I'd love to read an interview with Howard Devoto and Magazine.

Why not a retrospective on Blue Lines? I don't recall ever seeing one, but I could be wrong!

With the strapline:

Hepworth - the true story

An era of music sadly - nay, disgracefully - overlooked so far in the history of this mighty mag.

As most Word covers feature close-ups of haggard old men, the likes of Mani Neumeir, Chris Karrer, Damo Suzuki or Manuel Göttsching would fit in perfectly.

Special guest on the linked podcast - Julian Cope.

would be my cover story, with a full update on post-Heads work. I'd also send someone out to discover what Paddy MacAloon of Prefab Sprout is up to these days. I think we should also have a Gentle Giant retrospective and feature about Jim Moray.

It´s about time he gets the credit he deserves. The whole story, big interview and a complete album guide.

All those labels who started cos they just loved one band or one song and they decided - what the heck I'll release it myself.

I'd have an "Unknown Legends" cover story and I'd stick a fat article on Ed frigging Kuepper in the middle.

I have mentioned this before but the story of how The Saints self-pressed first single (I'm Stranded) went from being sold out of the back of the drummer's car to being Sounds "Single of this and every other week" is worth an article on its own.

...a special investigation by Albert Edward. :-)

with an in depth interview.

An article about 'A Confederacy of Dunces' by John Kennedy Toole

A scathing attack on landfill indie penned by a furious me.

A lengthy piece on old school Doctor Who written by a nostalgic me.

A feature on 'worst moments in interviews' dictated by The Word staff.

and in depth interviews covering their whole careers

What about one of those totally non-exploitative Uncut-style souvenir editions with a separate cover for each member of a great band with an identical mag inside? I suggest The E Street Band, right back to David Sancious.
Utterly at odds with the ethos of the mag, but I'm sure Jerry will love the circulation spike.

I can't think of someone big enough, who hasn't been done to death, who would sell in a newsagents. A salutary lesson to amateurs like myself who decry the music mag news cycle.
Dominic West?

Currently watching Mr Shakey Young on BBC 2:
What about: John Lydon portrait of the artist as a butter salesman?
Tom Hibbert style

Robyn Hitchcock, Richard Thompson and Boo Hewerdine all hugging each other, dressed in white. Lowest selling issue ever, as I understand when they did it with Tori, P.J. and the other one. That doesn't make it wrong, mind. But think of the interviews that may ensue...

after all the aborted attempts. So the story of beards in rock.

-Dylan's early 70's bumfluff to straggly hobo look followed by his conversion to the pencil 'tache.
-ZZ Top's grooming tips.
-An examination of Elvis Costello's 'beard years'
-From Robert Plant to Kings Of Leon: The King Charlies
-Jacko: was the inability to grow a beard the real cause of death? We ask Uri Geller's barber.
-How the loss of beard has driven comedian Dave Gorman to advert voiceovers and poor TV shows.

Fantasy cover stars aside, if we were dealing in reality and actually putting an issue on the shelves, you'd need someone on the front who'd sell the mag, so presuming we'd want someone who hasn't been on the cover before, how about Tom Petty? A major interview and buyers guide I think would do the trick. He could regale us with stories about George, Bob, Roy and Jeff, his torrid personal life (bankruptcy/divorce etc.)and 30+ years with the Heartbreakers. I'd also like to see a major feature on The Stranglers, aswell as a feature on "Who is and isn't Americana Landfill". Some high-profile Word blog contributors (e.g. Archie, Vulpes) could take over the columns, and I'd like to see Face Time with Paul Merton, Frankie Boyle and Helen Mirren. I second a feaure on Confederacy Of Dunces too!

Surely well overdo for a feature!

Cover = Tom Waits: The Island Years

Other stories:
Zombina & The Skeletones - live wonder
Radiohead - the making of Kid A/Amnesiac
Nirvana - Retrospective of the English psychadelic pop band
Mos Def - the man, the myth, the mumbler

and the Now Hear This! CD would be a compilation of some of my best recordings. Oh yes.

Let's have a seminal guitarist who isn't Richard Thompson on the cover. Does/has anyone ever interviewed Tom Verlaine? I'm really interested but I think he's probably obnoxious, pretentious and boring....

The history of Charisma Records. Artists and late founder Tony Stratton-Smith. A CD laced with diverse Charisma acts from Monty Python, VDGG, Audience, String Driven Thing, Lindisfarne and Genesis.

with backwards7 contributing the main feature.

Why everyone else is wrong about them.

There'd be a feature about Christine Collister, a singer hugely admired in the business but unknown to most. She's not really cover famous, so maybe PJ Harvey. Like Kate Bush, she is sparing with her interviews, but what she says is always worth hearing. How about a feature on Stevie Wonder, to include a look back at his stunning run in the 70s plus a celebration of his unexpected return to form with his best album since Hotter Than July? Ah, we can dream...

Cover star: Bowie.

Reason: Lead feature has Bowie interview his son. (Hopefully, moon-related stuff still topical enough to sell loads of copies.) Clearly, Duncan Jones is getting on fine without relying on his dad's name or fame, but I'd be fascinated to ask them about why space has fascinated them both and tackle the father/son escaping from dad's shadow issue head-on. And would Bowie tell us what he's working on at the moment...?

Other features:

Neo-folk scene (Sieben, Triple Tree, Naevus - these people don't have to be obscure).
A Mike Oldfield interview (yes, really) where he's asked about his favourites from all his work, but he isn't even allowed to MENTION 'Tubular Bells'.
'Last Chance Harvey' must be due on DVD soon - get Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson in a room together and record them talking.
Interview with Woven Hand - calling all Handsome Family fans, you will love this guy.
And can we have some jazz? Not necessarily the big guns but some UK geniuses like pianist Tom Cawley (and his band Curios) or singer Claire Martin.

Cover star: Jeff Tweedy from Wilco, slightly scary, sometimes beardy guy - I'm a traditionalist so no great departure for the cover.

Sonic Youth retrospective, I know Mr H doesn't like Punk and the Word is more of a "classic rock" magazine but I do wish they'd feature a few more slightly noisy bands once in a while!

Julian Cope obituary on Sky Saxon.

Review of new album and feature on the greatest psychedelic/classic/garage/rock/best live band you'll ever see - The Soundtrack of Our Lives...and the outrageous history of their precursor Union Carbide Productions (Kurt Cobain was a fan you know...)

Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs - Mark Ellen can interview Matthew and I'll interview Susanna of course.

Nina Persson - feature on The Cardigans and A Camp, Andrew Harrison can interview the band members and I'll speak to Nina naturally.

Best of/Worst of Music Journalists.

Who I should have on "Page 3" (c)The Sun

Cover star: Tracy Chapman, because the covers are way too (almost dead) white male. And you could do a great feature on the people she has worked with, and how she stole the Nelson Mandela concert at Wembley.

Features:

Face time with Sandie Shaw - simply because she is magnificent, on every level...
The best/worst Gatefold and 'non-standard' sleeves - just to reminisce about things most of the Massive are likely to have enjoyed at some point. I know I miss them.
Technology in music - how different guitars, synthesizers and software have changed how music sounds. I have a pet theory that this affects things more than we realise.
How 'R&B' took over music - a 'has Rock missed a generation?' kind of thing. I teach children, and they seem to focus solely on over-produced stripped-down R&B stuff like Flo-Rida...
And a new angle on Prince, Bruce or REM would be worth a whirl.

"This magazine receives ten thousand jokes each week."

A reader, in response:
"Why don't you print some of them?"

Read the threads your readers contribute to. That should give you a strong idea of the stuff they like reading about: informed insights into politics, sport and the entertainments industry; overlooked or underappreciated films and music outside the canon; dismal developments in comedy and a renewed love of comics; and, treats.

Personally, I'm tired of finding out how interesting some people were only when I read their obituaries. Try talking to fascinating people before they snuff it.

You could start with a few elder statesman - Sir Denis Healey is particularly good value - or anyone who did anything pioneering in British tv. The "World in Action" people have some stories.

You could also try writing in pidgin English about the really boring albums and giving away a free spud gun with every copy.

with Rod Temperton - maybe he doesn't do them, but would be illuminating (maybe).

Got to be an extensive review - you could probably get paid for it.

I'd love a Cathal Coughlan interview, but to be honest it is probably easier just to mail that page to the 3 people interested.

I'd like to see more women on the cover - the Mercury is a good excuse. Not Kate Bush though please.

All the albums covered, stories behind, personnel, solo projects, etc.
Lots of pictures of the divine Isobel Campbell.

A feature on the criminally overlooked Blue Aeroplanes. Interview with Gerard Langley.

Face Time with Christopher Brookmyre & Carl Hiassen (a sort of mini-feature on comedy crime writers).

Mark Gatiss on Doctor Who old & new.

Jarvis Cocker guest reviews the key albums of the month.

Classic HORAs revisited.

Best / worst music scenes (Thames Valley Shoegazers, Grebo, Madchester, Baggy, Emo, etc.)

We need no more Dr Who articles to ignore.
I want a HORA CD on the cover with all of the Word team delivering their own in the manner of Ustinov or Studs Terkel.

Lets interview the people who were there

Nick Kershaw
Howard Jones
Adam Ant
Boomtown Rats and most importantly Ellen & Hepworth

Susanna Hoffs on the cover.

Word CD devoted to Power Pop.

Big interview with her and Matthew Sweet. Retro Man gets Matty. I get Ms Hoffs. Heppers can bugger off and do in-depth Teenage Fanclub bit.

Retrospective on Big Star.

All the members of Jellyfish tracked down and asked why they weren't the biggest band ever.

Piece by lots of wise writers a la the Bono thing where they all tell exactly why Belle And Sebastien are shite.

Hello / OK-style photo piece on Susanna Hoffs. Much speculation regarding the nature of her "friendship" with the guest editor of WORD.

Similar interview with tearful Penelope Cruz on how shameless strumpet Hoffs has stolen her dream man.

Giles Smith column on Southampton's stunning return to the Premiership and their challenging of the dominance of the Big Four.

And many times in my short time here. Much offence caused. Some people seem to like Belle and Sebastien. Bless them. I have learned to keep my counsel until such time as the members of B&S are called to The Hague to answer for their crimes.