Entertainment For Lively Minds
A Christmas Epiphany
Posted by Con Coleman on 14 December 2011 - 5:59pm.
This morning I had a dramatic moment of yuletide enlightenment.
The reason Santa chooses Rudolph is because it's foggy and his shiny nose will light the way. I'd always thought he gave RtR-nR the nod out of pity, but no - it was purely a pragmatic decision.
This had never occurred to me before. Sheesh.
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"Then one foggy Christmas night..
...Santa came to say: 'Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?'"
Pay attention at the back, there!
My erstwhile GLW
was recently moved to tears of lifelong shame upon having it gently revealed that Mr H Dumpty was, in fact, an egg.
Not Christamassy, but similarly lacking in insight for several decades. Bless.
On a similar note
it was only a few years ago that I realised Basil Brush was a fox and not, in fact, a brush.
It was only relatively recently...
...that I realised my pet goldfish Oliver (titter ye not, I was a sensitive child) did not live for five years but was in fact a series of separate orange-scaled ichthyans bestowed with the same Dickensian monicker. Go on, tell me you weren't similarly deceived by your parents.
I loved that fish.
Are you sure?
I had a goldfish that lived for 11 years.
I think it's time...
...you asked your family some serious questions. I must say, it took me a while to get over it, so have a duvet and some Maltesers ready.
By the way, have you heard about Father Christmas?
Definately
His name was Copper Gavin. I was an adult throughout his lengthy spell on earth.
Erm
Are you sure it wasn't just a carrot in a bowl of water?
What?
Oliver is no name for a carrot.
Oh, perhaps you mean Fraser's. What was your "fish" called, Fraser?
See
above.
Copper Gavin?
Copper I guess was the colour, but Gavin?
Mind you what is a sensible name for a fish?
Michael
I find this story shoal destroying...
Getting coat...
Mr H Dumpty isn't *really* a negg
The rhyme is believed to be referring to a siege engine used at a battle in the English Civil War.
Well, clearly nobody told...
...Lewis Carroll.
Riddle
I recently had a similar moment of enlightenment. I always thought that the riddle "why did the chicken cross the road?" and the stock answer "to get to the other side" was a simple anti-joke. But wait: to get to the other side? Is this some kind of religious/philosophical double-meaning thing involving death and the afterlife? If so, that joke's way cleverer than I thought it was.
Wow
That's a Zen enlightenment moment. Never thought of that.
Deep
So, what is the sound of one hen clucking?
In the Hollywood remake...
...the chicken doesn't cross the road. He knows he'll never hear the last of it if he does (yes, you know that one). He stays on this side and launches a fast food franchise.
Starring
Jim Carrey as John H. Chicken, and Robin Williams as his counsellor, who teaches him to love the side of the road he's on, and Jennifer Anniston as Debra Crossing, the woman torn between the two of them.
I'm sorry.
Or shared by them...
...like a family bucket. I bagsy the breast.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
because his dick was stuck in the chicken....
There's a Moose Loose Aboot this Hoose
It's 'mouse' pronounced in a comical Scots accent. I was well into my 40s before I twigged.
Argh
I have just joined your club. But I'm in my fifties. Bugger.
Well I've learned something today
But rather wish I hadn't.
I far prefer my own, completely literal, (mis)interpretation.
Nope...
Had also presumed a literal meaning.
For all I knew, there might have been ongoing problems up there with stray moose finding there way into people's houses and foraging for food.
Can we just
keep on thinking it's a moose? It's much better that way. (48 and hadn't realised)
No doubt
you were confused by the enormous holes in the skirting boards.
I'm astonished
that so many people misunderstood this. Surely the "It's a cold morn withoot ma sporran" line was a giveaway? Boy, that line doesn't look right with arial...
While we're on the subject...
I also noticed that Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman are practically the same song.
It's been quite a day.
Similarly
Galaxy Quest and Three Amigos are essentially the same story.
I've just discovered
that Santa Claus is also the head of my local town's Round Table.
Good King Wences Last looked out
Puzzled me for years. Did his snowy journey result in his untimely death - or was he just a home body?
A Pizza Delivery Man
Altogether now
"Deep Pan Crisp And Even"
how does good king wencleslas like his pizza?
Meat feast with extra olives please...
A Christmas Epiphany
Irony or tautology?
Santa's selection policy
I'm not sure the substitution is tactical as Con suggests. The song makes it clear that Rudolph is a fringe player at best, who hasn't played in any of the pre-season reindeer games and isn't popular with the rest of the squad.
Then there's the problem of who to drop from the first VIII. Dasher usually leads the line, but Santa might want to retain his captain's experience alongside the debutant Rudolph, in which case it's Dancer who misses out. Alternatively he could play three up front in a controversial 2-1-2-3 formation, with Vixen asked to play in the holding role in front of the back two and Cupid relegated to the bench.
If it had been Santa's plan all along to deploy Rudolph as a poor-visibility specialist he'd surely have run some training drills. Also I think Santa knows that Rudolph's red glow wouldn't provide a lot of illumination in foggy conditions and that he's better suited to sitting on the back of the sleigh and acting as a tail light. So it doesn't quite add up.
My guess is that the switch was forced upon the guv'nor, and there's a missing verse which explains how Prancer had a hamstring go during warm up, or how Santa was playing hardball over the contract negotiations with Blitzen, who was trying to join Cinderella's pumpkin squad on a Bosman.
It's obvious
Rudolph has the photos in his possession. You know, *those* photos. The ones of Santa, Katy Perry and the large jar of Garlic Mayonnaise.
If Santa doesn't play ball, Rudolph heads straight to the National Enquirer...