Nuff said.

which was my understanding of UB40's paean to Maggie's millions -"(I am a) One in Ten".

'I was feeling constipated, I was feeling low'

My parents had several eurythmics tapes in the car, and I caused them no end of amusement singing along in the back to this. In my defense, I was only young.

Over the Rainbow.

...came out in my wife's head as 'Tony Chapman's knees'.

By the way, mikethep wonders, diffidently, if other members of the Massive are as irritated as he is by Bargepole's habit of referring to himself in the third person?

A number one hit for John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in 1978.

put your hands all over my body

- Madonna, 'Erotic'

Though some might find the thought of being interfered with sexually by Bill rather appealing, I can't say I'm one of them

"When the Going Gets Tough" sounds like "Go and get Stuffed" in the big shouty chorus.

Jimi Hendrix "'Scuse me while I kiss this guy."

Tiger Rockin' Blues off Blood on the Tracks!

"I'm a prima donna"

...Shimu, The Mysterious Whale"

In the Cocoa Night

Happy enchilada.....half an inch of water.

but as a matter of fact...

ABC: All of My Heart

'Librarian Girl' by the late King of Pop.

Rawhide

(from some Japanese sleeve notes to the Blues brothers).

For some reason I feel this should be an event a bit like cheese rolling ...

Instead of Michigan seems like a dream to me now - America - Simon and Garfunkel.

that'll be a Quorn one then Miss Hynde?

Austin is towelling himself down after a shower* and reckons that this line should have been on Waddle & Hoddle's "Diamond Lights", because if you are not a footballer - what "use" is a sidestep? Can be handy in pedestrian situations but otherwise, not worth singing about.

(*an example of "repulsive third person", used often by Andrew Neill.)

I've always heard as "Keep the West End Quiet"

is not Lennon & McCartneys finest moment perhaps ...

Last line of the chorus:

"Got to beat some git on the head"

And that was what it sounded like. For the life of me, I couldn't work out what he was singing.

Then someone told me.

"Got to be some good times ahead"

Still sounds like the first one to me, though.

Macy Gray's I Try featuring the enigmatic line

"I wore goggles when you are not there"

Johhny Nash : I Can See Deidre Now Lorraine Has Gone.

..asked me once in all seriousness 'Where the hell is Leigh-on-Sea and why is she singing about it?'

KT Tunstall's big hit record was on Radio 2 at the time and forever after is known to us as that Leigh-on-Sea song...

..."In Leigh-on-Sea... This is where I want to be..."

"Right about now, the frog's all rubber. Check it out now..."

Now we don't talk anymore. Cliff! Wash your mouth out!

I get high, I get high, I get higghhhhhh"

By the I Want To Hold Your Hand hitmakers, of course.

exploded with a mighty crash as she fell into the sun - poor Lorraine.

During Laughing Lenny Cohen's Take this Longing, he appears to try and convince his maiden that, after trying his charity, she should "try Mike Reed."

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel

...And Little Early Pearly Gave My Anus Curly Wurly

instead of Eaton Rifles obviously

for us girl, it ran one step ahead, as we followed in the van ...

(I guess this explains why there is no (white?) van in Legs and Co's rendition ... pretty much everything else is there)

By the Stranglers. I always thought the first line of the second verse was "you don't ask, you don't get it" until a mate said he'd always heard it as "you're a nasty old git". This prompted an unstoppable fit of the giggles (this was after a few beers) and it's never sounded the same since.

Not only the name of Feminist Sue-in-the-office's fantasy football team, but also the song featuring The Dame's immortal "The smell of that chick just put my spine out of place". It's at the end of verse one.

Hurry up hairy Camel! (I didn't believe it was actually Hurry up Harry, come on. I still don't).

I believe in milko. What is wrong? You sexy thing.

I though Errol was baying for Gold Top too.

Despite believing that Tumbling Dice is up there with the Cistine Chapel and War & Peace in the pantheon of great Art - haven't really got a clue what Jagger's banging on about

"the douche is still wine" apparently

"Arseholes to the roof". I thought it might be a particularly exciting "lady position" given ms lang's lower case sexual proclivities.

Imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be "all souls towards truth".

Ten silver saxes
A dog with no nose
The drummer relaxes
And waits between shows
For the cinnamon girl...

Let's pee in the spot - light
Losing My Religion

(Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite)

Still don't know how the proper lyrics are supposed to fit.

Maxell ran a couple of ads regarding misheard lyrics during the late 1980s. They spoofed Bob Dylan's famous cue-card presentation of "Subterranean Homesick Blues", offering wrong lyrics for The Skid's "Into The Valley" and Desmond Dekker's "Israelites". Or "My Ears Are Alight!" as they had it. The punchline being that you would have heard it better on a Maxell tape. There you go, I can still recall the product twenty years on. Advertisers take note.

Anyway, I'm sure the clips have been posted on this site a thousand times before. The young adults might like them. I would be grateful if someone could type up the lyrics.

... for dinner at eight
She loves the theater, but doesnt come late
She never bothers, with people she hates
Thats why the lady is a tramp

"Bust it flatten"? actually said to me by a singer in a band (on a gig).

"Hum a few bars and I'll see if I can pick it up" said I, ever the pro muso

"Bust it flatten Baton Rouge
Waiting for a train...."

I can't work out what is being sung in the intro. It just sounds like "I'm stuck on the loo again"

...the purveyors of manly lipgloss, poodle hair and 80's perve pop brought us this unfathomable, bread related query:

Could it be a bap? It's just an illusion...but could it be a bap in all this confusion?

That's what I always heard anyway.

Ziggy S.

"If it's good enough for Hugh, it's good enough for me..."

or "I'm a single lady"?

Beyonce had me a bit confused.