...shake hands properly! I'm a proponent of the decent handshake and often vigorously and sincerely shake the hands of women friends (usually before they can get in with some kind of hug) but far more often than not their hands respond in (genetically programmed?) lilly-livered, flabby, finger-withdrawing, limp excuses for solidity and purpose. And in their eyes I can see they often think I'm mad or that I've just asked them to explain the rules of cricket in 10 seconds or something.

I honestly believe that the vast majority of women just don't know how to shake someone's hand - and I honestly can't understand why! It's a universal, worldwide, long-established form of greeting and agreement and togetherness. So why the wet fish routine? truly baffling...

Like some tipsy Russian innkeeper. It saves confusion in the long term, and one acquires so many interesting new fragrances.

"Special Lady Handshakes" ????
Is this a British speciality to go with your Stiff Upper Lips ?
I've seen them in British costume dramas, but I thought they were a Merchant-Ivory invention...
Here in Sweden we shake hands vigorously to keep warm! ;)

(and I am happy to be corrected) but I was taught that a gentleman only shakes a lady's hand if she offers it first. Firm but friendly being the preferred method.

a hand shandy, are you?

WORK SCENARIO
If I meet someone new at work, I'd only ever shake hands with them. Wouldn't dream of hugging, kissing here.

VIRTUALLY FRIENDS SCENARIO
The other extreme, where you feel like you already know someone even though you're only actually meeting for the first time (e.g. Twitter friends, or friends of friends that you've heard lots of scandalous gossip about). A hug is perfectly acceptable here. An air kiss at least.

EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN
Personally, I choose to stand around looking awkward until I figure out whether the other person's intentions are a hug or a kiss, and react accordingly (kind of like I'm cheating at Scissors, Paper Stone)

SPECIAL SCENARIO: THE AIR KISS
I find it very difficult to keep track of how many kisses various acquaintances do. Some kiss once, others twice, I even know a few people who always do three (seemingly just to annoy me). But if you don't know how many kisses are coming, then one of you winds up doing an embarrassing face hover move.

I find it all a bit confusing, actually. I think in future I'm going to instigate a discipline where *everyone* gets handshakes only, regardless of how long or well I know them. The only exception to this rule are boyfriends, who get kisses and the occasional glimpse of my ankles. It's just easier that way.

Next time we meet I propose a single kiss on the left cheek and a brief hug.

The "Alpha Male Death Grip". Often exchanged between salesmen, the AMDG is a brutal exchange designed to crush your opposition into submission while maintaining a friendly demeanour to all onlookers.

In the worst cases, an unprepared recipient of the AMDG can appear to be offering a Special Lady Handshake (SLH) simply because, being caught unawares, he fails to make firm hand contact in the milliseconds offered for hand engagement. This leads to an immediate ceding of alpha status, crushed fingers where the palm was not gripped and future rumours of "shaking hands like a girl"

Be careful out there, it's a minefield.

I can't access youtube to post an example of this but I'm sure footie fans will know what I mean.

Kevin would, at the final whistle, approach opposing manager and shake their hand vigorously with his right whilst grabbing the back of their neck with his left.

This could have been a teasing caress on the nape of Fat Sam's hairy neck or a Vulcan death-grip on arch-nemesis Alex Ferguson...

today (sorry, can't link) has an item that a German organisation dedicated to improving manners believes work colleagues should not kiss in any form whatsoever, so hand-shaking becomes extremely important, but you do need to be careful that your palm/finger/thumb interface does not become so complicated as to imply you are a member of the Freemasons.

has, or had, a notorious handshake, which they apparently used on young people who 'weren't yet of the age of consent'. It involved secreting the forefinger in the palm of the recipient at the last minute and tickling it. It makes me feel quite ill thinking about it.

For anybody who feels like volunteering the name of this entertainer, please don't. Word's pockets may not be deep enough to pay them off.

from Boys from the Blackstuff?
"I'll have a pint of bitter, much obliged!"

I'm all for the handshake. I generally shake hands when I meet up with friends socially.

I worked with a bloke who looked like Bill Beaumont, a big beefy chap. He shook hands like Aunt Agatha, with his wrist high and fingers limply dangling. Most odd.

Hugs are fine too as long as everyone understands that a hug is happening. Less common in the workplace for me.

For the first half of my career, I worked in engineering environments, steelworks and power stations, where a firm handshake was the norm.

I then worked for a telecoms company with offices in San Francisco. I had spoken several times to my opposite number there on the phone from the Glasgow office, and then I had my first visit to the San Francisco office. He ran up and gave me a big hug, the kind of hug you would give to a dear old friend you hadn't seen for years. I was expecting a handshake, but I took the hug in the spirit it was intended. When in California ....

When did greetings get so desperately complicated? The first time I was invited to "bump" an American friend I only see very occasionally I was at a complete loss about what to do. Did he mean that Stringer Bell shoulder-jarring thing? Or that mallet-action-on-top-of-the-fist thing? What? Disaster ensued, as I patted him weakly on the back as you would if someone told you they'd just had their dog put down.

Still, at least it seems the available options for women are even more prone to acute embarrassment, if this "flying vadge bump" is any indication.

That brightened my day.

I work in sales so think I hacmve mastered the firm ( but not alpha male firm) handshake.

I am less comfortable with the office kiss, I visit my office in the south west about 2 or 3 times a year and the three girls there automatically stand up and move in for the hug and cheek kiss and, like a small child, I find this incredibly awkward everytime. Then again I'm not too keen on social kissing with female freinds either, always preferring to stand back a little at the start of big kiss sessions ( going into a restaurant to meet a large group of friends etc. ) and hope in the kiss confusion I can avoid the whole thing. Not sure why I'm not keen, think it's all the possibilities for getting it wrong that phase me, such as kissing when a cheek touch was expected or vice versa or going for the wrong cheek and ending up making lip contact (it has been done on several occasions and I'm sure they think me a socially inept buffoon).

Not keen on the Professional man hug either, was traveling in the Uk with a german colleague recently and got 2 bear hugs in one day, these were both from people I have known for years 8 or 9 at least but both were the first occassions a hug had been deemed necessary and both caught me way unawares and left me in strange forward lean position!

Strangely I go for the man hug with some of my friends but with the 2 friends I see all the time we make zero contact other than the occasional slap on the arm whilst saying goodbye.

The whole things a minefield. oh, and while were on the subject of social awkwardness, does anyone find the handshake line on the way into dinner at a wedding where you are only a very peripheral player another painful
process, trying to think of something original to say to people you don't know and likely never will know?

and my grip is firm but gentle...

and my grip is firm but gentle...

...and hearty handshake...

who saw the title of this thread and expected to see Lenny's name underneath