'a break-in through the rear area'. Nasty business

They're on to you.

for 2 stockily built men in Baby Doll nighties, armed with a selection of Rampant Rabbits.

For shame.

There's no mention of unidentified sticky substances on the floor.

as saucy DVD's one was heard to say he expected to knock a few out later

Ann Summers? Please.

Cheap, tawdry tat.

And the DVDs are rubbish as well.

I was invited to a fancy dress party and, as I owned a hat, a leather jacket and a pair of brown trousers, I thought I'd go as Indiana Jones. I only lacked a whip. Where can a man buy a whip? To Anne Summers I went.

I had never been in a shop of this nature before. I felt incredibly self conscious. I got quite distressed trying to find the whips. An assistant approached me. She was extremely attractive, rather saucy and *gulp* French.

"Allo, may I 'elp you?"
*blushes, voice goes up an octave* "Yes, I'd like a whip please."

She picks out, what I can only describe as a cat 'o' nine tails.

*blushes harder* "Emmm this is the wrong kind of whip."

One eyebrow shoots up. "Wrong type of whip? What kind do you need?"

*Head like a fucking tomato* "I WANT ONE LIKE INDIANA JONES PLEASE! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, IT'S A FANCY DRESS PARTY."

Two eyebrows shoot up. She gets the whip. She has an incredibly saucy half smile on her face. I am mortified. I pay swiftly and scurry off.

I swear to buy my fancy dress from gay sex shops in the future...