Entertainment For Lively Minds
Appropriately Attired Gentleman
Currently reading Peter Ackroyd's biography of Charles Dickens. And a fine tome it is too. The research done must have been phenomenal .
However, that's not what I wish to share specifically.
I'm nearing the end and Dickens is succumbing to ill-health and showing signs of being a potential stroke victim. This in itself is not particualrly amusing but it would appear that his doctor at this time in his life was a chap by the name of Frank Beard.
Which, as a good number of the Massive may perhaps know, is of course the name of the drummer out of ZZ Top.
He isn't referenced that often in the text but whenever he is I have a mental image of a stoic, moustachioed chap in aviator shades holding down an airtight four on the floor beat. Incongruous is not the word.
This has led to further flights of inane fancy. I wonder how Dickens himself might have helped with some of 'Tops finest lyrics and song titles:
Approriately Attired Gentleman - Sharp Dressed Man
Faciltate the Totality of Your Pulchritudinous Affection - Gimme All Your Lovin'
I Am Deviant And To be Found at All Points of the United Kingdom - I'm Bad and Nationwide.
Are there any more? Would any other artist's song titles benefit from some Charles-ing up?
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Zed Zed On High
Fantastic stuff.
Anatomy Best Covered By A Curtain Of Some Kind - Legs
Furthermore...
...Canine Much In Need Of The Ministrations Of A Bathhouse Attendant - Dirty Dog.
Yet further...
...You Have Arranged Matters Such That I Am Experiencing Considerable Strain - Got Me Under Pressure
You sir
have got it
An As Yet Unthought Of Device to Enable The Transmission of Visual Imagery to View Whilst Eating A 5 Course Main Meal Served With Wine and Port - TV Dinners
And moving away from Ver Top...
...why not:
Your Pulchritudinous Physiognomy Is Destined For Eternal Damnation - Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell (The Stooges).
Sir Thomas Waits
Tight-Fitting Undergarment Inexplicably Being Used As A Whisky Decanter - Jockey Full Of Bourbon.
K. Minogue, Spinster Of This Parish
I Have Been Heretofore Unsuccessful In Banishing Thoughts Of You, My Beloved - Can't Get You Out Of My Head.
Whole Lotta Rosie
A Comely Woman With Peculiar Appetites
I give you..
Rule, Brittania! - Empire State of Mind
Steppenwolf's.........
Nascence Occasioning Over-Zealous Comportment - Born to be Wild
The Swiftly Revolving... erm... Stones.
I Have, Thus Far, Experienced Limited Success In Deriving Gratification.
I Have A Fit Of Vapors And Others Are Discussing My Attributes
Paranoid
The Smiths.......
A Device for Elucidation Would Appear to Have Preternatural Longevity - There is a Light that Never Goes Out
A Proportion...
...Of Young Ladies Are Distinctly More Corpulent Than Their Contemporaries.
That blackguard Mr. Morrissey...
That Drollery Ceased To Be Amusing Some Time Ago.
Hendrix said it better, but ..
An appendage which by its miniscule nature is rendered almost redundant for the purpose of conquering gravity ..
"Little Wing"
Nicholas Drake's
Upon the Sonorous Emanation from a Timepiece residing in a Large and Permanent Settlement, Generally having Advanced Systems for Sanitation, Land Usage, Housing, and Transportation.
- At the Chime of the City Clock
Mr Cave calling
A melancholic disposition arising from a lack of association with members of the feline species - By the local itinerant sharpener of knives and other blades
That one took me a minute!
Well done, sir!
Whoops
forgot to include the name of the track - sorry. Then again it could be argued that it's more fun that way...
Anyway, it was meant to be No Pussy Blues by Grinderman, of course.
Half Man Half Biscuit
A Return to the Debtors' Gaol
1. The Lord Granted Me My Immortal Soul
2. Saints Preserve Me! It's Master Frederick Titmus
3. Upon The Sudden Encountering Of A Caribou Whilst Taking A Morning Constitutional With My Trusted Walking Stick
4. Verily A Not Insignificant Proportion of Carved Stone Grotesques Would Appear To Resemble The Rather Lugubrious Looking Song And Dance Man Currently Performing Twice Nightly At The Adelphi
5. One Sensed A Quickening In The Minutes Of The Day When Travelling On The Flying Dutchman to Bristol
6. If Truth Be Told I Rather Despair Of That Welsh Woman
7. By His Posture And Gait I Could Tell That He Was A Man Who Frequented The Pocket Billiard Tables
8. Upon Espying A Rather Comely Lady In Bloomers
9. I Must Openly Declare My Deep and Sincere Affections For You On Account Of Your Striking Resemblance To My Beloved Papa, James Reeves, Esq.
10. Beset By Melancholic Thoughts Whilst Occupying The Chaise Longue In The Drawing Room.
Bands?
Enumerating Ravens and Masticating Courgettes