Entertainment For Lively Minds
Am I being unreasonable... to expect a boy's night out to be boys only?
The GLW uses Mumsnet, which has a whole section of AIBU? questions and I have one which I'd like the Massive to pass comment on...
I'm down in London next weekend for a night out with an old friend. He lives a hour from central London and we're meeting in town for a wander and chinwag. I suggested a beer with various friends for a boys night out in the evening before we schlep back to his place. Chum is up for this so I put the word out to various mutual friends. We're all married, all have kids, all have partners.
One mutual friend of long standing calls to say he's up for it and - here's the crux - will be bringing his GLW too. Mention this to Pal I'm staying with expecting surprise; he then says that his GLW won't be joining us as she has given up trying to enjoy company of mutual friend's GLW...
Am I being unreasonable to expect that a boy's night out should be just that?
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Depends, I suppose.
If it was mooted as a boys' night out from the start, then no, you're not being unreasonable. If it was just a meet-up, then maybe a little. ;-)
YOS
'Yoko Ono Syndrome'
Let his GLW come along this time, next time she'll bring a bed into the pub...
I much prefer joining a girl's night out
with some of my old school chums. Luckily they declare me to be a token girl for the occasion and a fab night is had by all.
Do...
pillow case fights ensue?
Well...
I don't actually think either of you are being unreasonable here, I can completely see it from both sides.
FWIW, I go out with my schoolies quite a lot. It's never officially "no partners", but none of our partners want to come unless they know that other partners are going to be there. Which means that evening jaunts tend to be girls only, but weekend afternoon gatherings involve partners and children.
I would suggest that you don't say anything to your friend, it's not worth potentially causing bad feeling about. What you may well find is that your friend's wife comes along once, and decides to stay home next time!
Can't stand
"boys nights out". Exactly what is the attraction? Much prefer evenings with a mixed crowd.
I like...
...going out with my closest friends, who happen to be men, and sometimes when we do that I do prefer it to be just us. We've been friends since we were 18 (they're all uni friends, and the best I've ever had), so on the all-too-rare occasions I get to see them, I do like to have the opportunity to just be with them.
I also love their partners and children, so I love the opportunity to be around them with partners and/or children too.
I'm friends with men and women alike, and love socialising with both alike. But sometimes a good boys' night out is a great thing.
I'm not sure that is the point.
He does and would like to keep it that way .
If those were the advertsied terms of the arrangement then those are the terms would expect to be abided by.
It may turn out that the friend's partner is quite comfortable with a bunch of blokes and vice versa but then again ....
But there's no way to un-invite the wife nicely*
and I think that will cause more upset than it's worth...
*unless anyone's got any ideas? I honestly think that uninviting her's going to cause offence to Fridge's friend, no matter how nicely it's phrased...
If it's anything like my boys nights out...
it will revolve around long conversations concerning obscure items of vintage studio kit, old car parts and/or the latest developments in viral hemmhoragic fevers (one of us isn't a musician)
After 20 minutes the reality will dawn on her that the whole night is going to be like this and she'll realise exactly why women don't go on boys nights out :-)
If, on the other hand, she likes talking about these things then she's an honorary blurk anyway and should be getting the beers in 'cos it's her round.
First broadcast in March,
from a session that's proved remarkably popular with you the listener, that was Honorary Blurk with Viral Hemmhoragic Fevers, and before that, the mighty Big Flame on Ron Jonson records.
"Night out with the lads"
The very prospect fills me with dread. *pretends to like football, pretends that there is innate common ground solely because of gender, pretends that the best accompaniment to food is large quantities of pissy, gassy lager*
Maybe I'm just frightened of the cliché.
But I don't think...
...most boys' nights out are like that. I don't like football, I have common ground with my friends because they're my friends, and I drink what I like. If my friends had a problem with any of that, I imagine they wouldn't be my friends.
Anyway, there is a difference between going out in mixed company and going out with only your male friends. That doesn't mean any "pretending" happens in either case, but the dynamic's different, and equally enjoyable as far as I'm concerned.
Stereotype
That's a lazy stereotype Lucas, it all depends on the boys and what they are interested in. Assuming they are one's friends then one can reasonably assume convivial conversation. My boys' nights out generally natter about all sorts, the kids, politics, the other half, toys bought/desired, CDs, how crap TV is, etc. Yes (faint) even a spot of footy. Unless they happen to be my muso mates in which case we talk about guitars, amps, other instruments, string gauges, plectrum thicknesses, effects pedals etc etc etc. What's wrong with that? My other half would happily take part in most of those conversations too (well, not the muso ones). But the dynamic of blokes / no birds is different to a mixed crowd. Both are good.
However, what IS horrific is a work do / night out. That is unrelenting horror. Hours unpaid talking about feck knows what with people I don't really know, nor want to.
Amen
to the last paragraph.
xmas
office party turnout
Lazy stereotype
Oh, for sure. But it's the stereotype - and the possibility that it may be based in reality - that I dread. Sorry, that was the point I was kind of trying to make.
do it rarely
but love it when I do. A group of friends probably around 6 in number which has grown together and grown up together over two decades through lives, loves, marriages, divorces, births and deaths of parents, siblings and sadly some mutual friends gone too soon.
Through our various commitments we get to do it all too rarely, two or three times a year. Always look forward to it, always enjoy it, always have a monumental hangover the next day.
My wife knows them all, likes most of them, has mixed views about one or two. She is friends with some of their partners and we see each other in mixed groups from time to time.
I don't think it would even occur to her to stop me going on a boys' night, let alone suggest coming along on one. Just as it would never occur to me to the do reverse.
So, no you are not being unreasonable to answer the question.
Trouble is..
if she does turn up, you,ll probably do the polite thing and make her feel welcome, then she,ll act like she,s "one of the boys" and turn up everytime you all try to have a night out. My advice? Get the buggers told...Boys only on Boys Night Out.
Sounds like she's hard work.
It's going to be grim whatever happens. I'd bite the bullet and let it be known that she wouldn't be welcome. Politely, of course. "Oi. Sweetcakes. Make yerself scarce will yer, love. Men's talk and all that."
I'm sure she'd understand.
Lenny does seem to
hit upon the main problem not that she's a woman it's she's annoying a quality independent of the sex of the person concerned. We all know blokes who can put a downer on a night by the presence.
On the whole I much prefer mixed company
A few beers,a whiskey or two,maybe a couple of vodkas,a glass or so of wine,perhaps a brief dalliance with bourbon.Ooo,those cocktails look interesting.....
You sound properly aggrieved
I'd just suck it up if I were you. Unless there are things you can't say in front of a woman.
I've been on the other end...
...social night...cricket team...bring your partners...great idea...loads say they are up for it...then none turn up, except mine. Luckily she is ex-TA and used to Barrack room language from most, but not from me. I would forewarn friend that his GLW will be the only lady present.
OP
The OP asked if it's unreasonable to expect a Boys Night Out to be boys only. Clearly the answer is no, it's not unreasonable. Boys Only means Boys only. Whether you like boys nights or not is irrelevant. The point is if it's a boys night out and someone brings the other half this is not on. Just like a girls night has no blokes. personally I like a mixed night out as much as a boys night. They are different, but both good.
and
that's the only answer
I think the real question
is when the hell did this place become an equivalent of Mumsnet?
*shudders*
Since when have you been hanging around Mumsnet, Dr G?
(My Captcha word is "lenaye", which seems rather cool.. My name if I were a character in Eastenders.)
I lack the basic qualification for Mumsnet
but I hear things, I hear all sorts of things.
*looks round furtively*
I have the basic qualifications for mumsnet
But the site bloody terrifies me so I don't go there.
Ssh.
They are probably watching us now...
*does secret hand signal of solidarity towards Hannah*
*acknowledges secret hand signal*
*tugs left earlobe*
*tugs right earlobe*
*Rubs nose*
I hear an ominous rumbling..
The sound of many pairs of Tods beating upon pavements, of Boden scarves being tightened in anticipation of combat, of shivs being secreted in Mulberry handbags, of Bugaboos being left with the neighbour.
You have mobilised the Mumsnet massive. They are many and we are but few. We have no chance. Quick. I will throw handfuls of Waitrose Heston Blumenthal recipe leaflets. These will distract them but only for a short while. Flee, people. Flee whilst you can.
*performs evasive manoeuvres*
No, no, God no, not the naughty step... I can't go back to the naughty step. You don't understand, you weren't there man...
*'Nam-style flashback continues indefinitely*
Not sure if I've ever been on a planned Boy's Night Out
Of course I have on many occasions been in an all male gang, out at night and having a great time. But that's mainly been down to chance as to who actually trundled up.
My group of friends is much of a muchness personality-wise both male and female. I don't think any of us have said baldy, 'OK it's just us lads'. Gatherings are very much all hands on deck. Friends, partners - we all get on emotionally and intellectually by and large.
You're as likely to hear 'Have you read the new Jacobson?', in tandem with 'Pull my finger! Go ON! Quickly!' at any mixed gathering of my lot.
Some friends you have there Beez...
if they refer to you as "baldy".
Gah!
The Fat Finger of Fate.
Actually it won't be long before they'd have good reason to.
I'm just about maintaining an element of quiffage but it's wilting fast. Great swathes of shiny pink are emerging.
The Fat Finger of Fate
TMFTL
GLW says YABU, apparently
Ta for all the sensible comments from the Massive - steam has been let off in a safe, controlled environment and I'm reconciled to a night talking about boring grown-up things like schools, holidays and the price of houses...
I just wanted a night out with mates taking about mates things - what I (and my male friends) call a 'boys night out' for want of a better expression.
Oh, and GLW has read this, so Mumsnet will have been alerted - be afraid Gaunlet, Hannah and Lenny Law...
Eeep!
*runs for the hills*
Christ.
Judgement Day.
I *still* regularly chuckle about Beez's "Mumsnet becoming self-aware" joke from a couple of months ago.
I'm wearing a Gina Ford mask.
That'll scare 'em off.
Au Contraire
A Gina Ford mask? Are you crazy?
They'll stone you to death with home-made rock cakes!
Pshaw. I shan't hear of it.
Join me as one of the only two who continue to laugh at my jokes some time after the event
Coda
A fine was had by all, Chum did not bring wife once he realised that everyone else was coming alone. At a pub and discussed many things but not schools, house prices or children/parents. Lovely.
Excellent
Glad the story had a happy ending!
you are quite possibly
the nicest person in the world
*blushes*
Coo. What a lovely thing to say, thank you Sheev.
For the sake of balance, I should introduce you to my younger sister, who will gladly regale you with many stories of what a rotter I was to her when we were growing up (I nicked her lego, aged 6 etc.).