'08 Predictions
You heard it here first;
1 January - Macca falls asleep holding his decree nisi from the legless chat-show queen, wakes with his best melody since Yesterday and writes what becomes in 2040 the most covered song in contemporary pop history, duly named 'Run to the Mills'.
2 February - Def Leppard's Joe Elliott teams up with Bob Mould for an industrial cover of 'Pour Some Sugar On Me'.
3 March - Festival season kicks off early to ensure every band can say they were on a bill somewhere. James Blunt, Belle & Sebastian, Damien Rice and Tom McCrae launch 'Fey-Aid' in Ludlow to raise money for bed-sit romantics who think acoustic guitars are actually vibrators.
4 April - Mick Jagger announces his retirement from attending fashion shows; 'Our label's a bit hard up, and as we've not toured recently, they asked if I could concentrate on the music.'
5 May - Ryan Adams releases an album every day of the month.
6 June - EMI announce a profits warning, i-Tunes reduces the price of a song to tuppence and Apple launches the i-Bod for babies. Microsoft announces it has sold its tenth Zune.
7 July - Prince starts a 42 night stint at the Borderline in support of his new album, 'CrazySexy4URFutureCum'
8 August - Pete Doherty is caught with half of Columbia up his nose and the other half in his back pocket. He is fined £5 for wasting police time and returns to work on his magnum opus 'A Speedball Gathers No Moss'
9 September - Keane's new album 'Our Mums Love Us' fails to dent the charts. Their mums take a page advert in the Sun to deny it. Chris Martin takes pity and hires them to play to his third child 'Kumquat' on Tuesday and Thursday evenings while he's busy writing lyrics for Coldplay's latest.
10 October - Depeche Mode release 'Nihilism' and promptly cease to exist.
11 November - U2 and REM release albums and Barack Obama is voted in as the USA's 44th president. No-one notices.
12 December - Amy Winehouse is released from prison a reformed character and writes a musical based on her career to date. 'Oh Beehive!' debuts on December 24th at the Hackney Playhouse to the usher and his dog, and is cancelled a week later due to lack of demand.
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Bob Marley v Eek-A-Mouse
You've missed out the Steve Turner blog about how Bob Marley's overrated and not half as good as Eek-A-Mouse. Especially "live".
How
remiss of me!
This just in too; after suffering minutes of writers block, Noel Gallagher admits defeat and puts a call in to Mike Batt. Batt refers him to Parfitt & Rossi 'cos he's too busy. Oasis' seventh album, 'No-one Likes Us, We Don't Care' sounds faintly familiar...
In disgust, Liam auditions for Albarn's sequel to Monkey but is told he's too lifelike.
A few more, great
A few more, great thread:
1)January: Peter Doherty and Amy Winehouse duet on a cover of The Verve's "The Drugs Don't Work"
2) February: Queen sack Paul Rodgers and announce Mika as a replacement. Brian May also confirms rumours that Mika is infact his lovechild.
3) March: Producers of Lost finally begin filming the shows fourth season and reveal that this series will be the last.The final episode is leaked to the press and it is revealed that RICHARD ASHCROFT is the key to the Islands secrets;he is afterall, the godlike genuis behind everything in life.
4)April: Oasis shock the music press by announcing that their new album will be named "Maybe Better Than Definitely Maybe" and is their best since "Definitely Maybe"
5)May: U2 release their new album "How to Dismantle A Childs Climbing Frame". The album is universally praised but is infact shit, like their last two albums. Everyone was just to scared to admit it.
6)June:Radio One sack DJ Zane Lowe for being to enthusiastic all the time. He is replaced by cutting edge DJ Jimmy Saville.
7) July: Terrorists are praised for detonating Kasbian's new recording studio. Thankfully, their new album is put back two years.
8) August: Glastonbury is cancelled after only 10 tickets are sold.Poor sales are blamed on The Killers who announce that they are now bigger than Jesus and Elvis, and will be headlining on the main stage for all three days of the festival
9) September: Dire Straits reform and the country goes Straits mad. Oasis re-record a new version of "Sultans of Swingaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
10) October: R.I.P. The New Musical Express. A nation doesn't mourn.
11) November: Mika quits Queen after a bust up with his father Brian May. Queen recruit new frontman, Parick Moore, who amazes audiences whilst playing xylaphone, looking through a telescope and singing at the same time in "Bohemian Rhapsody". Mika forms Queen Two with John Deacon.
12 December: Patrick Moore leaves Queen after just one month due to heavy workload and conflicting shows with his "Sky At Night" programme. Queen announce that HRH The Queen will now be their new frontlady. Queen fans are not amused.
1, 4, 9 and 10
made me laugh out loud.
I think Oasis are a free-form jazz festival away from being the new Spinal Tap. How is it possible for a band to hoodwink so many people?
Also, the image of Patrick Moore flouncing his way across the stage singing Fat Bottomed Girls makes me giggle like a teenager.
Which I am not.
Oasis Tap
Cheers, on the subject of Oasis and Spinal Tap, I have just been watching their Rockumentary DVD "Lord Don't Slow Me Down" in which Liam Gallger admits he walked out of a Spinal Tap Gig; he didn't realise they were a spoof. In another Spinal Tap moment, the band are seen play an exciting game of "Fustration" backstage. Worth watching, just for the clip of Liam 's funny dance,in his dressing room.
Eek A Mouse
Richard, who are Eek A Mouse? Will check them out - if indeed they are better than Mr Marley will do the said blog.Happy to oblige any time - any more feathers I can ruffle?