick his "My Drug Hell" up his arse. The man is pure evil. An old girlfriend of mine saw him drinking in a club in Bath, just as wet wet wet were hitting the big time. She asked him, politely if he was having a nice time. He glared at her and said "I could fucking buy this place."
Wanker.
I would add Elton John to the list, too. Okay, he made some great records in the seventies, but the tears at the Versace funeral, the Princess Di funeral malarky and the "I hope you get cancer of the clitoris" comment to the foreign journalist single him out to be a tosser of the highest order, and one who hasn't made a decent record for over twenty five years
I imagine that now he's cleaned up...
he has no need to stick anything up his arse. Point taken though.
I am rather suspicious of people who smile all the time... and I can't picture him without thinking of his smug grin.
I assume we are still talking about Marti?
I so, so wanted to lower the tone of the blog at this point...
...but have manfully resisted the temptation.
Go on. You know you were all thinking the same thing.
I have to confess...
...I'm afraid so! I had to double check who was being talked about...
I well remember...
...when Wet Wet Wet's 'Love Is All Around' was at Number 1 for what seemed like years. I remember watching TOTP when I was about 6 or 7 and they were literally on there every week.
As vile as Elton's 80s and 90s output is, I have enjoyed his last couple of albums.
ELO
When I was a boy my brother played them non-stop and I grew to hate them.
He used to sing along with them. Nothing unusual in that except he brought a MICROPHONE and blasted himself and ELO all over the neighbourhood. You could hear him a block away. Of course he was a terrible singer.
I was going into my house once and a passer-by said to me "Is that you?" I had no idea what he was talking about so he jerked a thumb at my house and said "ELO" I indicated no and he said "I used to like them...not any more."
I'm a mild mannered sort of bloke but any attempt to promote them in any way sends me into a rage. I was in a record store once and they were playing ELO over the loudspeakers. I was waiting to be served and the music was making me hop from foot to foot like I needed a toilet, it was driving me nuts so I asked them (politely I thought) to "Turn this shit off." I won't go into detail about what happened next but I think I'm still banned from that shop.
Its really got nothing to do with the band, its more to do with the embarrassment my brother caused me. I have no idea whether they are any good or not I will always associate them with tone-deaf knuckleheads.
Evan Dando
Wisely ignored by the UK until "quirky" cover reaches charts. Then proceeds to become drug fool and effectively demolishes own career. Current "Special Edition" tries to rehabilitate aforementioned over-privileged fool.
Oh, can I also mention Robbie Williams?
Who misses him? Hands up? Anyone?
No
You may not mention Robbie Williams. Not without giving prior warning.
His output was the only body of work to receive a blanket ban from me whilst I was working at Music Zone. I made damn certain that anyone bringing one of his albums within ten feet of the store stereo moved swiftly away again for fear of bodily harm.
Utter toss. I can't begin to understand the national obsession with the man, or his turgid 'Angels' bumwash. If he never records again, I will die happy. Sadly, I expect to be disappointed.
What happened to Robbie?
Is he in some sort of self imposed exile? Or is it the Law Of Three again? The Robster made three very successful albums and everything else since has gone down like a lead turd.
No, I don't miss him. In fact, up until now I hadn't thought of him in ages, not since there was a Norman Wisdom film on the telly a couple of months ago when I was off sick from work.
Conversely, may I add my support for the continuing campaign for the rehabilitation of Phil Collins? Come on, let's let the lad back in!
You can...
...some of Phil's solo stuff has dated badly, BUT his debut is still great and I worship Genesis' 70s material (and find a lot to enjoy on the 80s/90s albums too). Not to mention, the brilliant drumming he did on a lot of other people's albums AND Brand X, that jazz rock side-project. There's an awful lot to choose from when it comes to great things Phil has been involved with.