The only thing that would make it even more perfect would be a smear of Marmite on the toast and a hint of grated cheese on top.

I generally take food far too seriously to play games with it, although when making pizza I am very anal about ensuring each slice (be it a four- or six-slice behemouth) has EXACTLY the same elements thereon - be that pepperoni slices, mushrooms, olives etc. Cutting said pizza once cooked is often therefore akin to those old 'IQ' tests where you have to divide a field up into areas with a sheep and a tree in each, using only three straight lines.

EDIT: Two of Paul's Pizzas, pre-oven. Those basil leaves could use some rearranging...

You put the beans on the toast? What kind of monster are you, sir?

Only by keeping beans and toast separate on the plate can you ensure a crisp support on which to put your mouthful of beans. Piling the beans on top of the toast just results in a soggy mess and - very possibly - the sodden toast giving way at a critical moment, resulting in shirt/bean misery.

Turn back I say, before it is too late.

Complete waterproofing of the toast for maximum crunch. Plus melty cheese dimpled by the hot beans. Num num.

On top of beans on toast. Or as it's known in Paris.. Beans Royale

- nibble the crimped edge off all the way round
- separate chocolate covered centre from the biscuit
- eat the base
- eat chocolate covered centre

The man who invented the completely covered Jaffa cake and the lime Jaffa cake should have served a life sentence. It is akin to treason I say.

I mix cheese into the beans. I butter the toast, cut it into bitesize squares and stir it into the beans. With lots of very hot chilli sauce. And top it with a fried egg.

...straight from the tin. The beans stay firm and crunchy, and if you suck the sauce stuff off, you can then spit the bean at the person next to you - or indeed the cat - without making a mess.

and the thread descends into something saucy. Tasty too.

Right. Another student recipe, but not mine.

Baked beans warming in a saucepan. Mix in powdered soup and raw egg. Stir until cooked. Place resultant goo on toast. I prefer it with just the egg myself.

...of a long month spent in Torquay ( of all places ) in the 80's.
The family I stayed with served the same meal every night:
1. One small individual pie ( some frozen brand, different stuffing but they all tasted the same ).
2. A big blob of baked beans.
3. A small pile of green peas.
4. For pudding - Jell-O. A different colour every night. They all tasted the same, or rather; they all tasted nothing at all.

This was a complete shock coming from a home where the Italian cuisine ruled...
My very first introduction to British cuisine was even worse, ordering a prawn cocktail at a restaurant ( because it was their cheapest dish - cheapest but NOT cheap ) and recieving a glass where a sad salad leaf succeeded in hiding two small shrimp incased in what looked and tasted like a ball of stearin... The waiter looked baffled as we nearly fell off our chairs laughing.

I hear it's much better now ( but I'll just take your word for it! )

Marginally.As a young man in the mid seventies a treat from the monthly pay packet was a trip to the local Berni Inn. The menu didnt deviate at all - prawn cocktail to start (exactly how you described it), Rump steak as main with plenty of gristle and frozen chips, black forest gateau to finish - barely defrosted. All washed down with Blue Nun!! No wonder we have all these celebrity chefs these days - anyone could have improved upon that little lot.
Just to make you feel at home though Locust my brother in laws idea of a great meal out is Swedish meatballs at Ikea.In fact he spent 10 minutes passionately talking about the virtues of the Ikea cafe at the last family gathering. There are some strange folk in my family.

Whilst camping, no milk for breakfast muesli, improvising skills come into play, use barley wine; kickstarts the day off.

Also at the Windsor Free Festival 1974 ate muesli out of a policeman's helmet.