...if you're constructive and calm, and if there's no sense that you're putting the boot in because you can, you should absolutely do it. What else is an exit interview for? But constructive is the key.

I always try and calculate the upsides & downsides in such quandaries:

POSSIBLE UPSIDES - she learns some lessons that translate through to the workplace, you feel better for venting your spleen (maybe.)

POSSIBLE DOWNSIDES - no reference/poor reference, you may come across her again some day (professionally or otherwise), "it may come back to haunt you" in some other way.

I'd say that "keep schtum" is probably the wisest counsel in this case, especially as it's a small company, a bigger infrastructure might have insulated you better.

Good luck regardless!

If what you say could come back to haunt you, it is best to say nothing and move on.I left a job in 1997(the bosses were awful) and in 2 job interviews I have had in the last 2 years, they were called and asked about me.I thought they would never be asked for references- take no chances.

An exit interview isn't really the forum to offer personalised advice or comment on someone else's inter-personal and management skills, even if they are part of the reason for leaving. As tempting as it might be to do the the dramatic, "You're a flawed human being and your strategy is wrong," the person you describe is likely to make this backfire: the interview will become an argument with her sticking to how right she is; your references could suffer; your pal might suffer if she feels he was supportive of this aproach.

I'd focus on why I believe the new job offers more immediate satisfaction, better prospects and greater security. If she asks, "Why don't you think you'll get that here?" I'd keep the answers pretty neutral, e.g. it's a bigger company, it's been suggested I'll be involved in such and such a project or the good old: "No one can predict the future and I have to make a judgement call..."

Will have a "road to Damascus" moment and change her ways is unlikely. In my experience few people make it to CEO because of their willingness to listen to feedback or empathy for others. And as posted above, you never know what opportunities lie ahead for payback.

It may be more effective to just refuse to do the exit interview - there's no obligation to share your reasons for leaving, and what you don't say is almost as damming as what you do, but there's no record kept to come back and haunt you.

I hope the new job goes well.

The world is small, the working world is even smaller.

I had an appalling boss a few years ago. Everyone hated him. I had similar deliberations and a wiser mate counselled to say nothing as it is a small world out there. So when I left I made (true) statements that I felt I needed a new challenge, I wasn't that happy, etc. It's then up to the boss and the others to do what they will. But a few years later, via the network, through this guy I picked up my most lucrative client! so I'm glad I held fire on the home truths. Anyway, bastards don't change because someone tells them they are a bastard. Generally they become worse.

I would do the interview, be honest about how you feel, give constructive feedback (as Bob says) be ready with examples, and depart with dignity.

I faced a similar situation when leaving a job and company that many of us thought to be deeply flawed. At the urging of colleagues, I wrote a list of about six points of criticism that I copied to the boss and the HR manager, and backed this up with a calm explanation of my reasons and some constructive suggestions. I immediately became know as 'the guy who went out with all guns blazing' in the niche industry in which I still work. A decade on, I still meet some of my fellow conspirators, the ones who never said anything. They tell me how much they admired what I did and how courageous I was to say what needed saying, as they take a couple of steps away from me and keep glancing at their watches.

Working as part of the senior management team, I saw good people driven out of a department because of the bullying and general mismanagement of a division MD (and board member). Exit interview after exit interview and named this person and dispassionately catalogued the reasons for their departure. Problem was, this division performed relatively well and as such the board (and HR) really couldn't care. However this MD obviously heard the comments and behaved in a rather vindictive manner.

Ramble on is the best thing, I think.

Good luck.

I work for a large company. In recent years we have improved our processes to make sure we always get references for new hires. I think that will be the way for pretty much any company hiring staff.

I was asked recently to give a reference for a former colleague by his new employers. He and I last worked together 8 years ago, but they are going back to the job before the one he is now leaving. I knew this was coming, as we still keep vaguely in touch, but we were both a little surprised at their depth of research.

In this case, you need to do what's right for you - is there any way you can give her some feedback without it becoming a drama? From what you have said, I don't think so.

As someone said earlier, it's a small world.

A colleague was made redundant from here about two years ago, and she took it really, really badly. She was under the illusion she was indispensible, which of course no one is, and caused such a huge fuss - including getting ferociously drunk at her leaving do and telling everyone what the boss thought of them (which was all untrue) - that she will never be hired by this organisation again.

Shame, because everyone else who left is the first port of call for freelance work, but she blew that chance. Silly woman.

So no, don't burn any bridges.

...offering constructive, measured criticism is leaving under a cloud. I mean, sure, if this boss is as bad as you say, that kind of calm talk will be water off a duck's back, but at least you'll have said it. Nobody with any sense would advocate getting really arsey, but there are ways to put your point of view without being confrontational or bitter (or at least, I hope there are - maybe it's so bad you can't come out with it without either being overtly harsh or getting a bit aerated). If she takes it on board, fine. If she doesn't even register what you've said, well, you tried.

That said, leaving quietly without saying anything is clearly your easiest option and the one that most guarantees no blowback later. But of course it's your call - depends on your priorities, I suppose.

about a year ago because I couldn't stand working with a 'colleague' any longer, who was bullying other workers to the point three other people had already left, having managed to find jobs elsewhere.

I mentioned in both my exit interview and in a written letter the reason for my leaving, and said I felt that the person concerned had contributed towards the others leaving too. I made the comments as constructively as I could given the situation.

I coudn't believe it when I was told by HR they had contacted the other ex-colleagues who had denied that the bullying had gone on.

If I had known that HR weren't going to take my comments seriously would I still do the same now? I don't honestly know.

I still feel betrayed that the people who had already left didn't back me up but to be honest, it didn't surprise me at all. As itfc1959 has already said, your family and friends are the most important things in life.

and you can't look after them if you have any future employment issues.

NEVER BURN YOUR BRIDGES - even if it sticks in your throat *slightly* at the time, chances are that in the fullness of time, things may come full circle and you'll be very glad that you kept your opinions to yourself. Those egging you on are only doing so, so that they don't have to.

.... especially if you are leaving.

If you burn no bridges, say nothing and circumstances send you back (it has happened to me) you will be a wiser and more experienced head and will be unlikely to allow unpleasantness to happen again.

If you say something, you will have left, the person you are criticizing will not and, most likely, management will think "he couldn't stand the heat" which will reflect badly on you in the future if you find yourself in the position of seeking work amongst them again.

Say nowt. Keep your cards close. Emphasize that you are leaving for an opportunity. You are not responsible for the people you leave behind. You might privately suggest to your ex colleague that it's up to him or her, not you, to improve their own lot or leave for a new job as you have.

I always try to manage my way out of a company in the same way I manage my way into a new one. Your reputation is vital and you should protect it.

Couple of points though. You are leaving so they know that you think you would prefer to work somewhere else. When they ask why, tell them the reasons but steer clear of personalising it. Talk about culture rather than people for example. Calm, objective honesty should enable you to enhance your reputation not diminish it. But you leaving is not an opportunity for you to take one for your colleagues if they are unhappy. That's for them to do.

It's your working and personal relationship with her that is the key here. And that is unique to yourself despite how others around you may feel the same way.

It's difficult to balance. If I was in the same position what I might (stresses might)do is this:

Make time to speak to her, almost formally, prior to leaving and set out as calmly as possible the reasons you're leaving are a lot to do with her behaviour. Say you've been asked to perform an exit interview which could very well be very negative about her but for all the politcal reasons given above you've chosen not to. You want a happy career and for it to move along with no impediment.

Preferring to let her know off the record, hoping she will at least attempt to appreciate the negative aspects of her own performance without someone officially dropping her in the clarts, will soothe your outraged conscience and may even generate some gratitude.

As I say, only you can know how that might go down.

...what concerns me is your colleague who is urging you to dish the dirt.

Are you sure he's not just using you to do his dirty work for him? Strikes me that he's the one with nothing to lose - it's you who this will rebound upon if it all goes Pete Tong, not him.

It's your exit interview - use it for your purposes only. If you still feel the need to (calmly and constructively) raise some issues, then go right ahead (although I would counsel caution here for all the reasons listed by others above).

As for your mate - I suggest you tell him to strap on a pair and - if he has real issues - to raise those issues himself through the appropriate channels. They are his issues, not yours.

comments are right.
I left one job some years back, mainly due to a boss I couldn't stand. I held my fire and left politely. This was despite a couple of people (not ones I regarded as friends though) urging me to walk out all guns blazing.
After I started the new job I was introduced to the departmental director, whom I then discovered was a good friend of the old boss.
I was really relieved I'd said nothing.

Is surprisingly small. I was made redundant 18 months ago but I had good friends. I was never actually out of work. However I was regularlly asked about other people to give references or comment. I did so but exceptionally diplomaticaly. I did not fall out with my previouse employer, even though I was exceptionally hurt. That was hard and not a day goes by with out thinking about it. However down the road we could meet again. An exit interview is a piece of HR flim flam. Ignore it and move on.

I'll play it very carefully. If I had a completely clean record at work I'd be more confident, but I haven't. Colleague is urging me to say, in a diplomatic way, that she is the reason I and previous colleagues have left but I can't think of a diplomatic way to put that! (Besides, I can't speak for anyone else - and that's a big part of the problem here.)

on health grounds (brought on by the job) and although I'm in a better team now, this wasn't the case 5 years ago. I intend to sling as much shit as I can at the exit interview.

...everyone was gathered around to give him his last day send off and make the traditional speech - he somewhat deviated from the norm by presenting the attendant management with a compass with the fervent hope it would help them find some direction.

I had a boss who was a total knob. In my exit interview I kept schtum, and kept my powder dry, and said nothing. Six months later he joined my new company as my direct Boss. Still a knob, and an aggressive one at that. Then he was suspended for assaulting a colleague, six months in. Oh the joy when he came to me before his disciplinary to ask me for a personal reference to help his defence. He got a reference, tho' perhaps...

CEO is personal friends with a director of the company I left 5 years ago. The very same director who conducted my exit interview. Tread carefully my friend.

...but be honest. People leave jobs because a) they have a better job to go to or b) the one they are leaving is crap. So tell it how it is. But don't mention any of your colleagues by name. Stick to your experiences.