Entertainment For Lively Minds
Bands that are answers
Posted by Mousey on 25 March 2011 - 7:54am.
Just following an amusing recent Twitter feed...
How do Yorkshire folk refuse? - Eno
How do you describe your anger at your computer not working? - Rage Against The Machine
What do you need to fix the fence? - Nine Inch Nails
etc etc
- More from Mousey.
- Login or register to post comments
-
oh dear
"If they're not just extraordinarily big people, then what exactly are they?" - They Might be Giants
You need wrought ironwork?
You need The Smiths.
Not metal
you might get overwrought ironwork though.
How does
A legendary gospel singer keep her setlists together?
Mavis Staples.
money for the machine in the gents?
Got any Johnny Cash?
Why do they shoot animals and have them stuffed?
because they are Hunters and Collectors
Yorkshire
How do Yorkshire folk greet people? ELO
What do you call the Queen after a bout of anorexia?
Thin Lizzy.
How do you find Charlie Manson's house?
And They Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead
I wish...
...this Milk Hotel weren't quite so acidic. Does anyone know of an alternative?
What age am I, if have a Word subscription?
UB 40
What does it say on Top Cat's tombstone?
XTC
Why do Michael Stipe's eyes twitch when he's asleep?
Blink 182?
; )
if one
Were to grab the attention of the Fuck You Hitmaker and introduce him to Reg Dwight's co-vocalist you might conceivably say what?
Hey Ce, Dee, Ce.
Jesus, I'm really not fully awake yet.
What be de organ dat detects light?
That Beady Eye
What Do You Do
When A Fat Lancashire Comedian Plays The Piano Badly, Beat-Les
Terrible I know
Who
Is that big-boned singing laptop?
A Dell.
Who are those people digging holes in the road?
Men At Work
What do you call that man making a barrel?
A Cooper
"Mummy, how do I get the rest of the toothpaste...
... out of the tube?"
"Squeeze."
"What was the name of that lady, daddy...
... you know, the one with the double barreled surname?"
"Emma, son, Laken-Palmer."
What's missing word in this sentence?
The The
Who are those red-faced males over there?
Men Without Hats
What's that big group of people
discussing how pretty Liverpool, Southampton and Bristol are?
Fairport Convention
Oh, I could do this all day!
Who is...
...that bird of prey hybrid guy doing his housework at night after his lightbulb's gone?
Hawk/Kestrel Man hoovers in the dark.
Who left all those carriage instruments behind?
Band Of Horses.
Customer: "Do you have anything that...
... would help my girlfriend to enjoy, as I do, the erotic sensation of a Golden Shower?"
Sex shop owner: "Aisle three. That's where you'll find the... Sex Piss Tools."
Sorry.
Crusty #1
"Daddy, I've broken all my toy soldiers"
"That's alright son, I'll get you a New Model Army"
Crusty #2
I asked the hardware shop clerk for something to make sure my curtain pole was mounted in a straight line. He recommended some spirit Levellers.
Goth #1
What do you call female siblings from Liverpool?
The Sisters Of Mersey
Goth #2
Hey old timer, what was this area like when you were a child?
It were all Fields of the Nephilim round here in my day, don't you know
Do you want a cup of tea?
Yes
Goth #3
I say, what's that rather nice dwelling over there in East London?
It's a Bow House
[exits, pursued by showers of rotten fruit]
Who was the fittest Gladiator?
Jet
A spinning what, bruv?
Jenny, sis
I'm off to the supermarket, do we need any more fruit?
Au Pairs.
What band are always following?
The Shadows.
"Hey! What you listening to?
"Sonny Rollins."
"He can really play that sax. He's got a great sound."
"Yes, that sound is known as... Rollin's Tones."
What happens when George VI speaks?
King Crimson
how does one illegally aquire dutch cheese?
steal e-dam
"Hey! Thijs! You're in that Dutch folk group, aren't you?"
"Folk? Us?"
"I bet you can't sing like Damo Suzuki."
"Can."
"I saw that Eamonn Holmes on Channel 4...
... the other night. He was so boring."
"Eamonn, dull."
"Then I saw him on BBC 1 last night."
"Eamonn, dull two."
What does a Thai Au Pair do?
Queen
What's that little hook you wear on a cord round your neck?
Oh, that's for hanging my Saxon.
What are those sweets we used call Treats now called?
Eminems.
Sp tell me, Mr Jagger
Your rhythm guitarist says he's slept with even more women than you. What do you say?
Oh, that's Ron's sex myth.
That's...
... a cracker!
That Mr. Cooder's tall, isn't he?
Yes, he's a Big Count,ry.
"Blimey, Farmer Palmer, your sheep are noisy"
"Nay, lad. The ewes are quiet as mice. It's that male that makes all the noise."
"You mean..."
"Aye. The Ram moans."
"Er, Farmer Palmer..."
"You again, lad?"
"Yes, sorry. What should I do if I get chased by a skulk of vulpine canids?"
"Run away, lad."
"You mean..."
"Aye. Flee t'foxes."
What do you call
two followers of the Guru standing next to a Russian satellite?
Sikh Sikh Sputnik.
A combined jewellers and record store. In Madrid.
Rocks y Music
the bastards got away with it
.... the Men They Couldn't Hang
need a festive hat?
pull a Cracker
Maybe a festive...
... Kerosene Hat?
space a bit short
but need to pray........ Amen Corner
administered by that sect of little priests
Gram Parsons
Mr Forsyth has been cradle-snatching again
Bruce Springs Teen
Apparently,
The You Make Me Feel Like Dancin' hitmaker had a radical career change after he quit the music industry and, er, moved to Bradford:
LEO'S 'AIR
I'm in Mexico City,
and I need some quality photographic equipment, including, incidentally, a good range of frames. Can anyone recommend anything?
Yes, funnily enough, there's this place that fits the bill exactly:
Aztec Camera
Calle Killermont
Mexico D.F.
Whos the batsman who
always gets caught in the slips for no score? That'd be Nick Drake
Sorry, who did you say you're with?
The Band
Did you spill my pint?
Yes
Who are those guys working in the defense establishment?
That'd be the Fort Ops
And who's that tiny fairy-like sibling?
That's the Small Fey Sis
Doctor: "What's the matter?"
Me: "I went to a cafe yesterday where they play very loud music and ever since my head has been very itchy. What do you think it could be, doctor?"
Doctor: "Let me have a look. Ah! I can see it. The loud music has caused a tick to take up residence in your hair."
Me: "you mean..."
Doctor: "Yes, it's a Big Audio Diner Mite."
What do you call that thing ...
,,, you use to push fruit through a juicer?
It's a banana-rammer.
And how would you describe carpal tunnel syndrome caused by cold weather?
December Wrists
What is always the answer?
David Bowie
A Winter's Tale?
Coldplay
What former pirate is now a GP?
Dr Hook
I hear David Hepworth's been given a cameo on Hill Street Blues
Judas Priest!
I take it this
is a reference to DH's contribution to The Sun.
A reality check:
The Guardian only exists as a going concern due to cross-subsidy from its stable-mate Auto Trader.
Just wanted to say that.
A collective of Brighton Hove Albion players?
A Flock Of Seagulls
"So: do you prefer
those animal men, or these animal men?"
"These animal men"
"So: do you prefer
those naughty lumps, or these naughty lumps?"
"Those naughty lumps"
"So: do you prefer
that heat, or..."
I could go on...